Shira carefully wraps bandages around her arm, grimacing at the cuts. The shallow one down her forearm has formed a thin scar, but the jagged letter on the crook of her elbow isn’t healing as quickly. She had to stitch it up herself. It had been three years since her first blood bond, and she had forgotten how painful it could be both physically and mentally.
 

Big Bang is avoiding her, including Seunghyun, who is furious that she would come to him because he or Seungri would have been the only ones to accept. After the blood bond had taken place, Taeyang didn’t hesitate to slap her across the face as the rest of Big Bang yelled at her.

Shira’s rueful, “I expected that,” just made Taeyang angrier, and he had stomped off.

Jiyong had asked a quiet, “Why?” after his anger had died down a little. He had looked so disappointed, and knowing that she was the cause made her feel like throwing up.

She didn’t know how to explain what Mark was to Jackson, and that killing Mark wouldn’t only start an internal gang war, but would devastate Jackson. Three years ago, she promised to protect Jackson’s life with hers, and Mark was part of his life.

So in response to Jiyong, she answered with a simple, “I had to.”

When she ran away from Mark, she knew it was the only way to keep him alive. Jackson could serve as the witness from GOT7 and Taehyung would serve as the outside witness, which was probably another danger, but she would attempt to cross that bridge when it burned.

Taehyung didn’t seem too happy with her, and had escaped as soon as he could from the situation. Officiating a blood bond ceremony wasn’t what he meant when he asked for a rain check earlier that night.

Jackson was furious with her too. She had probably just made his thoughts more muddled, so she couldn’t blame him.

Mark didn’t like the idea of the fact that finding out her identity either ended with him dead, or stuck in a blood bond for the rest of eternity. But she had a feeling that Jackson had warned him not to try to find out the truth.

The truth. She doesn’t even know how to address it anymore. Who is she, really? In the whirlwind that had been the last few days, she can’t answer that question. It hangs over her, like a dark raincloud. Between Watermelon, Shira, Sonha, Sophia, Red, and who knows how many more, she can’t definitively pick out who she is.

It hurts. It hurts not knowing. Is she a student? Is she someone caught up in the middle of gang politics? Is she someone who was slipping under the waves of the flood that was reality?

She ties the bandage, slipping her long-sleeved shirt over her arm. She is lucky that she normally dressed this way as Seok Sonha, so it won’t attract any attention.

She has to take things one step at a time. First, she has to fix things with Taehyung as Seok Sonha. She hasn’t talked to him since the anniversary of Jay’s death, and today is the first day of lab since then. If she didn’t fix it today, it would be awkward.

Every person who stood by her side is mad at her. Every single one. It's lonely.
 

Jackson blinks back at himself in the blurred mirror. His fingers wipe off the steam, and his eyes meet that of his reflection.

He had been strangely more aware of the crook of his elbow for the last few days, where a jagged letter is carved into his flesh. He didn’t know what the J stands for, and he didn’t push it. There are some things that Shira won’t reveal unless she absolutely has to.

He wanted to stop her most recent blood bond. She had no reason to do it, and he somehow knew that he was the motivation for doing it. And he didn’t know why.

She had said that she had to do it because of her blood bond to him, because Mark was part of his life.

Jackson suddenly stills, toothbrush dropping out of his mouth as it hits him. She knows. She did the blood oath to protect Mark because she knows. She knows that Mark is more important to him than he should be. And she had slit her own forearm in acknowledgement.

How could she have done that? Why was she so ready to throw away Big Bang’s trust in her?

She hasn’t said the reason to anyone else. He is sure of that. Why? Why would she do something so drastic for him?

Jaebum had been furious when Mark came back with his forearm wrapped in bandages, just like Jackson’s had been three years ago.

“Who?” Jaebum had seethed. “Who?”

And just like Jackson had done three years ago, Mark paled and shook his head, because he didn’t even know her real name. “The girl with Big Bang.”

Jaebum had looked at Mark, then looked at Jackson, rage lighting up his sharp features. “Why?”

And both Jackson and Mark said nothing. Because how were they supposed to explain that Big Bang would have killed Mark otherwise? It would start an internal gang war between allies, and that wasn’t safe on the brink of war.

As punishment, both of them have extra shifts and chores for at least another month. But the worst was seeing Jaebum’s face twist in fury and disappointment.

But as Jackson slowly realizes why Shira had gone through the second blood bond, Jaebum’s anger had become less important. He needs to talk to Shira and confirm her motives.
 

The recent events flash in his head, and his hand holding his lab goggles tighten. Every time he thought about the blood bond, a strong feeling of aversion bubbled up from inside of him. He pushes the thoughts away.

Taehyung pulls on his lab coat and goggles with ease, pushing open the door to the lab. Sonha is sitting at the lab bench, flipping through the folder of instructions, and she looks up as he stores his stuff away.

“Hi,” She says weakly.

“Hi,” He repeats back to her, not exactly sure what to say. “I-”

“I’m sorry,” She swallows, looking away and back down at the folder.

“Me too,” He can’t say it to her eyes, because the guilt would grow.

Uneasily, she clears before pushing his samples toward him. They start the day’s procedure, which is supposed to be short, but ended up requiring a lot of cleaning with the lab equipment. Their words to each are slow, careful, and cautious, but it is an improvement.

But he can’t help but wonder what she meant when she said that he confused her. Was it the same kind of confusion she felt towards him? He can’t read her. She isn’t an open book, and her normally blank face wasn’t helping.

He finds himself watching her from the corner of his eye.

“You know,” She drawls, side of curling up, “if you take a picture, it might last longer.”

“If you wanted me to take pictures of you, you could have j