The microphone gave a screech of feedback as it was and a note from the guitar resonated through the sound system as its strings were plucked experimentally.

It was the last day of the academic year. More importantly, it was the last performance for Tuned Up, since their leader Lee Joon was graduating. The rest have not decided if they would find another guitarist to continue the band, so it was going to be their last performance, at least for now. It was something like a thank-you concert for the students who gave them unconditional support since their forming, and a farewell performance for Joon. 

Jinki was particularly sad. Not just because Joon, whom he was closest to in the band was leaving, but more because he knew that the band would probably not be going on for too long from here. After all, Joon was always the one who held them together despite their individual busy schedules and various commitments.

Things were never going to be the same again.

Still, what will come will come, I guess. Jinki thought somewhat somberly as he slowly made his way onto the stage, wanting to put off the moment for as long as he possibly could. Most of the university had turned up in the hall to watch their final performance and even though that was encouraging and nice, it somehow made everything sadder that this was ending.

His phone vibrated, effectively snapping him out of his stony state and he pulled it out of his pocket.

1 New Message: Key (05-02-10 5.25pm)
Ooh someone’s looking hot today :P Onew-yah, FIGHTING!! ‘ㅂ’

Jinki smiled and tucked the phone back into the pocket of his snug jeans. He knew how Key loved to about him badass-drummer look, comparing it to his nerdy-everyday-look. Well he couldn’t help it. If the others hadn’t insisted, he would never have stuck his fingers into his eyeballs to put on these uncomfortable contact lenses that dried up his eyes so much.

“What’s wrong with glasses?” Jinki had asked them at their first band get-together. 

“Jinki-yah, you look really cute and all with these glasses, but you can’t carry off the rocker look with them, okay?” Yuri had put in kindly while Joon and Jonghyun tried to control their laughter. 

Jinki pouted, but decided to let them have their way.

He took his place behind his drum set, eyes searching the sea of people below the stage. There, he located Key in the throng of people without much difficulty (had he mentioned yet that Key just stood out somehow?), somewhere near the side of the hall, standing with a few of his friends from the student council. What was also noticeable was how he had his eyes trained on the front of the stage where Jonghyun was sound-checking the microphone.

Jinki looked down, attempting to tear his mind away from Key. It was their last performance, and he’ll make it good. He closed his eyes as he let his inner drummer take over.

However, that look on Key’s face lingered in his mind, oddly familiar. Painfully so, too.

He would never forget the scene when he opened the door of his room to reveal a crying Key on the floor nearly two months ago. 

It was his birthday, but Jinki had a report to complete for class the next day, which was why he spent it cooped up alone in his dorm room instead of out celebrating with his band mates. He didn’t really mind that, no. Jinki wasn’t really the type for noisy and huge celebrations (what an irony from a member of a rock band). He preferred cozy and small gatherings with just his close friends. But being a man who could hardly be labeled as a nobody or even low-profile in the university, even though he tries hard to be, it was almost impossible for his party to consist of just himself and three other people. 

Anyway, there was the report to take care of.

He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. His eyes were tired but he was only halfway through the report. It was going to be a long night. With a glance at the clock on the wall, he saw that it was 10:50pm. There was just one hour or so left to his birthday.

“Happy birthday, Lee Jinki. You’re another year older.” Jinki chuckled at himself for his silliness as he doodled a lopsided birthday cake on his post-it pad. He then pretended to blow the candles out. 

Sighing softly, he clasped his hands behind his head and lay back in his seat as his eyes drifted to the photos in a twin-frame that stood on his desk. The photo on the left was the one of his family. He was an only child, which was why his parents did not want to let him live away from home. But he’d insisted because he knew he would be too busy to waste time on travelling every day, and it was a good chance to learn to be independent. 

He missed them. The term had been busy and he didn’t always have the time to call. Hearing his mother’s soothing voice over the phone just now to wish him a happy birthday made him miss everything about his home more; the wafting scent of dinner whenever he reached home from high school and the sight of his father spending his weekend mornings tending to the plants in their garden. 

The one on the right was a photo of him and Key, taken just a few months ago when they went out to celebrate Key’s birthday belatedly. Jinki brought him to a vast green field overlooking a small lake, and they spent it flying kites in the autumn breeze and staring up at the fluffy clouds, trying to figure out what they looked like from its shape.

It was a beautiful day, the leaves had turned yellow, orange and red as Seoul entered autumn but there were still some flowers that have yet to wither. The photo had the blue sky and green grass as the backdrop, while both of them grinned cheekily at the camera. Jinki was all eye-smile and white teeth and Key did a twist with his fingers, lips set in an open-mouthed smile. 

Jinki gave a small smile, thinking how it was so wonderful and so sad at the same time, the relationship he had with Key. Key had forgotten about today. Shaking his head, he chased the thoughts away, telling the Key in his mind to return only when he was done with the report.

He put on his glasses again, and was just turning back to his laptop when an urgent knocking came at the door. No, it was more like thumping actually.

Jinki got up, wondering who it will be at such an hour when the thumping stopped and he heard something hit the floor. As he neared the door, a sound of crying came from the other side and that’s when he quickly flung the door open. 

There, on his doorstep, was Key who was crying pitifully, hands over his eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears from flowing. 

Jinki’s insides knotted painfully as he remembered the way Key looked that night, lost and complete destroyed at his door. He very almost slipped up on the drums, but thankfully held it together in time.

He immediately helped Key up and into his room, closing the door with a push of his foot. He sat Key down on his bed while he took his seat at the swivel chair, wheeling it right in front of Key as he handed him a box of tissues. His half-done report was already cleanly erased from his mind.

He was silent, just stray hairs out of Key’s face while he ignored the painful contraction in his chest. He didn’t need to ask anything; there was only one person that could make Key this upset and he really hated to see Key like this. So broken, and in so much pain. 

“I-I broke it off with h-him, O-Onew.” Key’s body convulsed from all the crying as he choked the words out. 

Jinki could only stare at Key’s lowered head in shock. He knew how much Key loved Jonghyun, how could he have just ended it off like this? Things must have gotten really out of hand. He knew how difficult Key’s life had been for the past weeks, or maybe even months, he didn’t even know when it all started. At this moment, he only blamed himself for being unable to protect Key from all the pain. 

Jinki went and sat beside Key on the bed, circling his arms around Key’s shoulders and the latter leaned in on him, breaking into another round of sobs.

“It’s okay, Key. It’s okay. You don’t have to force it to work. You can take a break when you’re tired. It’ll all be okay… Hmm?” Jinki cooed softly, lips just above Key’s ear, trying his best to stop the violent sobbing coming from Key as he rubbed his palm down the crying boy’s back.  

 “I-I know. I don’t want to do this anym-more, Onew. I’m t-tired already.” 

Jinki brought his hands up and placed them on either side of Key’s face, his fingers cool against his hot skin. He moved his thumbs under Key’s eyes, trying to smooth out the puffy bags that have formed. The skin was red and slightly raw from the repeated rubs by his hands and the tissue. 

Jinki didn’t need too much explanation, the problems in their relationship had always been the same. 

He held on to Key some more, feeling as broken as Key looked. Then he spoke up.

“It’s late, Key. Sleep for a bit, okay? I’ll be here.” There was a small nod from Key as he lay in Jinki's embrace. He had significantly calmed down and no more new tears were falling although his shoulders still jerked every time his body convulsed. Jinki got up and laid Key down on his bed while pulling the covers over him. 

Key closed his eyes that were tired from crying and Jinki went back to sit in the chair in front of his bed. He Key’s hair and massaged his scalp gently until he felt the boy completely relax. 

As if it wasn’t bad enough that Key completely forgot his birthday, he’d come crying about Jonghyun. Jinki sighed softly and removed his hands from Key’s hair. He was hurting too, but he had to be strong for Key. At such a time when he was needed the most, he can’t be selfish and fall apart as well.

Glancing at the clock again, the second hand just passed 12, signaling the beginning of a new minute. It was 11:11pm now. Jinki never really believed in these things, but for tonight he thought it wouldn’t hurt for a try. He clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. 

“11:11pm on 14^th December 2009. Tonight I wish for Key to always be happy and that he will never cry in pain again. Today is my birthday too, dear whoever-grants-wishes, so will you please grant me this little wish? I want eternal happiness for Key, please give him a good guy who can protect him through all the difficulties he will go through. I don’t wish for my own happiness, it’s okay if you won’t give him to me, but I don’t want to see him sad anymore. Please do this for me. Thank you.” 

Jinki concluded the wish and opened his eyes. He looked at Key who was now peacefully asleep, and wondered if his wish could come true. Too bad it wasn’t up to him. 

He ran his fingers through Key’s hair another time, lingering on his face for a moment longer before turning his attention back to his neglected laptop and began to toil through the report again. 

Jinki opened his eyes again at that memory, wondering if Key was just a little happier than he was that night as his eyes drifted to him in the crowd. But Jonghyun’s voice hauled his mind back to present time.

“Hey guys, this is going to be the last song for today’s performance. It’s something that I wrote together with Joon-hyung sometime back, and the melody is by our pretty Yuri and ever-powerful Jinki-hyung. Thanks for all the support you guys have given us since we were formed, this is for you guys. It’s called You.”

It’s you, Key. Jinki’s mind silently, gently whispered to Key who was wiping his eyes with the back of his hand like many others in the hall.

That’s my song for you.

***

It was the end of Kibum’s first year at Seoul National University, and it had been an eventful one. Within one year, he took part in several activities that he enjoyed, found his best friend, loved, and lost. Of all the things that have changed in one short year, he was glad that Onew remained as the constant.  

It was winter, awfully cold and dry outside. Kibum was going to return to his Daegu home tomorrow morning for winter break. So tonight he wanted to do something with his best friend before they separated for a month.

Kibum thought it would be extremely thrilling to have ice-cream in such cold weather. So he ran to the fridge in his room, getting out two cups of ice-cream and putting them in a little paper bag. Grabbing a thin jacket, he went out of his room to two floors up, eager to share the chilly treat with Onew.

“Onew? Are you there?” Kibum called as he knocked at the door.

There was no answer.

Kibum got down on his hands and knees and peered in through the slit at the bottom of the door. The room was completely dark. He tried the knob next. It didn’t give. That only meant 2 things: Onew was either asleep, or out. But it was just past 10pm; too early to be asleep, and too late to be still out for Onew’s standards.

So, Kibum had no choice but to have to call him before the ice-cream could melt. Thankfully, the weather was being a great help on that.

“Onew, where are you?” Kibum asked when Onew picked up after several rings.

“At the study area outside the library, why?” Onew was kind of half-whispering, and he sounded worried. Kibum thought that was funny.

“Come to the field, okay? Come quick. I need to see you.” And he hung up without giving Onew a chance to respond.

Looking down at his thin jacket, he sighed softly and shrugged, bracing himself for the winter air as he made his way to the university field.

He got there before Onew, as he was supposed to, and sat in the middle of the field, setting the paper bag down.

This is actually pretty comfortable. Kibum thought as he stretched his arms and legs lazily. The night was not chillingly cold, at least not yet. The field was mostly dark, only illuminated by a single spotlight at the far end of the field, but there was enough light to see a figure running towards him, crossing the running track and onto the field.

Onew was clad in a black padded jacket and jeans. Unlike Kibum, he had come prepared.

“A-are you o-okay, Key?” Onew asked when he saw Kibum, trying to catch his breath from running too fast to the field.

“Why not? Sit down, Onew-yah.” Kibum tried not to give away his excitement for the little treat he had in store and laughed inwardly at how flustered Onew looked.

Onew sat, never taking his eyes off Kibum.

“Key… So you’re o– Omo, why are you in such a thin jacket?! It is at least negative five degrees out here!” Onew immediately took off his padded jacket and covered it over Kibum’s shoulders, leaving himself in only a cotton long-sleeved shirt that didn’t look too thick either.

Kibum was slightly stumped by Onew’s actions, but didn't say anything as the sudden warmth enveloped him. He found the older boy speaking again with furrowed brows.

“So you’re okay? I thought you needed to see me.”

“Yeah, I did. I wanted to share this with you!” Kibum recovered quickly and handed the paper bag to Onew with a smile.

“I-ice-cream? You know it’s winter… Right?” It was Onew’s turn to be shocked as he stammered a little, holding the still-cold cup of ice-cream in his hands.

“Yup, I thought it’ll be really cool to have ice-cream on a winter day. I went to your room first though, but you weren’t there. So I had no choice but to come out here with only a jacket...” Kibum had already pried open the lid of the ice-cream and dug the small spoon in. 

Onew followed soon after, giving Kibum a resigned smile.

***           

When they finished eating the ice-cream, Jinki was frozen stiff. It was a completely crazy idea to be having ice-cream outside on a winter’s day, but that was Key for him.

They were lying on the field now, staring up at the night sky which was lightly dotted with stars. Even though he was freezing his brains out, Jinki was still glad he was the one to be lying here right now beside Key.

 “Onew, why did you ask if I was okay? Did I sound not okay on the phone?” Key said and laughed a bit.

 “No… But, er… You always call me when something goes wrong. Like when you have a fight with Jong– Ah. I'm sorry.” Jinki wanted to kick himself for ruining the atmosphere which was so comfortable just a moment ago.

“Have you ever loved someone?” Key said in a soft voice, still staring up at the sky.

You. It has always been just you. Jinki’s mind answered that while his mouth went “N-no.”

“Then the next time you do, you’ll know what this feels like… Struggling to hold on, but fighting to let go. Half the time you don’t really know what to do, so you just let it be while the emptiness eats away at your heart and your rationality, until you have nothing left for yourself.”

I already know. Once again, Jinki’s head answered but his mouth kept quiet, knowing that Key had more to say.

“You’ll see how the sun rises and sets with him. When he is happy, you are too and when he’s not, you’re sad that you can’t make him smile. How on some nights when you’ve had a fight, you feel that this is just not enough and you hate that you love him but you can’t bring yourself to leave. So slowly, you just self-destruct. Until you don’t exist, until your heart becomes an empty cavern…”

Jinki kept quiet some more. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth to speak at this point in time, he would end up saying all the wrong things, spilling all the wrong emotions, things he doesn’t want Key to know. At least not now.

“Onew, you’ll have to show me the girl you like for my approval first before you make her your official girlfriend, okay?” Key suddenly said, completely changing the direction of their conversation and Jinki was thankful that they were off the topic of Key’s broken heart.

Jinki turned over so that he was now lying on his stomach and propped his torso up with his elbows and looked at Key, who had a small smile on his face.

“Why?”

“Well, I have to make sure she’s good enough for you, of course. And to inform her that if she were to break you heart, I'll be breaking her face. That’s the job of your best friend, isn’t it?” Key replied matter-of-factly.

“When I actually have a girl that I fancy, then I’ll inform you.” Jinki said, just a little annoyed. Key doesn’t know how much Jinki just hated to hear himself being referred to as his 'best friend'.

Just after saying those words, he threw his body away from Key’s face as he sneezed several times. Key burst out laughing despite himself and then got up, pulling Jinki to his feet.

“Let’s get going, Onew-yah. I’m afraid I’ve made you catch a cold.” 

Key placed an arm across Jinki's waist, and they walked back to the dorms together.