We’re all waiting for Cassiopeia to answer, but instead he’s avoiding all our faces. He seems a lot nervous or afraid. I can’t tell yet.

“You’re just a lucky guy!”, Donghae’s assessing and tapping his flat palm on the floor next to him, “Come, take place next to me.”

Our spirit-friend’s hesitating, then slowly walking up to Changmin and pulling him to the corner. They’re whispering about something. Must be very important… Why’re they keeping it from us? I want to know too!

“What?!”, Changmin’s suddenly shouting and shaking off Cassiopeia’s hands, “You did what?! When?! Why don’t I remember?! Who’s that anyway?!”

Huh? What’s going on? Are they having their first couple-fight? We’re all taking place and not butting in, even Junsu’s staying out of their conversation so far. We’re all listening carefully, while Yoochun’s opening the first bottle. We don’t have glasses, so we need to take turns. Wait… we’ll be passively kissing each other then, right? Ugh… Yunho won’t let me drink then. I know it. Before Yoochun’s taking the first sip, he’s handing the bottle over to me. Aww, what a great friend he is! He knows us well. Our president! I’m gulping three times and I’ve to admit that it tastes amazing! Ugh, I missed it! Yunho’s instantly taking the bottle away and drinking right after me. Donghae’s opening the other bottle and first handing it over to Eunhyuk. It’s good that this time there’s only two bottles, we can’t become all drunk easily, so there’ll be no chaos afterwards. Changmin and Cassiopeia are still arguing in the corner, when suddenly Yunho’s standing up and grabbing the visible spirits and our maknae’s arms to make them join us.

“Stop this nonsense and celebrate with us!”, he’s ordering and laughing, “Whatever it is, it can wait!”

Cassiopeia’s briefly glancing to his beloved one and waiting for him to join first. Changmin’s not amused at all. Whatever our spirit-friend told him, it ruined his mood. Well, at least they’re joining us. Again, we’re sitting in a circle. Siwon, Yunho, I, Yoochun, Junsu, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Changmin and Cassiopeia. To be honest, it’s kinda odd that our spirit-friend’s sitting next to Siwon and actual seen by everyone. It’s really weird.

“Well then…”, Siwon’s standing up and patting his friend’s shoulder, “Yunho and Jaejoong… this’s really rare, because you all know that I don’t support these kinds of relationships, but you’re my friends and I want the best for you. So, even if Heechul wants to organize everything, let me tell you this. He might decorate everything with “Frozen” utilities, especially Elsa. So, don’t choose him.”

Then he’s laughing hysterically. Everyone is, except Cassiopeia, because the thing about Frozen is way too funny. Even though he meant it as a joke, Chullie’s unpredictable. We’re drinking one after another and telling stories to each other. Junsu’s talking about football and how bad he’s missing to work out. We agree all that it’s kinda boring without workout but doing the parkour and these kinds of things here, makes it up, I guess. Suddenly we’re all talking about workout and our bodies. Who’s the best body? Whose muscles are the hottest for an observer? Siwon’s bragging with his body and I’ve to admit that he’s no reason to complain. Donghae’s the next showing everyone his muscles. Eunhyuk’s bursting out laughing, so are Yoochun and Junsu. Sungmin’s also laughing unstoppable, claiming that this’s ridiculous.

“Don’t make me laugh!”, I’m assessing and pulling up my shirt to show them my pumped body, “Look, this’s how it’d be!”

Yunho’s grinning to both his ears and pulling me back down to the ground. I’m plucking deal my shirt and laughing too. He’s caressing my arms and smiling lovely, making me feel all warm and safe. Ok, whatever the two bottles contained, I already feel a bit drunken. Sungmin’s again the first one all done already. He’s leaning on Junsu and slumbering. My JYJ-fellow’s the only one who’s not even sipped one single time on the bottle. Yeah, that’s just him.

“Hey guys! Let’s play hide and seek!”, Donghae’s suddenly suggesting happily.

We might regret this decision later, but we can’t help but agree. Junsu’s trying to change our decision, but it’s useless. We’re hyped! It sounds fun, so why not?

“Let’s do it!”, Yunho’s shrieking, “Since Junsu’s the only one sober, he shall seek for us!”

Yeah, right! We’re all nodding and staring at him. He’s shaking his head and assessing that it’s a bad idea. Cassiopeia’s too trying to hold us back.

“Ok, which areas are we allowed to hide?”, Eunhyuk’s asking and scratching his nose softly.

“The whole second floor!”, Changmin’s shrieking, “It’s to be a little bit difficult and when… when… when…”

He’s hiccupping.

“When Junsu can’t find everyone until the midnight bell, everyone’s supposed to go back to their rooms.”, Cassiopeia’s ending his sentence.

Aww, they’re so cute. I wonder if Yunho knows too what I’m thinking sometimes… Obviously Yoochun does. Well, it doesn’t matter. Junsu’s insisting on not participating. He’s crawling into his bed and covering himself in a whole. Yoochun’s shrugging and crawling besides Junsu, cuddling with him. Ugh, come on! They’re so lame! Sungmin’s already asleep on the floor. So, that makes us only seven. Siwon, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Changmin, Cassiopeia, Yunho, and me. Well, better than nothing!

“Changmin… I don’t want to do this…”, our spirit-friend’s admitting hesitantly, “I’m scared Sir Hwe would catch you and since he lied to you guys about the Reunion Stage… I’m afraid he’s dangerous too.”

Changmin’s shrugging, signaling him that he doesn’t care.

“I care! I don’t want you to suffer again!”, Cassiopeia’s suddenly yelling at him, his eyes are flashing fire, “I don’t want to suffer because of you guys!”

“Suffer?”, Eunhyuk’s asking, “Why should you suffer? Come on, don’t be such a er! Let’s have fun for once!”

Cassiopeia’s ignoring him and then putting both his arms around our maknae. He’s tightly hugging him and putting his hand on Changmin’s occiput, pressing his head softly on his chest. Wow, watching them like this, I can’t tell if Changmin’s hugging himself right now. Cassiopeia’s really something special. He looks like every single one of us yet like only one of us. I can’t describe this… or I’m too drunk to figure out who’s who.

“Changmin… please stay here with me tonight…”, Cassiopeia’s saying calmly.

Wait… What?! I can spot our maknae nodding slightly. Oh, come on! Two more gone?! Great. Siwon’s pulling up Sungmin and carrying him piggyback. Ugh, I can tell what he’s about to say. He’s winking once and then waving Donghae and Eunhyuk to follow him. They’re all leaving our room together, wishing us all a good night. Wow, that’s how fast someone’s able to change his opinion. Ugh, never mind. It’s probably for the better.

Junsu and Yoochun are already asleep. We can hear them snoring silently. My JYJ-fellows are always asleep before me. Well, at least Yoochun’s the one sleeping first and getting up the latest. Man, I wanted to have fun tonight, but everyone’s lame. Including our maknae and his spirit-lover. Ugh.

“Well, what now?”, I’m asking Yunho, while Changmin’s climbing up his bed together with Cassiopeia.

Yunho’s grabbing my arm and softly pushing up my shirt, touching my belly, my muscles. Uh, I knew it. I knew that he wanted to touch me.

“Jaejoongie…”, he’s whispering while softly striping his index finger up to my chest, “I’m not drunk yet… We don’t remember the last time… So, what about tonight…?”

Eh?! What? Now? I… I can’t! This’s so dumbfounded! I wanted to play hide and seek! I… I’m not in the mood to… Yunho’s putting his hand on my neck and then pressing his lips on mine. Tenderly he’s moving his lips and I’m all nervous and blushing horribly. I can’t help but get along with it. I’m too putting my arms around his shoulders and enjoying the moment. My heart’s hammering fierce against my chest, but Yunho’s the same. We’re both feeling the same. We’re both embraced with our love. Yunho’s slowly pushing me backwards, so we’re landing on his bed. Yunho’s softly grabbing one of my legs as he’s above me and continuing to kiss me. He’s then letting go of my lips and looking into my eyes.

“Jaejoongie…”, he’s again whispering, “I really love you…”

I’m smiling slightly. No, it’s no longer just a smile. I’m grinning like a maniac. I feel great right now. Man, he should tell me about more stuff like this. It’s .

“But… there’s something I’ve to tell you…”, he’s stuttering nervously, “I… I can’t propose yet, because… I’ve to handle the situation with SM first…”

What? Ugh, this’s ruining the moment! Stop talking, idiot!

“I can’t leave SM before our contract expires and we also have to catch up the time we’ve spent in the military.”, he’s adding.

I’m putting my arms around his neck and trying to press him down to me, but he’s not giving in yet. What’s up with him?! Why’s he doing this? Speaking of this, I won’t be able to enjoy anything we’re about to do!

“Jaejoongie… If I can’t make it out there… we might end up separated for a while…”, he’s finally admitting.

Wait what? End up separated?! Is he kidding me?! Why shouldn’t he be able to get out of SM?! Why’s he… wait… don’t tell me he isn’t sure about his actions?! Again?! I’m abruptly pushing him down from me, making him land on the ground and groan in light pain. I’m straightening myself and staring at him angrily. I wonder if Cassiopeia felt that too… He’s sleeping deeply without any reactions to this right now. Maybe he’s becoming more and more humane, disconnected to us…

“Jaejoongie… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”, Yunho’s apologizing and taking place next to me, holding my hand and looking at my angry face, “I really love you, and I’ll do everything. So, I wanted to tell you that I’m ready to take on a lawsuit, if needed.”

What?! He’s ready to take action like this, if SM won’t let him go? And I pushed him away. Ugh, I’m so stupid! No… I’m instantly putting my other hand on his and my lips, biting the upper one and then nodding once. I’m stealing a peck and then looking into his beautiful, almond-shaped brown eyes. I love him. He might be a little bit too obsessive and sometimes too jealous, but he’s my one and only.

“Yunho… marry me.”, I’m ordering.

Yes, it’s me who’s proposing. God, if I’d wait for Yunho, it might take ages for him to act. So, what’s taking him so long? Why isn’t he smiling happily, or tearing up speechless? He’s just staring at me all shocked. His jaw’s dropped too. I’m clenching his hand briefly, waiting for a goddamn reaction or answer. He won’t. What’s up with him?!

“Jae… Jaejoong, I…”, he’s stuttering, not really happy, “I… I wanted to be the one. I… I can’t accept it. There… there’s a reason, why I… I’m waiting with it. I… I’m sorry.”

He’s pulling away his hand and standing up, stepping back, and continuing to stare at me. Wow, he just rejected me. I thought he’d…

“Listen, I… I told you that I needed time. Why’re you doing this to me?”, he’s questioning me and shaking his head from left to right, “You’re not supposed to propose. It’s me, so… No, you’ve to wait.”

Ok, I don’t know what to feel right now. All I am is being confused. Turning down my proposal just because he wants to be the one to do so? There’s a reason to it to wait? What actually? The time being stuck in the military? Or is it because of SM? Maybe he’s afraid of the society. When it ever becomes public, then it means that it’s for real. People shipping us since I don’t know when, probably debut… might suddenly be all disgusted… Others might even start ridiculously evil petitions. Maybe Yunho’s scared to be immediately labeled. Can I blame him for that? I mean, I’m scared of others to find out about us too. I mean, the SM-artists. I’m terrible afraid of them taking away Yunho from me or even brainwash him with anything, threaten him or else... Yeah, maybe I should wait for the right time. Whenever he wants to… I’ll be ready. I’ll definitely be. I’m also getting on my feet, grabbing Yunho’s hands, and caressing the backs of both of them with my thumbs. I’m smiling, even though I feel a little bit hurt. I won’t be mad at him. It’s just not like I am. I can’t be sour. I won’t pressure him. I want him to feel good when I’m around. He shouldn’t be worried at all. I want him to feel best when I’m with him.

“I’m sorry, Yunho.”, I’m apologizing in regret, “I’ll wait for you then. Take all the time you need. I’m ready whenever you are.”

He’s suddenly smiling. Yeah, my words helped him to ease. Seeing him happily like this’s all I want. I can put back all my desires if that’s how to make him feel good. It’s not a bother for me, is it?

“Thank you Jaejoongie.”, he’s thanking me and abruptly embracing me with a tight hug, “Thanks for understanding.”

I’m slightly nodding in his arms, pushing him back, kissing his cheek and then climbing up my bed. He’s watching me and probably thinking that he’s hurt me. Well, after this I can’t continue to lie in his arms, cuddle and all these things. No, not tonight…

“Good night.”, he’s whispering to me and getting onto his bed, turning his back at me and falling asleep right away.

I’m lying up here all awake now. Thinking about it, Yunho’s really not confident when it comes to us. I mean, he yelled into my phone hoping that several SM-artists would’ve heard him when he was phoning with Heechul. But at the same time, he’s scared of SM. I really don’t get it. It seems like he’s not sure how to handle our relationship. Uh… to be honest, I don’t even know how to manage all of this. Marrying… is not an option here in South Korea… at least not legally… So, all we can do is an unofficial ceremony. Or we marry somewhere else, but it might be not recognized here. It definitely won’t. Ugh, everything screams against us. Do we want too much?

“No, you’re not.”, suddenly Cassiopeia’s whispering, grabbing the edges of my bed and carefully jumping over, without kicking Yoochun.

He’s taking place next to my belly, his feet hanging and waggling slowly back and forth. He’s smiling at me and softl