A few seconds pass as we’re looking at each other, but for me it feels like an eternity. I’m shocked. Yunho’s face is all swollen. His cute cheek is covered with a big bandage. His nose is still purplish red. It’s impossible to overlook all his bruises. What did they do to him? I can’t believe this. I won’t believe this. It’s my entire fault. My damn fault! I was beaten up once too, but not horribly like this. Yunho, I’m so sorry. My heartbeat's rising, I’m starting to shiver, and my eyes are tearing up once again. I can’t hold them back. They are running down my cheeks. Yoochun and Junsu know how I feel. They’re shocked too.

Yunho’s still looking at me with an empty expression. I’m spotting one of his eyes tearing up. His lower lip's trembling. I believe he feels awful right now. He probably didn’t want me to see him like this. He’s walking up to us. For a moment he stands still without looking at us, at me, and then he's passing by.

He's letting me down. Once again. This hurts bad. It really does. I’m crying like a baby and sobbing unstoppable.

“Yunho…”, Junsu's whispering sadly and holding one of my arms.

His grip is kinda hurting me, but I know it’s because of his feels. His eyes are also filled with tears. Seeing our ex-leader like this hurts us all. Yoochun's holding me and patting my back. He’s really trying hard to suppress his feelings. Normally he's the one crying first, when it comes to touching moments. He’s strong in holding back his tears. I feel horrible. I want to die. I really can’t stand this anymore. I’m clawing my chest tighter and sobbing like never before. We’re standing there for a while. Some soldiers are passing by while looking at us. They know us as JYJ. I believe seeing us like this will become the hot topic in here, but I don’t care. I don’t care what others think of us. I don’t care what they’ll think of this. I don’t care about the damn gossip!

We're walking off as soon as we raved. We’re getting out of the building and sitting on the bench in the courtyard. Some other comrades of me are standing outside too and enjoying the fresh air. Some of them are smoking in the corners. They seem all happy. It’s only me who isn’t allowed to be happy.

“This will be over soon.”, Yoochun is trying to comfort me, “We will overcome this.”

Junsu's wiping off his tears and looking up to the clear blue sky. His brown eyes are shimmering in the sun.

“We still belong to Dong Bang Shin Ki, right?”, he’s asking us unsure, “We’re still a family, right?”

Yoochun's smiling for a moment and then answering to Junsu’s question with a firm nod. His eyes are finally tearing up.

“We’ll be together again.”, he's saying with a trembling voice, “The day will come when we’ll be back on the same stage.”

I can’t say a word. I’m feeling too horrible to speak right now. All I want is to go sleep for eternity. I don’t want to open my eyes ever again. I’m so hurt. I’m so damn hurt. I feel so terrible.

All I can do is to hope and keep the faith.

I’m so sorry Yunho.

I really am.

It’s late at night right now. It’s been six weeks since I’ve last seen Yunho. Him in that bad condition. Yoochun and Junsu left unwillingly that day. They told me to stay strong and made me promise not to cry again. Ugh… they really are my friends. More than that. They are my family.

I’m lying in my bunkbed and trying to sleep. Yeah, I can’t sleep. My head is full of Yunho’s condition. Full of Changmin’s words. Full of pain. I’m tossing around and stretching my right leg out of the bed, because it’s so damn hot in here. My roommates are all sleeping already. They all had a nice day. I hear my fellow, who’s sleeping beneath me, snoring. He always snores. I cover my eyes with my forearm, so I could probably fall asleep, but nothing is working. Maybe I should go on a walk… The thing is, we are not allowed to leave the sleeping rooms late at night. Ugh! I need to distract myself!

So, I decide to sneak out, but I must be very careful about the night watchman. He’s an . I really hate using these kinda vulgar words, but damn I hate him so much. Probably more than I do hate the high-pitched commander. Alright, I’ll be back before dawn. No one will notice.

I’m jumping out of my bunk bed and landing on the ground like a panther. Silently. My fellow babbles in his dreams, which briefly scares me. I quietly sneak out of my sleeping room and first watch along the great hallway for the night watchman. He’s nowhere to be seen, so I’m walking rapidly towards the exit. As I leave the building, I can hear the night watchman loudly snoring. That fool fell asleep… Good for me!

I don’t know where to go. I’m not aiming anywhere. I just follow my heart right now. The night sky is starless. The moon is shining brightly. It’s a full blue moon. A big one. I’m spotting two airplanes on the sky. Their lights are blinking red and white. The night wind is breezing calmly, and I can hear the rustling leaves. It’s really soothing. I’m starting to feel good. Finally.

I’m walking towards the ordnance depot. The steel door is always locked up. Only the commander owns the key to it. But tonight, the steel door is ajar. A dull light is shining outside. Someone’s probably in there. The commander? I hope not. I need to recede, but I want to see the weapons in there. When will I be able to get such an opportunity again?

I’m slowly approaching and listening closely to all the sounds I hear. I need to be very carefully. If the commander is in there and if he catches me, I’ll be dead meat. I’m peeking through the gap and the person whom I spot isn’t the commander. It’s Yunho.

What is he doing here? I don’t get it… How did he open the steel door? And why the hell is he in the ordnance depot currently at night?

Damn it, I feel bad again. I have avoided Yunho since the incident. I’m not ready to run into him. But still, I can’t take off my eyes from him. He looks fine. All his bruises vanished. The six weeks definitely made him recover. His almond-shaped brown eyes seem reassuring. I really can’t look elsewhere. Yunho’s humming something. It seems very familiar. It kinda sounds like a song from back in the days. Is it “Doue”? It is! But… why is he humming it? I mean there are a lot of other songs…

Oh no, my nose… It’s itching! No! I need to sneeze. Damn it!

I’m pinching my nose and holding my breath, but still no use. I’m sneezing as loud as possible. Yunho's startling and looking towards me. Blast it, he noticed me! I’m hurrying in and closing the steel door, so the night watchman wouldn’t notice me. I’m pretty sure he’s awake now. My sneezing was as loud as a dinosaur.

“What are you doing here?”, Yunho is asking me all surprised.

I don’t know how to respond. I can’t tell him that I was watching him for a few minutes. I need to leave here right now. I’m turning my back on him and trying to open the steel door, but there’s no use. It can only be opened from outside. No! This… this means… I’m locked in here with Yunho until someone, no wait…, the commander opens the door. No! I’m done, I’m so dead. Wait… Yunho… He’s here with me. I put him in danger again! No way! Why?! This can’t be happening!

I’m knocking on the door with my fists, but there’s only a dull sound to hear from inside. You can’t hear a damn noise from outside, I believe. The ordnance depot is strictly built and safe, so nothing bad could happen.

My fists are hurting so much, but I can’t stop. I’m afraid of the consequences. I’m afraid of tomorrow when the commander opens the door and sees us. I don’t want Yunho to be scolded and hurt again.

“Stop it!”, suddenly Yunho's shouting at me, “What are you trying to do?!”

He's holding on to my hands and making me break off. I’m breathing in and out heavily. His touch is comforting me a bit, but I can’t let this happen. I’m pulling away my hands and stepping back to the corner of the depot. I won’t talk to him. I won’t make him suffer again.

“Jaejoongie… what’s wrong with you?”, he's asking me worried.

Why is he caring? Damn it, boy! Mind you own business! I’m lowering my gaze and staring at the floor. The smell of dynamite and gunpowder is covering the whole ordnance depot. I can’t be