It’s wrong.

Everything; everything that he has done is wrong, and he acknowledges it. The lying, the cheating, the sneaking, all of them could be considered as his daily activities now. Truthfully, Sehun loves Kyungsoo – he fell in love with him years ago, and he still loves him, even now. His relationship with Kyungsoo is steady, it is calming, easy-going, not a single bump in the long road. Kyungsoo has been a faithful, loving and caring boyfriend to him. They rarely even fight. Kyungsoo obeys him. Kyungsoo tends to his needs and demands. Kyungsoo loves him still. His relationship is perfect and normal.

But Sehun does not want normal, he wants the thrill. He wants excitement, he craves for secrecy - he yearns for the forbidden. He yearns for the shadow latching onto him at night, all the secret phone calls and texts about pure want. Newfound desires and want, want, want. As greedy as it sounds, Sehun wants Kyungsoo on bitter, dull days. On the other, Sehun somehow wants the opposite. Guilt has yet to exist in his book, at least not yet.

Lu Han had politely rejected his offer of staying over and possibly initiating a few rounds of , saying that he was tired and all he wanted to do was rest after a day of chasing after hyperactive children. Sehun silently laughed at his adorable lover's struggle and complied. He kissed Lu Han's forehead goodbye, lingering touches still attached onto his skin, saying that he would be seeing Lu Han again tomorrow.

He returns home, feigning fatigue, greeted by a grim-looking Kyungsoo by the door. His boyfriend looks awful, dressed poorly in a shirt with his face resembling a corpse. Kyungsoo’s once beautiful, wide eyes bulged out from the dark circles under his tired eyes. A few years ago, when he was returning from work, Kyungsoo would have greeted him with a large hug, jumping onto him and kissing his whole face. Now, though, Kyungsoo stays awkwardly standing in front of him, not knowing what to do.

“What,” Sehun scoffs, “No kisses? No hugs? Not even a warm ‘welcome home’?”

Really – Sehun goes to work, facing his boss, colleagues, paper works, only to come home and not to be greeted like he truly deserved? At the back of his mind, he notes himself to consider moving in with his other lover to receive the attention he is deprived of. He watches as Kyungsoo walk towards him and Sehun expects a hug, maybe a warm kiss, but Kyungsoo only takes his suitcase away from him and cowers away like a coward he is.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo apologizes and Sehun eases himself to tolerate his boyfriend’s sudden attitude. “Welcome home, Sehun.”

He simply shrugs, telling Kyungsoo to prepare dinner, which the latter did not even have the courtesy to do, so Sehun gives up and excuses himself to head upstairs, not forgetting to kiss Kyungsoo on the cheek beforehand. He does not miss the way Kyungsoo flinches at his touches, knowing that they have, indeed, have not touched themselves for a while – Sehun knows that it’s a blame he should take. He had been having fun somewhere else, with someone else; Lu Han gives him consents of taking risks and dangerous excitement, where else Kyungsoo is always afraid.

Sure, Sehun would tolerate vanilla for the night. If Lu Han is too tired to let Sehun tie him up to the bed stand, Sehun would have to release his work frustrations on an alternative choice. Grabbing the new soap that Lu Han recently purchased for him, Sehun heads towards the bathroom and steps into the shower, letting the cold water fall over his whole body. He takes his time to run his hands on his skin, sighing as the heat from a full day of stress drains away.

By the time he was done, he could hear the faint sounds of Kyungsoo moving around downstairs, probably preparing dinner. By now, Sehun figures that dinner could wait. He doesn’t know if he’s lying to himself or not, but he finds himself yearning for his faithful boyfriend downstairs.

Sehun wraps a towel around his lower region as he silently pads towards the marbled sink, searching for the familiar bottle of clear substance next to a cup filled with their toothbrushes. Though the bottle of lubricant is not what Sehun discovers – the least he had expected to see was a small bottle of prenatal care pills.

Quiet, Sehun shakes the impossible off his thoughts, lubricant and sudden desires forgotten as he quickly dresses himself. His phone vibrates against the dresser, multiple messages coming from his hidden lover and some of his colleagues regarding of work. Sehun bids them no care, his whole heart unconsciously thumping as he makes his way down to approach his small love by the kitchen.

Warmth reaches Sehun’s face when he snakes both his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist, peppering soft kisses on the revealed skin above Kyungsoo’s shoulder. He tries to distract himself, but questions keep on darting to his mind – what were those pills that he saw back in their shared bathroom? He thinks he hears Kyungsoo whispering something, but he’s too preoccupied with his thoughts to realize that Kyungsoo is trying to push him away.

“Sehun,” He listens to Kyungsoo’s cries, “Stop, please.”

Why are you pushing me away? Sehun’s grip on Kyungsoo’s waist stays strong, spinning his boyfriend around to take a closer and proper look. Sehun’s right hand falls down to caress Kyungsoo’s clothed thigh, hesitation creeping up to him but curiosity striking the best of him. What were those pills, Kyungsoo?

“I don’t want to do this,” Kyungsoo says when Sehun tries to kiss him, “Please don’t force me.”

Force; is Sehun forcing him? He would never – even if he is a cheater, unfaithful to one person at a time, Sehun would never take anyone to fulfill his desire without consent. His gaze wanders from Kyungsoo’s tired eyes to the small bump of Kyungsoo’s stomach and Sehun is stricken with fear. Could you be…?

The moment Sehun tries to touch the skin of Kyungsoo’s stomach, he is pushed away. Sehun is shocked, for a moment, before annoyance flares in his eyes. “What’s wrong? What’s up with you these days?”

Kyungsoo pushes his shirt down, not even bothering to at least look at his boyfriend. Sehun feels offended – what is wrong? Kyungsoo bitterly informs him that he’s going out for some fresh air but there’s no way in hell that Sehun would let him. There’s something going on with Kyungsoo, he knows it, he could feel it in his veins – Kyungsoo is hiding something from him. He