The real me

~~~~~Chaejin POV~~~~~

It felt so empty in the class, not having the four best friends there. Seolhyun and Namjoo sit in the seats next to me, and Jimin and Taehyung sit in front of them. Us, sitting in the back of the class, felt like there was a huge hole in the middle of the room. That hole could only be filled with those people's smiles and laughter. I never realised it before, but being happy with other people is one of the best feelings in the world.

When the bell had gone for interval, I stood up and strapped my bag over my shoulders. 

"Hey there," a confident voice approached me. I looked up to see the new transfer student smiling at me. 

"Hey man," I replied.

"Can I join?" he asked me.

I thought about it. I wanted to say no. I wanted to shut him out like I did with everyone else. No one should have the burden of knowing me, knowing my secrets and knowing who I really was. But Namjoo changed all of that. I no longer feel useless and disconnected from the world. 

"Sure," I nodded and we walked side by side to the cafeteria.

"So... that dude that broke down earlier. He looked like a whimp," he spoke up.

"Taehyung?" I asked, surprised. "He ain't no whimp. He probably just had a lot going on to breakdown like that."

"Really?" he asked, smirking as if he thought otherwise.

"Yeah. Really." I stopped walking and turned to him. He had probably heard that I was the kingka of this school, and that all who look at me shrunk under my gaze. He probably knew that I was a bully and hated it when things didn't get my way. He probably wanted me to be his friend so he could join in the fun. But I was starting to feel my difference now, I'm not exactly the same person as I used to be. "Okay. Listen. I don't give a if you say about me, or about anyone else in the frikin school, but you better not say anything about those four, because as far as I know, they are the most down to earth people out there. Taehyung is strong, he smiles all the time but I can see that he is hiding something behind his whole facade. I respect him for that. He is no whimp, if you dare to say anything like about about them, then you are the one who is the real whimp. Those four are filled with nothing but laughter and happiness, so if you ever THINK about saying something rude about them, you better watch out."

I stormed out, passed the cafe and to the stairs to the roof. I really wish Namjoo was here so I could talk to her. I had no idea what I felt about her, all I know is I don't hate her anymore. I have found myself wanting to see her over and over again, and I see myself smiling when she smiles, laughing when she laughs, and happy when she's happy. I know that because of her, I am putting myself out there more and talking to more people, unlike bullying and tormenting people to get my anger out, like before.

Namjoo has changed me. And I can never stop being grateful for that.

I swung my legs over the edge of the building and stared out into the distance. This was a view I was used to. This was a feeling I was used to. The feeling of wanting to fall off the edge of the building, because I wanted to fall off the surface of the earth. The feeling that no one out there understood how hard my life really was. Everyday I found myself wiping my blood away with the back of my hand and standing up to face the world again, only to fall and have no one there to hand me a band aid. It was hard, having to live this life alone. I watched people, friends, families, all the time. They laughed and danced happily with each other, enjoying the presence of others. To think I was so close to experiencing that myself.

"The view is nice here," I heard someone say and I turned around to see a feminine figure walking over to me. When she came out of the darkness, my eyes widened in surprise when I realised who it was. 

Junghwa's never talked to me before.

"Yeah," I nodded and turned back. I had never said anything to her but a mere 'get out of my way' in the hallways.

"You come here often?" she asked, sitting down next to me. I felt my body tense with panic, because she was our school's queenka, I never expected to have an actual conversation with her.

"Yeah," I nodded again, awkwardly. 

"Do you mind if I come here often as well?" she asked.

"No," I said quickly. 

"I'm guessing Namjoo is the one who's made you like this?" she asked me. I turned to her.

"What do you mean?"

"She's the one who made you stop hurting innocent people for fun, right?"

I thought about her question. Did I trust her enough to tell her?<