End of the Run.

“Mama! Mama!” The little boy shouted. His small hands clutched the tall woman's skirts. “Don't go. Please, don't leave!” Big fat tears rolled down his cheeks as he looked up at his mother. She shook her head and gently pried his hands off her. “I'm sorry, my little one. I have to.”

Her eyes focussed on something behind the crying boy. “Jaejoong,” she called softly and another boy, older than the other, shuffled forward. His eyes, too, brimmed with tears but unlike his brother he didn't cry. “Take care of Changmin for me, okay? Be a great big brother he can be proud of.”

The older boy nodded and pulled the smaller towards him. Their mother kneeled down in front of the sniffling child.”Changmin-ah,” she said affectionately and thumbed away another tear rolling down his chubby cheek. “I'm sorry I can't continue to be with you. I wished I could but believe me, it's better this way. When you're older your father will explain everything to you.” She kissed his forehead.”Be good. Don't make it hard for your brother and father, okay?”

“You w-wouldn't know anyway if I weren't,” the little boy mumbled and hiccuped. The woman smiled at her little brat. “I'll still watch over you, Changmin-ah. Promise me to be good.” He looked reluctanty at her. In the end he gave in and linked his chubby pinky with the slim one of his mother. “Promise,” he whispered and started to sob again when she gave him and her other son a last hug.

“I'll always love you,” she said in a suffocated voice. “Don't forget that ever. I love you and I'm very proud to have you as my sons.”

She stood up and tended to leave. This time the little boy didn't clung to her and begged her to stay. He had his face hidden in his brother's chest who hold him tight as he watched their mother leave with fast steps. As if she feared to change her own decision would she take longer.

Changmin woke and stared blankly at the ceiling. His thoughts raced in a mad dash and red filled his vision. His ears picked up the sound of heavy breathing. It took him a while to realise it was his own. Ah, that's why there was some noise, he thought absent-mindedly. He turned his head to the left and stared at his room mate's empty bed. Never before was he glad the other went home over the extended weekend. Never mind the fact that he hated to be alone. It did funny things to his head. Like this dream he wished he didn't had.

“If that could be just a dream,” he whispered and placed his right hand over his eyes. If only. Dreams could change, memories not. They were static, faded, yet their context maintained. They could be the worst torture for humans. And what was worse, the memories infiltrated his sleep more frequently. It was to a point Changmin would wake disorientated and confused, wondering what was real and what not.

Don't confuse the past with the present and future.

Jaejoong's words returned to his mind. He wasn't sure what his brother meant with that. The only thing he knew was that one night stand they shared would be just that: a one night. Changmin wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed about that. And he couldn't quite comprehend why he'd done what he did. He had been frustrated the whole day; classes, practice (Yunho's complaints have been worse than normally) and Kyuhyun's outburst added to his stress and somehow it exploded. And when he'd seen his brother half something inside him had snapped. Yunho would be disappointed in his lack of control... Damn, he couldn't hear of the stunt he pulled. He would be ripped apart.

And neither could Kyuhyun.

Gosh, why did he care so much about that annoying boy? He always complained, insulted him and shoved him away. So why did he return to him nevertheless like a puppy? That damn brat was the puppy, not him! He became crazy, yes. Shim Changmin finally turned insane. That was the only simple conclusion.Therefore an answer was needed.

And he found himself in a bar. Maybe alcohol could help, he mused and ordered something strong. The barkeeper raised an eyebrow but didn't say a thing. He knew the boy, had seen him often enough. And was more than once prone on throwing him out. But the boy's brother pleaded with him not to. What could he say when his friend looked at him with puppy eyes?

“Don't overdo it,” he muttered after he placed the order in front of the tall male. Either he didn't hear the barkeeper or he pretended not to. The barkeeper shrugged. Wasn't his business.

So he let Changmin let drown drink after drink, not that it helped. His hopes the alcohol and thrumming music could erase the itchiness he felt since he woke up were shattered with every glass he emptied. It seemed he had to go his usual way to solve this problem as soon as possible. He needed to solve it. His gaze drifted over the crowd. He ignored some girls giving him signs. They looked way too ty with their mini dresses, deep décolleté and overload accessories, he needed someone with class. Someone with the push-pull-factor. Someone else than his puppy. And then he found his prey.

  Changmin focussed on a figure he knew in an instant would work pretty well with his plan. Fate seemed to be on his side for once cause the other male was intoxicated to a level it shouldn't be hard to make him do what Changmin wanted – not that it would be hard anyway. He was hard to resist.

 Slowly, to make it seem he had no impure intentions (what a lie) as well as not to draw any attention – he was Choikang Changmin after all - he headed towards his prey. Said guy was lost in the music and Changmin had to admit the hips movement did strengthen his resolve. The skilled charmer he was he placed his hands on the drunken man's waist and moved their bodies together. He felt the other stiffen for a moment before he pressed closer. Changmin smirked and hid it in his partner's hair. It smelled good. After a while of grinding and swaying to the music Changmin dared to let his hands wander downwards and found glee in the little bulge he found. Someone was eager. He continued to the guy. When no resistance came and he heard a change in the other's breathing pattern he deemed it safe to make a suggestion: “How about we continue this elsewhere?”

 Instead of an answer he was been dragged from the dance floor to the bar at the far end where a young woman wiped wet glasses dry. Without a glance she threw a key in their direction and they went up the creaking stairs to the private rooms. As soon as the door was closed clothes flew through the air and Changmin relished in the feeling of warm skin and ecstasy running through his veins. Maybe he could run a little longer tonight.

֎֍֎

I was brooding, brooding like I never did before. It was to point even Heechul avoided me for the sake of non-scarring conversations he knew I would regret later. Cue on later. Right now I yearned to pick a fight, to let go of my pent-up frustrations no other than Shim Changmin was the source of.

He ruined everything.

Again.

Why did he have to follow me in the woods? All I wanted was a bit free time with Junho. It had been a while since we've last seen each other. And the aspect to be engulfed by cool water that had a relaxing effect on my mind had had sent me in a good mood, till Changmin appeared. It was a repetition of when he first kissed me minus the rain. And this time the jerk's lips hadn't been cold, just desperate. A desperation I wasn't aware slumbered in me as well. That didn't stop me from pushing him away, shouting profanities at him and when he approached again to yank painfully at his hair. After that I had ran, the appointment with Junho totally forgotten. I got an angry message saying so clipped on my locker and with a reminder to come next time for he wouldn't be there for a while.

That wasn't what had thrown me off, neither Changmin's attack (wasn't the first one anyway.). One could say I grew accustomed to them which wasn't a good sign but that's our current interactions. The thing that let me brood and made Ryeowook flee our room whenever he sensed me near was the fact I enjoyed the kiss. Or whatever you can call it. It haunted me, day in, day out. It was to a point I was scared to fall asleep in case the scene appeared in my mind. Sadly I wasn't superhuman and my body shut down at some point (three days on coffee, Heechul and naps so light thoughts weren't able to manifest in dreams). Ryeowook dragged me to my room when Freaky Horse called him due to me staggering from the stage. I told him the reason was me taking a double major (vocal and theatrical performance). If he believed me or not I didn't care. All I wanted was to escape exhaustion I called on myself and the fear to meet the truth in my sleep. They did say dreams could rely a message. Analysing the reason for the everlasting replay of the purely one-sided kiss (it helped my conscious) wasn't on my favourite agenda. The results were something I wasn't keen on finding out. Who knows what twisted conclusion my sleep deprived brain could come up with?

 On top of that did Satsuki-without-the-chan act up again. It wasn't that she didn't care about the fact that I belonged to the group their beloved Yunho led, no, she was very mindful of that. Reason why her attacks were more hidden, not so obvious and hard to track down: girls pushing me when I walked down the halls, legs stuck out so I fell over them when I went to get food, eyes so many I couldn't count them following me wherever I went, be it the library, the dorms, classes. I didn't know who they were but I as aware of their constant presence and it sent chills down my spine. And while I hated to ask for help Heechul forced me to tell Yunho arguing it's safety precaution and if I didn't do it he would set the whole academy on fire if he found out I was being attacked again. The idea was entertaining – the fire part, not the other one – but the cost was too high and while my best friend still refused to tell me how he got the money to come here I was certain he didn't own that much money to pay the repairs. I didn't wish for him to get debts for my sake. So I went with his plea and told Yunho who wasn't very happy with the situation and promised he would talk with his fan club. It was hilarious to see him try not to grimace at the words and failing miserably. Those short moments of happiness didn't last long.

One night I had the most horrible reaction I could get when my thoughts drifted to Changmin and saw no other way out than consult Ryeowook the next morning. I'd be damned if I let Heechul know, he wouldn't let me live it down my entire life.

“Bangs?”

“Hm?”

“Am I sick for having had a wet dream about the jerk?” I didn't saw Ryeowook whip around for my eyes were set on the ceiling and refused to look anywhere else. There were some dark dots spluttering the else white surface. I only heard the squeak of a chair being turned. Somehow I needed to fill the heavy silence. “It wasn't like I waited for it to happen, it just did.”

Ryeowook stayed silent and I closed my eyes, the ceiling reminding me too much of my own condition, reminding me too much of Changmin on me. For a moment I wondered if it was a mistake to indulge in my room mate. Maybe I should've gone to Heechul. Then again Heechul was too close to me, too intertwined for me to be not affected if his reaction was to leave me on the spot. It wasn't like I expected him to. We went through so much it was a fact that none of us would abandon the other. It was fear, ridiculous unreasonable fear, all based on emotional distress and the implications what it meant. I needed someone more distanced, who kept my heart safe.

“Do you like him?”

I snapped my head around and winced when something plopped in my cervical spine. Hopefully I didn't need to go to the doctor, wasn't much of a fan.

“Kyuhyun? Did you hear me?”

I nodded, mind fixed on the word “like”. It was a big word, especially when applied to people like Changmin. Like... for me to like someone I needed to know them, didn't I? I wasn't sure about many things regarding Changmin but one thing I knew clearly: I didn't know him. Not a tiny bit. I had no clue why he acted the way he did, why he was a motherer, why he was set on hurting me, why he was so soft around Yunho. So many whys I had no answer to.

“No...,” I answered quietly and didn't like the wavering in my tone. “I don't.”

Ryeowook hummed. “It could be attraction then. It's not unusual to get aroused by people we find attractive. Actually, that's quite normal.”

“Do you have wet dreams about Freaky Horse then?” I couldn't help but blurt out and wanted to slap myself. Here Ryeowook was, giving me time and sympathy and I pay it back by being a little .

My room mate only rolled his eyes, a wry smile on his lips. “No, I didn't. Nor did I have one before. But this is about you, not me. So don't try to distract me.” He looked at me sternly and I found myself nodding. When did I become so obedient? “Don't rack your brain so much about it", he continued. "You aren't sick nor does it have to mean anything. Some people have wet dreams about ten different people yet they don't have feelings for them all. The only advice I can give you is to be careful. Don't read too much in your reactions or his, don't try to find logic, everything that involves feelings are never rational and don't follow logic. So do what you think feels right, regardless of the things others say. You have to experience to be able to grow, understand?”

I muttered a relieved “yes”, thankful for Ryeowook's existence. His little speech did calm my nerves and the thoughts whirling around my mind wildly.

“Thank you, Bangs.”

Ryeowook smiled at me reassuringly. “You can always come to me, you annoying brat.”

I stuck my tongue out and threw a pillow at him. It wasn't much of a surprise that we ended in a pillow fight I let him win (I totally owned the game, just saying).

____

I'm sorry for the long wait. The next chapters will all be a little shorter, hopefully it won't seem rushed. There are so many things gonna happen, I'm itchy to reveal them. The next chapter will be heavy~