It’s February. I’m sad and angry at the same time. Everyone’s still talking about Changmin’s case and about Yunho and Jaejoong’s relationship. Our maknae’s been silent since the issue’s become public. The smile on his face vanished for eternity. Every time Junsu tries to talk to him, he’s just looking up and shedding tears. Saying nothing. Just burying his face in his hands, arms or pillow and crying silently. Cassiopeia’s gone too. We haven’t seen him since he warned us about him vanishing. Changmin feels totally lost without him. He was the one being there for our maknae when he was feeling really bad. Cassiopeia was a big support to him, but now he’s gone. I’m worried. About Yunho… well he’s in bad terms with Jaejoong. They’re no longer dating each other, due to their conversation with the CEOs. Actually, it was Yunho who broke up. He said that there’s no point in being together when Jaejoong couldn’t even defend their love and stood up for it. I’ve to admit that I’m on Yunho’s side with this. He really plucked up courage and told the CEOs, but my JYJ-fellow simply crushed it. Yeah, I know he tried to protect all of us and make the Reunion Stage happen, but dude… I’m sure our fans want us to be happy in first place. So…, YunJae’s no longer. They’re avoiding each other. Mr. Baek’s really upset with Jaejoong, because he lied to him about being in a relationship with a woman, when it actually was Yunho. Even Anchan’s in a bad situation, because he tried to cover up for Jaejoong. Our CEO’s not sure about how to handle the situation. He’s kinda overstrained. Mr. Kim scolded Yunho for the disaster and terrible truth. But that’s all he did. He didn’t threaten him to be kicked out of SM yet. Well, to be honest it’s Yunho and Changmin bringing in all the money from Japan. So, TVXQ’s reputation right after the news will decide if SM’s going to kick out Changmin and Yunho. Well, time will tell. Yujin cut all connections to Yunho. She said she doesn’t want to be dragged into such a disgracing issue. Disgracing since Yunho chose Jaejoong, a GUY, over Yujin, a WOMAN. About Boa… well it’s been really her telling the people about YunJae. She couldn’t stand the fact about Yunho marrying someone he doesn’t want to. She asked the fans while being interviewed to please support his decision and not to hate him. She apologized to make it public without Jaejoong and Yunho knowing, but it’s to be done, before a bigger damage happened. Yet, Boa didn’t say a thing about Changmin. She didn’t even know about it. It was a relative of Sir Rang dragging this issue to public. His relative’s definitely been paid money to talk about it. Even though the court forbid it… The court’s now investigating this and Sir Rang’s relative will be punished either by paying a huge amount of money for the damage he’s done to Changmin, or he’ll be locked in for several months. Well, no matter what the court decides, we can’t change what’s been made public... We can’t erase Changmin’s trauma. Even if Boa meant it in a good way to tell the world, YunJae ended up breaking up. Changmin’s probably never ever going to become happy ever again and SM’s going to drop them if society starts bashing on Yunho and feeling disgusted by Changmin’s situation or feel pity for him. If AVEX notices the stocks falling, even their activities in Japan might be on hold. The soldiers here are talking about Changmin again and again. Some even asked Yunho about Jaejoong’s preferences in bed. Some offered them to spend a night in their rooms. Stupid comments are made day by day. Junsu’s been trying his best, throwing in jokes and funny conversations to brighten up our moods. Jaejoong’s laughing and enjoying the moments, yet when Yunho walks in our room, he becomes all silent and earnest. Yeah, that’s how it is these days.

And me… I’m here sitting on my desk and doing some paperwork since early morning. It’s about to become evening. Everyone’s still on duty. Jaejoong and Junsu are on cleaning duty, Yunho’s in charge of today’s meal and Changmin’s standing guard in front of the military base. I hope soldiers won’t mock him or look at him with that “Oh look, poor boy…”-expression. People should simply leave him alone. Ugh, I can’t concentrate. My head is all filled with questions and worries and pain. I really feel overstrained a lot. I don’t even know how Junsu’s able to act all happily. I can’t. I really can’t. It’s taking too much effort and I don’t even have the stamina to go on with all of it. I simply want to give everything up and turn back to my family. I want to visit Yuhwan and ask how he’s been doing. Yuhwan…

Someone’s suddenly knocking on the office door.

“Hello.”, a young soldier’s greeting and taking place right in front of me, “I… I need your help… My brain hurts…”

Help?

“Uhm… I’m not the psychologist… I’m doing the paperwork…”, I’m informing the seemingly nervous soldier, “The psychologist is upstairs.”

He’s shaking his head and lowering his gaze. His hands are trembling. I wonder what’s up. Is he afraid? I’ve really got no time to listen to other people’s problems when mine are already too much for me to handle. I’m not a saint. I can’t help everyone and everything. I need time for myself… and the paperwork.

“Listen… Park…”, the soldier’s stuttering, “About Shim… I… I’m really sorry.”

I still have no clue about what he’s talking about, but yeah, he caught my attention for sure. If he’s going to talk about Changmin, I’m going to slap him. I’m crossing my arms and smiling at him, trying to make him feel safe. For now.

“You see… my sister’s been a huge fan of you people… especially Shim”, he’s suddenly admitting with a shaky voice, “But now… she’s becoming all crazy… She’s afraid that Shim would commit suicide, or someone else could hurt him again. She told me that she’s going to find Sir Rang and kill him for doing this to her ub…”

What the hell’s he talking about? Sir Rang’s in jail. He escaped once but was brought back in by Shura. Wait… who’s Shura? Why does this name sound so familiar? Cassiopeia mentioned this person… right? The commander that no one remembers…

“Your… your brother killed the former commander… so you know how I feel…”, the soldier’s adding hesitantly, “I… I don’t want my sister to end up in jail… Please… can’t you help me?”

Why’s he bringing this up? Why’s he mentioning Yuhwan?! Is he trying to mess up my feelings right now? Because I ain’t listening to that . I don’t care about his sist-

“Please Park… help…”, he’s suddenly shedding tears and grabbing his cargo-pants tightly, “My mother would die...”

Damn it! Ugh, why are people like this? Everyone’s always depending on me. Ah! Now I can’t turn down his wish. Well, since his sister would do it for Changmin’s sake, I think I can help. I’m picking a blank paper and the ink-pen.

“What’s your sister’s name?”, I’m asking the young soldier and he’s instantly looking up, wiping away his tears.

“Her name’s Jia…”, he’s answering and gulping.

I’m writing her a short letter.

“Dear Jia, I’m thankful for your concerns about Changmin. He’s lucky to have fans like you. But please don’t do something wrong. My brother did because of me, and my mom’s become really depressed. Think about your brother, who’s actually really worried about you. And think about your mother, who’s probably wishing for you to have a beautiful life. Changmin wouldn’t want you to hurt others… Thanks again for worrying, but please just don’t spread this issue to everyone. I know people won’t forget, but at least don’t make Changmin remember it again and again. If you end up killing someone, Changmin will blame himself.

Even if it’s our enemy, we need to learn loving them… otherwise nothing would change in this world of ours. Hate isn’t going to help. If you want to help Changmin, gather your friends who also like him and continue supporting him. Show him that he’s still dear to you. Continue supporting TVXQ. Sincerely, Park Yoochun.”

So, my brains really hurting a lot. Am I having a bad headache? I’m folding the paper and handing it over to the excited soldier. He’s smiling at me with his teary eyes and shaking my hand all thankfully. Then he’s leaving. Phew, well done.

As soon as I want to continue with the paperwork, the alarm’s ringing in the whole building. Well, it’s time to take a shower and then have dinner. I guess I’ve to continue with this duty tomorrow. Meh. Boring indeed. I’m stretching and standing up, leaving the office with the thoughts on my brother. I wonder how he’s been doing. I miss him.

“Yoochun!”, Junsu’s calling for me few steps away, “Let’s go heat things up!”

Heat things up? Now? Now?! What?! No! Ah! I… I wasn’t expecting this! I… I’m not in the mood… He’s laughing in the next moment. His “Uekyang Uekyang” is echoing in the whole hallway.

“I don’t mean that!”, he’s saying, “We need Yunho and Jaejoong to forgive each other… I mean… we need Yunho to forgive Jaejoong. We need him to propose already. Everyone knows already about them, so there’s no need for them to wait anymore, right?”

I’m scratching my occiput and sighing. To be honest, I don’t care. I’m only worried for Changmin. I need him to feel better. I’m sick of Yunho and Jaejoong’s relationship problems. It’s none of my business.

“I don’t want to.”, I’m assessing finally, “Junsu… it’s becoming really annoying. And… I… I…”

I’m looking at a soldier standing in front of me with a disappointed expression. Who’s he? What am I doing here? I’m looking around, just to see empty white walls and an endless hallway. Where am I?

“Yoochun, are you alright?”, the soldier’s asking me kinda worried.

I’m nodding, though having no clue who he’s. He’s grabbing my arm and dragging me through the entire hallway, downstairs and again through a hallway. We’re standing still in front of a door. I guess, it’s my room…