[Jeonghan's POV]

The throbbing pain inside my chest was unbearable. Every breath I took were equal to hundred's of nails stabbing my lungs. Everything seemed to go on so well. This is the worst I've felt in years. It was never meant to happen. It's all because of me. These words chanted inside my mind, haunting me while i waited outside the surgical room. I tried to reason out the best I could for not being there for him. For abandoning him. But every single reason concludes to one result, It was my fault that he is inside being operated. I closed my eyes and everything I could see was his gleaming face. The perfect smile he always has could no longer be found again. And it is because of me. 

I felt anxious as the door started to creak. I stood up on my feet and waited for whoever it was to come out. I bit the inners of my cheeks enough for it bleed. Finally a middle aged man with a blue gown came out the room and walked towards me. Nervousness took over me as I waited for him to post the condition of my best friend.

"You must be this patient's friend" I replied with a slight nod. 

"My name is Yoon Jeonghan" 

"Well Jeonghan-ssi. I can't really delineate you about his condition now. We did the best we could. He has several fractures all over his body and broken ribs. He's suffered a concussion too. So it's quite hard to tell anything about him until he wakes up" The next few words felt like a sword slewing through my chest. "If he wakes up that is" I was paralysed as I heard those words. If he wakes up? He might not wake up? 

"C-Can I-" I motioned towards the door wanting to ask him if I could see him. But the words never completely reached my mouth.

"He will be shifted to the intensive care unit soon. Then you can visit him but only for a few minutes" I was asked to follow a nurse to reach the ward. The sound of each step I took echoed through the empty hallway. She finally gestured me to go inside a particular room and left the scene, leaving me reluctantly standing in front of the door. My hands were hovering over the knob but I couldn't find the courage to open it. Seeing him in that bed with all those injuries, just the thought of it made my legs weak. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

There he was. Kim Mingyu, My only best friend, My first crush in this town, My adherent, lying down weak. He looked petite despite his usual gaint self. I tried my best not to gasp at the sight of all the wires surrounding him. His handsome face was all bruised. He had a mask to supply oxygen. He was someone who'd supplied oxygen for me, for my living. He always took care of me. But I became the reason for him to be here. I went near him step by step and took my time to kneel down and face him. I bit my lower lip as I tried to control all the ed up emotions within me. Anger, pain, guilt, sorrow. Everything. He was never supposed to be in this bed. If it was someone, it should've been me. Not him but me. I should be the one. He took deep and slow breaths, his chest rising up and down but he was struggling to do that. I could see that. I brought my hands closer towards his face and I caressed his bruises as gentle as possible, trying not to hurt him even the slightest. I left my hands linger there for sometime as I looked at his eyes. He was nobody in my life. Few months ago we were strangers but now I could feel the pain he's feeling. Irony how we could've never crossed each other's path but here he was because of me.

Now I was pretty sure my lips were bruised and bleeding as a result of my constant chewing. I laid my head down on the bed as I held his hand. The constant rhythmic beeping of the monitor replaced the dead silence. All I could imagine was the way we would spend our time. His charming laugh and caring nature. His love for spaghetti. The bickerings we'd have on chosing who gets to clean the house. His cooking. Everything! A single tear escaped my eyes as I smiled to myself thinking about all the happy times we've spend together. What if he does not wake- No Yoon Jeonghan, you are not supposed to be thinking pessimistically now. You have caused enough damange. 

I kissed him on hi