Summer break was coming in a couple of weeks and Onew was leaving to Moscow for a 5-week attachment programme at the Russian Academy of Sciences as part of the research component for his senior thesis. He will then spend the last week of his summer break back at his Gwangmyeong home before the new semester began.

Kibum sat on Onew’s bed, watching the older boy pack the piles of clothes which Kibum had neatly folded into his luggage. His flight was at 7 the next morning, and even though Onew had told him countless times that he should not send him off since he had to get up so early in the morning, and he would have to rush back for class after that, Kibum just wouldn’t budge.

6 weeks was a lot, and he wanted to spend as much time as he could with Onew.

That also meant Kibum had to spend the last 2 weeks left of the semester with his best friend about 4000 miles away, not there for his needy moments and no coffee dates before he returned to his Daegu home for the summer holidays. He will have to pull through, somehow.

What’s the matter with you, Kibum-ssi? He’s standing right in front of you right now; mind what you’re thinking of. Kibum doesn’t really know why, but he had been especially reliant on Onew lately, and that was scaring him, not just because he’d never felt this way before but because he was afraid he might just slip up and think those embarrassing thoughts aloud when he was around Onew.

It’s not like he had no other friends. On the contrary, Kibum had to be the most popular second year in Seoul National University, thanks to his wide social circle which extended even further since his joining of the Student Council. All the other credit probably went to how he carried himself. He just stood out somehow, even without meaning to.

But of course, no one makes him feel the way his best friend does. Like he was special, and he always felt safe with Onew around.

Onew was in his final year in university now, and he was getting busier and busier by the day. Kibum doesn’t get to spend much time with him because of that, and now he had to go away. Kibum isn’t really happy about it but he knows that he has to be understanding. Besides, it wasn’t Onew’s fault for being so bright and hardworking.

Watching the older boy walk all around his room with a hand messing up his hair, trying to locate the bits and pieces that he needed to pack, Kibum felt like he was going to miss him badly for the first time.

“Aren’t you going to take that?” Kibum asked suddenly, breaking the random tune he was humming a moment ago.

“Huh, what?” Onew was looking around the room, afraid he might have missed something that he was going to need.

“That.” Kibum pointed at the twin photo frames on Onew’s desk and raised his eyebrows, a small smile on his face.

He saw Onew’s gaze follow the direction that he was pointing at, and when he saw it, Kibum thought he saw Onew stiffen ever so slightly.

Maybe he’s shy to let me know I’m so important to him, silly bunny. Kibum thought to himself and chuckled at Onew’s lack of response.

“Aww, I mean, aren’t you going to miss me? 6 weeks is a lot isn’t it? I will miss you.” Kibum said, and he meant it.

“Ah, y-yeah. Okay.” Onew made a move towards his desk for the photo frame but Kibum had a better suggestion.

“Hey, hey, Onew, just leave it. We’ll take another one okay? With your phone. Come, give it to me, I’ll do it!” Kibum was like an excited little boy. He had an idea.

Seemingly reluctant, Onew hesitated before taking his phone from his desk and handed it to Kibum. The younger boy patted at the empty spot beside him, signaling Onew to come and sit with him.

Kibum held the phone up as he leaned in closer to Onew, ready to take their picture.

“1, 2, smile!”

“Perfect!” Kibum clicked the ‘View’ tab on the screen and said in satisfaction as he saw that he had perfected his selca skills. Then he quickly went to set the picture as Onew’s wallpaper.

“Tadah~!” Kibum showed Onew his work proudly.

The older boy could only stare wordlessly at the phone in his hand.

“You can’t change that away okay? Photos are difficult to keep and you might lose it. This way you’ll see me every time you use your phone and you won’t have the chance to forget me, even when you see some hot Russian girls!” Kibum laughed, he was enjoying teasing Onew because the older boy seems to be at a complete loss for words.

“I won’t forget about you, Key.” Onew replied softly when he regained his ability of speech again, giving Kibum a soft smile.

Kibum knows that he won’t.

***

The sun was setting as Jinki made his way to the café around the corner to the school where he and Key usually meet for coffee. He was just done with his packing and Key had returned to his own room after helping him out.

Jinki pushed his way through the door of the café and saw that Lee Joon was already there waiting for him. Joon looked up and waved Jinki over to him, a bright smile on his face.

“A vanilla latte please, thank you.” Jinki took his order and smiled at the waitress, who bowed slightly and walked away.

“How have you been, Joon-hyung? It’s been awhile since I’ve heard from you! Forgotten about me so quickly, huh?” Jinki teased his hyung with a look of mock hurt on his face.

“No, that's not it! I’ve been really busy with my new job at the company; I barely have time to breathe. It’s good that I managed to catch you before you fly off, Jinki-yah.” Joon chuckled lightly, the corners of his eyes crinkling upwards ever so slightly.

They catch up on what had gone on in their lives recently. Jinki tells Joon more about the attachment programme, and how the rest of the members of Tuned Up decided to discontinue the band since Yuri and Jinki were going to be busy for their final year. Joon fills Jinki in about his job at the accounting company, and basically, how terrible working life is. 

Jinki was sipping his coffee, enjoying the lighthearted atmosphere and the joy of chatting with his favourite hyung when Joon put his cup down and stared hard at Jinki for a very, very long time.

“What? Is there something on my face?” Jinki instinctively rubbed at his cheeks with his fingers.

“You didn’t mention that Kibum boy even once while we were talking about everything just now. So, I gather there haven’t been developments?” Joon asked.

Jinki kept quiet, still holding on to his cup and dropping his gaze to the space above it. Joon was the only person he had ever told about his feelings for Key. He thought the older boy wouldn’t have remembered it.

“When are you going to tell him, Jinki? You don’t have forever, you know.” Joon probed, seeing no response from Jinki.

“No when.” Jinki replied simply, finally putting down his cup and looking back at Joon.

“What do you mean ‘no when’? Come on, Lee Jinki. You’ve loved him since when, the first time you met him? While he was still together with Jjong I couldn’t say much to egg you on, but he’s a free man now, isn’t he? What’s stopping you?” Joon furrowed his brows with a look of incredulity on his face, as if it was a really simple math question and Jinki couldn’t solve it.

Yeah, what’s stopping you Lee Jinki? Jinki asked himself that same question, at the same time knowing all along that he was just too afraid to completely give in to his feelings for Key. Jinki didn’t dare to try his luck, didn’t want to destroy what they had now, and didn’t want to go back to square one. That would be way too much for him to take. He would rather stay in this one-sided love than let rejection happen. Because when the truth comes out, all the excuses he could give to himself and for Key’s behavior would become invalid.

He sighed, reached into his pocket for his phone and flipped it open, showing the screen to Joon. The picture that Key had just taken for the two of them was still his wallpaper. Key had told him not to change it away. Not like he was going to, even if Key didn’t ask him to keep it.

“He took this for us just before I came to meet you. Said I was not to change my wallpaper to something else so that I won’t forget him when I see other girls in Russia.” Jinki told Joon with a small smile on his face, recalling how excited Key looked just now saying those words.

“To be honest, he’s been acting pretty weird lately. You know, like more…clingy and I don’t even know if he’s being jealous sometimes. He saw me give flowers to Hyoyeon for their dance performance and then he just got all upset at me, when I really don’t know why. Then now, this picture thing. He’s messing around with my head too much with all these mixed signals.” Jinki continued again. He wanted to know what Joon thought about all of it, since he was unable to understand Key’s actions.

“And with all that you still think he isn’t interested in you? That’s what you’re afraid of, isn’t it? I mean, okay I know you’re no expert when it comes to such things but it doesn’t take a lot to see that he does see you as someone important, you know? Possibly even more than just his best friend. It’s as clear as day, Jinki.” Joon said after looking at the picture and listening to what Jinki had said about Key.

Jinki pocketed his phone again and said, “You know, hyung. It makes me so happy whenever I see that he’s paying so much more attention to me now. To be honest, he doesn’t do a thing that kills my hope, he doesn’t even talk about Jonghyun like he used to; in fact all he’s been doing is fuelling my hope lately but… I guess I just can’t get over myself.”

He continued, “Maybe he really doesn’t mean it in that way.”

 “I’m pretty sure you’re wrong on that. But the only way to find out would be if you confessed. About time too, Jinki, if you ask me. This is your final year here and trust me, things are only going to get harder once you graduate. Hold on to him before life tears you guys apart, okay?” Joon reached across the small table and placed his hand on Jinki’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

Jinki only nodded in response.

“I need to be getting back now. It’s good to see you Jinki-yah! Think about what I’ve said okay? You deserve your happiness, especially when you’ve fought so hard for it.” Joon smiled again as he stood up.

“Oh and, he’s definitely jealous.” Joon said as an afterthought and chuckled before leaving the café.

Jinki sat alone for awhile more, just silently finishing up his drink and thinking over what Joon had just said. Maybe Key did see him as more than a friend, the way he was acting lately was telling Jinki so. But he didn’t dare to believe in it, he didn’t want to give himself any false hopes only for them crash down on him.

Come on Jinki, you need to pack up your emotions and leave it for another time. Jinki sighed again as he got up and walked out of the café slowly, back towards the school. He was going to leave for 6 weeks in little less than 12 hours, and his mind needs to be in tip-top condition to impress the Russian professors.

***

It was 2.30am when Kibum’s alarm set off noisily, earning an annoyed grunt from the sleeping boy as he woke from his slumber. He turned the alarm off and lazed for a few more seconds in the warm and comfortable embrace of his sheets before he got up. He only had 30 minutes to get ready before setting off for the airport with Onew.

Remembering that Onew was leaving for 6 whole weeks made Kibum feel sick.

He shuffled to his wardrobe and pulled it open, selecting a pair of black skinny jeans and red and white striped tee-shirt. He pulled a navy blue cardigan out as well and placed it on his bed before shuffling into the bathroom to wash up.

His phone began to vibrate loudly on his desk for a few times, signaling that somebody was calling him. Kibum came out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth and pressed the green button.

“Are you up yet, Key? Are you sure you want to come along?” It was Onew, as Kibum had already guessed. It was an unearthly hour and nobody else had any reason to be calling him.

“Oh, yeah. I’ll see you later k, I’m brushing my teeth.” Kibum said, only it came out sounding like orh, yah. Ah she you yayer k, yam brushin’ muh tee with all the toothpaste in his mouth. Then he hung up and quickly went back into the bathroom to finish washing up and primping himself.

A knock came at the door just as Kibum was packing his books for the day’s classes into his backpack. He slid his phone open and checked the time: 2.57am. Shoving his pencil case into the bag, he grabbed his phone and bag and headed towards the door, opening it to see Onew at his doorstep, in a plain black V-neck tee and grey jeans. He couldn’t help thinking how good Onew looked in such simple apparel. The older boy had his glasses on, which Kibum hadn’t seen him wear for the longest time.

“Onew, why don’t you wear your contact lenses more often? You look so much better in them.”  Kibum said out of the blue one day.

“They dry my eyes up a lot… Do I really look so bad with these glasses?” Onew had asked.

“No, I don’t mean that! Your eyes show a lot more when you’re wearing contacts, and so you look a lot better!” Kibum had replied, because it was true. Onew shouldn’t be hiding his eyes behind those glasses when his smile was so much brighter without. 

Onew never went to class with those glasses again. 

“Ready?” Onew asked with a smile.

“Not really, no.” Kibum pouted like a spoilt child as he locked his dorm room, and turned to face Onew who had a questioning look on his face.

“Never mind, let’s go.” Kibum sighed and walked to the elevators with Onew following behind, pulling his luggage along.

***

There was a taxi already waiting for them at the carpark of the school when they got down. Key and Jinki both piled into the backseat of the taxi, luggage in tow.

“Incheon Airport, please.” Jinki said to the taxi driver as they pulled out of the school’s foyer.

“How many people are going with you, Onew-yah?” Key asked when they are comfortably settled down. It was going to be a long drive. But luckily at 3 in the morning, there isn’t much traffic to slow them down even more.

“Hmm… About 15 students and 2 professors? They are only bringing a small group this time.” Jinki answered as Key yawned hugely.

“You’ll buy me presents right? I haven’t been to Russia.” Key pouted but smiled again when Jinki nodded.

“I will if we have the time to go look around. I’ll send you photos then, if I get to access the net.” Jinki patted Key’s head and smiled back.

“Sleep for a bit, Key-ah. It’s so early; you must be tired, hmm?” Jinki said when Key stifled another yawn.

“Can I lean on you for a bit?” Key didn’t wait for Jinki to answer before he sidled closer to him in the backseat, linked his arms through the older boy’s and leaned his head comfortably on his shoulder, closing his eyes.

“W-why are you so clingy lately, Key-ah?” The words were out of Jinki’s mouth before he could stop himself.

Jinki thought Key would be mad. He watched as Key opened his eyes and lifted his head, regarding Jinki’s question with a blank expression. He then blinked a few times and shrugged.

“I don’t know.” Key returned to the position before he was interrupted by Jinki’s question and closed his eyes again.

Jinki only felt the tight grip Key had on his arm, and the weight on his shoulder. What am I going to do with you, Key-ah? He smiled, tentatively raising his free hand and running it through Key's hair, just looking at his beautiful sleeping face and feeling the warmth of him against his body.

Jinki wished he could stop time, he wished the ride would go on forever.

***

There was a light tap on his shoulder. Once, twice.

Kibum wanted to ignore it and continue to sleep. He was tired and it was so comfortable here.

“Key, Key-ah, wake up. We’re here.” A familiar gentle voice floated to Kibum’s eardrums when he remembered that he was in a taxi heading to the airport with Onew. The ‘here’ that was so comfortable to sleep on was Onew’s shoulder.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes while Onew paid the taxi driver and they got out. It was still dark. Kibum glanced at his watch, it was 3.50am. They had plenty of time before Onew’s flight but they had to get his luggage checked in first.

“Urgh, so hungry.” Kibum mumbled groggily as he walked a little behind Onew to the check-in counter. He hasn’t had any time for food since he woke up and his stomach was protesting loudly.

“We’ll go grab a bite after we’re done here, okay? We have lots of time.” Onew smiled brightly as he turned around, holding out a hand to Kibum, which he gladly took.

While Onew was busy at the check-in counter, Kibum stood behind and rested his forehead against the older boy’s back. With his eyes closed, Kibum took in the typical vanilla and musk smell of Onew that he had already memorized by now and felt immense comfort coursing through his senses.

What’s happening to me? 

“Okay, it’s done, let’s go!” Onew said and Kibum quickly stood up again.

They went in search of a place to fill their tummies, but there aren’t many places open at 4am, so they made do with whatever they could find and felt like eating.

The shop they went into and sold Japanese cuisine. Kibum was happily eating his sushi when Onew stood up and excused himself.

“I’m going to the restroom. Don’t go off by yourself like the other time okay?” Onew joked.

Kibum hit Onew’s arm playfully and faked a look of annoyance at the older boy for bringing it up again. Onew chuckled and left the shop.

Still munching on his food, Kibum recalled the time where he had left Onew alone after his dance performance and flared up after seeing him give flowers to Hyoyeon. He knew that had freaked Onew out because honestly, he freaked himself out as well. He couldn’t explain what came over him at that point in time. He couldn’t explain why he was so clingy to Onew recently either. There were a lot of things he couldn’t explain about what he felt towards his best friend right now.

His eyes landed on Onew’s phone which he’d left on the table and his fingers crept towards it. Flipping it open, he saw the photo they’d taken yesterday that was now the wallpaper and he felt himself smile. Quickly, he bluetoothed the photo to his own phone and put Onew’s phone back to its original position.

Well, it's only fair that I have it too. He continued looking at that photo on his phone screen, mentally bracing himself for the 6 weeks ahead without that soothing smile.

Suddenly, an aluminum can was put down on the table, interrupting Kibum’s thoughts. He looked up and his eyes met with a smiling Onew before it drifted back to the can placed in front of him.

“Coffee?” Kibum was confused, looking at the can of chilled coffee on the table.

“I know it’s not the kind of quality coffee you’re used to drinking but none of the cafés are open at this time, so the best I could get was from a vending machine.” Onew answered as he sat down.

“Okay… But why did you buy me a can of coffee out of the blue?” As Kibum was asking Onew, his hand was already reaching out for the can and cracking it open loudly. As a matter of fact, he could do with some caffeine, having slept only a few hours.

“You just look really tired, that’s all.” Onew answered simply.

There was something about this simple gesture, that simple reply that made Kibum feel all warm and fuzzy inside. There was something about the way Onew always quietly observed his needs and took care of him so well. He looked at Onew in a way he had never before, wondering what was this feeling all about.

And once again, Kibum found himself thinking that he’s going to miss this goofball of a best friend like he’d never before.

***

Jinki was ready to enter the boarding gate. The rest of the students and their parents were also there to send them off.

Jinki’s parents also drove down from Gwangmyeong, and he’d introduced them to Key, which he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not. They did seem to like Key a lot though.

“Appa, umma, this is Ke– I mean, Kibum. Key, my parents.” Jinki stepped forward to introduce everyone when his parents arrived at the airport. 

“Annyeong haseyo, I’m Kim Kibum.” Key bowed and greeted the older pair politely with a sweet smile. 

“Ah, you’re Kibum! Jinki has told us so much about you! Thanks for always taking care of him for us, Kibum-ah.” Jinki’s umma smiled widely upon hearing Key’s self-introduction and ruffled his hair affectionately. 

Jinki was thankful he never mentioned his romantic feelings towards Key to his parents. He was only known as his best friend to his family. 

Key looked a little amused then, probably because he was never the one to take care of Jinki. It was quite the opposite, in fact. He shot a look at Jinki that spelt half of confusion and half like he was trying to not laugh. Jinki only shrugged and mouthed “she’s always like that.” And Key’s face broke into a smile.

“Jinki-yah, take care of yourself there alright, and call us whenever you can. You know we’re always so worried about you living away from home.” Jinki’s appa then said.

“Of course, appa, don’t worry, I will take care of myself.” Jinki said and hugged his father, then his mother, giving both of them a peck on each cheek.

“So proud of you my son.” Jinki’s appa smiled and patted his arm.

He bid them all goodbye and was about to turn and walk towards the boarding gate, when he felt a pull on his arm. He turned around and met Key’s embrace fully.

“Pabo, how could you leave without a goodbye hug for me, huh?” Key jokingly chided Jinki as he buried his face in the space just above Jinki’s collar bones.

“I will miss you so much.” Key’s words were muffled as he spoke into the front of Jinki’s shirt.

Jinki was stunned momentarily, but quickly circled his arms around Key. His heart was hammering and he really, really hoped that it wouldn’t be noticeable to Key who was standing so close right now.

“I’m not leaving forever, silly. I will miss you too. Take care while I’m not around, okay?” Jinki replied, ever softly. Then, he did something that he didn’t dream that he would do; he planted a peck on Key’s forehead.

Key smiled and nodded.

“Aww, what a cute pair they’ll make, don’t you think, yeobo?” Jinki’s umma said to his appa when Jinki broke their hug. His appa chuckled loudly in agreement at the adorable sight before him.

“Umma! Oh my god, what are you saying?!” Jinki was flustered, and he saw that Key’s face had turned bright red and was looking down at his shoes.

“Jinki, we need to board now!” One of his course mates on the same trip called out to him.

“I’m coming!” Jinki, still flustered, bowed briefly to his parents and waved all of them goodbye as he turned and hurried towards the boarding gate.

He was already settled comfortably in his seat, waiting for the plane to take off when an announcement came over the public address system of the plane, telling passengers to turn off their mobile phones to avoid causing interference with the plane’s signals.

Jinki pulled his phone out and flipped it open, the photo of him and Key greeted his eyes once again. Staring at that photo, Joon’s words came to his mind again.

“It doesn’t take a lot to see that he does see you as someone important you know? Possibly even more than just his best friend.”
“Oh and, he’s definitely jealous.”

The words reveberated around Jinki’s mind, and he thought about Key’s behaviour. He seemed to want to spend a lot more time with him now, and he spoke less of Jonghyun, sometimes not at all. And what was with that sudden hug at the airport? It almost made Jinki’s heart jump out of his ribcage.

“I’m sorry sir, you have to turn off your mobile phone now, we’re taking off soon.” An air stewardess interrupted Jinki’s thoughts and smiled at him, gesturing to his still-open phone in his hands.

“Ah, I got it. Sorry.” Jinki quickly apologized and turned his phone off.

Maybe, just maybe. Jinki thought. 

We have a chance at making it work. 

***

Warm sun rays on a cold day
Light at the end of gloomy passage ways 
Gentle like the morning spring breeze
When you smile, the world and I freeze.

Crappy. I should just stick to drawing. Kibum wanted to laugh at his 3-minute attempt at a poem on the subway back to school.

There was a small feeling of emptiness in his stomach, now that Onew had left.

Am I in love? 

He had no answer to that.