#001
Falling#001 Scattered
"Sorry about earlier," Oh Sehun says two hours later when he finally emerges from duvet. His hair is wet with warm water, and they stand on end, he looks somehow adorably vulnerable. "I didn't sleep very well last night—"
"No worries," I say lightly.
I know deep down that something isn't right for a while, but I don't want to look it full in the eye, for fear of my dread brings sharply into focus. Instead, I tell myself that everything is fine, that everyone gets a bit sensitive as they become older, that Oh Sehun has just a lot in his mind lately.
"I'm really sorry, okay?" He says, leaning against the doorjamb. There is a pause while I pour and stir the coffee in a mug. I gently remove the coffee mug and set it on the table. I am not sure if I can accept the apology, but his scattered voice forces me to. I heave a sigh.
Realizing that his apology isn't hundred percent accepted, Oh Sehun wraps his long arms around my waist, his warm, bare body brushes against my silk pajama. "I'm a bit worried about what Suho hyung is going to say tomorrow, you know."
"What do you mean?" I glance to him and stop stirring.
"He sounded so odd on the phone yesterday. He said Abuji has something to say to me. I can't help wondering.. " The pause that follows says everything; proposal disapproval, taking over the position, or what is worse — outstation which means Oh Sehun will leave me probably for more than four months.
"I'm sure everything's fine," I say in a low voice, not having the confidence at all. Through my glance I see Oh Sehun runs his fingers through his dark hair.
"I hope so. I don't think I could take any more bad news right now, jagiya," He says, kissing the back of my head and leaves the kitchen.
I inhale a deep breath and close my eyes.
I don't think I could take any more bad news right now.
I know very well what he means by his words just now. And the truth behind it — hurts me so much.
The words sting even now, hurting like a running sore that will not heal.
The normality between us as husband and wife doesn't last long. It actually lasts for four years but the news we got five months ago seems to ruin the married life of us.
**
My eyes lingered on the calendar, counting days very carefully. This heart thumped anxiously waiting for the result. Putting my head in both hands, I rubbed my temple gingerly, and snorted. I didn't realize how many times I chanted the prayer to God, but it sure depressing to see how many lines would appear on the pregnancy test I'd been holding since fifteen minutes ago.
"Please, Lord." I whispered, and opened my eyes in a slow motion.
A single line.
A single line meant I wasn't pregnant.
I wasn't.
It's the sixth time in four years. I'd been wondering if I had a problem with my menstrual circulation, or anything inside my body that prevented me to get pregnant, but the doctor said I was okay. Both of us were okay.
"You two need more time, don't give up."
The disappointment seemed to be exploded in any time soon so I threw the pregnancy test in the dustbin, helplessly. And then, the door was being knocked from outside, chasing away all my thoughts.
"Jagiya, are you okay? Can you open the door if you're done? I'm so worried about you, you've been in here like almost thirty minutes now," Oh Sehun leaned against the door, before knocking it again a couple of times.
"I'm okay," I say, held the handle and opened the door to see the worried look on my husband's face. He brushed my cheek using his thumb, and I smiled.
"What's wrong, jagi? You look depressed," I shook my head and held his hand.
"Nothing — just feeling a bit drowsy this morning. Do you want some hot chocolate?" Oh Sehun still eyeing me, then heaved a soft sigh before he kissed my lips.
"Coffee should be nice. I have a meeting later with Suho hyung," He said. "And if you have anything to say, you know you always have me here, okay?"
I slightly nodded, and walked out to the kitchen.
Filling the kettle, I tried not to think much about the pregnancy test I went through just now, but I couldn't help it. I broke a packet of chocolate digestives and put some on the plate when I noticed Oh Sehun was leaning against the fridge with a strange smirk pasted on his lips.
"Jagiya, is this what you've been hiding since earlier?" He asked, a smile stretching across his face. Then I clocked what he meant when I saw the white, damn pregnancy test I've threw in the dustbin five minutes ago, was now in my husband's hand, for God's sake. My eyebrows shot up.
Oh no.
"A-are you talking about that thing in your hand right now?" I asked, trying not to sound too dispirited.
"Is this supposed to be a surprise for me?" I stiffened, almost too knackered to speak. "I'm sorry I ruined the surprise then, jagiya. I'm very happy," He embraced me before I could explain.
"No Sehun, you don't understand — "
"Oemma and Abuji must be very happy to hear this. We've been waiting for this and God listens to us, finally,"
"Sehun — no, this is not like what you have in your mind,"
Oh Sehun looked into my eyes, I could see his face turned bright, and his smile, it broke my heart. How could I tell him the fact that I wasn't pregnant, and the pregnancy test that he took from the bathroom was a total failure, when he showed his best condition to the fake news he created himself?
"You... are not ready to tell them, are you?"
Oh God. What should I tell him?
"It's not like that — "
"I understand... "
Finally, he understood. I rubbed my temple and exhaled.
"... it's too early to tell them. We should wait in three to four months, at least when we are done with the check up and make sure our baby is in a good health condition, then we'll tell Oemma and Abuji. I totally forgot about that, we shouldn't have rushed the thing," He chuckled, and placed his right hand on my flat belly.
No, he didn't understand.
And being stupid and greedy I was, I didn't deny the fake news.
"I'm glad you understand, Sehun.. "
The next few weeks passed very happily. Sehun started working, throwing himself enthusiastically into his project, a modern extension to a five stars hotel and spa, which seemed to consist of large pieces of toughened glass, to give an incredible views down one of Jeju's amazing beaches.
I loved seeing this change in him, the light in his eyes became brighter, he moved with more energy and purpose. He hummed without realizing it. He laughed easily. He even sang in the shower every morning.
"Check out the garden," Sehun murmured one day, gripping my hand and brought me to our backyard. I looked at him in a complete confusion and then gapped when he said he was already planning where to put the basketball net. "If we have a baby boy, I will need this to practice penalty shoot-outs with."
Oh God. What have I done to my poor husband?
"Sehun, I have a word with you?" I said in the middle of dilemma when the next day Oh Sehun came home from work to bring a baby crib along with him, and to that point I thought I should have explain myself to him before he got even worse with purchasing baby's necessity.
"Wae? You don't like this one? Or should we go there together this weekend? We can get some clothes for our baby too — "
"Sehun, I'm not pregnant,"
"The pink color is nice though," He muttered. "Wait, what? W-what are you saying just now?"
"I'm not pregnant, Sehun." I looked at him with guilty, carelessly curled up my fingers into fists, trying to gain a strength.
"There must be a mistake, right?" His face crumpled, his voice shaking.
"I was trying to find a right moment to explain this to you, to explain about the pregnancy test you'd found in the bathroom that day — "
"Wait, so you're saying that this was all a lie?" He narrowed his eyes to me, making me shuddered.
"No, I didn't mean to lie! It was just... You looked so happy I don't want to hurt you,"
He ran his fingers through his hair, messily. "I got it," He said sharply, trying not to show the wound I had caused.
"Sehun, I'm sorry,"
"No! No — I mean stop it, I got it okay? Don't be sorry. It wasn't anyone's fault." And he walked past me and out of the room, the door banging behind me. Wrapping my arms around myself, I cried and cried, emotions breaking over me like waves on the sea.
Stupid, stupid woman, I raged. Oh Sehun would never forgive me for this. Never in million years.
Few weeks past, but something seemed to have unwound in Sehun's head. It was as if he's running on a different track from me now, no longer quite match with mine. He was quiet in the supermarket, trailing around after me. Then, we were safely back home, after an awkward silence while driving, and he went straight to the room, only came out for dinner.
"Sehun-na, everything's all right?" I glanced over.
"Fine," He said, wincing at his own lie.
I gulped down the saliva, feeling bitter. "Sehun?" I echoed, staring at him. "What do you want to have for dinner?" I asked.
"Anything,"
"What about kimchi fried rice? Do you want it spicy?"
"Okay,"
He answered without glancing back at me, and before he went into the bathroom, his feet stopped moving to my words.
"I'm sorry I'm not pregnant,"
I blurted out miserably before I could stop myself. The words seemed louder than the sea for a moment, the world shrunk to the two of us, together but alone.
Oh Sehun said nothing.
There seemed to be nothing more to say as we stood in the same room together, back to back, yet miles apart.
I bit my lips so hard, my whole body shivered as the tears flooded my eyes, pouring down the cheeks without producing any sobs.
I felt utterly desolate.
What now?
Where can we go from here?
Author's note: Lies can hurt. But who's to blame? Anyhow, I'm sorry for the late update. I've so much to do, it's the holiday season after all. I watched the comeback of Sing For You by EXO last night, and that part when Sehun sang gave me goosebumps. His voice, is a WOW. He's doing okay, I could see that, and I'm proud of him.
Last but not least, how's this chapter? Things are not going well between them I shall say. Leave comments, guys. I know I have flaws so why dont you guys point that out and see if I can figure things out to be better. Love, xx
Guys, I posted a new fic, check this out x 500won Act of Kindness (OhsehunxOC) ❤️
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