Chapter 21

It’s never too late to apologize, but sometimes it’s too late to forgive…

Mark felt like . He’s been questioning if he made the right decision. I can’t help my feelings. I love him. To stop myself from loving him isn’t possible. We’ve come too far and it’s hard to pull back. But I have to fight it. I must bite the bullet and let him go. I’ll just have to take care of myself. At least I was able to love him. This was usually the time Jr stopped by to drop off food for Mark and he was late. I’m hungry. Guess I’ll go out to pick up something to eat thought Mark.

Jackson sped the entire way across town. He managed to hit every red light there was. It was like the universe was playing a cruel joke on him. What do I say to him when I see him? Will he even talk to me? I’ll do whatever it takes. I can’t lose him. Not again. 

BamBam tailed closely behind Jackson. Luckily he’s too preoccupied to notice me. What am I even doing here? How far am I willing to go to get what I want? It’s too late to turn back now. I must take what’s mine. I can’t be the only one getting hurt. Someone has to pay.

Mark is walking back from the convenience store. He just bought a few snacks and a few cans of beer, even though he doesn’t drink. Might as well drink my sorrows away. Jackson stops his car just in time to catch Mark before he heads into the apartment complex. Jackson noticed that Mark looked weary with puffy red eyes, but was just as beautiful as ever. Not that he looked any better. Jackson got out the car and called out to Mark, “Dimsum.”

Am I hearing things? There’s only one person who calls me that. Is he here? He can’t be. How did he know where I was? The only person who knows I’m here is Jr. Don’t look back.

“Mark. I know you heard me." Just keep walking thought Mark. “Mark Yi-Euan Tuan…stop right there,” shouted Jackson. Jackson’s tone and the use of his full name caused Mark to stop. Mark finally turned around. Standing before him was a worn and exhausted Jackson, but nonetheless handsome.

“Excuse me. Did you call my name? Do I know you?” asked Mark, pretending not to know Jackson. Hearing those words, Jackson’s heart dropped. 

“Dimsum stop trying to hurt me. Quit messing around. I know everything. Jr told me everything. Your memories, your parent’s forcing you to leave me, and the fact that you still love me,” said Jackson.

Jr betrayed me. Why? He knows the truth. What do I do?

“Well Jr was wrong about one thing. I don’t love you. And what does it matter if I got my memories back?” sighed Mark. “It doesn’t change anything. Whatever we had was in the past, you have BamBam now.”

“BamBam means nothing to me. No one else ever had. It’s always been you. You’re the one I love. All those incidents you saw with BamBam, was his doing. He kissed me at our wedding knowing that you’d see it. He drugged me at my birthday and staged the entire thing. I swear I’m innocent. I have proof and witnesses. You have to believe me,” begged Jackson. So it was all a misunderstanding on my part? Guess I was just being stupid afterall. That doesn’t matter though. With or without BamBam in the picture, Jackson still isn’t good for me. How can I be with someone who's hurt me over and over?

“That doesn’t change anything between us,” said Mark. “I can’t get pass the hurt and pain you caused me. Is that how you treat someone you supposedly love? I’m done. I can only take so much.” There’s no excuse that Jackson can give to justify his actions, but he refuses to back down without a fight. Not after everything he gave up.

“Please just hear me out. I know what I did in the name of revenge was dumb. I’m just asking you to see things from my perspective. I have no other choice than to beg you for your forgiveness. I know everything I’ve done was wrong. But if you leave me, it won’t be fair. To leave me alone with all the burden. You can’t do this to me. To lose you again would be unbearable. If you have any sympathy, you wouldn’t give up everything we have. I was never like this. I never had to beg anyone. But this time and for you, I am willing to put all my pride aside. I love you. I always had and will. Even when I hated you, I loved you. I can’t imagine living my life without you. Love me or hate me, I don’t care. Just please don’t cut me out of your life.” Mark was stunned, too shocked to say anything. Jackson tries to hug Mark.

“Don’t act like were strangers,” said Jackson, as Mark brushes Jackson’s hands off him.

“Don’t,” said Mark.

“What? You’re going to pretend like nothing happened between us? We’ve done more than touching and kissing.”

“That was then. This is now,” replied Mark.

“You know you can never forget me. Not again.”

“I already did.”

“Well then let me remind you,” hissed Jackson, out of desperation. Jackson grabbed Mark and started to aggressively kiss him. At first Mark struggled, which made Jackson kiss him even harder. Mark was reminded of the night Jackson took advantage of him. Mark was tired and defeated. I give up thought Mark; his body deflated. Jackson felt the sudden change in Mark’s reaction. He stopped what he was doing and looked at Mark. Jackson saw that Mark had his eyes closed; unresponsive.

“Are you done?” asked Mark, shaking.

“I’m sorry….,” whispered Jackson.

“Is that all you’re good at? Doing whatever you want? Taking whatever you want? And then saying sorry?” accused Mark, as he turns his back to Jackson. Jackson embraces Mark from behind. 

“I can change. I could be all that you need…if you let me try. Please Dimsum…,” pleaded Jackson, tears in his eyes. 

“It’s too late. We just aren’t meant to be together,” lied Mark.

“It’s never too late to start over. I’ll do anything. I’m sorry for everything I did to you.”

“Just save your I’m sorry. It doesn’t mean anything. You don’t mean anything to me anymore. I may have loved you then, but I don’t love you now."

“You’re lying. I don’t believe you.” Jackson turns Mark around so that they’re facing each other. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me.”

Mark struggles not to cry. You can do this. You’ve done it before. Mark looks Jackson in the eyes,  "I don’t love you…anymore…Jackson.”

Jackson thought he’s never felt pain like when Mark first left him, but he’s never been more wrong. The pain he’s feeling now is a hundred times worse. His legs gave away beneath him. Mark’s heart broke to see Jackson on his knees again for the second time. How many times must I break his heart? Just walk away. 

BamBam waited long enough, as he started the engine to his car. He heard Mark’s and Jackson’s whole conversation. I mean nothing huh? If Mark was out of the picture, then Jackie would have no choice but to come back to me. Nice knowing you Mark. BamBam stepped on the gas pedal. 

Jackson was helplessly watching Mark walk away from him…again. All of a sudden from the corner of his eyes, he sees headlights beaming and the car wasn’t going to stop. “Dimsum watch out!!!” shouted Jackson, as he got up, ran, and pushed Mark out of the oncoming car’s way. Mark fell to the side. He looked up just in time to see Jackson being hit by a car. “Mandu…,” shouted Mark.

I'm close to the end of this story. There's probably only a chapter or two left. I'm going to leave the ending off where it's conducive for a sequel if I choose to come back to the story sometime in the future. Hope you guys are enjoying the story thus far. Thanks for all the love, support, and comments. It means a lot. Especially since it's my first time writing a fanfic. Please don't forget to up-vote if you guys are able to. =)