Kibum was standing outside Onew’s room with a paper bag containing two cups of coffee from the usual café. When nobody came to answer the door after several minutes of repeated knocking, he reached into the pocket of his jeans and brought out a set of keys with a duplicate of the key to Onew’s room. Kibum had it done that time when Onew fell sick and was in bed all day. It was against the rules of the dorm to duplicate the keys, but Kibum could care less.

He was here so bright and early for two reasons. First, they haven’t had a proper coffee date since forever because both of them were getting really busy preparing for the symposium, so Kibum thought why not bring it right to their doorsteps to kick start their day? The other reason was of course, Jonghyun’s text message, requesting to meet.

It hasn’t exactly been a good night’s sleep for Kibum when he doesn’t know what it was that Jonghyun could possibly want with him now. Since some months after their break up, he’d already dismissed all wishful thoughts that Jonghyun would ever ask for him back. But other than that, Kibum couldn’t really think of another reason that the older boy would have to meet. 

Please don’t come back now and ruin my happiness. Not after all this time, not now. Kibum found himself silently praying. 

Of course, it would have made his life much easier if he’d just asked Jonghyun straight out for his reason the moment he’d received the message. Yet, being the sensitive boyfriend that he is, Kibum doesn’t want to cause himself to fall into anything without first letting Onew know. After all the things they each went through to get to where they are today, and Kibum had to say he’d never felt more settled or contented than he is now, he really wasn’t about to let his buried past come back and jeopardize his happiness.

So, he’d left that message in his inbox, not replied. 

Once inside the room, Kibum immediately identified the lump under the covers on the bed as Onew. As he’d expected, Onew was still asleep. It was just past 7, after all.

He cautiously crossed the room and placed the paper bag on the desk as quietly as he could before kneeling down on the floor beside the bed. Onew’s entire body was hidden under the sheets, the way Kibum had come to learn, somewhere along the way, that it was his habit, and just a tiny tuft of brown hair peeked out from the covers.

Kibum pulled the covers down gently, revealing Onew’s adorable sleeping face, and he giggled quietly. Aigoo, what an angel my baby is… He reached out and began to tickle Onew lightly under his nose, earning several irritated twitches and furrowed brows from the dozing boy but who remained fast asleep. Kibum had to clamp one hand over his mouth to prevent himself from laughing and waking his boyfriend up.

Having had his share of innocent fun, Kibum leaned over and placed a peck on Onew’s closed lids and started to wake him up. It took a good while of his gentle shaking and “Onew-yah… Wake up…” before the older boy stirred and half opened his eyes.

“Key? How did you get in? Did I forget to lock the door…?” Confusion was painted across Onew’s features as he raised his head up slightly when his groggy mind registered that the person who just woke him up was Kibum.

Kibum smiled, and simply jingled his set of keys in front of Onew’s eyes as an answer.

As if relieved that he hadn’t been careless enough to leave his door unlocked, Onew let his head fall back onto the pillow, closing his eyes and said, “You know that’s not allowed, Key-ah. You’ll get into trouble.”

Kibum chuckled and said, “Nobody has to know, Onew-yah. Besides, you need me to take care of you. You’re a baby, remember?”

It surprised even himself how he actually liked all this baby-talk with Onew, and occasionally pouting or flashing some aegyo to win the older boy over. He liked it too that Onew would play along with him. Sometimes, Kibum thought that if there was anybody following them around invisibly and witnessed the way they behaved around each other, they’ll never escape being dubbed “the dimwit couple” or something along those lines.

But Kibum likes it, and so nothing else really matters.

Onew cracked an eye open and smiled in an extremely cute manner that made Kibum’s heart flutter.

“Yeah, come here Key, baby wants his umma.” Onew opened his arms wide, beckoning Kibum to go to him.

“Yah, you’re supposed to be getting up, Onew!” Kibum protested, but he was already getting to his feet and beginning to climb into the bed, and into the warm embrace he so yearned to lie in. Yes, he would definitely be lying if he said he didn’t want to snuggle in bed with Onew too.

“Just for a little while, hmm? It’s still early Kibummie…” Onew said, pulling on Kibum’s hand and that was all it took for Kibum to give in. He settled himself in the small space that was within Onew’s embrace, facing him, and the older boy’s arms came around him almost instantly, finding their place around his middle and holding him close.

“Hmm… This is nice…” Onew said in a soft voice, as if to himself, with his eyes closed and a silly grin on his face. He snuggled closer to Kibum and nuzzled his neck softly. Kibum was smiling as well, thinking the same thing as Onew. 

He ran a hand through the older boy’s hair and let out a contented sigh before turning his face down towards the his soft brown locks. Onew smelt nice, as usual. Onew always smelt nice, no matter what time of the day or after what activity. How he maintains that remains as a mystery to Kibum.

It was his first time cuddling in bed with Onew, Kibum realized. And he would make sure they did this more often from now, for it was so cozy and he felt safe and he doesn’t want to be anywhere else but right here.

No words could describe the amount of comfort he was feeling right now and he could feel himself gradually being lulled to sleep in the warmth of Onew’s arms and his soothing scent when he suddenly remembered why he was here for.

“Onew-yah.” Kibum began as he traced invisible patterns on Onew’s cheek.

“…hmm?” Onew answered, leaning into Kibum’s touch but not opening his eyes.

“Last night… Last night Jonghyun-hyung texted me and he wants to meet me.” Kibum said it all in one breath and kept his fingers crossed mentally, not entirely sure of how Onew would react.

The older boy opened his eyes and raised his eyebrows in surprise but he was silent for a while, as if he doesn’t really know what to say to this unexpected information.

“So… What did you say to that?” Onew was watching Kibum carefully when he spoke. Kibum could feel Onew’s insecurities coming to the surface again when he looked into those eyes and saw fear, and honestly, Kibum couldn’t blame him.

“I haven’t replied him yet. I wanted to see what you think about it first… Which was kind of why I’m here now…” Kibum said, his eyes not leaving Onew’s uncertain ones.

Kibum felt Onew’s hold around him tighten, and he seemed to be lost in his thoughts.

“You should, I guess. Go see him.” Onew finally said, even though his eyes were fleeting, not quite meeting Kibum’s.

“Really? Won’t you be jealous?” Kibum pretended to pout and hit Onew’s chest lightly, trying to make him smile.

“Of course. I’ll be insanely jealous… But I should trust you, right? You guys should have a good talk too… Tie up the loose ends and all. Just, you know… Try not to fall for him again? I’ve only had you for awhile and I’m not quite ready to lose y–”

Onew’s rambling was abruptly cut off when Kibum closed the gap between their lips and kissed him. He felt Onew tensing up at first at the sudden contact but he quickly relaxed and began to kiss Kibum back. Kibum closed his eyes and allowed his lips to take over, his mind only focusing on savouring the taste of Onew’s lips on his own, and the feel of his slightly chapped upper lip that was between his moist ones.

It was a more urgent kiss, only slightly more aggressive that their usual slow and sweet kisses. Kibum wanted to give assurance; he wanted to settle Onew’s insecure heart. Without quite realizing, he had his hands in Onew’s hair while the latter placed his on the nape of Kibum’s neck, pulling him in even closer as they deepened the kiss.

When they stopped to catch their breaths, foreheads and tips of their noses touching, Kibum couldn’t help but steal another peck to Onew’s full, red lips.

“You are so silly, Onew baby. I will never, never…” Kibum couldn’t complete his sentence because he felt a dreary feeling of fear hollowing his heart out in an instant to emptiness, just thinking about losing Onew.

He wanted him so much. He needed him so much. It hurt to even think of losing him now.

“I’m just happy you thought of me first.” Onew said and copied Kibum, stealing a peck to his lips as well.

Kibum thought he might be late for his first class if he stayed right where he was in Onew’s arms and continued their mutual lip-abusing. Yet, in this moment, it was the last thing on his mind, as was the two cups of coffee on the desk that have long grown cold. Oh, how glorious it felt to be in love.

They are crazy about each other, this much Kibum could tell.

***

It’s going to be a long day… Kibum sighed inwardly, feeling rather downcast despite himself.

His schedule had been especially packed lately because of the upcoming symposium. Not only did he have to practice for the dance club’s performance, the student council which was overseeing the whole event also had a lot for Kibum to do.

The first half of his day that was filled with long and boring lectures had just ended, and he was feeling absolutely drained. But he still had dance practice to get through, and then he was going to meet Jonghyun for dinner.

Kibum stood in the lift of the dorm building, all changed and ready for practice, and rubbed his face roughly with his palms, closing his eyes for a moment. Granted, he did want to meet Jonghyun after so long, but he would much rather have dinner with Onew and maybe just cuddle beside him for the night. Both of their schedules keeps getting in the way and they only had the early mornings or late nights to each other. That wasn’t enough for Kibum. In fact, no matter how much time they spent with each other, Kibum never felt like it could be enough.

Even though it can’t be helped, it didn’t stop him from feeling low-spirited.

As he stepped into the dance studio, he was greeted by the familiar sight of the members stretching, tying up their hair or shoelaces, or just resting at the corners of the room before practice began. The particular smell of the room washed over his senses and he felt himself relax instantly. This was his habitat and regardless of how stressful life gets, dancing takes everything away, at least for awhile. Kibum was more than grateful for the respite.

He walked to the side to put down his bag and was beginning to stretch when his phone in his sweatpants vibrated.

1 New Message: Onew baby (22-10-10 4.57pm) 
I know it’s been a long day but FIGHTING Key baby! I am cheering for you *waves pompom* ^▽^

Kibum smiled, shaking his head at Onew’s sweet act and put his phone into his bag. It was one of the major plus points of Onew, he always knew when and how exactly to make Kibum feel better. Even though it was just a message, Kibum’s heart lightened significantly and he prepared for practice feeling much happier.

For two hours, Kibum threw aside everything that was bothering him and practiced their routine diligently, focusing on his reflection in the mirror, only stopping to take a few sips of water before he continued working to perfect each move and expression. By the time their president clapped her hands, and said to everyone “That’s all for today, have a good rest everyone~” Kibum was ready to crash.

He sat on the floor at the side of the studio, slumped against the wall and drinking from his bottle while simultaneously trying to type a reply to Onew with one hand when a slim figure with blonde hair sat down next to him.

“Kibum-ah, annyeong! I haven’t seen you for so long!” It was Hyoyeon, grinning happily at Kibum.

“Ne, noona annyeong, it’s been awhile! You’re really so hardworking, still coming back to practice with us even though extra-curriculars have stopped for the year 4s.” Kibum was happy too, he haven’t seen Hyoyeon for awhile, not to mention have a proper chat with her because the seniors were no longer required to attend practices.

“Yah, you know I can never really stop dancing. It’s like my life. And I’ll grow fat if I don’t sweat it out every now and then!” Hyoyeon laughed, her eyes shining under the bright studio lights. Kibum was filled with admiration for her passion towards dance, and he thought she was truly beautiful.

“Anyway, I just tried baking some cookies! Do you want to try some? I’m making it for somebody so this is the first time I’m baking these… You’ve been warned!” Hyoyeon reached into her tote bag and produced a round container filled with chocolate cookies.

Kibum took one and bit into it, his face lit up when he tasted it slowly. “It’s good, noona!”

Hyoyeon who looked nervous a second ago, waiting to hear what Kibum would say seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and said, “Really, Kibum-ah? You’re not just making me feel better right?”

“Aniyo, noona. They’re really good. Who are you baking them for anyway?” Kibum asked offhandedly, still munching on the cookie.

Kibum looked up when Hyoyeon did not answer. The nervous expression was back on her face when she turned to look at Kibum. He raised his eyebrows in a questioning manner.

“Kibum-ah, I’m only telling you this, so please keep this secret for me, arasso?”

Kibum nodded, feeling curiosity pricking at him due to Hyoyeon’s cryptic answer.

“You know him too. It’s your best friend. Jinki.” Hyoyeon said, her cheeks tinted a faint pink after the pseudo-confession to Kibum.

WHAT?! Jinki? My Jinki?  Kibum’s eyes widened in shock. He felt a part of his world crashing down with that one simple sentence. The remnants of the cookie he was chewing in his mouth suddenly felt too dry and his throat seemed to close up. He didn’t have any words at the moment.

But Hyoyeon was obviously glad she’d gotten a load off her chest, because she was rambling on about how she’d been secretly in love with Onew since high school but never did anything about it, and now that they were graduating and might be going separate ways, she wanted to at least try. “And who knows? Maybe we’ll work out!”

In her excited gushing, she didn’t notice Kibum’s odd behavior. He’s fallen silent; he was trying to space out so he could pretend none of it was happening. He couldn’t bring himself to listen, he wanted to cover both his ears with his hands and squeeze his eyes shut, only to open them to find himself tucked safely in Onew’s arms and everything was just a dream.

But he couldn’t. And Hyoyeon kept talking, and he couldn’t run away.

“Yah, Kibum-ah, did you hear what I said?” Kibum only snapped to attention when Hyoyeon prodded his shoulder gently, finally realizing that she did not have the attention of the younger boy.

“S-sorry?” Kibum tried to keep his voice steady. It was already hard for him to have to listen, but wanting him to speak about it was asking for too much.

“I asked if you think he’ll like it. You’re his best friend, so you would know right? I don’t suppose he has interest in any other person too… Do you?” Hyoyeon began to drift away to her own thoughts again, smiling to herself and Kibum really didn’t know what to do.

He was torn between blurting the truth out to her, but he also didn’t want to be the one to break his favourite noona’s heart, especially since she’d loved Onew for so long, much longer than he had. So all he managed in the end was just a nod and a weak smile at her before excusing himself to wash up.

Kibum remembered that he had yet to finish replying Onew. He took a look at the phone in his hands, slid it shut and dropped it back into the depths of his bag. Taking a deep breath, he stowed his rocky emotions away and walked on, only going to let it out when he was back in the safety of his room.

The place he had arranged to meet Jonghyun was a fast food joint near the university. It was getting late and Jonghyun lived some ways away from the school, so Kibum thought they should just settle the meal simply.

When Kibum walked in through the doors of the fast food joint, he spotted Jonghyun immediately. His blonde hair stood out like a sore thumb even in the crowd, but there was more brown than blonde now, compared to how it used to be. The older boy was seated and fiddling with his fingers. Kibum smiled, that was what Jonghyun always did when he was bored, it doesn’t seem like he’d changed this weird habit then.

“Hyung, sorry to keep you waiting, we ended a little late.” Kibum approached and dropped his bag on the seat, reaching in for his wallet.

“Oh, Kibum-ah! It’s okay, I just got here too.” Jonghyun smiled one of those smiles that always made Kibum go weak. His round eyes will always shine brightly when he smiled, and Kibum used to love seeing him act like a little kid who just got ice-cream.

“Let’s order, hyung.” Kibum smiled back, feeling his spirits rising. It surprised him that there was no awkwardness, and instead he felt rather comfortable to be speaking to him again even after having no contact whatsoever for months.

What followed was a brief moment of Jonghyun insisting to treat Kibum to this meal and Kibum trying to decline it. After awhile, Kibum gave in when he saw that it was going nowhere, and let Jonghyun have his way instead.

“Yah, Kibum-ah, how have you been?” Jonghyun asked when he came back with their food and began to dig in.

“I’m good, it’s the same old things going on, trying to juggle all my schedules and all. How about you, hyung? You look much better now, is it because you have the nourishment of love?” Kibum joked as he bit hungrily into his burger. He didn’t realize quite how hungry he was, his last meal was a good 7 hours ago now.

“How’s Jessica noona?” Kibum continued when he finished chewing.

Jonghyun didn’t respond for awhile and Kibum looked up from his food curiously.

“Well, Kibum-ah… I asked you out today to talk about this actually. Jessica and I… We’re not together.” Jonghyun said, somewhat sheepishly. Kibum was surprised, this was out of his expectations. He doesn’t know how he should answer to that, so he just let Jonghyun continue to speak.

“After you broke up with me… I was really upset. I know I was a jerk to you, I should have stopped you from leaving but I didn’t because I was a coward. Even thought I really didn’t want to let you go, I didn’t want to fight her anymore… To be honest, she gave me a lot of pressure, not just from her but also her friends. They’d be staring at me in that way like I did something gravely wrong whenever I passed any of them in school. It just got too much to take, and so I ran away from everything. I’m so sorry, Kibum-ah.” Jonghyun looked down at a spot on the table as he spoke; only finally looking up and at Kibum’s eyes when he apologized.

The younger boy saw true remorse in those eyes and he felt sorry for Jonghyun for he knew exactly how it felt to be regarded as if he was a criminal when really, he didn’t do anything wrong. And perhaps, it did make him feel better to know that Jonghyun had not wanted to give him up then.

“Jjongie… Don’t be sorry. I know. I really understand.” Kibum dropped trying to be formal with him, instead using the nickname he always used to call him and he reached across the table, patting Jonghyun’s hand comfortingly. None of it matters anymore now anyway, Kibum was not hurt anymore, he was okay. So it doesn’t matter, no point having someone upset over it.

“No, Kibum-ah. You don’t understand… I was the cause of everything… For a few months after that, I let her drag me around, going places, doing things like a couple would. I thought I could make it work again with her, but it didn’t. There was no spark anymore. I felt like my heart just kind of… died and there was no love left that I could give away to anybody. One day, I just told her that I can’t do it anymore, and I can’t be with her… She went ballistic on me, yelling at me saying that I was playing with her, and she slapped me once and stormed away with tears in her eyes and I felt even worse than I already did. I ed up, Kibum-ah. I didn’t just break your heart, but I broke hers too.” Jonghyun was obviously trying to stay composed, but Kibum’s mouth was hanging open. He had no idea things turned this ugly when he’d left. He thought he had left so Jonghyun and Jessica could have their happy ending, but apparently he was mistaken.

“I heard… Her friends went to attack you. It all happened because of me.” At that, Kibum’s eyes widened even more. That time that Onew got stabbed, was because Jonghyun broke it off with Jessica?

“Did you know… that they brought a penknife along? They wanted to disfigure me, but they ended up stabbing Onew. I swear I would have tracked them down one by one and reported them if only Onew didn’t insist not to.” Kibum said, remembering his fear that night and how much anger he felt towards Jessica and her friends.

“I know… One of them told me. I’m sorry Kibum, I’m sorry. I wanted to contact you then, already. But I was afraid that they’ll make more trouble for you if I were to do anything…” Jonghyun hung his head, guilty.

“I only dared to ask you out today because… I heard you’re together with Jinki-hyung now?” Jonghyun looked up then, smiling a little forcefully. “It’d be okay because they won’t think that you’re still interested in me anymore now that you’re with Jinki-hyung.”

Okay… So news of us being together is spreading like wildfire… Kibum thought but outwardly, he just nodded and smiled the way he thinks a person who is in love should smile.

“Jinki-hyung is a great guy. You guys deserve each other. I'm happy for you two.” Jonghyun said with that same forceful smile.

But will he fight for me? Kibum thought, but said with a smile that mirrored Jonghyun’s “Ne, thank you, Jjongie.”

For the rest of the meal, the pair chatted about random things, from school to what Jonghyun was planning to do for his music once he graduated. It was supposedly an amiable atmosphere, if not for Kibum’s mind that kept reeling from all the information given to him in just one day.

As he walked back to the university alone, hands shoved deep into his pockets, he kept thinking about what was about to happen. Hyoyeon was in love with Onew. Kibum thought of what Jonghyun had said, about not wanting to fight or choose. What if Onew did the same? What if when Hyoyeon confessed, Onew got confused and didn’t know who to choose as well? Where does that leave him then?

What if you don’t fight for me?

***

Jinki was worried.

It was already past 10 at night, and Key still wasn’t back yet. He was pacing outside Key’s room, flipping his phone open and shut, waiting for it to light up with a text or call from his boyfriend. Key had not replied him nor picked up his calls since the afternoon. It was unusual, and it was worrying.

The lift door slid open and Jinki looked up on reflex to see Key walking out slowly, looking really worn out with his hands in his pockets and staring at the ground.

Flooded with relief, Jinki took the few strides towards the lift and wrapped his arms around Key. He heard the younger boy gasp, probably caught off guard and not knowing what was happening.

“Oh my god Key, where have you been? It’s so late now, and you haven’t picked up my calls nor replied any of my messages.  I was getting really worried!”

“O-Onew? I’m sorry I worried you, I-I didn’t check my phone.” Jinki heard him answer in a quiet voice, and he couldn’t really feel the usual tight grip around himself from Key.

He pulled away, taking a good look at Key’s face for the first time that day. He wasn’t smiling like always, and instead he looked really upset.

“Kibummie, are you okay…?” Jinki asked, Key’s hair gently.

“N-ne. I’m fine, Onew-yah. Just… really tired, that’s all. It’s been a long day.” Key replied, not really looking Jinki in the eyes.

Maybe he’s really tired… Jinki thought as he ruffled Key’s hair and said “Alright, I know. Go on, take a shower and sleep early, okay? Do you want me to stay for awhile?”

“No, ‘s alright, Onew. You go back and rest early too, okay?” Key smiled a little and it made Jinki hug him again.

“Rest well, my baby.” Jinki leaned in to peck Key’s lips, but the younger boy turned away the moment before the contact so that Jinki pecked his cheek instead.

“Good night.” Key pecked his cheek back and turned around to go into his room.

Jinki watched the room door close, and he turned towards the stairs to go back to his own room. Something feels out of place, be it the way Key was avoiding his eyes the entire time, or his unenthusiastic replies. He didn’t even want Jinki to stay with him, which he knew the younger boy really liked.

He couldn’t help wondering if his meeting with Jonghyun had thrown some things out of equilibrium.

That night, Jinki lay in bed trying to fall asleep, convincing himself that Key had just had a rough day and didn’t have the energy to be his usual, bubbly self. Yet, his silent phone that did not receive Key’s daily good night message was telling him otherwise…

***

3 Missed Calls; 12 New Messages
Voice Call | Exit 

Kibum stared at his phone that he’d just dug out from somewhere in his bag. Onew must have been worried sick. He summoned up the “New Text Message” page and began to type a good night message to Onew, as usual.

“Onew-yah, are you going to sleep yet? Be good and sleep now, okay? Good night my baby, I love you so, so much.”

He read the few sentences over and over, feeling his eyes well up slightly. He pressed on the backspace button and held it until everything was erased from the screen, slid the phone shut and put it back on his desk.

Closing his eyes, he prayed that sleep would claim him quickly tonight and let him escape from this complicated reality.

A.N.: So, I almost didn't want to update today, because I keep thinking if the speed that I am updating is affecting what my readers can or cannot see from each chapter. Like everything might seem too fast and maybe the effect that I want to achieve won't be there. Urgh I don't even know. 

Okay so anyhow, congrats to me that I successfully misled everyone to think that Jonghyun is here to wreck things, again. Well really, he isn't. The drama that will entail for most of this story is going to be Hyoyeon and her feelings for Jinki (Surprise, anyone?). 

& anyway, next chapter is going to be my last for awhile which means I won't be updating daily anymore because I have ran out of ready chapters. Chapter 15 is taking awhile to be written so yup, please be patient with me~ 

Comment/subscribe/just give me some love because I'm so tired lol.

xoxo