Kim Jongin watches Oh Sehun walks a few steps away from him, he says he wanted to have some bubble tea before heading back to school for basketball training, so off they go. But they are not even a miles out from the school gate when Oh Sehun suddenly stops walking right in the middle of the road. A black Passat that has been buzzing along at 100mph behind them beep and swerves wildly to avoid cannoning straight into the back of him. 

 

"Yah, Oh Sehun! What are you doing?!" Kim Jongin screeches, grabbing at his school uniform. "You could die!" 

 

His eyes are misty and confused. "I.. I don't know," He says simply. "Where do I go, Jongin?" 

 

Kim Jongin stares at him. The episode has sent a chill down his spine. "We are going to have bubble tea. It's straight around the roundabout, then to the left." 

 

"Sorry," He says, his voice shaking. He's shaking his head a little. "My mind went blank just now. Sorry." 

 

There is that terrifying blankness in his eyes once more and Kim Jongin brings him closer to his side, feeling unsteady. Fear is jolting through him. It has broken his heart as a friend to see him so disillusions, so tired of his life. What does this all mean? What is happening? 

 

Oh Sehun let himself be guided to sit on the wooden stool, with Kim Jongin opposites to him. His eyes look empty, almost like he's in another world, alone. Kim Jongin pats his arm once, bringing him back to life. 

 

"Oh, Jongin-ah," He smiles weakly. "What do you want to eat? It's on me." 

 

"Sehun-ya," 

 

"Does she like the house?" His gaze unflinching. 

 

"A lot." 

 

"That's great."  

 

"It's about time, Sehun. You should go. Your place is next to her." 

 

Oh Sehun looks helplessly with his wet piercing eyes. 

 

"Ani," He says. "I don't belong there." 

 

He trains his eyes to the dark clouds, they are moving slowly to hide the bright sunlight and bring in the rain. 

 

"She likes rain," Oh Sehun says, and he's smiling. "I think she likes rain more than anything." And then he laughs. 

 

"You know, that was the first time I saw her smiling. A genuine smile. When it's raining. When everyone else's complaining about getting wet, she just stood there like an idiot." He says, his face looks a bit bright. "She was pretty, her eyes were mesmerizing. I wonder why nobody noticed about that, but I was glad. Because I was the only person who saw her that way." 

 

"How long will you be like this? You.. don't look really well, Sehun. You're hurting yourself." Kim Jongin stares at his best friend. 

 

"I.. " He chokes on his own words. "I don't deserve her." 

 

"She has no one else but you," 

 

"She belongs to someone else." Oh Sehun says. His mind flashes back to the moment when he saw a young man in his twenties, he was talking to her, and amazingly, his princess was able to laugh after the incident happened to her. 

 

That was not the first time Oh Sehun bumped into them. The second time was a bad timing. When the same young man he saw, kissed his princess on her cheek, he clenched his fist, about to blow the anger. But then it slowly faded, the moment he realized that his princess didn't even refuse. 

 

"You cannot keep this secret forever. Once she gains her memory back, what will you do then?"

 

Telling his princess is the worst ordeal in his life. Her pale face as she was admitted in the hospital - anxious and terribly hurt, that alone is enough to rip his heart in two. She deserves better than this. A better companion, a better life. He'd messed everything up, just like he always know he would. 

 

"By that time, I am no longer here. It will be fine."

 

"Are you serious about this? You really will leave for New York?" 

 

"Suho hyung needs me. Abuji and Oemma too." 

 

"Sehun-ya," 

 

He takes a long breath and looks at Kim Jongin. "Tomorrow will be a better day for her, don't you think?" Oh Sehun forces a smile, but his eyes are watering. 

 

"B-but," 

 

"Oh, the class will starts in ten minutes. I think we have to agree to take away instead of dine in." Oh Sehun stands up, walking to the front counter. Kim Jongin let out a heavy sigh. 

 

*****

 

"I've never seen Oh Sehun like that before. I mean, I always saw kids at our school gathered around him, as if they formed a circle. He treated everyone the same. But when you came.. the way he looked at you, it's different." I wrap my arms around my body, eyes on the clouds, ignoring Min Kyung while she's trying her best to explain the situation. 

 

"He's been very nice, always protecting you, comforting you. Before you even realized, he already knew about Cha Geun Seok. I thought he would back off, instead he was being extra protective about you. I bet you didn't know, he always rode the same bus with you although his house was in different neighborhood. Why? Because he wanted to make sure you arrived home, safely."

 

"Then why does he pretending like he got nothing to do with me? Does he afraid that I.. that I would kill him, just like how uri Appa did to his friend?" I bite my lips hard, feeling annoyed. 

 

"Ani ya, of course not! I'm not in a place that can tell you everything, you should meet Oh Sehun. Ask him by yourself. To take his stead, that is not going to solve everything."

 

"I-I don't want to meet him. Ani, I'm not sure if he wants to meet me. I'm a murderer's daughter. I am disgusting. Even to my so-called-boyfriend." I pout.

 

"Y/N -ya, for God sake, he didn't mean any of what he said before. He was just.. out of his control. He was angry. I know him, and you know him too, very well. Once you gain your memory back, you will know what I am talking about. There's nothing wrong if you give another chance to Oh Sehun." She tries to reassure me. I let out a sarcastic laugh. 

 

"What for? For loving me, and then leave me hanging like an idiot?" Min Kyung looks taken aback when she heard my answer, feeling surprised to see how much I've changed after the incident. 

 

"Y-you're different now, you are not the same friend I've known for years. You are cold. You are acting tough, as if you are strong enough to go through all these hardships alone."

 

"I went through a lot, Min Kyung. A lot. You guys have no idea how much I've suffered!" 

 

It's only me who has to remember how Cha Geun Seok punched me so hard that night I'd literally seen stars, how he had pushed me up against the wall, his hands around my throat. I was begging for a sympathy, only for him to round on me, a madness in him, his fist clenched as if ready to kill me. 

 

"Nobody understands you. Nobody's good enough to understand you, are they?" She says in her iciest tone, slightly mocking.

 

I narrow my eyes. "What do you mean by that?" I grip my crutches so hard it makes a sound. 

 

"You've never try to understand Oh Sehun," She states. "You treat him like some kind of stranger, and now you're writing off him before you've even bothered getting to know his reason why he hides his true-self from you!" 

 

"Min Kyung, this is too much," My voice trembling. 

 

"All he ever wanted," She goes on. "was to love you. All he tried to do is to make up his mistakes to you, to make you happy, to be your best friend, your boyfriend. Is that such a terrible crime?"

 

I open my mouth to answer but don't get a chance when Min Kyung plough straight on. 

 

"How do you think it makes him feels, coming to you, when you're always so unfriendly to him, so cold?" 

 

"I-I.. " I begin, but Min Kyung is still in a full flow. 

 

"He was trying his bloody hardest to protect you. He's been trying to help you get your life back together again. So are we. Okay? All we've done are to understand you the best we can!" She's breathing hard, her eyes rigid. 

 

"Get out," I say sharply, trying not to show the wound Min Kyung had caused. 

 

Min Kyung's face crumples and she gets up, swaying. "Ara so! I don't want to be around you either!" She shouts. And the door banging behind me. 

 

I lean back against the pillows, limp with disappointment, no longer caring about throbbing, angry pains shooting through my leg. I groan to myself and weep angry tears into the pillow, the image of Oh Sehun flaming in my mind. Wrapping my arms around myself, I cry and cry, emotions breaking over me like waves on a sea wall. 

Min Kyung had meant it, every stinging word, that much is obvious. I rub my eyes. The worst friend, Min Kyung had called me. 

 

I wasn't that bad, was I?

 

*****

 

It's been a week since I last spoke to Min Kyung. And this time I have to go to the fracture clinic alone without her. While waiting for my appointment, I get a text message and before I press 'Read', I shut down my phone when I look at the sender's name. It's Min Kyung. Ani, I won't answer her. I won't even read her text message. She declares this war, so this is it. 

 

This is for the last appointment as well, as my cast is taken off and I am given a series of physio exercise to rebuild the strength of the leg. 

 

"You should continue being cautious," The physio says. "It is best to relax and not to do something that will put it under a strain for a while." I nod. 

 

"You can start going to school but be extra careful. The bones have healed, but the leg isn't as strong as it was." I am thankful for them, for taking care of me during physio, and I am more than happy to know that I'm allowed to attend school again. 

 

I inhale before I get off the bus, and walk into the neighborhood. I hug myself, gazing at the streets as if I never seen them before. They are so familiar, yet dream-like too. The houses and shops appear hunched and packed together, with trees, and the brown leaves. 

 

"This one," I say quietly, my feet stops in front of the small house next to the overflowing bins. "Number thirty one." 

 

My hands tremble as I open the front door. I have never imagined myself coming back here, least of all under such traumatic circumstances. I hold my breath when the door swings open, and step cautiously inside. The house feel still, and dead, as if it has been left on pause. There is a sort of smell in the air, the kind that makes me want to open all the windows to bring in a fresh air through the room. 

 

Even though I know Cha Geun Seok is no longer here, there is still part of me braces for conflict as I walk into the kitchen. He had held me up against the wall by my neck couple of times, I remember, his thumbs hard against my throat as I gasped for air. I stand there, looking around the room. It is only tiny kitchen, certainly not the one you can linger for coffee and have a conversation. I train my eyes around the room to find a few pots of flowers on the trunk. 

 

They are fresh, and the leaves are wet with water, as if someone has been taking care of them. 

 

I move to the tiny room of mine, and to my relief, it appears much the same as when I had done my lift. But I am surprised by how tidy it is, almost as if someone known I am going to come back. My eyes fix on the book with brown cover on my study desk, and slowly touch it. I smile. It's my diary. I sit down, carefully flip the first page. There's nothing on the first page, same goes to the rest of them, until my hand stops flipping on the fifth page of the book. I skim the first few words, written in a small, tight hand, to get the gist of it. 

 

 

My thoughts are spinning. "Who is he?" I murmur. 

 

 

My knees suddenly feel very weak.

 

 

I gulp down my saliva, my throat feels sick. 

 

 

I shut my eyes for a moment and rub my temples gingerly. 

 

 

I flip to the next page, getting ready for the next surprise. 

 

 

Oh God.

 

I stare on the last words written in the diary in shock, still puzzling over the strange thing I've seen throughout the pages. The last rays of golden evening sun are shinning through the window, sending long, bright fingers of light onto my bloodless face. 

 

In hesitation, with my shaking hand, I flip to the next page, it is where I see words that are written with different handwriting to mine. It say, 

 

 

I immediately turn on my phone again to give Min Kyung a call and ask her about Oh Sehun's whereabout, when as soon as the phone on, there's more than fifteen missed calls and ten text messages from Min Kyung. 

 

 

I open another text. 

 

 

My heart skips a beat, my body trembling. 

 

 

I am about to run and crash the front door when a new message comes in, and it's from Min Kyung. I lean my body against the wall, eyes watering. Less than a minute before the clock ticks that decade out with a terrifying finality. Less a minute before the flight departs. It is a weird feeling, as if I am standing at the docks, waiting for a boat to slowly pull away from me, never return. 

 

He's no longer here. Oh Sehun is leaving. Good for you. 

 

He's leaving. 

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