Kibum sat at his desk with his head propped up in his hands, thankful that he didn’t have any classes till noon. There was no way his mind could function properly until he came up with an answer to what he just saw. He’d came back from Onew’s room, after gently shaking him awake and telling him he needed to get ready for class.

“O-Onew… Onew-yah. Y-you need to get up n-now, you have a class i-in 30 minutes…” Kibum tried to keep himself from stammering like an idiot, but failed epicly. Thankfully, Onew was in too much of a panicked frenzy when he woke up to notice anything unusual about Kibum’s behavior.

“Hmm.... Just a lit– What?! What time is it? OH MY GOD, I’m so dead I’m so dead….” Onew kept repeating the last sentence as he scurried around, plucking any old outfit from his wardrobe, almost slamming the wardrobe door into his own head in his hurry and half ran into the bathroom.

Even in his confused state then, Kibum still thought it was funny how uptight Onew was about being on time for every class and not missing any of them without good reason. Given any other student who’d just spent the night sleeping on their desk in the most uncomfortable position possible, they would definitely be flopping down onto their beds saying “ah, I’ll just skip today” and continuing to sleep for a few more hours instead of rushing around like Onew did.

Well, that’s why he’s different. That’s why everybody loves and respects him so much, isn’t it? Kibum thought. It made sense.

“Onew, I’ll get going first okay?” Kibum felt that he needed to get out of there and some fresh air into his brain so he could think. 

“'kay! Take care, Key-ah!” Onew’s muffled voice came from behind the closed bathroom door. 

So now, what was all of that about?

Okay, calm down and don’t get your in a wad. Let’s get this straight: that photo could mean nothing at all, I mean come on Kibum-ssi! You guys are best friends! You would frame a photo of Onew and put it on your desk too, won’t you?

Kibum wasn’t sure he would do that, then mentally slapped himself for debunking his own reasoning.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen that photo before. It was taken when they went out to celebrate his birthday last year. What was more disturbing to Kibum was that, that photo of them was placed right next to Onew’s family portrait. It somehow meant that Onew regarded their friendship on the same level as familial ties, and it felt kind of weird. Kibum couldn’t say he feels the same for Onew, since his family certainly came way before anybody else.

On the other hand, although Onew was well-liked by all, he only kept few close to him. So… Maybe it really didn’t mean anything outside of friendship?

“Ah, what is this?!” Kibum’s head was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. He lifted his head from his hands and slumped into the chair, thinking about what Onew meant to him.  

Well, for one Onew is most definitely the best friend anybody could possibly ask for. He’s the kindest person Kibum had ever met, always putting others before self and going the extra mile for the people around him, even when they were not close. He had been there for Kibum whenever he fought with Jonghyun, and even after they broke up.

Ah, Jonghyun.

At that thought, Kibum thought Onew couldn’t possibly think of him as anything more than a best friend, or maybe the brother he never had. If he did harbor romantic feelings of any sort for Kibum, wouldn’t he have tried to talk him out of staying together with Jonghyun, in all those nights when he’d spent crying when they had another row? He could have done that and gotten away with it completely.

It was so easy, so convenient that Kibum was sure he would never have suspected his intentions if he really did that.

Yet, the memories were still fresh in his mind, how Onew would always, unfailingly assure him that Jonghyun loves him, telling him to go to sleep and to make up with Jonghyun when he wakes up.

“You know that you love him more than anything, don't you, Key? And isn’t it a waste to spend a minute more apart and mad at each other, when really the both of you could be together and making each other happy in that minute?” That was what Onew would always say.  

Yes, that’s it. Kibum thought he was finally getting somewhere with this line of thought. Granted, Onew was almost perfect in every way, but Kibum was sure no matter how selfless he was, he wouldn’t do something like give away someone he loved into the arms of his rival instead of keeping them apart which he could do so easily.

To Kibum, nobody could be that noble, not even Onew.

With that revelation, Kibum chided himself for jumping to conclusions and made a mental note to show Onew his appreciation more. He knew that he hasn’t exactly been the best friend around all these time. Yet, the way Onew treated him regardless of all that and even seeing him as comparable to his family made Kibum feel oddly touched.

Well, maybe not only Onew’s future girlfriend was lucky. Kibum decided that maybe he was, too.

And if he really did like you, as more than a friend? What would you do? Kibum questioned himself as an afterthought.

It wasn’t the first time this thought crossed Kibum’s mind, if he was being perfectly truthful.

It’s been about a year since they first met, and they shared a complex relationship that was hard for others to understand.

Kibum had always wished he had fallen in love with Onew, and often wondered why he hasn’t. To him, Onew was everything from a best friend to a soul mate. He regarded him highly and was full of praises for him when his friends mentioned Onew. He didn’t really know why, but his heart and mind chose to work differently and so nothing happened.

Yes, he would have liked it, very much indeed, if his heart would just go ahead and fall in love with his perfect best friend. It seemed so natural for them. That was until Jonghyun came along and swept Kibum away.

Honestly, that’ll be pretty damn awesome. But… 
We’re just best friends.

So, for Kibum, Onew remained as but a very, very special person to him.

***

It was the time of the year again when the university’s dance club would perform to raise their maintenance funds. Key had been tied up with that, practicing after school on most days and sometimes even during the weekends. Jinki hadn’t been able to meet up with him for awhile because of that.

1 New Message: Key (23-05-10 7.02pm)
Practice is finally over~ It’s a good thing that this performance is going to be over by tomorrow or I swear my bones are going break D: Onew-yah, you will come and watch me right? ‘ㅂ’

What a question, Jinki chuckled to himself at just how clueless Key could be and began to type his reply.

“Of course I will, silly! Have a good rest now, Key-ah, it’s been a long day. You need to be in your best condition tomorrow right? ^^”

So here Jinki was with two stalks of sunflowers in his hand, looking slightly out of place as he tried to locate Key in the crowd after the performance. Thankfully it was never too hard to do so, especially with Key’s eye-catching costume and make-up. In no time at all, he was heading towards Key, a wide smile plastered on his face.

“Key-ah! You did a good job! This is my reward for your hard work!” Jinki sounded awkward. Well, he was never too good with words and Key knew that well.

He handed one of the stalks of sunflowers to a smiling Key, whose mood seemed to rise even higher at the sight of the bright yellow flower Jinki had bought for him.

“Wahhh~ You bought this for me? It’s so pretty! Thank you, Onew-yah!” Key’s grin was so wide that Jinki couldn’t resist ruffling his hair.

“Good that you like it! I’ll be right back, okay?” Jinki excused himself. He had another flower to deliver.

***

Kibum noticed that Onew had another stalk of sunflower in his hands that was identical to the one he was given. Does he have another person he wants to give it to?

Curious, Kibum’s gaze followed Onew’s retreating back to see who the recipient of the other sunflower was.

“Oh, it’s Hyoyeon-noona!” Kibum was slightly shocked. He didn’t know that Onew and Hyoyeon knew each other, or was even close enough for Onew to buy her flowers.

Hyoyeon was Kibum’s senior in the dance club, and she had an unbeatable reputation ever since she’d joined as a freshman, or so Kibum was told. In fact, there was a solo stage specially designed for her to display her dancing prowess in today’s performance.

She was Kibum’s role model, and her undying passion for dance was his motivation to work harder whenever he felt too tired from the intense practices. They could be considered as good friends, since they stayed behind together for extra practices frequently, and sometimes Hyoyeon would invite Kibum to grab a bite together when they ended rehearsals for the day.

Funny how I never knew that she and Onew knew each other. Kibum had no recollections of Onew ever mentioning Hyoyeon and the same likewise. He didn't know about Hyoyeon, but Onew should at least know that they belonged to the same dance club, no?

It was odd, what Kibum was feeling. It was weird knowing that his best friend was actually close to his good friend, and yet he’d never known about it until today. It was weird to see Onew giving her flowers. It was weird that he felt so affected by this.

Was this… Jealousy?

Kibum shut his eyes for a brief moment, massaging his temples with one hand. Maybe he was jealous; he doesn’t even want to try denying that. After all, he was used to Onew being exceptionally nice and caring only towards him. Yes, while it was true that Onew was nice to everyone, the niceness he showed to others around him was different from the treatment Kibum receives, and Kibum knows it.

A selfish bastard I am, indeed. Kibum scolded himself for thinking like this.

Seeing another person, and a girl at that, receive flowers from Onew just made everything about Onew coming today and giving him a flower… Less special somehow.

Maybe he didn’t even come for me. Kibum’s mind went into overdrive as the weight of this possibility dropped on him.

Not wanting to act like a sulky child when Onew gets back, Kibum decided to return to his dorm room and freshen up for a bit, or maybe even catch a nap. He definitely needed it.

He’d just washed off all the dramatic make-up on his face and changed out of his costume when his phone vibrated loudly on his desk.

1 New Message: Onew (24-05-10 3.18pm) 
Where are you?? 

Kibum stared at the 3 simple words that were on the screen for a little longer than was necessary, thinking about what exactly to say, before he proceeded to swiftly type his reply.

“Back in my room. There are too many people there, I’m pretty tired…” 

Kibum slid his phone shut and sat at this desk, laying his head down for awhile. That wasn’t exactly a lie, he really did feel tired.

One moment later, his phone vibrated again.

“Ah, you should have told me first, Key-ah. I was looking everywhere for you >< Anyway, how does coffee sound? We haven’t met up for forever, you know ㅠㅠ”

Kibum wanted to decline the offer, but he realized that Onew was right. They haven’t had the chance to catch up properly for all those weeks that Kibum had been busy practicing and honestly he missed those coffee dates with his best friend. He thought a cup of coffee might do his tired mind some good too, so he got up and grabbed a cardigan before slipping the door to his room shut behind him.

“Give me 5 minutes, I’m on my way.”

***

The conversation they had at the café just now was replaying in his head as Jinki tried fruitlessly to focus on the assignment he had to complete.

He was sitting at the café waiting for Key to come, but his noisy thoughts just wouldn’t leave him alone.

Why did he suddenly disappear like that? Got me worried for a bit… Yah, Lee Jinki, you need to chill alright? He’s not a kid anymore, and he’s not yours either, so relax for a bit before you implode.Jinki’s rational mind chimed in while he was pondering about Key’s odd behavior. It wasn’t like him to just go off without telling him first, and he sounded cold in the replies.

He’s not yours. That last sentence bounced around in his mind again and again and he was so wrapped up in that depressing thought that he didn’t even realize Key had come into the café until he saw a hand waving in front of his eyes.

“Yah, what are you daydreaming about?” Key flopped down tiredly in the seat opposite his and reached for his cup of coffee that Jinki had already ordered. 

“Sorry, I was just spacing out. So, it’s finally over, you can have a good rest and catch up with your assignments now.” Jinki offered his best smile and changed the topic, trying to cover up the fact that it was Key who had been on his mind just a minute ago. 

“Onew, how do you know Hyoyeon-noona?” Key asked after a pause, completely ignoring what Jinki had said.

“Huh?” Key’s question totally threw Jinki off-guard as his brain struggled to latch on to the sudden shift in their conversation. 

Reluctance was written across Key’s face, as if he doesn't really want to bring this up. “I saw you giving her the other flower, when you left me just now.” 

“Oh, Hyoyeon, yeah. Well, we were friends since high school. We’re pretty close because our houses were in the same direction from school so we would walk to school or back home together sometimes.” Jinki explained.

“How come you never mentioned her, though? Didn’t you know that she’s my senior, and that we’re good friends?” Key’s reply came out harsh, with an accusing tone.

Jinki only grew more confused at that. Why was Key being so worked up?

“Well, she did mention you to me before, said you guys practice a lot together and things like that. I just didn’t think it was something important to bring up. I don’t understand… Does it matter?” The question marks atop Jinki’s head increased when he saw Key frown at his answer. 

“No, I just thought I would know. Since you know, you’re my best friend and I want to be the first to know if you ever get into a relationship with anybody, okay? I just… I thought you came for me, that’s all.” 

There was a hard look in Key’s eyes that Jinki had never seen before. And he had definitely seen enough of Key’s expressions. Why would Key even think of something like that, anyway? Just because he gave a flower to a girl?

“What are you talking about? Of course I came for you, why would you even doubt that? You worry too much, Key-ah. You know that I am a person who is obsessed with studying and has neither the time nor interest for girlfriends. Nobody would like a guy like this, right?” Jinki chuckled lightly as he poked fun at himself, trying to lighten up the tense atmosphere. He hasn’t seen Key act like this before, and honestly it was freaking him out.           

It worked too, although he wasn’t sure if it was the assurance or teasing himself that did it. But Jinki could see that the hard look was dropped from Key’s eyes as he sat back into the seat, sipping his coffee before he spoke up again. 

“Lee Jinki, don’t say that of yourself anymore, do you hear me? Do you know that you’re the kindest person I’ve ever met? Do you know that you’re really so perfect? Do you even know how many people in this university adore you? And I am not just talking about the student body. Listen to me now, you’re great, okay? And don’t ever forget that.” 

Speechless, Jinki could only gape at what Key had said before he stuttered “Y-yeah, okay…”

Why did he mind so much about me giving flowers to Hyoyeon, though? Does he… Like her? Ah, impossible. Jinki knew by now that Key wasn't straight. He was never even slightly by girls, no matter how good-looking or hot they were. Then again, Key could easily look better than about 98% of the female population in this university, so really he didn't need to even notice them.

Then was he… Jealous? But why would he be? And of what? This doesn’t make any sense… The more Jinki thought about it, the more confused he got.

Jinki thought about what Key had said about himself. That he was kind, the kindest he had ever met. And basically that he was great, on top of a bunch of other nice things. It was possibly the first time in their friendship that Key had expressed such emotions when it came to Jinki. He knows that Key did cherish him and their friendship very much, just that he was never expressive about it.

He thought about Key who had become a part of his life. If he was really perfect like Key said he is, it was only because the boy had brought out the best in him.

Really, Key? Is that what you really think? But if I were really that great, then why don’t you want me? 

***

Kibum lay in his bed thinking about the day’s events.

Aish, did I overreact? What was I thinking, talking to him like that? It’s not like I owned him anyway, what business is it of mine if he wants to give another girl flowers… Kibum turned roughly on his side as he wondered what came over him to cause the outburst at Onew.   

He wasn’t even sure if it was because he wasn’t the only one Onew bought flowers for or the fact that Onew and Hyoyeon were close to such an extent and he knew nothing about it. The latter sounded too trivial and absurd as a justification for his behavior, but he knew it was a bit of both.

On top of it all, Kibum was annoyed that Onew just couldn’t see what kind of a person he truly was. Hearing him poke fun at himself really got on Kibum’s nerves. How could he not see that he was so well-loved by so many people? How could he not know that he was the most kind-hearted person alive? What kind of girl wouldn’t want him? Then she is an idiot.

Kibum was a generally possessive person, towards not only his belongings but also his friends. So naturally, he felt threatened that there was somebody else who could level the importance he held to Onew. He didn’t like that feeling at all. Onew was his best friend, Kibum doesn’t like to have to share.

But from what Onew had said just now, it didn’t seem like there was anything going on between them. Somehow, that made Kibum feel just a little more relieved.

What the hell, Kibum-ssi? How could you think in that way! 

Hyoyeon was a nice senior to Kibum and had always provided him with much guidance. She wasn’t like all those pretentious girls in her year that had unkind intentions and had made his life hell in the past months. She was a sincere person. In fact, if he really had to admit it, she was a perfect match for Onew.

All along, Kibum had been the one who got himself attached then broken up while Onew had been there for him. Kibum wasn’t blind; he could see the silent but unwavering support coming from his best friend. On days when he felt too weak to fight against the world, he was thankful that Onew never turned his back on him. He couldn’t imagine the day that would come when he had to share him with another person, or possibly even paling in importance to her.

That day will come, you know. You might as well get used to the idea sooner. Even if there was something going on between them, you should be happy that at least she’s good enough for him. Kibum reasoned it out as he tried to curb the weird feelings he was experiencing, an inexplicable fear that Onew could just slip out of his reach so easily.

Onew deserved people like Hyoyeon. Kibum knew that he should be happy for Onew if he really did find the one who appreciated every bit of him. Except he couldn’t say he was.

He fell asleep with a bitter sensation and that fear sitting in his stomach, wondering how soon it would be when he would be forced to share his best friend. He decided, just as his eyes crashed shut, that he should hold on tightly to Onew before that day comes.

Don't go yet, Onew. Give me the chance to make it up to you.
Don't go...

A.N.: Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely~