Sorry. 

 

Everyone keep saying how sorry they are, as if they feel they have to apologize personally. I really want to say don't be sorry. Because I don't want to remember my terrifying past. I am here in the school, coming back to continue classes and graduate from high school in a few months. I don't want to think much, what past is past. 

 

People's attitude towards me is changing, they're more tolerate, kind, and call me by name. No longer a mute girl, but I am myself. A common 19 years old high schooler. 

 

As I walk into the hallway to get my things in the locker room, I freeze in horror at the unwelcome sight of Kim Yura, with a pile of books in her hands. I feel like my pride crumbles instantly, leaving me vulnerable, caught off guard in Yura's territory. Even worse, I've been spotted, and I cannot turn and dash, however desperately I want to. 

 

"I'm just heading off actually, so- " 

 

"W-wait, can I have a word with you?" She says quickly. I stop moving, immobile in my place. "I'm glad I caught you. I want to.. " She clears . "A-apologize." 

 

I blink, feeling confused. Is this a joke? Or a trick? 

Kim Yura places the books on the nearest table and begins twisting her fingers, uncharacteristically nervous. "Listen, about the other day, I mean, about things happened between us few months ago.. " 

 

"I-I forgot about that already." I say, still wary. 

 

"You were right." I stare at her, when she trains her eyes to the floor. 

 

"What do you mean.. " 

 

"You were right. I am a dirt, to Oh Sehun." She gives a short, brittle-sounding laugh. "I know I've been overprotective of Sehunnie. But you see.. " twists. "It's hard to let go. It becomes a habit to me." 

 

"I've been unfair to you," She goes on, eyes unflinching. "I spent my whole life with Sehun since we were five. I'm worried he will leave me once he met you. I'm terrified, Y/N." It is obvious she can hardly bring herself to say the words. 

 

"I've made a decision. I will leave this school and live with Oemma in Gangnam. I don't think I'm suit with this place, I-I am not welcomed to be here any longer. Sehun found out that I was the culprit, and he was really mad. I guess he doesn't even want to see my face anymore. And I have nothing to do here, Sehun has left, and you're back. I don't want to destroy everything like I did before." 

 

For the first time ever, I feel a stab of sympathy for her. It's true, Sehun had been acting oddly when I was there with them. I notice Yura's eyes are wet. 

 

"I just don't know what to do." She says quietly. 

"And I've let myself lean on Sehun and keep him with me longer than I should have done." 

 

"I knew it was wrong, but having someone with me, it feels so nice. I felt alone before, uri Appa and Oemma were busy, and he's a good lad, since we were young. I put him in a difficult position and he's been trying to support me, that's all." 

 

"It's fine." I say. "Really, Yura. I didn't realize what was going on." 

 

"But, Y/N, I've got to say this," She continues. "While you're being warded, I've seen how much he missed you, and how much he loves you. It's taken me a long time, but I do believe that you're good for each other." She gives me a small smile. "I should have recognized it much earlier of course, but I'm selfish. And I'm sorry." 

 

I swallow. Of all times Kim Yura comes and made this peace offering. Of all times she should have said these words, she had picked the very moment when I am having a massive doubts about my future with Oh Sehun. 

 

"Thank you." I say. "Although actually, I'm not so sure if we're good for each other, I mean, I don't know if we still are. He left me after all." I feel sick for showing my hand with such frankness, to my old rival of all people. 

 

"I should probably just go." I say, rising to my feet. 

 

"I think Sehun made this choice to stay away from you and hiding because he's afraid to face up to you, after what happened between us three, that day." She sighs. "I should have done this earlier, told him to go after you and keep trying. Instead, I kept him here for selfish reasons." 

 

It was quite a speech. There are tears in my eyes all of a sudden. 

 

"He will come back." Kim Yura holds my arm. 

 

"I promise you he will." 

 

*****

 

That is the evening, ten past seven when the Oh's family is having a Thanksgiving dinner. The dining room has been set with gleaming wine glasses, a stack of warm plates on the table, with lots of delicious food and chicken grilled. 

 

"So, what do you want to have for dinner a night before Christmas? Since your Abuji will be away for his conferences, I guess we have to celebrate with only three of us here." Mrs. Oh asks, "Oemma can bake you some apple pie, Suho. It's your favorite after all!" 

 

"I'm okay with anything, Oemma. But can you prepare us your warm kimchi stew, I'm craving for ages just for your information," Suho says, following with a laugh. Mrs. Oh squints and carves a wide, motherly smile. "Ara so, honey. Oemma will cook a lot for you." She says. 

 

"What about our Sehunnie? What do you want for Christmas? Shall we get you the latest smartphone? Your aunt came to my boutique yesterday to show me her newest gadget, it was incredible! I'm sure you will love it, honey!" She adds, turning to her youngest son. 

 

Oh Sehun, meanwhile, appears blank and unresponsive, a million miles away. Memories swirl up around him like a dark clouds as he chews his food. He shouldn't think about his princess anymore. He must not. What's the point? 

 

Because she was the only girl to ever make you crazy, a snide voice pipes up in his head. That's the point. 

 

Oh Sehun closes that thought immediately, as if slamming a door shut. Don't even think about it. He tells himself. 

 

Something, think Suho with a lurch, is definitely up. Mrs. Oh has noticed too, and keep looking at her youngest son with a small frown between her eyebrows. 

 

"Everything all right, honey?" She asks, hand on Sehun's arm. 

 

"I'm fine," He snaps. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Suho blinks at the sharpness of his brother's voice, before putting a calming hands on his mother's. He feels a bit sad to see his mother bites her lips together suddenly as if she feels emotional. 

 

"Oemma, let me talk to him after dinner, okay?" He says. "Don't worry too much. He's trying to adapt with the situation here. You know Sehun spent half of his life in Korea, and now he's here with us. He must has some difficulties to adjust himself." 

 

"Ara so, I understand. He doesn't look very well. Let Oemma know if anything." Suho nods, and continues eating. 

 

Forking up his bolognese spaghetti, he glances at Sehun, his brother eats just a little and then leaves the dining room.

 

"Is your brother all right, Suho?" Mrs. Oh asks that evening. She isn't daft though, his mom. Suho and his husband might not have noticed anything different about their youngest lately, but she realizes Oh Sehun isn't himself. They are in the kitchen together and Suho is helping her to dry the dishes as she washes them. "He seems a bit.. lost." 

 

Suho takes a long breath and looks at his mother. "I'm not sure, Oemma. Wae?" He says. 

 

"He's been like that for a few months now. It's probably just stress, he worked so hard lately. But we should keep an eye on him." There is a lump in . 

 

Suho is silent for a moment, lips press together. Confused is a good way to describe his brother right now. When he thinks about it, Suho notices that Sehun acts indifferently since he arrived from Seoul. A couple of times recently he'd woken in the night after staying up late to finish the proposals to bump into his brother Sehun, who seemed completely disoriented, and staring at the window wildly, as if he's regretting his whole life. 

 

"Don't worry, Oemma. You're probably right. He just needs a break." He says finally, hoping to soften the tension on his mother's face. 

 

"I'm glad to have you here. I'm sure that's making things easier for Sehun." She replies. 

 

*****

 

Suho stops typing and read back what he'd written. Then he frowns and delete almost all of it. He sighs inwardly. He's done all the appointments with rich people discussing about their new project in Bristol, and costing up the equipments for the main building of Oh Company Group in Itaewon that is running into the high thousands dollar. He had done all of these things within the last week, and each one made him die a little inside. 

 

Suho shuts his eyes to get some rest before continuing his work, when suddenly he heard someone's screaming for pain. Instantly Suho walks out the mini office, adrenalin shocking his fully awake from drowsy. Downstairs Oh Sehun is wild-eyed and holding out a bleeding hand, which drip onto the kitchen floor. 

 

"Oh My Goodness, Sehun!" He rushes over to examine it. "What did you do?! How did this happen?" 

 

"I-I was thirsty.. " He pauses, his eyes clouding over. "Water.. " 

 

"You were thirsty?" He prompts, trying to keep his patience, although panic is spiraling inside him.

 

"Get up, let's rinse this first while you think." 

 

Suho leads him to the sink, and turn on the cold tap, letting the water wash the cut. Thankfully, it doesn't look too deep, he doesn't think it needs stitches. Blood swirl into the stream of water, the vivid scarlet becoming pale pink and then clear as it disappears down the plughole. 

 

"Mianhae, hyung. I was thirsty, I just wanted to get the glass from the shelves." He says eventually. The desperation has been quite in his eyes, the panic in his voice unmistakable. 

 

"Do you want to say something to me?" 

 

Suho turns the tap off and gingerly pats his brother's hand dry with a folded square of kitchen roll. Oh Sehun let himself be guided to sit on the stool, as Suho carefully bandaged his hand. 

 

"Sehun-na, is everything all right?" Suho asks caut, eyes to his brother. Oh Sehun shakes his head weakly. 

 

"My brother Sehun isn't like this usually. He's a bright guy, always cracking jokes, and a free spirit man. Look at you now. Since you arrived here, I rarely see your smile, let alone to hear you laugh." Suho places the kitchen roll on the table, and let out a sigh. "Oemma and Abuji are worried about you. Me as well. Something happened in Seoul?" 

 

"Hyung.. " Sehun looks up to his brother with watery eyes. "I-I did something bad.. I d-don't know if she would forgive me.. I-it's my fault." 

 

His spirits are sinking with every word.  

 

*****

 

Suho sighs. He rubs his eyes wearily as he shut down the browser page he's been looking at, as he turns his body to Oh Sehun, his brother looks like he's completely lost his mind which has given him pause for thought for the last few minutes. Suho cannot tell what Sehun is thinking, but his eyes are far-away. He is clearly going insane. 

 

"Have you ever," Sehun begins thoughtfully. "done something really, really awful that you knew you'd probably regret.. but you just couldn't help yourself?" 

 

"I took this position, didn't I?" Suho says grumpily. He has an enormous pile of documents on his desk to be signed, and looks sorely tempted to stuff the lot in the bin. "I'm totally regretting that today, but I can't help it. Abuji doesn't really like to see any stranger takes over the company." 

 

"Why do you ask?" Suho puts in, an eyebrow raises as he leans over. 

 

"I-it's not about work," Sehun gulps down his saliva audibly. "What about personal?" 

 

"Personal.. you mean, women?" His brother doesn't answer, and Suho takes it into his account that he makes a right guess. The ice chips narrow, his mouth twists. 

 

Nobody speaks for a moment. 

 

"I once threw so much hatred on someone I really love," Suho puts on suddenly. His eyes are on Sehun and the mood changes. "Biggest mistake of my life. One I'm still regretting." 

 

Suho glances around, trying to gather his thoughts. 

 

"Her name is Park Tae Hee," He confesses dully. "We weren't together very long, just for few months, probably ten? I don't remember. I didn't think it was worth mentioning." 

 

Oh Sehun watches his brother, he stands opposite to the glass window, hands in the pockets. As Suho pulls the curtain, his eyes linger on the crescent moon and a sprinkling of stars. They are in the mini office belongs to Suho, with a cup of warm coffee for his brother, and a mug of hot chocolate for himself. It turns out he isn't able to continue the conversation in the kitchen after all, Sehun doesn't want his mother to listen to his grief. 

 

"She went to London for three years as part of her fashion degree, and we broke up," He says. "I didn't know, the real reason why she left. And she never came back to Seoul, I heard she dropped out of university and went to live near to her grandparents in Jeju." 

 

"You never try to find her? I mean.. Park Tae Hee?" 

"I did. I searched for her through my friends who lived in Paris but it was no use. They said Tae Hee went back to Korea after six months, she didn't even completed her degree." Suho trains his eyes to the darkness beyond the window, his dry lips.

 

"Wae? Did they tell you why?" 

 

Suho shakes his head and continues. "I went back to Seoul last two years, if you still remember.. using the reason that I had to visit the project sites for our new resort in Nami," 

 

Oh Sehun snaps. "Ah, it was in June, wasn't?" Suho nods. 

 

"I lied to Abuji, instead I went to Jeju, it's been a while, I know. It's past five years already but I wanted to find Tae Hee. To ask her what's the real reason she broke up with me. To listen to her explanation. Well, at least to see if she really found her happiness. But.. " He pauses, chokes on his own words. 

 

"But?" Oh Sehun feels wary as he notices his brother wipes a tear, and snorts. He doesn't continue, an awkward silence surrounds the entire room. "Tae Hee's gone." 

 

"W-what do you mean?" Sehun stutters.

 

"She suffered from Leukemia," Suho says. "When we first met, she was already in stage three." 

 

"Hyung," 

 

"It was my fault for not noticing her weak, pale face whenever she's around me. I was stupid. I never asked her to explain why she wanted to leave that bad. I had a very bad impression about her, I called her selfish." 

 

"B-but hyung, it's not your fault. It would never be your fault." Sehun tries to reassure him. 

 

"I lived my life blaming myself after I know the truth," Suho says, as he sits on the couch. 

 

"You never show your grief, hyung. And I'm sorry about Tae Hee noona." Sehun narrows his eyes, attempting to see his brother's expression. 

 

"How could I, Sehun? I have so much on my shoulders, the companies, Abuji, Oemma, and you. Crying? I did cry. But I shouldn't let this memory takes over my whole life, should I?" 

 

Sehun slowly shakes his head. 

 

"You're lucky, Sehun-na." Oh Sehun looks up, eyes to eyes with his brother. 

 

"You still have chance to make up for your mistakes. You're lucky because she's still here, exists, in this world. What about me then? Tae Hee is no longer here, all I can do is to send her flowers every year on her death anniversary. I wasn't able to say I love her like I used to do. I wasn't able to hold her hands, to watch her smiles. I can't even remember her face clearly now." Suho says, lowering his voice. Oh Sehun doesn't utter a word, as he's trying to digest every word said by Suho.

 

"It wasn't your fault either, Sehun-na." 

 

"Hyung, I.. " 

 

"Go back to Seoul. I will sort everything out. You've finished your high school anyway. Further your studies in local university. About Abuji and Oemma, don't worry too much about them. We've discussed about moving to Korea, for good. The company is having a good support here, so Abuji and Oemma thought it should be nice if they retire and start to enjoy themselves." Suho smiles weakly. 

 

"What about you, hyung? Will you come back?" 

It takes Suho a few seconds to answer the question.

 

"Korea left me with unpleasant memories, I may need some time to make a decision," He says. "But I will be back, when the time comes, don't worry." 

 

"Hyung," Sehun calls for his brother as Suho turns to him and raises an eyebrow. "Are you going to be okay?" 

 

"I'll be fine." He says. "You know me. I'll be over it, very soon." 

 

"Ara," Sehun agrees. "You will. And hyung, thanks for being here with me." 

 

Suho lets out a chuckle. "You're such a baby, Sehunnie." 

 

"Yah, hyung! Don't call me that, I'm not a baby!" 

 

"Yes you are," 

 

He says, giving his little brother a headlock, and then both of Oh's brothers laugh, that night seems so bright. 

 

I twitch the curtain back and gaze into the darkness beyond my window. A chill goes through my body, it is a white, snowy day. Flowers stop blooming, the trees drop the leaves. It is the season of Christmas, after all. 

 

"Sehun-na, it's snowing. You broke your promise once again."  

 

I say, cracking a weak smile. 

 

And that is my first snow of the year.

---

Author's note: Hi sweethearts, Avy's here! What about this chapter? Things are going to be okay from now on, I promise. So, don't worry too much and let's hope for happiness, to all of us as well! For those who's celebrating, Happy ThanksGiving! So much to be thankful, right? Love you guys, don't forget to COMMENT and UPVOTE ❤️