IT'S NOT AN UPDATE I'M SORRY BUT I JUST HAVE TO LET THIS ONE OUT.

I know you guys already read the shocking news. 

I’m not talking about BIGBANG Taeyang and Hyorin’s engangement but WOW! Congratulations to them! I mean it’s honestly shocking but I just know that they’re the perfect couple and just soooo cute I hope they will be happy forever. 

Another note on that, we have sad news. 

I don’t really know the truth (even though the police already confirmed) but I just need that tiny miracle that SM probably will update us with good news? I don’t know, I’m still in denial. I just woke up and there’s this disturbing feelings that won’t go away. I check my phone and there you go…..

I don’t know about depression, mental ilness or anything like that, on how deep they can affect some people. For some people, it’s different. I know for a fact that I’ve been there before. Yes, believe it or not I’ve been in my darkest moments where I felt useless and there’s no one that can help me to recover. My friends told me that they didn’t notice it. 

Of course they didn’t.  

Because they told me that I look just fine. 

When I look back, it’s true. Jonghyun just finished his tour and he’s smiling? He look happy? Some says that he’s okay? 

Behind that? Oh.. I don’t even know that he’s suffering (well of course, you’re not that close with him lol)

He’s making people happy but yet he’s not happy? 

But aside all of that, I’m still sad and really really really really heartbroken. It’s still a disturbing news for me, like I still can’t accept it. I wish there’s a tiny miracle that can save him, let him know that there’s thousands people who’s going to be there for him. 

HE’S MY EFFIN’ BIAS IN SHINEE F-CK-NG GOSH I MEAN….. :(((((( I’M SAD. 

He’s one of the people that can make me smile again after watching his funny moments vids. I don’t know…. I lost words to type but I just have to let this feelings out. I’m not saying this for pity or things but I’m sharing the fact that mental ilness, depression and things like that are no joke. Yes, we might be smiling, laughing and looking okay but you don’t know behind the close door. 

Help them. Make them fight the bad voices inside their heads. Make them believe that there are people who love them and will stand beside them. It’s not something that’s easy but I hope you’re not giving up. 

Fyuuuuh…. I let it all out. 

On top of all that, I hope we keep in our minds that it’s not a joke. Someone with mental health is not a joke. I hope that the family, Minho, Onew, Key and Taemin, fellow friends and SHAWOLs stay strong.

My baby💕 he's smiling there (pic credit : source)