To Be Yours
by abrdaughter



“TaeTae-ah” you said.

I watched you as you stood in front of the full body-mirror, admiring the pink gown that hugged your body perfectly. And I couldn’t help but to stare at your oh so y back, especially your … the only that will always be my favorite. I no longer have just any ; I have a Hwang’s .

You smiled back at me. That smile of yours that can always make me weak in the knees. That smile that makes my heart beat faster than ever… every single time.

Tsk, cheesiness, I thought.

I’m not good at words. I never have been. That’s why I never tell you just how much I love you, and never tell you how amazing you are to me. I’ve kept it inside since God knows when. And that’s another reason why I treasure my eyes so much, so I can see you, stare at you with... What do they call it again? Ah right, the look of love. But I don’t think that you’ve ever noticed it, because I’ve never been obvious about my feeling for you.

Yes. Yes, I’ve loved you since… The first time we met?

No! You were not my kind of girl. And it’s not that I was a gay before, but I know now that I’m only gay for you. You were so bubbly, talkative, and loud. Extremely loud. Ever since we became friends, I’m sometimes left to wonder if my ears are still functioning well.

I’ve loved you since… you insisted to be my partner on our school project that the teacher had given us?

No! You were so… dumb. Mianhae, Hwang, but I gotta admit that numbers and you will never ever be friends. Tsk, what am I talking about? Befriending numbers? Must be that strawberry milkshake you made me to drink. And I gulped it down in one go because I’ve never liked strawberry. I prefer chocolate and you know it, Hwang! But, what can I do? I’m helplessly in love with you, so I did what you told me to.

Where was I again? Oh, the first time I realized that you hold a special place in my heart.

Since we worked together on that project that the teacher… Now that I remember that teacher, I really hated that filthy old man! He undressed you with his eyes and always tried to touch you in a way that seemed like he really wanted to do something inappropriate with you. But thank God, nothing ever happened. I would’ve definitely skinned him alive if he had ever laid a finger on you. I’ll become very violent if people treat you wrong. Your tears are a sign that hell will break loose. Prepare for the wrath of Kim Taeyeon!

Damn! I got distracted easily.

Too many, no, too much time have we spent together. We went to school together, watched a bunch of sappy romance movies together (to my displeasure, many more than I wanted, but I always gave in nonetheless), countless dinners at your house or mine and at the end of those nights, sleepovers were a must. And I was happy because you were the last person I’d see before I drifted off to sleep and the first person that greeted me in the morning when I woke up. And then there was the camping thingy in your backyard. I must have killed hundreds and thousands of innocent bugs for you because I didn’t want you jumping on my back, shouting right beside my ear. You did that to me the first time we took a walk at the park. You were so loud, Hwang. And you still are.

So, when was it that I realized my love for you?

It was a week before our prom night, in our last year of high school. I really wanted to ask you to come with me, but I was afraid of what your reaction would be. After all, wouldn’t it be strange for a girl to ask another girl to prom? So, I buried the thought of it.

And then you came to my house, saying that something amazing had happened to you. You told me that there was this cute guy−bleh, I was and still am way cuter than he was−who asked you out. You were talking nonstop and your eyes sparkled like my favorite star. And that star was you.

How ironic was it that I, as your best friend, wasn’t happy for you? Hearing you chatter on, my heart ached and my stomach protested, making me feel sick. I wanted to throw up right then and there, but I didn’t because it would have been rude. Then you dragged me to the mall because you wanted your first impression to be good, therefore, you had decided to buy yourself a nice dress.

You know what, Hwang? Even if you had still been in your pink mushroom PJ’s, with messy hair, and a trace of saliva marking your chubby cheek (you drool, but you continue to deny it up to this day), you would still look beautiful to me.

Gorgeous. Goddess. Beautiful is you. At least, that’s what I had written in my personal dictionary. And that night, after searching within myself, I found that I had officially fallen hard for you. So irrevocably hard that I didn’t even know when the exact moment was that you had slipped into my heart.

Classic one-sided love story?

Uh-uh, we didn’t even reach half of the story.

After prom night, you and your so-called “cute” guy became an item. He asked you to be his girlfriend and of course you said yes. I mean, why would you reject him when he was the perfect guy that you had always dreamt of? Tall, charming, masculine, rich, smells good and whatnot. As much as I hated the fact that he beat me in everything, I had to be happy for you, right? Because that’s what a best friend does, right?

So, I forced a smile to show you that I was happy for you.

He took you to these expensive restaurants, to the cinema, gave you a bouquet of flowers and chocolate on Valentine’s Day, and you two did things that a couple