A few More pecks on my soft skin, Him and kissing my neck , Our body heat rising, and our hearts exploding out of our chest. Is this what i want? Having my ity taken away by someone who doesn't even know me? That someone that even i don't know about, even if i see him everyday. I don't even know if he truly 'loves me' like he claims and i don't even love him back. I could tell him to stop but the sensational feeling that he provides my body only makes me endure my worries. I don't want this. But i allow it. He was slowly caressing my hot body, His hand feeling like ice trying to cool me down. "mmm Minhyuk" i Heard his voice whisper in my ear, his breath tickling me. i always told myself that the day i have will be the day when i find myself a partner i trust and adore so i couldn't let myself go through with this. Before yongguk could go any further i stopped him in his tracks with a hand pushing his chest. "What's wrong?" He said out of breath. I got up from where i was laying and sat down on the bed, the red with white polka dot blanket covering my lower body. 

"Look I'm sorry Bang, but i gotta say it. Bang, we just met for the first time a few days ago, a-and i don't know if this offends you but in reality...i don't know you at all! you don't know me! so i can't-mmh!" I was interrupted by the hard impact of yongguk pressing his lips on mine, His tongue moving aimlessly inside my mouth.

"Sorry. I just had to do it one more time." yongguk said still holding my shoulder as we both just sat there on the bed. "I know....You don't Love me the way i love you. And...I Spoke to some friends, they tell me that what i'm doing to you is not right and it's unfair-and-.." Yongguk paused for two seconds before looking down and not meeting my gaze. all of a sudden my heart was beating fast. I felt that what he is saying was honest and so i was scared. " What i'm trying to say is...even though i don't deserve it. but can you give me a chance?" Yongguk looked up his eyes burying inside me and urging me to whisper the words yes, almost like if he was making me. And now the choice is up to me. All i had to do was say 'yes' or 'no.' yes, to enlighten his heart and no, to rip it into pieces!

I gulped down, as i sat there debating to myself, A lot of questions roamed around my head. and i had to answer here and now. i dare look into his eyes and tell him my response.

" I..."

~*~**~***~*~*~*~~~*~*~*~*~*

"Ugh. you're such a kid!!!"

'I know! hahahahahah"

"Aish seriously." ilhoon who was sitting on a Huge smoothe, gray rock, ate,  and just kept complaining about sungjae running around. One thing that sungjae liked to do in this river as a kid was to run around and feel the breeze blowing his bangs in the air. Some of the students thought he was crazy because he was laughing and playing by himself. Sungjae thought that if ilhoon and himself stopped and rested at this river, their moods from today's earlier 'situation' would get better, but unfortunately sungjae was the only one who was excited. And although sungjae didn't notice it, but ilhoon's cranky mood did change because looking at sungjae filled his stomach with butterflies. Ultimately sungjae stopped and sat next to ilhoon on the smooth rock to rest, Ilhoon enjoyed overhearing each breathe sungjae took. It only made him think thoughts. "See? you're too old to be running around in circles." ilhoon said.

"if you exercise enough, running for 3 minutes would seem nothing" Sungjae responded huffing, his heart burning and pumping blood. He was glad that the gap between him and ilhoon disappeared and that they can have a normal conversation without disliking each other but there is not a day where ilhoon doesn't stop thinking about the peck he gave sungjae at the amusement park, and to this very day he still asks himself the same question. Why did he do it? And why couldn't he prevent it? so far the only thing ilhoon could think about as a reason is that he was very lonely and needed affection. Ilhoon's thoughts were interrupted when sungjae laid his soft head on ilhoon's firm shoulders. The only thing that ilhoon could feel and hear is his own heart beat bumping and bumping, faster and faster, his cheeks getting hotter and hotter.

"Hyung are you okay? you didn't even run and i can actually feel your heartbeat." Sungjae said removing his head from ilhoon's shoulder. ilhoon's heart was starting to calm down until sungjae leaned closer and placed a hand on ilhoon's forehead, Then once again he's mind boiled and he couldn't think straight, he looked over at sungjae and started at his lips which once again reminded him that he got a swift taste of it. "hyung! wow you're really burning hot! are you getting sick? let's go back to that hospital." Sungjae said. Ilhoon couldn't go back to the hospital. he knows that he is not really sick, so why go?"

"we should go." sungjae said, placing a hand on ilhoon's hand so he could drag him back to the car, but ilhoon couldn't move because he was slowly suffocating, his hand was trembling and becoming sweaty and his cheeks were burning again. What's wrong with me? why do i feel this way? it's just a hand, nothing to get excited for. thought ilhoon as he was breathing long and deep. "Hyung?" sungjae said. " I'm fine, i don't want to go to the hospital. I wanna stay here, it's a nice view." ilhoon quickly retrieved his hand back from sungjae and he was finally starting to calm down.

A smile crept on sungjae's face as he stared at ilhoon with a grin." What?" Ilhoon eventually asked because he couldn't stand sungjae staring at him.  

"hyung let's go back in time." 

"What?!"

"Let's go back in time! look all you have to do is walk over there near the water, dip your tippie-toe and scream out loud what you most regret." 

"How's that going back in time?"

" you get to relieve and forgive yourself of your past problem. i guess"

ilhoon only sighed looking down at his shirt. 

"oh c'mon hyung! you and me, you don't have to be embarrassed. i'll keep it a secret!" 

' I don't have any sin."

" I didn't say it had to be a sin. i said regrets." 

'fine then, you go first." Ilhoon said and sungjae was taken aback from this response. Sure he suggested the activity but now that he thinks about it, what does he regret? he is good in school and he had never ever made his parents feel upset or mad. (except for every time he peed or pooped his diapers or when he accidently spilled spaghetti on the floor when he was little) So sungjae stood to think and finally got an idea. 

"I regret making you upset hyung." Sungjae said and ilhoon's heart could not help but to skip a beat and not because it was another love attack but because he felt slightly guilty. Here is sungjae apologizing for making ilhoon upset when in reality it was ilhoon who was being unkind. But instead of responding to sungjae's regret, ilhoon just coughed and sat silently. 

"Hyung, i will admit to you that at first i- well i didn't really like you because you seemed like an evil, unfair, confused little person, um...not that you are! it's just.....now if i get to know you then i might know who you truly are. i-i mean like to create  a friendship between us." Ilhoon didn't know what to say, he was delighted  that he is in good terms with sungjae but sungjae said the word. "friends" that made ilhoon think. 'what kind of friend kissed his friends on the lips?' Without sungjae noticing there was more than friendship developing deep inside ilhoon.

"don't even think about it" was all that came out of ilhoon's mouth to answer sungjae's friend request. he wanted sungjae to get away from him before his heart burst out like a volcano and he wouldn't be able to control of his feelings anymore. Ilhoon looked up at sungjae whose eyes looked watery but then washed away when he blinked. a few moments of silence and they both could hear the calming and peaceful sounds of waves. In that few moments ilhoon was beating himself up thinking that he hurted sungjae.when ilhoon remained quiet, sungjae sighs, he patted his thighs frustratedly  and stood up for a walk. then he suddenly feels a hand grab his arm and push him back. Sungjae looked over his shoulder to find a desperate looking ilhoon holding him. "Hyung what's wrong?" Sungjae asked concerned. Ilhoon realized what he was doing and carefully released sungjae's arm. Sungjae gently sits besides ilhoon and asked. "Ilhoon, is there something you want to tell me?" Ilhoon only looked over at the distance uncertain of how to explain that moment. Suddenly the thought of his past came to mind and his mood gravely decreased.  "nothing, we should go home."

sungjae only silently nodded, knowing that his hyung was feeling a bit upset and needed rest. Ilhoon drove around in the darkness in attempt to get home. Once they reach their lovely home ilhoon parkes the car and they both remain seated, both silent, both with neutral faces. ilhoon is being burdened with his feelings and he felt like he couldn't gain control of it, ilhoon feared for sungjae. What would happen if he did burst someday and his affections for sungjae could not be taken back? what if sungjae brushes his feelings aside? will his feelings disappear or will he dwell in the pit of isolation again? 

Ilhoon alone,wasn't the only one in car filled with overwhelming thoughts of worries, sungjae too who sat besides ilhoon was lost in a deep forest. Sungjae began to notice his interest in ilhoon because of how isolated ilhoon  was from other people. He wanted to know what stains ilhoon in black that made him the way he is. he wanted to help him. 

"Ahem. we should go back inside now."  sungjae found ilhoon's voice in the pitch black forest and was carried back by it to reality. 

"Huh? what?" Sungjae who asked looked around his environment  in confusion. 

"i said we should go back inside now.' Ilhoon repeated getting out of the car and walking towards the house with sungjae following behind like a sleepy puppy. after ilhoon takes out a key from his back pocket he then has a hard time seeing which key belongs to the door because of all that darkness that consumes the lights from the streets. finally after trying out two of the keys the door eventually opens with a soft creak followed by the darkness of the empty entrance. As soon as ilhoon's foot touches the clean floor, the chandelier turns on. "Aigooooooooo!, ilhoon! Sungjae! where have you been?" 

Both of the boys looked up to see Mr.jung with a green tea face mask and an angry pout.

"Out." ilhoon responded without looking at his dad and going upstairs. this was the very first time sungjae saw Mr.jung angry. Even though his father was calling his name, ilhoon continues to suppress Mr.jung's presence and walk off not even glancing back. the silence of the entrance was chased away by the loud and solid sound of ilhoon slamming the door. Mr.jung felt wronged as he remained staring irately at the hallway. Then suddenly he looked down at sungjae His angry and firm eyes transformed to soft and kind again with a little tint of worry in them. "Please sungjae my son, i was very worried! The teacher called, said that you ran away from school and forgot your backpack! we called both of you but you guys never picked up the phone! where we're you?" It crossed sungjae's mind that he had not used his phone at all, all day. he was so focused on ilhoon and the fight that it never crossed his mind that his parents and Mr.jung might be worried and afraid that they might have been in danger. He touched his back pocket where his phone was turned off and he lowered his head apologetically. 

Sungjae didn't want to lie to Mr.jung, Not after all the kindness in the world he gave to him still, He also didn't want to upset or get ilhoon in trouble. It was Mr.jung vs jung ilhoon and sungjae was running out of time! If he had to say something to Mr. jung it will be right in front of him with respect. So sungjae went up the stairs where mr.jung was waiting with his green tea face mask and a navy blue bathrobe. He reached the top of the stairs and he bowed deeply in front of him. Without having the sense to lie, sungjae declined the offer of lying to Mr.Jung but he also declined the offer of telling the truth. 

"Mr.jung" Sungjae began with a nervous heart. "I am truly grateful of all the things you've done for me and my family. The kindness you showed us, the chances in life you offered us, and i thank you. Thank you for worrying about me and ilhoon, tonight. we are just fine. The thing is that....I feel that what happened today should be kept for ilhoon and me. so please..." Sungjae finished his last sentence and he was now breathing normally. Sungjae was not ready to see nor take Mr.jung's angry expression so he lowered his head only being able to see Mr.jung's bathrobe. unexpectedly what sungjae got was not an angry response but a warm and comforting hug. realizing that Mr.jung was hugging him sungjae remained stiff and speechless. the great comforts of Mr.jung was very delightful and sungjae hugged back his arms around Mr.jung's chubby body. Sungjae rested his head on Mr.jung's shoulders and he felt at ease. the scent of sweetness and pureness flies in sungjae's nostrils making sungjae feel relax. then Mr.jung releases sungjae. "It's okay boy, go to rest. i'm just glad you're okay" 

Sungjae did as he was told and went back downstairs and into his room. for what sungjae didn't know was that Mr.jung understood that sungjae and his son needed privacy but what he misunderstood was "what the privacy is" Naughty and images popped in Mr.jung's mind, his usual bubbly personality returned over the thought of the Iljae ship.  

That Night ilhoon laid in bed desperately trying to fall asleep so he could escape the thoughts of his past that pains his heart. Finally he fell asleep but was awoken by the sound of thunder.

~*~***~~*~*~*~

Sungjae came out of his bathroom, White bathrobe, And drips of water dropping from his wet hair and sliding down his pale wet neck. the temperature of his room instead of being cold it was cozy, whereas sungjae was very comfortable. He sat on his swivel chair and looked outside the window to see a massive shower of rain and countless blinding shots of lightning. He drank his hot milk at ease as he reached besides for the remote control and the television.

~*~*~***~*~*~*~*

Ever since ilhoon woke up from the sound of lightning all he had been doing was cower and shiver on the edge of his bed. His room became dark and the tiniest sounds coming from the window frightened him. Hugging tightly a giant and fluffy polar bear teddy, (His dad liked to sneak in stuff into his room to make it look 'lively' but in ilhoon's opinion it only makes his room look like a child or immature person's room.) Right now ilhoon was fighting the urge of running all the way downstairs and into sungjae's arms. The reason why he didn't want to, was because ilhoon didn't want to have another night where he falls even deeper for sungjae. A loud destructive sound from the sky startled ilhoon so much he  nearly fell off the bed. The polar bear rolled on the floor and stopped in front of the wooden white door and ilhoon needed the only comfort he can get tonight. usually his father would take care of this but he is sound asleep plus ilhoon and him had a 'moment' earlier. In attempt to get the polar bear back ilhoon stood up from his bed, his knees trembling and he took one step forward, Another loud sound shook up ilhoon and he tripped on the floor. Sweat forms on his forehead as he tries hard to get up. He curses astraphobia for ruining his life and swore he would surpass it. He didn't want to cower for the rest of his life everytime it rained. still his mind and body told something different, it said danger,danger,danger,danger,DANGER,DANGER. Ilhoon tried again to get up but his body remained  paralyzed on the floor and he gave up. In the moment all ilhoon could think about was that he missed being around sungjae.

Out of nowhere the thought of sungjae motivated and gave ilhoon strength. ilhoon's plans was to stand up, grab the polar bear and remain on the edge of the bed having the bear substitute sungjae's embrace but instead of that ilhoon opened the door and walked shakily through the hallway and down the stairs to the first floor. He knocked on sungjae's door his heart pulse rising. sungjae distracted by the television opened the door a bit late. as much as he was surprised to see ilhoon standing in front of him he was more surprised over the fact that he had forgotten about ilhoon's fear. "Oh god ilh-" Sungjae was cut off when ilhoon unexpectedly grasped sungjae and hugged him tight nearly almost falling backwards. Ilhoon's weigh propelled sungjae and they both fell on the bed, ilhoon on top. Ilhoon who raised his head up from sungjae's neck now noticed that sungjae was wearing a bathrobe and by the looks of his shoulders ilhoon could tell sungjae also wasn't wearing anything underneath. sungjae looked up at ilhoon focused on his face that they both didn't notice the position they were in. until....

"ow hyung that hurts, please get off." sungjae said and ilhoon did as he was told. The thought of being on top of a half sungjae animated ilhoon so much he literally forgot about the rain. 

"Um hyung, let me go change." Sungjae who felt exposed to ilhoon said going inside the bathroom. He slipped on a black t-shirt that made his skin look more white, and he put on a green war patterned shorts. When sungjae finished and opened the door he found ilhoon inside all his blankets like a burrito, His head drooping and getting back up as if he were falling asleep. the image of this made sungjae view ilhoon as adorable but also brought a little bit of guilt. Because he announced to ilhoon that he will be his friend but what kind of friend is not there to comfort you when you need them? 

Sungjae remembered the things he did the first time ilhoon was afraid and he remembered the drink he made ilhoon. Exiting the room sungjae headed towards the kitchen and looked back to see ilhoon following behind him, the blankets being dragged behind him. sungjae couldn't help but to smile at how cute ilhoon was being and pretended not to notice him.

Ilhoon silently sat down on a small,round, wood table that was placed in the kitchen for the adults to drink coffee and he watched how sungjae was preparing a hot coco. When sungjae finished, he sat in front of ilhoon and handed him a cute blue tea cup with white polka dots. "Be careful i made it hotter than usual, This should help you warm down." Ilhoon looked at his cup and saw the smoke roaming away and disappearing through thin air. he told himself that he will get much hotter than the hot coco if his volcano corrupts. Ilhoon looked at sungjae who sat in front of him and smiled. "thank you" He said for the first time to sungjae. 

"your welcome~ i hope you enjoy" Sungjae said to ilhoon adorably. 

Opening a small mini bag of sugar and whisking it with a tiny spoon ilhoon glanced up at sungjae to see his tired-sleepy eyes. 'Sungjae right now should be sleeping' Thought ilhoon to himself as he brought his lips down to touch the edge of the cup and lifting it, making the liquid burn his top lip. 

"Ah!"  Ilhoon winced, quickly placing the cup back on the table and lifting his hands to his mouth hissing in pain and alarming sungjae.  "omo, Hyung!" Sungjae quickly stood up, pushing his chair backwards and searched the cabinets desperately for something to cure ilhoon's burning lip. He opened the fridge and grabbed the ice.  dragged the chair towards ilhoon and sat on it. "Let me see." sungjae said leaning close towards ilhoon who is still clutching his mouth.  Once ilhoon allowed sungjae to get a view at his mouth, sungjae placed his hand on ilhoon's chin, ilhoon getting startled. "It's just a minor injury, maybe the ice can help you feel better." Sungjae said. He had a clean rag in his pocket and he placed the Ice cube inside and then wrapping it up.  He placed the rag on ilhoon's top lip and he softly and carefully caress it. He removed the rag once in awhile every time ilhoon would wince, Then he would place it back softly. Ilhoon only sat there admiring sungjae as he cured him, Ilhoon was starting to realize that sungjae was a really good person. Even though he treated sungjae unfairly sungjae still with a warm heart treats ilhoon kindly. Ilhoon believed that even though sungjae suffered a bit, and may be tired at this moment still he takes his time to make ilhoon hot coco and treat his injury. 

While Sungjae was applying medicine to the wound, sungjae was stopped when ilhoon's hand grabbed his arm. "That's enough" Ilhoon said, his expression looking mean and serious. Sungjae did what he was told because he felt that Ilhoon was mad. 'Ilhoon must feel uncomfortable with me doing that to him' Sungjae thought as he leaned back in his seat, medicine still in his hand. "Sungjae" Ilhoon began with a serious tone making sungjae petrified. Right there and then with sungjae in front of him ilhoon felt like telling sungjae everything, about why he was is the way he is, about his phobia, about his developing feelings. He were to hold sungjae by the hands, a romantic moment maybe on a boat. "Sungjae i think i like you"  or maybe it could be here right now, 'Sungjae, i kissed you on the day of the amusement park!" , 'Sungjae my heart beats everytime you are nearby, and i don't really know why", "Sungjae i'm confused, i think i'm starting to like you", Ilhoon felt like screaming his heart out. he didn't know where these thoughts were coming from and he didn't know whether he actually felt this way. 

"Sungjae...' Ilhoon began again. he looked into the dark brown eyes of sungjae and was almost about  to confess. " I regret too, for the times i made you feel upset." ilhoon said and sungjae's eyes became wider as he was silently listening, too shocked to get a hold of what ilhoon was saying." i also regret not telling you thank you." Ilhoon said nervous.  He knew how to start this sentence but he didn't know how to end it.  Ilhoon's past desire was to be more than just friends with sungjae, but now he just wishes to be besides sungjae. even if it meant just 'friends.'

 a smile spread across sungjae's tired face and he nodded excitedly at ilhoon's regret confession. "see? you get it now." Sungjae said as he continued to heal ilhoon's lip. "Hey! just because we're a bit like friends it doesn't mean that your maid deal is off! and don't bug me too much at school!" Ilhoon said making sungjae smile more. "Whatever you say master~.' 

"Master why you blushing?" Sungjae laughed at ilhoon's red face. 

"I told you stop calling me that!" Ilhoon yelled as sungjae continued to laugh. 'It's not funny!"

'Sure.....Master~" 

"Aish! YAH!"

~*~*~*~*~Author-nim~~*~*~*~*

Hey lovely readers! Hate me not for taking too long. today Limelizzie helped in a writers block where ilhoon and sungjae were at the river. from then on i continued the rest thanks to her.

Also i think it was a chapter back where i asked jackson vs ilhoon vs mir for sungjae or jackson vs bang for minhyuk and so far i got two response from readers. one said "jackson vs.ilhoon vs mir' and someone else said ' jackson vs. bang' and i wanted to ask again for further decision because it was a tie. 

Also i believe that this chapter is a bit confusing to read~ so i hope it's not~~~

Thank you for reading and please vote!