Best Thing I Never Had.

I was taken aback by all the bustle. Okay, Freaky Horse mentioned a photo shoot but I didn't expect this. My imagination projected a photographer and few staff around with a white wall were we'd be shoot while doing awkward gestures. And why did I see people from other departments here? There were faces I remembered hollowly as class mates in the damn curse my uncle had taken over. Oh, I haven't mentioned his newest stand, did I? I swear that guy was deranged at all levels. He declared we should never cut figs in half, especially in front of religious people. I don't know about you but how the hell was one supposed to eat them? It didn't fit completely in the mouth and even if it did, I doubted it was an appetising sight. The reason for this ridiculousness was apparently the insides looked like if one was cut open. Wow, just wow. I've never felt so embarrassed in my life. And decided to eat figs especially in front of religious people just to spite them and make them go through the uncomfortable squirming I had to go through.

“Amazing, ain't it?” Ryeowook asked, appearing at my right and successfully brought me back to reality. I nodded silently. What else to say if Bangs already described it? Waste of energy.

“Isn't this going a bit out of hand?” I wondered, eyes travelling over the dozens of people that carried cameras, supplies, clothes, cases I wasn't sure contained what and numerous other things I couldn't decipher cause heck, this was the first time I was around when a professional photo shoot was hold. You can't expect me to name every object around. I winced when a loud voice called for the next person to be shoot, adding the department and section to make it easier. Though I questioned the efficiency taken the noises in account. Orders and requests were drowned in the whole bustle. It really surprised me people knew who wanted what.

“You look like a frightened kitty,” an amused voice commented to my left and I nearly jumped out my skin by the stranger's appearance. Well, not so much of a stranger when I caught sight of Jaejoong grinning at me. I did take half a step back though. “What happened to you?” I choked, totally taken aback by his look. Jaejoong frowned and uncharacteristically shy tugged at the hem of his black tank top. “Not good?” he asked quietly and could've passed as a kicked puppy if not for the whole dark concept the coordinators seemed to have thought of. Eyeliner enhanced his already mesmerising eyes, giving them an even more mysterious pool of nothing and everything. His hair had been almost carelessly tousled yet managed purpose. His body had been aside the tight tank top hugging his upper body clad in black jeans which looked like they had been drawn on him. The stark contrast between the clothes and his pale complexion made it more intriguing. Completed was the outfit with a pair of black boots with silver highlights. If I had been anyone else I probably had already crouched on the ground, crushed by the dazzling seduction and exclaimed not so fitting words. “Holy !” How lucky I was to have Ryeowook who did just that – minus the meet and greet with the ground. If he had done that you would've seen me walk away without a second glance. I wouldn't allow anyone to embarrass me.

A small smirk tugged at Jaejoong's lips. A motion I noticed cause some females in the room whose focus was on the raven haired to almost faint. Said man straightened up and left with a “good then” when his name was called. My eyes were glued to his retreat. At least I wasn't the only one. Literally everyone was drawn to the man walking to the front where the photographer gestured him to lean against the wall and do whatever the one in charge wished to see.

I felt another presence beside me, one I knew way too well. Without confirming I leaned against my best friend who nonchalantly slung a loose arm around my waist. “Damn, you sure he ain't a model?” Heechul questioned, eyes focussed on the figure making a few hearts doubt their beliefs. Well, no surprise there. If I hadn't been around the crazy raven haired long enough I would've felt uncomfortable in my skin, too. To be more specific my pants. Whoever chose the clothes either wanted to give our tired eyes a treat or wanted to punish us. I haven't figured out which. Maybe it applied to both cases.

“Haven't you denied his looks?” I asked, surprised by Heechul's praise. My best friend rolled his eyes. “Kim Kyu, learn to listen closely.” Why did that sound so familiar? “I said I don't find him handsome. Cause – even if it leaves a bitter taste – I can't deny Kim's beauty.” Here he added a scowl. My, my, he acted like his life was being threatened. I'd never understand his obsession with looks. In the end what does it gain if your head and heart is empty? It only brings superficial joy. Not that I don't like to look at pretty people. I participated in a freaking photo shoot right now. I'd be a hypocrite if I said I don't care for the outside. While it may not take the majority physical attraction plays a part, of course. Though in the end the character outweighs any body shapes. Shim Changmin, just saying. Handsome (don't tell that anyone) but ugly inside. Couldn't be attracted to him. Never.

“Or so he says,” someone commented. I flinched just to find Heechul staring at me, this annoyingly overconfident expression showing on his face I liked to punch away. Seriously, best friend or not, he has this skill to get on your nerves quite easily if he intends so.

“What's that supposed to mean?” I asked, not hiding my displeasure.

Heechul rolled his eyes. Something, I noticed he did more often in my presence. Was he making fun of me? “Oh, Kyuhyun, please. As if it isn't noticeable how you revel in his attention.”

“Pardon?”

“Don't play stupid. It's obvious why you don't make a fuss even though he comes to every rehearsal you have. He doesn't even acknowledge anyone else. It's quite funny.”

I gaped at him. Was he out of his mind? Had he had too much alcohol? It was the only explanation for this delusional words coming from my best friend's mouth. Ah, I hadn't told you yet, did I? The jerk apparently decided (I couldn't read his mind but I concluded it had to be that way) me having fun was a big no so he made his appearance at our rehearsals, never saying anything, just sitting there and doing nothing. Nothing except driving me crazy cause his presence alone made my blood boil and activated a more violent part in me. I did wonder why nobody said anything. Even my uncle was kicked out at some point – with the help of maybe me mentioning I felt a little uncomfortable. The answer for everybody's tolerance was given when Freaky Horse had walked upon the misery of my life and greeted him in the obvious 'we know each other for a while now'.

“You look stupid with your mouth hanging open,” Heechul commented. “Are you competing to become a fish?”

Ignoring his current remark I turned the centre of our conversation back to his earlier words. “I don't know what poisoned your mind but the day I feel the slightest tug at my heart I'm gonna burn myself. The only reason I don't make a fuss,” with a sneer I demonstrated what I thought of that word choice, “is cause I don't give a flying what that jerk is doing. He can be dying right before my eyes and I wouldn't blink an eye.”

Heechul didn't look convinced. But I was in no mood to explain myself further. Should he believe what he wanted. I knew my truth. And no one was gonna take that from me.

“Speak of the devil,” my best friend murmured. I followed his gaze to find my nemesis stepping in the hall accompanied by four other people. One I identified as Jung Yunho, so I assumed the rest were the other members. Great, why were they here? The answer was obvious, indeed. Apparently Freaky Horse had forgotten to mention the photo shoot included all the arts department sections. And the dance crew were going for a dark and wild concept, Ryeowook informed me in-between. Nevermind the fact I hadn't asked. Why was I so unlucky again? To my own chagrin I noticed my gaze following Changmin through the room till he vanished behind the curtains where Heechul and I had been minutes ago to get our costumes. Well, more like me stuffed in unfamiliar fashion and Heechul cackling at my awkwardness. I only found out today my best friend would be a MC at the festival. When he smugly informed me about it I gaped at him, my eyes big as saucers. Seriously, he wasn't longer here than some weeks and he already got a highly sought after position. No one won against Kim Heechul. My eyes wandered around again to find Yunho still standing at the entrance contrary to the rest of s who had followed the jerk, stiff and tense. His eyes were set on no other than Jaejoong who looked equally surprised and horrified. It reminded me strongly of the situation at the tennis court. The bustle came to a sudden halt when the staff around realised who exactly shared the same space. The atmosphere tightened even more, the air concentrating around those two who seemed to see no one else except each other. I saw Yunho's hands twitch as if he had to control the urge of reaching for the raven haired male a few metres away. His Adam's apple moved nervously. The tension around him was so thick I swear I could've had grabbed it if I wanted to. Jaejoong was no better, hands formed into fists and shoulders hunched up in an attempt to hide from Unity's leader. I saw him his lower lip, a habit I'd grown accustomed to whenever he was nervous or his mind far away, and heard a strangled noise from the other side where Yunho stood. He looked close to fainting. The spell was broken though when the first member of AA's best dance group stepped from behind the curtain and drew everyone's attention towards him, even mine. Suddenly it was hard to breathe with the sight in front of me. The jerk got presence, no lie. I imagined that in a hall of hundred people he would be found easily. He just had something that drew your gaze towards him, no, demanded it. Like a spell you had no control over.

Changmin displayed the aggressive coldness really well. The more I stared the more I felt it spread over my skin, coat me in its essence. My heart thundered wildly in my chest and I felt the blood roar in my ears. All of it warning signs to get away, to lower my gaze. But I couldn't. My eyes were drawn on the man wearing a dark open-necked shirt which revealed tanned skin over sharp collar bones and teased with what more was hidden under the thin fabric. He leaned against a mirror wall which had been brought during the intense clash between Jaejoong and Yunho and set up closer to the entrance. Apparently every group had its own equipment. I still wondered why there was being put so much effort in the pictures but the thoughts exploded into little pieces when Changmin moved his right arm that adorned a dark pearl bracelet to its face and damn, those veins. I blame them for being intrigued. I always found arm veins fascinating. It had nothing to do with the person whose whole body screamed dark seduction shrouded in coldness. A shudder run down my spine when I became aware of the former levelled gaze that looked into nowhere changing into something close to hatred, eyes hard and dark. Were they simmering? It took me some time to pinpoint where his gaze was focussed on, when I found Jaejoong a few metres away, face unreadable as he looked back. It seemed his turn had finished and he was about to leave.

Oh, .

I'd forgotten the jerk hated the raven haired who greeted the younger male's hostility with nonchalance, albeit forced. Goose bumps attacked my body once again when a smirk you could only describe as sardonic played around Changmin's lips. A smirk so faint I doubt anyone fleetingly watching would see but with an intent so wicked it shook on a good person's core, clawed at the defences. I was sure I'd have bolted if he had gazed at me. The pressure was too much, the cruelty too strong. The devil had descended right that moment. Was I even going to survive the day?

֎֍֎

The floors had all been cleared, every participant stuck to their place, attendees to the festival ushered to the assembly points. With that mindset I believed I was lucky today and wouldn't meet the damn jerk as I did at the photo shoot. It had been a complete nightmare. When it had been my turn I was tortured under his burning stare, unashamed with its promise and merciless in its hunt. Sweat had pearled on my forehead and under my clothes. Small trails had run down my spine and caused non-pleasing sensations, coupled with the jerk's attention I was subjected to it felt like the classroom day all over. Gosh, I seriously thought I'd escaped that cage of fear but the bastard's very presence proved me wrong again. So at the current my desire was not to run in the devil. He was part of the top dance group after all and therefore needed to perform. The chance we'd meet was close to zero and if I put I a little effort it'd become negative. Apparently life chose the moment I was alone backstage and found my inner calm to my probability calculus over. I definitely needed to have a talk about that.

“Do you know you make me want to remove those clothes to see what's under it?” I heard the most aggravating voice that ever made its entrance in my life close to my right ear. I didn't bother turning nor was I respectful by stopping on my way. The jerk would get nothing from me, except a cold shoulder. Believe me, I'm very skilled in that. You need to if you want to win against Kim Heechul. That guy doesn't bend. Only when I withdrew my attention towards him. That was the only method to demonstrate him the limits and no-go's. Sadly, the misery of my life had no sensor like my best friend and didn't get my signals. Or he just ignored them. When I thought about it the second option made more sense. Fit his personality very well.

“Ignoring people...” he clicked his tongue. “Can it be we become more similar?”

That made my head whip around faster than light. And I know it's impossible if we look at it from a realistic point of view but for the sake of dramatics let's ignore this little fact most people don't care about. “Excuse me, did you say something? I have a cista in my head. On the right side so it takes longer to be transcribed and decoded. Stupid nonsense an eternity. You're on the right side by the way. And you were talking in stupidity as well.”

“Should I change sides then and destupify my choice of words then?”

“...”

“I take your silence as an agreement,” the jerk continued and suddenly he was right in front of me. And with right in front of me I mean right in front of me. I swear, one more step and our noses would touch. My personal space was invaded. And as soon as my brain came to that conclusion my body froze. Not my fault. That was my reaction to action like that, some sort of defensive mechanism. It stuck to me since my childhood. Got me in some dangerous situations. Luckily Heechul was used to playing my bodyguard around that time (of course our sides reversed here and there). Let's just say we were each other's helping hand.

“Move,” I managed to press past my dry throat, coated in as much malice and authority as I could manage. Judging by the lazy smirk none. Or the usual one the jerk was used to.

“I'd like to hear those words in a more … intimate situation,” he replied. His voice had dropped lower and something dark swung underneath, wild and untamed which sent shivers down my spine and made alarm bells ring in my head. Dangerous, he was dangerous. He was all I should avoid to live a peaceful life. He was all I was not. And sadly, I was born with a tendency to never ending curiosity.

“Why?” The word was out before I could close my mouth shut. Why does your damn pride always get in the way?That's what I wanted to say but the words were stuck in my throat the same falling leaves wilted on the riverbank when the water had gone. I couldn't bear to ask them, didn't had the courage to. It meant I cared, it meant I was affected, it meant my wall built by resentment were endangered on crumbling. Instead I lunged another attack. I needed to protect myself. “How about you stop being a brat and act like the adult you try to make me believe you are?” I snapped at him. My temper began to show, would give an opening but I didn't care. I was fed up with his bull, fed up with emotions I didn't want to feel with him around. How often did he want to insult me only to be the complete opposite seconds later? I wasn't some stupid dog he could kick and would come back still because it got fed. Hell no. “Your attitude is as attractive as an old man trying to hit on me.”

“Excuse me?” Changmin looked totally shocked.

Gotcha, I thought and patted my own shoulder in satisfaction. In my mind of course cause “You heard me,” I replied in a flippant voice. Should he see my attitude. I definitely won't act scared and helpless any more. I've got a backbone here and will show it. “If you don't mind, I have a performance to rock. Aside you there are people who appreciate me and not my body.” With that I pushed past him and towards the group backstage. Ryeowook waved at me while Freaky Horse hadn't even noticed my attendance cause of a heated discussion with the head producer. I raised an eyebrow simultaneously with their voices. “What's wrong?” I whispered. My room mate sighed. “Seems there's a problem with the budget for the next musical. This performance cost more than initially planned. Mostly because of the drop out members and training of the substitutes,” he explained and shot a nervous look in Freaky Horse direction. “Siwon's mad. They put the blame on him even though it wasn't his fault to begin with.”

“But someone needs to be the scapegoat,” I concluded and felt surprisingly sympathy for the other. Beside his strange behaviour here and there Siwon was a nice guy. He exaggerated in action and speaking alike but when you were past that it was one of his charms. Doesn't mean I find him less freaky. “And right before the performance.” I clicked my tongue in disapproval. “Inconsiderate bastards.”

Ryeowook gave me a weird look. ”You're very passionate about this.”

I coughed. “Well, can't make a fool out of myself, can I? Just so you know, if something goes wrong I hold you responsible. Considering you dragged me into it.”

“Just admit you grew to like singing on stage.”

“I do not!” I denied heatedly. More I didn't get to say cause the staff called for the now familiar “get ready!”. I felt m heart rate sped up and my throat dry up. Please don't let me mess up anything, I pleaded. Especially after I gave that Shim jerk some taste of his own medicine. I didn't mess up and the play went smoothly with much of laughter whenever one of the actors did a body gag. Even I had a hard time to contain myself. Some scenes were just way too funny, especially the fruit shop owner with his watermelon. I half believed the watermelon was some kind of precious lover. Supreme acting. The higher ups seemed to share my opinion. “Fantastic performance!” the arts department's head director applauded after we gathered behind the stage, leaving shouts of additional acts behind us. “You all did well. Looking forward to your next stage.”

Out of my eyes I saw Siwon's expression darken. Beside me Ryeowook whispered, “If the grants will be approved.” He didn't say it loudly but it seemed everyone got a hang of the situation. The euphoria that had filled the air moments ago was drown out by uncertainty. I couldn't keep it like this. I wouldn't ever admit it to my room mate but I did grow fond of being on stage. I still felt vulnerable and a little scared but seeing the enjoyment on the audience's faces gave me an unexplainable energy.

“You know what”, I said, an idea forming in my head. “Leave it to me. Tell Siwon I've got a plan.”

Ryeowook furrowed his brows but he didn't ask. Smart boy. I wouldn't have said anything anyway. You wonder what plan I had up my sleeve? Not telling. It's a secret. Wouldn't be funny if I spilled everything.

֎֍֎

„Kyuhyun!“

The call of my name stopped me in my tracks. I turned and found a figure approaching me. At first I had a scary flashback of the jerk cornering me, being way too close and touching me without permission. And his voice. I shuddered every time my mind enjoyed to let me go through that hell again. That low voice so close to my ears I'd felt the other's hot breath on my cold skin. It had burned. Please not again, I thought. As if he heard me words Heechul laid a hand on my shoulder. “It's only that damn Kim,” he answered and managed to sound equally soft and pissed at the same time. A skilful act only he was able to pull. “It's okay. I'm here.” I nodded and sent him a weak smile. Heechul had had perfect timing. He'd stormed in and snatched me away before the jerk was even starting with things I definitely wasn't keen on experiencing with him. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a damsel in distress but have you ever felt this total helplessness whenever a specific person invades your personal bubble? It's like body and mind are separated and fight a battle against each other both can't win; cause how can they when they needed to work together? I'm fine as long as he isn't too close but a comfortable distance away. Then I can defend myself and show him the limit of his harassing.

“Kyuhyun! Are you listening?”

I blinked to find Jaejoong directly staring in my eyes. Considering I could detect the little rays around his pupil I concluded he was way too close in my face. Heechul seemed to came to the same conclusion as he pushed the raven haired with a little force (totally on purpose) too put some distance between us. “What do you want, Kim?” he snarled.

Jaejoong brushed the spot where Heechul touched him, a displeased expression decorating his face. I almost laughed at their attitude. Little children fighting over their favourite toy. Whichever that was. “I need to speak with Kyuhyun. If you were so kind as to leave. I believe your fake curled hair needs new volume.”

The artery on Heechul's neck pulsed dangerously. “At least that can be fixed. Your skin on the other hand,” he gave his opponent a full body scan with the iest expression he could master, “has lost all hope. Not even a tanning salon would help.”

Jaejoong gritted his teeth. “You really wanna get punched, do you?”

Heechul scoffed. “Bring it on, sweetie. As if you'd be able to swing a right one.”

Now I smelled trouble. Fighting on a verbal level? Fine. But physical action? That went out of hand. I needed to do damage control. Or the both of them would have a not so nice meeting with the headmaster. “Guys!” I yelled and successfully stopped them before they could punch the living daylights out of each other. “Ain't this going a bit far? No need to get violent. Heechul, just go ahead. I meet up with you in a few minutes, okay?”

My best friend didn't look convinced. His eyes wandered from me to his fist and to Jaejoong's unscarred face and back to his fist. “I scream if I need you,” I added quickly. That seemed to work. Heechul's tense stance relaxed. “Fine, if that DBST does anything to you tell me. I make sure his skin is not the only thing that'll look dead.”

I shuddered a bit at the deadly promise. Heechul's past had made a visit again. To my surprise Jaejoong didn't look fazed in a bit. If not he looked amused. “You're not the first to say those words. And the one who said them was way more intimidating than you. Well, even a frog has more potential to give an impression.”

I saw another hotspot for a quarrel so I pushed Heechul in the direction we were headed to. “Go,” I groaned, “or I swear I won't talk to you for a week.” My best friend knew better than not to take my threats with a light heart and marched away, albeit reluctantly. I chuckled at his behaviour. Overprotective as always.

“So? What do you want to talk about?” I asked after I made sure Heechul really left and didn't hide somewhere. I wouldn't apologise for the encounter. Both of them were guilty.

“Jiyong wants to meet,” Jaejoong said, brows furrowed. “Whatever it is I'm sure we won't like it.”

I nodded. Over the weeks after the agreement it was mostly me or Jaejoong who requested a visit. For Bigbang's leader to take the initiative wasn't a good sign. And my gut feeling proved itself well-founded the seconds we stepped inside Jiyong's booth and he greeted us in a rather unusual way.

“What do you mean our agreement is invalid?”Jaejoong asked, more than a little upset. While for the normal spectator he seemed to wear a poker face I knew him long enough to detect signs when his usual collected appearance began crumbling. First, his eyebrows started twitching - which they did. Second, his tone rose a little higher - confirmed. Third, if his anger level is close to maximum curse words found their way in his speech. The final was his voice turning icy cold. I only experienced it once and I didn't wish to feel that way ever again. I swear that moment I believed my body was covered in a thin layer of painful ice.

“It means what it said,” Jiyong replied calmly. “My group and I leave for Japan in a few days and won't return for a while. It's some partnership project that's set to go at least half a year. So while everyone know Kyuhyun is under my protection it doesn't matter the second one gets the whiff of the current situation.

”They don't need to find out.”

Both Jiyong and I gave Jaejoong a judging look. “You know as well as I do that the academy doesn't work like that. I'm sorry but I can't help anymore. I won't be able to do anything while I'm in Japan and that's a fact everyone will get sooner or later. Preferable later but it's unavoidable.” With an apologetic glance in my direction he added, “I'm sorry.”

I didn't know what so say beside “It's alright”. I mean, what did it change if I yelled at him? It wasn't Jiyoung's fault . How could've he known that his group was selected for a test phase between two academies. It must be an honour and I don't wanna spoil this chance for him by making him feel guilty.

“It's not alright!” Jaejoong burst out. He seemed more affected than me. “What the hell are we supposed to do now? There's no one higher than you, Jiyoung.”

Bigbang's leader shook his head. “We both know that's not true,” he denied and grabbed for his music sheets. There was something so nonchalant yet majestic in that hand movement I felt fascination building up. “In fact there's someone whose position is just a little bit higher than mine... thanks to the headmaster's benevolence.”

I felt Jaejoong stiffen. Suddenly his face turned stoic. “Don't,” he warned the second Golden Boy. Immediately I got the hunch of it. Jaejoong's introduction to this Academy came back in mind, his explanation how it worked here, who got the highest power, the Golden Boys. There was apparently only one person who could make Jaejoong agitated for whatever reason. No, I still haven't found out. But I'm determined to bring light into the darkness. And apparently only one person who could help out.

Jung Yunho.

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Here I am with another update - finally! Tbh, if not for me accidentally stumbling on some videos on YouTube about Shadowhunters I wouldn't have finished this chapter till now. Bless the FMVs, it got me going lmao. It's getting more tense from now on and the forebroding clash between the brothers will be soon there. Omg, I need to set out warnings in neon signs, set exclamation marks everywhere and have to rate for I don't know what all. Seriously, what am I doing? O.o Whatever, I'm done rambling about things that'll happen in the future. Enjoy enjoy~