Junsu’s chasing after me. He’s trying to stop me from running away. Running away from pain. Running away from Yunho. It’s not my fault, that it ended like this. I… I’m really hurt. I feel badly betrayed. I don’t want this anymore. I accepted everything and I gave in every time, but I simply can’t continue like this. I don’t deserve to be treated like this. It feels like I’m not what he really wants. As if I’m just an ordinary person. As if Yunho’s just playing with me. Using me inside these walls. Just for the two years we’re stuck in here. I don’t want him anymore. It was a mistake from the beginning. Still… I couldn’t stay away from him, after all… I missed him so much. Throughout all these years…

“Yah! Stop running! Jaejoong!”, I’m hearing my JYJ-fellow calling for me.

I don’t want to hold on. I need to go outside and enjoy the fresh winter-air. I need time for myself. Junsu’s standing still and watching me vanish at the corners. Not chasing after me anymore.

Finally, I’m alone. I’m stepping outside and taking place on the cold bench. The courtyard’s empty because it’s dark already and freezing. The night sky is starless. I’m breathing in deeply and clenching my lips, to keep myself from crying. It’s useless. My eyes are tearing up and I’m shaking in sorrow. What did I do to deserve this? I… I kept thinking that I’d be ok, sharing him with Yujin. But I told him that I wanted him to break up with her… and he agreed. He lied to me. Liar.

“I… I… loved him…”, I’m stuttering as my tears fall down my cheeks.

I trusted him. I… I thought this time he’d definitely stay by my side. Not SM, not the commanders, no one’d make us break up. I was wrong. I’m such a fool. A delusional lover. I’m hopeless. Yunho probably never was really into me. He wanted to date Yujin, so… he was into her and probably still likes her. I’m an intruder. I messed his love-life up. I confused him. I nearly ruined his career, yet I was always honest. I really loved him with no doubt! I… I was sure about my feelings for him. Damn it, I’m crying even more now. All these memories make my heart splatter into thousands of pieces. I’ll never ever be able to trust someone. Let alone to love.

“Yunnie…”, I’m whispering, clawing my chest, and lowering my chin, to hide my tears from the night sky.

I’m sobbing again and again. Shaking and feeling lost. It hurts so much. My throat’s like knotted, I can’t make noises while crying. Silently, I’m letting go all my tears. Every heartache that I felt since Yunho became insecure about us needs to vanish. I’ve to delete him from my heart and mind. My soul’s to be freed from him. There’s no more YunJae. There’ll be no more YunJae. We should continue as former group-members. Not more, not less.

“Oi, Jaejoong.”, Changmin’s suddenly taking place next to me and folding his hands between his legs, “It’s really cold, eh?”

I don’t care about the weather, but I know he wants to comfort me. I wonder where Junsu went. Probably telling the commander about my withdrawal.

“Listen, I know how you feel…”, he’s softly saying and leaning back on the bench, not touching me, “I kinda understand how Yunho feels, to be honest. You know, I liked Junsu a lot and I kinda still do so… but I can’t help it to… fall for someone else…”

What’s he talking about? Is he telling me that Yunho’s falling for Yujin now? Or is he talking about himself falling for... Cassiopeia? Ugh, I don’t want to hear this. No, thanks! This’s not making me feel any better.

“You see, I told you once before that Yunho wants to settle down. Settle down with you…”, he’s continuing and looking up into the night sky, “But he’s insecure. Insecure about how to handle all of this. Not sure, if you two will last after the military. I won’t deny that he’s stupid for asking Yujin to spend a night with him, but he’s just searching for the right answers.”

I’m wiping away my tears and looking at Changmin. His expression’s serious and kinda worried. He’s rubbing his own arms due to the cold. Poor Minnie, staying here only to comfort me…

“Jaejoong, did you ever ask Yunho if he’s into guys?”, he’s suddenly asking me and checking up on my reaction.

Into guys? I… I never asked him that. The only thing that matters to me… mattered to me, was that he was into me. I see, Changmin’s trying to tell me something different than I thought.

“I… I feel like… dying.”, I’m silently answering and again shedding tears in silence.

The maknae’s putting his arms around me and enveloping me with his warmth, making me feel safe.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you…”, he’s saying and caressing my back, “I just… I was afraid for this to happen…”

I know. I unfortunately know.

“I… I’m… sorry…”, I’m apologizing to my friend.

He’s pushing me softly back and holding my chin to lift my face. He’s glancing into my teary eyes, my red nose, and wet cheeks.

“Listen, you don’t have to be sorry at all!”, he’s assessing strictly, “I know how much you love Yunho… So, if you still… want to be together with him, just don’t forgive him! Let him rot in hell!”

What?! I’m holding in my sob and looking at him in shock. What an evil maknae he’s! He’s laughing at my reaction and patting my shoulders with a bright smile.

“I mean, don’t be all lovey-dovey to him right away. I’m pretty sure he’ll not go to Yujin. If he does, I’ll punch him harder this time. You should make him suffer a lot.”, Changmin’s suggesting and frowning, “He should realize what he’s about to lose! Don’t take him back easily!”

Make him suffer? Take him back? What? I’m instantly shaking off his hands and standing up abruptly. I’m wiping off my tears and pulling up the phlegm in my red nose. Damn it’s cold!

“Stop it! You hear me?! Stop it!”, I’m yelling at Changmin and making him look confused, “I don’t want to play games! I’m done with Yunho! I don’t want him back!”

Then I’m rapidly walking away. Changmin’s not following me. Good thing he knows when to stay away. Idiot, telling me to act weird so Yunho would eventually come back? No thanks. I don’t need a man, who’s not able to choose. A man, who’s not able to love only one person. A man, who’s confused as ! I don’t need him!

I don’t want to go back into the building, so I’m on my way to the ordnance depot. It’s locked. Damn it! Where do I go?

“Hero Jaejoong!”, suddenly the commander’s voice is to hear, “Why’re you wandering around the ordnance depot? You’re not in charge of cleaning or guarding it, are you?”

Huh, what? No, I’m not. Damn it, she shouldn’t notice my red eyes. Ah! I don’t need her to know that I cried!

She’s walking up to me and harshly grabbing my chin to make me face her. She’s really beautiful. Dark ponytail and bangs, big almond-shaped brown eyes, full lips, a perfect body… How could a woman like this be a commander? I’d fall for her, but I’m into… that . Damn it, my heart’s aching… I don’t want to think of Yunho anymore.

“You cried!”, she’s assessing in shock, “What happened?! Tell me!”

I’m gulping and softly touching her hand to lower it from my chin. She’s not resisting but keeping staring into my eyes. Her glance could kill. That’s how she stares.

“I… I… just…”, I’m stuttering, unable to form any words.

Shura’s shaking her head and hugging me all of a sudden. She’s whispering Japanese words into my ear and then softly pushing me away. Wait… did she just tell me…? She’s abruptly pressing her lips on mine and putting her arms around my neck. My heartbeat’s rising, not because I’m nervous, but because I’m in shock! What the hell?! No way! I… I don’t like this at all! Yunho’s lips were the last to touch mine, why’s she taking this away from me?! No! Please stop!

“Jaejoong…”, I’m suddenly hearing Yunho’s trembling voice.

Shura’s instantly letting me go and looking at my fellow in surprise. I’m holding in my breath and covering my lips. Oh no! Now, he’ll think that I’m trying to take revenge. No! I’m not like this! Hell no! Yunho’s taking a step back and clenching his fists. Is it jealousy or anger? I can’t really tell. He seems out of breath. Did he run here? Who told him I was here? Changmin? Damn it!

“So… that’s why you broke up.”, he’s assessing angrily, “You like her.”

What?! Me liking Shura? No! That’s not it! How… how’s he even able to think of me like this?! I’ve always liked him and only him! The commander’s walking few steps away, so to stay out of this. I’m not moving an inch.

“You could’ve told me, you know!”, Yunho’s yelling at me, “I didn’t mean to hurt you by asking Yujin about one night! I was sure that I’m not to sleep with her anyway! But you… you broke up by listening to Yoochun! You broke up, because of the hot commander! You like her, right?!”

What? He was sure? Is he kidding me?! You don’t ask a woman, with whom you nearly ended up dating, to sleep with you! You don’t ask someone, who kissed you before and made you , to sleep with you! And now he’s blaming me for the commander to kiss me?! He doesn’t even know how I felt, when Yujin kissed him! I didn’t blame him like this! I didn’t blame him for my injury too! I’ll probably be never able to sing like before, just because I wanted to protect him from the commander! Wow, I… I really feel angry right now. Changmin’s right. He should rot in hell. I’m so done with him. He put out the last spark of love in my heart. Good-bye Yunho. Yunho’s staring at me with a dark expression, as if all of this were my fault. you, Yunho! I’m really pissed. Blaming me for this, when it’s him, who first knowingly cheated on me. I kept believing in him and loved him. The commander’s walking away slowly, step by step. Where’s she going? She can’t leave me alone now! She’s to support me. I’m grabbing her arm and pulling her closer to me, a little bit harsh.

“Yeah! I like her! She’s half Japanese and beautiful! She likes me and I’m into women! So what?!”, I’m assessing angrily, yet I don’t really want to say these words.

I’m mad, but no way I’m into Shura. She’s not my type. She’s not Yunho… Argh! No, Yunho’s history! Done. My ex’s jaw’s dropping and he’s looking at me in shock. He probably didn’t expect me to say these things. Probably thought that I’d give in again. Not this time, Mr. Jung, not this time. It’s over and he should get over me too.

“Go to Yujin!”, I’m ordering angrily and dragging Shura, who’s kinda overstrained by my actions, with me back to the building.

Yunho’s staying back. I can hear him sobbing. It kinda hurts me too. My heart’s aching more and more. I feel bad. I really do…

“You’re trembling…”, Shura’s assessing in worry and making me stop walking, “Hero Jaejoong, I’m sorry that this became a little bit too much…”

She’s noticed me crying too. Great.

“I didn’t mean to in, but your friends asked me to help you out…”, she’s admitting and letting my hand go, “I’m a hardcore YunJae shipper and yes, you’re my favorite of Tohoshinki, but I don’t have a crush on you.”

Wait… my friends? What’s she talking about? Who asked her to kiss me? Wait, so she knew that Yunho was around?!

“Who asked you for this?!”, I’m yelling at Shura.

She’s briefly knocking my head with her fist, reminding me that she’s still the commander and I’ve to watch my mouth.

“Xiah Junsu and Max Changmin did.”, she’s adding, “They said, that you wanted to take revenge on Yunho for bringing you down.”

What? No! Changmin! Argh! I’m clenching my fists and sprinting back to the building, through the hallway to my room.

I’m out of breath, but boy, I don’t need to be calm right now. All I want is to scold all of them! I’m entering the room totally in rage and slamming the door while breathing heavily. Yoochun’s instantly looking up and noticing me being terribly mad. I probably seem berserk. A lot.

“Jaejoong, what’s the matter? You’re out of breath…”, he’s worrying and getting up to hold my upper arms.

I’m shaking off his hands right away and tensing my nostrils, that’s when I notice Cassiopeia standing in our room and watching me with a depressed expression.

“Where’re they?!”, I’m yelling at the spirit-friend, “Where’re Junsu and Changmin?!”

Yoochun’s glancing at him too and lifting his brows unknowingly about what’s happening. Cassiopeia’s slowly walking up to me and lifting his arms, showing me his deep cuts. His flesh’s shimmering dark red.

“You know what happens to me, when you guys keep on hating each other?”, he’s asking me out of the blue, “My cuts become so deep, that I lose interest in staying close to you. I’m about to vanish. If that’s to happen, you won’t be able to see the Red Ocean together ever again.”

What’s he talking about? I don’t care about performing right now. I want to talk to Changmin and Junsu!

“They’re on their way back. Keep scolding them, alright?”, Cassiopeia’s ordering me sarcastically, “Keep on hurting me. You don’t suffer like me anyway, right?”

I… I’m sorry to hurt him. I really am, but… I can’t hold it back. I can’t act like I’m ok with all of this. I mean… Cassiopeia will feel it anyway. I can’t hide my true feelings from him, right?

“But you could calm down.”, he’s telling me, “I feel it coming. A fight between you guys.”

A fight? Changmin and Junsu are entering our room at the same time. So, they really made this up together. They planned all of this! Idiots! Big idiots!

“Oi, you’re already back?”, Junsu’s asking me and smiling all over his face.

I’m gulping as I’m trying to keep my anger down. It’s really difficult. It really is. Changmin’s silently passing me by. Wow, how’s he even able to act like everything’s ok? I’m grabbing his arm, making him stop walking away.

“You… I told you, that I didn’t want to play games!”, I’m aggressively telling him and tightening my grip, drilling my fingers into his arm.

He’s briefly looking at Cassiopei