“Appa, umma, I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.” Hyoyeon said as she finished blow-drying her hair and put the hairdryer away. She saw her parents exchange puzzled looks from their place on the couch and she felt obliged to add that it had been a long day at school and she was tired.

“Have a good sleep, Hyoyeonnie.” Her umma nodded in understanding and said to her.

She managed a small smile at her parents before slipping into her room, closing the door behind her.

Hyoyeon could understand why her parents were so surprised. She’d come home from school only a little over an hour ago, skipped dinner, took a shower and announced that she was retiring for the night. The fact that it was only half past nine didn’t help matters.

Turning on her side to face the wall, she pulled the blanket over her head and it was only then that she dared to let everything out.

Pressing a hand hard to to stifle the sound of her sobs, she let her tears fall freely, wetting the pillowcase and seeping through the thin fabric before wiping her face roughly with the blanket. It hurts, as she soundlessly cried, her brows tightly knitted and fixed in a downward arch beneath her hand, it hurts so much and it was all out of her control.

When her shoulders started to jerk from the convulsions that always followed after crying too hard and for too long, Hyoyeon knew she had to calm herself down.

She turned back to lie on her back and tried to take deep breaths. The tears weren’t coming anymore, and she was surprised she only had so much to cry. Crying was always so draining. It made her nose blocked so she couldn’t breathe properly, and her head throbbed painfully every few seconds. She was honestly so tired. She wanted so much to just pass out right now, but yet she remained so cruelly conscious.

She’d spent a good three hours dancing all alone in the dance studio after the symposium, when everyone had gone home. It only did so little to momentarily distract her, but she had hoped that it would wear her out so much that she would knockout the moment her head touched the pillow, so that she wouldn’t have the energy to dwell on her broken heart.

No such luck. She mocked herself for her pathetic state. It was worse that everything was crashing down on her when she was already this exhausted, rendering her defenseless against the thoughts that kept coming and the scene that kept replaying in her mind.

She was holding the mobile phone pouch with the completed cross-stitch for Jinki in her hands, smiling bashfully as she imagined the look on Jinki’s face when she gave it to him. She really hoped that he would like it, and maybe his kind face might encourage her, give her that one last push she needed to finally confess her feelings to him.

Hyoyeon imagined his eyes crinkling into the mesmerizing crescents that she had fallen in love with as he breaks into a warm smile. He would–

“Hyoyeon.” It was Jinki’s voice coming from behind her, snapping her out of her reverie.

A smile instantly found its way on her lips and she turned around to face him, hiding the gift for him behind her back.

“Jinki!” She beamed delightedly at him before realizing that he looked uneasy. Then another boy stepped out from behind him with his head hanging low, and Hyoyeon wondered how she could have missed his presence when said boy was no smaller in size than Jinki.

“Kibum?” She kept that smile on her face, genuinely pleasantly surprised to see the younger boy. She liked him a fair bit for a dongsaeng because he was always so respectful and dedicated to dance.

“Noona.” Kibum raised his head but wasn’t looking at her.

She should have known then, that something was not right.

“Hyoyeon-ah, we have something to tell you.” Jinki started to say and Hyoyeon didn’t miss the look that Kibum darted at him.

“Hmm?” She was wondering why Kibum had came along with Jinki when suddenly, something clicked in her mind.

“Kibum-ah, you didn’t tell him yet, did you?” She asked uncertainly, for fear that the younger boy had foiled her plans and already let the cat out of the bag.

Kibum didn’t answer. He just stood there looking like he wanted to cry, wringing his hands repeatedly and chewing his lips. She wanted to ask if he was alright, but Jinki cut in.

“Hyoyeon.” He said her name again, calmly, and Hyoyeon unwillingly tore her gaze away from the obviously upset boy in front of her and returned her attention to Jinki.

“We wanted to let you know that… we, Kibum and I, are together. We are a couple.” Jinki said as he looked at her earnestly.

She had laughed then, not understanding the situation, or perhaps simply not wanting to believe in the truth of the statement that the man she loved just said.

That he loved somebody, and that person wasn’t her.

“What’s going on? Is this a joke? It isn’t funny, Jinki! Kibum?” She began to panic when she saw that none of the two boys laughed along with her or apologized for pulling this sick joke on her, and Kibum was almost shaking from his effort to keep his tears in. She gripped the pouch in her hands tightly, wishing that what was unfolding before her eyes was not the truth.

“I-I’m sorry, noona. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to keep it from you b-but, I just didn’t know how to break it to you. I’m so sorry…” The lone tear that was sliding down Kibum’s face sliced through her heart together with the words that left his lips. But what killed her more was Jinki’s firm hold on Kibum’s shoulder, his pained expression seeing his Kibum cry.

His Kibum.

She knew that it was a lost cause.

There was an overwhelming souring in her nose and she felt her own eyes well up, her vision blurring slightly. But no, Hyoyeon told herself that she will not cry before them.

“Hyoyeon, we’re really sorry about this. Kibum didn’t know…” Jinki said carefully, all the while keeping his support on Kibum.

“Y-you knew?” Hyoyeon stuttered when she registered what Jinki just said.

“Somewhat…”

She’d forcefully pasted a smile on her face, despite the weight of the truth that was crushing her, breaking her into a million tiny pieces, and she said “It’s okay, I understand.”

They looked surprised then, almost as if they didn’t expect it to be this easy. But what else can I do? Hyoyeon thought desperately. Before her own tears could escape her eyes, she excused herself, saying that she had someplace else to go. Stuffing the pouch into her jeans pocket, she walked away quickly. It doesn’t matter anymore.

She didn’t want to let them leave first. She didn’t want to see Jinki’s retreating back, him getting further and further away from her until he went out of her reach forever. And she didn’t dare to look back, afraid that she would see the pair in a loving embrace or Jinki kissing Kibum’s tears away.

Hyoyeon wished she could be even a little angry at Kibum for not telling her earlier and giving her false hopes. It hurt so much more now that she had finally decided to act on her feelings, only to have this devastating news smacked right back in her face. She just couldn’t believe that after everything she’d told him, he was actually together with Jinki all along.

But she couldn’t.

Hyoyeon knows that feelings cannot be forced, and there was absolutely nothing left that she can do, except to move on. She couldn’t bring herself to hate Kibum, not to even mention Jinki, in the very least. It wasn’t anybody’s fault that Jinki loved Kibum and not her. If she really had to blame somebody for all the pain she was feeling, it would be herself, for never daring to make her move earlier, for just sitting around and wishing that love will come to her.

Knowing all that, however, didn’t make it hurt any less.

Kibum is so lucky… She thought as tears slid out of the corners of her eyes and into her ears.

Hyoyeon thinks of the time, seven years ago, when Jinki first came into her life.

It was a difficult time in her life then.

Hyoyeon’s family has never been too well-off. Both her parents brought in enough income to get by, but a comfortable and luxurious life was something she never got to experience. Yet, the hard times were taken to a whole new level when the company her father worked for went bust overnight, leaving him with absolutely nothing.

Her mother began to take up double jobs just to support the family. It was undoubtedly a big blow for her father, who became greatly dispirited, seeking solace in alcohol and coming home to pick fights with her already overworked mother. At that time, Hyoyeon vowed that she will study even harder than before and do well in life so that her family will never have to worry about the next meal again.

She was nothing like who she is today.

Unlike other teenage girls, Hyoyeon had neither the interest nor ability to doll herself up with fancy makeup or do things like make alterations to the school uniform to accentuate her figure. She was often teased for her thick black hair that she wore in a loose ponytail, a slightly chubby face and her nerdy look in general. While other girls discussed the latest fashion trends and showed off newly bought accessories, Hyoyeon kept to herself and her books. Nobody was too interested to know her either.

It was made worse that her mother was almost always too busy to prepare a lunchbox for her, and she never wanted to spend more than was absolutely necessary, which made her go hungry every other day. But she just had that one simple aim in her life, everyday from the moment she woke up she would strive her hardest at everything she did. Nothing else mattered.

Not until Jinki came along.

Jinki was her classmate. He was just that well-mannered boy who sat by the window, aced all his classes, was well-liked, and not to mention good-looking too. One day, she was sitting at her desk during lunch time, trying to read her geography textbook to distract her mind from the hunger pangs when Jinki walked up to her with his lunchbox in one hand.

“Hyoyeon-ssi, are you not going for lunch again?” He asked with such concern that it even surprised her for a moment. Nobody had ever cared that she stayed in class while everyone else went for lunch.

Before she could answer, a voice piped up from across the classroom.

“Jinki-yah, leave her be! Don’t you know she never has any money for lunch? She’s a poor nerd!” It was the group of girls in class who always had perfect makeup and hair, wore white-as-new school uniforms and owned all the newest gadgets and adornments. The one who spoke was none other than the Queen Bee, and her maids-in-waiting giggled at her comment.

Young Jinki raised an eyebrow, turned towards them and said, “Do you think it’s funny that others never have any food to eat? Does it not bother you? It’s okay if you don’t want to help, at least don’t make things worse.”

Hyoyeon gaped, startled because she had never heard Jinki talk like that to anyone. Nobody had ever stood up her the way he did before too.

“S-sorry, Hyoyeon-ssi.” The Queen Bee stuttered, face flushed from embarrassment. The group quickly evacuated the classroom.

Jinki turned back to her then, and said “Let’s share my lunch, Hyoyeon-ssi.”

She looked down and shook her head. Quietly, she said “Thank you Jinki-ssi, but–”

“Come on, I have enough for both of us!” He smiled that dazzling smile of his and Hyoyeon could only stare back, utterly entranced.

Since that day, Jinki would sometimes go to school with two lunchboxes. On days that he didn’t, then they would share his lunch. People left them alone, but mostly because they liked Jinki and didn’t want to get on his bad side.

As the days went by, as they began to walk home together, as Jinki invited her over to his place a few times for dinner, steadily, she felt herself falling for him. Falling for his kindness, gentleness and most importantly, for seeing her when others didn’t.

Things at home were better now. Her father was employed again and doing better than before, they didn’t have to scrimp and save to make ends meet. Things have changed. But so have her and Jinki.

They gradually drifted apart after they entered university. When Jinki moved into the school dormitory, they no longer went home together. They busied about their own lives, had their own group of friends. The texts exchanged between them lessened until there were eventually none.

It was only natural, as was with the sequence of all things in life, that they would eventually fall for each other. They should have fallen for each other. Or at least, he should have faller for her too, the way she did for him.

It was only natural.

He should have, but he didn’t.

Everything suddenly made sense to her. The people who kept talking about how oddly close Jinki was with Kibum. How Kibum always rushed off after dance practice, saying he was going to meet his best friend for dinner. That sketch she saw at the symposium… It was all falling together now.

She felt like the biggest fool in the world. She was the third wheel all along. Thinking about how she can never have the one person who made her stronger, shed his light on her through the lowest point in her life, the one person she needed, Hyoyeon crumbled. Consumed by her heartache, she closed her eyes and just crumbled.

My sweet, sweet Jinki…

***

“You know, Key-ah. Maybe you should terminate the lease for your dorm room and just move in with me, since you sleep over so much. You could really save some money…” Onew said jokingly when Kibum walked through the door in his oversized tee and sweats, ready to turn in for the night.

“I do not sleep over that much, Onew!” Kibum replied indignantly, even though he knew that it was an outright lie.

“Only about every other night, or a few nights in a row sometimes…” Onew pushed his chair in and climbed into bed as Kibum locked the door and flicked off the lights.

“Shut up… You like it.” Kibum said, glad that the darkness hid the blush that had spread across his cheeks, and got into the bed next to Onew, pulling the covers over them both.

Onew opened his arms and Kibum shifted in automatically, settling comfortably as the older boy hugged him close and chuckled, saying “I do.”

They lay like this in silence for awhile before Kibum poked his boyfriend’s chest.

“Are you asleep yet?”

“No. Why?” Onew answered quietly, sounding a bit sleepy.

“I’m just thinking…” Kibum said and rolled away from Onew’s chest, instead lying on his back and on Onew’s arm that was placed under his neck.

The older boy didn’t speak but just turned to look at Kibum, waiting for him to continue.  

“Onew-yah… Why did your parents ask me along on the trip when it was supposed to be a family thing?” Kibum asked as he looked back into Onew’s soft eyes.

“They just want to get to know you better, I guess.”

“Why?”

“Because their only son loves you, silly.” Onew pinched the tip of Kibum’s nose lightly, making him scrunch it up on reflex.

Kibum shook his head, faking incredulity because Onew was being cheesy again, but the smile that was tugging on the corners of his lips said otherwise. He was really happy that Onew’s parents did not object to their relationship and even wanted to include him on their holiday.

“You shouldn’t be so cheesy when Taemin is around, you know.” Kibum turned his eyes to the ceiling and smiled contentedly.

“Why? He adores you.” Onew said as he turned to hug Kibum’s frame, and Kibum could feel Onew’s smile against his collarbone.

“Well, I like him too. He’s such a sweet and easygoing boy, and he listens to you so well.” Kibum ran his fingers through Onew’s hair and leaned in closer to him.

“That’s because we practically grew up together. He’s like a brother to me instead of my cousin.” Onew plays with Kibum’s free hand and twines their fingers together.

“Why? Is he the only child in his family too?” Kibum asked, suddenly curious about Onew’s bubbly cousin.

“Ani, he has an older brother. But Taesun-ah… he is a bright and ambitious boy with a mind of his own, and he asked to be sent overseas to study instead. Both my aunt and uncle have to work and Taeminnie is left under the care of my umma. So, we’ve been really close since young. This is kind of why he’s coming with us on the trip as well. In fact, he’s kind of included in everything my family does together.” Onew explained.

“I’m glad he has you then.” Kibum glanced down to see Onew’s eyes closed, and he smiled at what Kibum said. Suddenly, the older boy opened his eyes and looked up at Kibum.

“I saw your sketch at the symposium! I didn’t know you drew me. No wonder you were being all cryptic about it before…” He said, the adorable smile on his face made Kibum’s heart melt.

“It was just a casual sketch.”

But it wasn’t. He was only finally satisfied with his sketch after eight tries which took him longer than a week to complete.

“Why was it untitled though?” Onew asked, still gazing at Kibum.

“Uh…” Kibum looked away, feeling his cheeks heating up once again. “I didn’t know what to call it without it sounding overly sappy…” He admitted and bit his lip shyly.

Onew laughed softly and reached up to peck him near his jaw line.

“You’re so adorable, baby.” He said before yawning into Kibum’s shoulder.

Kibum chuckled and his hair, wondering who exactly the adorable one was.

“Are we just going to stay up and talk all night?” He asked Onew.

“Hmm… If you want to, I could…” Onew replied, but he was obviously tired. He snuggled against Kibum and mumbled, “But you’re so warm, it makes me sleepy… Hmm...”

The older boy’s eyes fluttered close, his breathing beginning to steady, and tonight it was Kibum’s turn to hold him close in his embrace. He would like to think of it as his turn to protect Onew and to give him the security he feels so often from the older boy, and it made him happy.

“Then let’s sleep.” Kibum said, his voice barely above a whisper. He wrapped his other arm around Onew’s shoulders and kissed his closed lids.

Sometimes when Kibum thought about Hyoyeon, his heart still sinks in dismay and he still feels hot and cold all over. Sometimes he wonders how he’s ever going to live it down, seeing her eyes that no longer sparkled, her smiles less sincere and warm, her steps seemingly purposeless whenever he happened to see her around campus.

He hated that he was the reason for her low spirits, and he really did not dare to reach out to her, knowing that he had lost the right to give her any form of comfort. He hated it that she had lost that beautiful glow on her face.

Hyoyeon doesn’t turn up for practices like she used to anymore, and Kibum knows that she only did it to avoid seeing him. There was once he had went back to the dance studio after practice to get his bottle that he had accidentally left behind, and he saw her all alone in the dimly lit studio. He watched her from the glass door for awhile, her flawless movements, every stretch of her arms and leap in the air. But her face was expressionless, her eyes hollow, it was as if she had switched to auto-pilot and wasn’t really processing what she was doing.

Suddenly, Hyoyeon yelped, seeming like she had landed badly from a leap and injured her foot. Kibum almost pulled the glass door open and dashed in, but stopped in time when he saw her shoulders shaking from her sobs. She just sat there in the middle of the floor, clutching her right foot and sobbing into her knees. Not wanting to interrupt what little time she had to herself, Kibum silently walked away, his heart clenching painfully at her disheveled state.

When Onew had told him about how he and Hyoyeon had become close friends, he felt even worst. She was so brave to have pulled through everything, and of course she would be devastated now. After all, Onew was her pillar of strength through the toughest times and it was like Kibum had taken everything away from her.

Kibum never wanted to raise this issue with Onew again. He never wanted to hurt Onew anymore, and he certainly cannot bring himself to let go of this relationship they shared that he was already too deep into. He could only pray for Hyoyeon’s pain to be lessened with time and for her to move on quickly.

There were honestly so many uncertainties that they faced ahead of them that sometimes Kibum got a bit scared thinking about it. Be it the differences that might set in once Onew graduates, his father’s objection to their relationship, Hyoyeon’s feelings or even just life in general that tears people apart. Time passes and the sparks may fade, they may realize they are not perfect for each other, they may begin to prioritise other things instead.

None of them had the answers to anything, but because of this, Kibum reminded himself to cherish the ‘now’ when everything was the way he wanted it to be forever.

Kibum watches the precious boy who was peacefully asleep in his arms for awhile, feeling his consciousness slowly slipping away as sleep began to close in. He smiled again and began to whisper words that he knew Onew would not hear.

“I love you, baby. I really do love you so much, and I’m so thankful that I have you with me, everyday. You make me feel so safe and full of your love that I never want things to be any other way. I know that I don’t say it very much, but I hope you know that you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for fighting for me, fighting for us. I will learn to be a better boyfriend for you, I promise. Goodnight, my angel…”

***

Jinki smiled at the sight of the pair walking in front of him. Taemin had linked arms with Key and was continually teasing his boyfriend, trying to get something out of him which Jinki had refused to tell him about.

“Key-hyung~ Tell me~” Taemin whined and tugged at their linked arms.

The blush that was already on Key’s face intensified at Taemin’s words and Jinki couldn’t help but chuckle quietly. He remembered how Taemin had done the same thing to him the other time, and for the same reason.

“Hyung, what’s Kibum-hyung’s full name?” Taemin asked, when Jinki was bringing him home after dinner and Key had went to the nearby convenience store to get something.

“Kim Kibum.” Jinki answered matter-of-factly, pondering why Taemin would ask such an odd question. Surely he should know this already?

“So he doesn’t have an English name or something?”

“No, just Kim Kibum. Why are you asking anyway, Taemin-ah?” Jinki ruffled Taemin’s hair and let his arm rest across Taemin’s shoulders.

“Why do you call him ‘Key’?” Taemin’s words caught Jinki by surprise, even though he really should have anticipated it, given where their conversation was going.

“Uh…” Jinki began, mind working fast to decide if he should tell Taemin the truth or not. But if he did, he might end up having to explain a lot more things, like why he’d never mentioned the discontentment he had felt with his life, and that would be make it rather troublesome.

“It’s just something like a nickname.” Jinki said, finally settling to tell Taemin just the simplest answer. It wasn’t exactly a lie too…

“But why ‘Key’?” Taemin probed on and Jinki cringed inwardly, not understanding why Taemin was so persistent to know.

“There must be a reason, right? Tell me, Jinki-hyung~ Please?” Taemin pouted and whined and pulled the arm that Jinki had on his shoulder closer to him.

“Hmm… This is our secret, Taemin-ah. But you can try to convince Key to tell you next time~” Jinki said with a smile while Taemin eyed him with a certain suspicion, as if wondering if Jinki was being serious or not.

“Okay! I’ll make sure Key-hyung tells me!” Taemin’s face brightened and Jinki could see that his cousin really liked Key.

“Yah, Taemin-ah! Only I can call him that!” Jinki said and Taemin stuck his tongue out playfully at him.

“Key-hyung, Key-hyung, Key-hyung~” Taemin freed himself of Jinki’s arm and skipped ahead, chanting Key’s name like some kind of a mantra, making Jinki run after him until they reached Taemin’s place.

“Jinki-hyung, thank you for bringing me back! And just for the record, you and Kibum-hyung are so cute together it makes me jealous.”

 Jinki brought his young cousin in for a hug and he pinched Taemin’s cheeks softly when he pulled away. He knew what Taemin meant. Since they were young, Taemin had always relied heavily on Jinki, and now he has to share his older cousin with someone else, it’s no wonder he would feel slightly left out.

“Taeminnie, you’ll never lose me.”

Jinki felt a little guilty upon recalling his conversation with Taemin. He had been neglecting him for awhile because of his busy schedules, and of course, Key. But he was sure things would get better now that they all get along so well together.

“Aish, hyung! Kibum-hyung doesn’t want to tell me either!” Taemin said, sounding upset when Jinki quickened his pace to catch up with them. Key covered his face and Jinki laughed.

“Next time then, Taeminnie, Key is shy… Now what do my babies want for breakfast? It’s my treat!” Jinki subtly changed the topic.

“Meat! Lots of meat!” Taemin immediately forgot whatever they were talking about and exclaimed, grabbing Jinki’s arm excitedly.

“I’m easy, you guys can decide.” Key smiled and said while Jinki leaned over to place a kiss on his temple. The blush that had previously subsided began to rise to his cheeks again and the younger boy hit Jinki’s other arm lightly.

“Alright then, let’s go have meat!” Jinki said jovially.

They were going to meet with his parents at the bus terminal later, and then they will all set off for their holiday together. Jinki was happy, because he was getting to spend time with all the people that mattered most to him and he was certain it would be an enjoyable time that would allow everyone to grow closer.

He was already looking forward to it. 

A.N.: Hmm, there's not much to this chapter I guess? Just a lot of Hyoyeon-angst and a tiny bit of Onkey. I'm not that satisfied but then again I haven't been very satisfied with what I've written for awhile. I think this chapter just explains things but there really isn't much. 

Do comment to let me know what you think, and to all the lovely people who've left something nice for me/subscribed, thank you so much :) 

Comment/subscribe/show me some love because more drama is heading your way. 

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