Character: Seungkwan, Hansol
Paring: Seungsol/Verkwan
Genre: Angst
Warning: Overdose/Misusing meds, Major(?) character death.
Synopsis: Seungkwan reminiscence Hansol and misses him dearly.
A/N: Jungkook’s cover of Paper Hearts makes me feel feelings.

The sun’s up, shining over the bed through the window and causing Seungkwan to wake up due to its glare. The male cusses inwardly at the rude wakening but shrugs off anyway, knowing it’s time to wake up. He vaguely hears the bird sing and city outside being alive as usual as the raven-haired stretches his sleeping limbs for a bit before rubbing his sleepiness away and sees a familiar figure lying next to him, still asleep. Seungkwan smiles and slowly leans close, pressing his lips to the latter’s forehead breifly before he feels an arm wrap around his waist under the white sheet they both share, bringing the raven-haired close to the sleeping male. Seungkwan could not help but smile at the fond yet familiar affection as he slightly tilts his head up and greets his lover with a soft ‘Good morning, Hansol’.

“Good morning, boo.” The other male replies back softly followed by a soft yawn before smiling sleepily at the raven-haired male and presses a light kiss to the top of his head. “How was your sleep?” Hansol mumbles softly, his voice sounding a little gruff and dry, possibly from the sleep earlier as Seungkwan rest his arm over the other male’s waist before tracing his fingers lightly on his lover’s back, drawing random shapes of hearts and squiggly lines. Seungkwan wasn’t much of an artist unlike Hansol was anyway.

“It was fine. I slept very well thanks to you.” Seungkwan laughs though he means it in a not sarcastic way unlike nights before where Hansol had been having an all-nighter, trying to chase the deadline of his assignments which had kept Seungkwan awake since Seungkwan is a light sleeper. “Oh! I dreamt of you last night though.” Seungkwan smiles warmly at Hansol as he proceeds to tell about his dream of how they are both travelling the world together to the other male who listens attentively. In return, Hansol tells the raven-haired that he slept well too and tells him about his dream; about how they both are living together in his dream just like in reality and the only difference is that they are both married and are happier than they are now.

After about an hour or so of lying down and being in each other’s arms together, too caught up on telling each other about their bucket list and their future schedules to realize that the time have passed quickly yet they did not have any other responsibilities to attend to at the moment, allowing the both of them to continue to laze on, simply enjoying each other’s comfort and warmth. When the silence comfort suddenly kicks in, Seungkwan then suddenly blurts out a soft confession of ‘I love you’ like many times before. And like many times before, he meant those words wholeheartedly. Hansol smiles fondly at him before returning the same words to Seungkwan.

But Seungkwan can’t hear the other male.

Seungkwan jerks up from his empty bed. He’s covered with beads of cold sweats as he frantically scans around the too familiar surroundings. His windows are closed, covered by the dark coloured curtain that Seungcheol had gotten for them long ago when he and Hansol had first moved in to their shared apartment together 5 years back.

The empty hallways of the apartment is filled with the sound of a soft melody of Tori Kelly’s Paper Hearts that Seungkwan had left playing since last night. It’s a song Hansol likes a lot and Seungkwan knows this because he would always try his best to sing it for the other male. After all, this song was a song the two had shared a lot of memories of.

The now brunette haired male glances around, looking at the digital clock as the time reads 5.05AM. “.” Seungkwan cusses inwardly as he sighs tiredly before ruffling his hair aggressively before he switches the side light on and scans the dimmed room again.

His bones are heavy and so are his thoughts and emotions. It’s been 2 years. 2 years since Hansol had left him and when he meant left, Hansol is gone. He cannot be found because the male passed away from an accident. It happened when Hansol was supposed to head back to his hometown just as Seungkwan was as well but while on the way back Hansol had met with an accident due to a bad collision on a heavy downpour day. Seungkwan wouldn’t have known that his goodbye had meant one for forever. And ever since, Seungkwan had not been much of a human; he has not been eating any proper meal, he had not been happy and neither was he socializing with his other peers, refusing to meet anyone and is always having himself shut in at home, drowning in songs Hansol loves and crying over photographs of the two of them.

And even now, there isn’t any difference from before as Seungkwan breaks down to tears, turning into a sobbing mess and he has no shoulder to cry on. It doesn’t help that there are still photographs of him and Hansol all over on the bedroom floor and some on the bed he had lay on, acting more of a fragment of Seungkwan’s memories as he cries reminiscing each and every memory he has of Hansol.

When Seungkwan has finally settle down, he lights a candle up, one of Hansol’s favourite aromatic candles. He does it ever so often in case if Hansol’s ghost decides to come home and so let the fire be his guide. Not that he believe in superstitions but it was worth a try. The brunette then takes an amount of antidepressant medicines before he heads to the bathroom and without undressing, still wearing the same pair of clothing from the week before, or even months, Seungkwan doesn’t know; he stop counting the days the where he cared about himself and lets himself sink in the tub, the cold water greeting his skin yet it does not feel cold as his heart is. In his hand, there’s a polaroid of him and Hansol, taken on their first date by their close friend, Minghao and he sees how happy they were at that time.

Seungkwan lets out a bitter laugh before he closes his eyes and sinks himself further in the cold water until he doesn’t breathe.

‘I’m sorry, Hansol.’