Kyungsoo lay on his bed, feeling empty for the nth time. He didn't bother counting anyways because he knew that he will never be able to keep track. He looked on the shifting mass beside him and internally rolled his eyes. Another person on his bed, one of the many who had the audacity to stay the night and probably freeload for breakfast; maybe until lunch.

But something was amiss and he couldn't put his finger on it until he sat up and realized that his clothes are intact, albeit his buttons are ed. Most importantly, he is in pants, pajama pants that he can't even remember the last time that he wore one. It's absurd because he knows that he didn't drink last night, so why --

A groan that sounded all too familiar has coaxed him out of his reverie and a long, tanned arm swung over his waist and pulled him closer.

"Don't even think about of bolting, Do Kyungsoo. I'll have you back in no time," sleepy threat or not, Kyungsoo can't find it in him to even move, even take a breath. The person who is with him on his bed wiggled until their torso is laid across his lap and their head is pressed on his stomach, nuzzling there.

It was then that Kyungsoo has remembered how he has gotten himself on bed with Kim Jongin who he wasn't able to see for four years prior to their meeting last night.

"I can't believe you, Do Kyungsoo. I don't even know what to do with you. How can you be so callous?" Bakehyun whined over the line and Kyungsoo sighed silently.

"Is that all, Baek?"

The younger snorted. "Fine! Suit yourself. You are just about to lose one fantastic person in your life and you are somewhere with your stuck lazily."

"Bye, Baek."

"Wa --!"

Kyungsoo put his phone down on his bed after wiping off the sweat and tears that were smeared on the screen. He was crying silently all throughout the phone call because he knows that he has brought himself where he is now and he needs to it up.

Baekhyun was quite off when he said that he is about to lose someone fantastic. He has already lost Jongin when he decided to go trample on the other's heart to get him to quit him. And he was only able to feel the severity of Jongin's effect on him when they met last night.

It has been the first time in a very long time (realtively for Jongin and Kyungsoo) that Jongin has tried to approach him. When he received the text asking if they could talk, Kyungsoo immediately prepared himself to say abso-ing-lutely back an I love you to Jongin if he says that again.

He was unconsciously having withdrawal symptoms ever since Jongin has stopped bothering him and to cure himself of the weird and unexplainable feelings stirring inside him, he found people to pound his frustrations into.

And he has drove Jongin further away because of that.

God knows that he hasn't had the urge to get some ever since that mishap in the rooftop where he saw that Jongin saw him and some random chick and when he went after him to check on him, that was the first time that he saw Jongin looking dazed in all the wrong ways. His eyes were empty sans for the tears and it terrified Kyungsoo because he felt like he has broken Jongin irreparably. And that image was stuck inside his head and etched into his heart.

And so he has started to say no to everybody who called him for something ual because he couldn't take the face of the broken Jongin popping inside his mind even in just thinking of something related to his physical relationships.

Word got around and many people have something to say but they are hardly relevant as Kyungsoo was waiting on what Jongin thinks about this but it seemed like the other has closed off himself from the world as his grades started to skyrocket but his little circle of friends was almost reduced to nothing. And Kyungsoo was reduced to stealing glances on the guy who used to do that to him.

So it is a lovely surprise when Jongin did arrive on his doorstep, a small smile on his face that everyone hasn't seen on him in weeks.

"Can I come in?" Jongin asked with a tilt of his head and Kyungsoo nodded as he opened the door wider. And they were inside Kyungsoo's room, seated on the bed with only silence.

"Soo, I'm leaving," Jongin said after a while. "I'm going to continue my studies abroad and then maybe find a job."

"What?! Just like that? You're leaving? For good?" Kyungsoo's heart stopped at the revelation and his limbs felt like lead. "When?" he added lowly.

"Tomorrow afternoon. And yes, it's probably for good."

"But... Why?" Tears are starting to spring from his eyes. This is not a pleasant surprise and he's starting to think whether it was a good idea that he agreed to meet him.

"Because you said so. I... I want to do things with my life and I might as well take every oppurtunity presented to me."

"But you're leaving..."

Jongin chuckled bitterly and shook his head. "Doesn't really matter, right? I don't have enough reason to stay."

Like a brick wall hit by a sledgehammer, Kyungsoo's composure broke and he was crying. Jongin is leaving for good and it was too late to even say something stop him when he already had a future planned for him.

"But..." Jongin hesitates as he sees the tears running down Kyungsoo's beautiful face. He resists the urge to just drop everything and pull him close and never let go but for all he knows, the smaller is just feeling upset over a leaving friend. That's enough to hold him back. Partially. "There is one thing that I want to do first before I leave," he said absentmindedly. "Please don't hate me anymore than you already do."

"What is it?" Kyungsoo rasped as tears were still flowing down. "And I don't hate you, Jongin."

"Well, thank you. At least I will have a peace of mind knowing that my bestfriend is not mad at me," there was the small smile again that tells how Jongin is trying hard to appear cheerful. "But since I am leaving, might as well don't have any what-ifs left," he then closed the space separating him from Kyungsoo and tentatively cupped the other's face.

Kyungsoo knew what will happen, what with all of his experiences, but this time he didn't shy away and tell Jongin to off. Instead, he heightened his senses so that he could remember every single detail starting from how defeated the tanned male looked at Kyungsoo's lips before leaning in to capture them with his.

It was short, just a firm press of their lips but it made Kyungsoo feel a lot more than all of the previous kisses that he has had. He marveled at how their lips were perfectly slitted against each other, plush and sweet. His heart that has never thought would feel any better than how he felt before it broke was thrumming contentedly inside his chest.

He doesn't feel aroused or excited or anything like blood-boiling passion that will lead to him buck .

Kyungsoo felt at home. Right. Perfect.

And it all ended too soon, before he could pull Jongin back as the latterol moved away with his defeated smile and teary eyes. He was overwhelmed to immobility.

"Thanks for giving me this, Soo," Jongin held his face tenderly once more. "I meant it when I said that I love you. And I love you still and I will probably love you forever so if you ever change your mind, let me know, okay? Until then... I... I will live. Somehow. Without you in my life."

Another two loving pecks were planted on his lips and then on his forehead and Kyungsoo found himself crying waterfalls when all of that registered after he heard the front door shut. It dawned on him that all he did was cry and stare while Jongin is having a monologue and he did nothing to stop him or even tell him about the clawing feeling inside his chest whenever he isn't around and the most beautiful feeling he has ever felt when they have finally kissed.

It was final. Jongin is out of his life right after Kyungsoo has realized that he cannot live his without him.

And the next thing that he knew, it has been a little shy of four years since he has last heard of Jongin and he already has a so-so paying job as a project manager in one of the large firms in the city and his parents were involved in a car accident on their way to their cabin a few hours drive from their house.

He contemplated his last four years as he sat in one of the chairs along the hospital hallways with his head in his hands and he felt worse because he hasn't been the best child to his parents and all he ever was to them was indifferent and a little concerned at some times. He could be charged guilty of thinking more of Jongin that his parents, really.

Drowning in regrets, he barely registers that Luhan and Baekhyun has been on the chairs on either side of him and putting their arms around him in some sort of an awkward group hug. And it made his hesitant tears let go because it has been years and yet, his two closest friends were still there for him, even though he pretty much cut ties with them.

Do Kyungsoo bawled because he is entitled to. He has just lost both of his parents in a tragic accident and he is getting back his friends when he barely deserved them. He buried his head on Luhan's neck and his hand is gripping Baekhyun's tightly.

"You'll be fine, Soo. We're here," came Luhan's soothing voice and even though Baekhyun, who would usually have his two cents on everthing, remained quiet, the firm tightening grip on his hand was sign enough that he agrees with the eldest.

"I missed you guys," Kyungsoo croaked out. That is the least that he could do for his friends is let them know that he appreciates them. And they stayed entangled until Kyungsoo was called to fix some paperworks for his parents so they could already be prepared for their cremation.

He chose it to be done as soon as possible because he knows that his parents won't want people to cry over them. They were a happy couple with a crappy son and they don't need people looking at Kyungsoo in a scolding manner. He also wants his parents to