Chen POV

Dizzy? Wow he lied, hard. I mean, who stayed in the hospital for 6 months for being dizzy? Due to a long period of time, I gave up visiting him every day. Even, Xiumin gave up sneaking in every night. What the hell was wrong with him? Accounting was a disaster! He should come to school though, he look totally fine!

Well, I walked into Suho’s room , I had not been here for a while. I scanned the slightly dusty room. There were pictures of me and him together when we was still little, having fun. There were also pictures of our parents. Our parents, never thought of them for a while. The memories hurt me. I slammed my fist to the table and started to cry.

There was a thud heard.

I looked under the table.

It was Suho’s secret box.

I picked up the tiny box of the ground and swiped the dust away from it. This thing have not been touched for years.

I thought to myself, should I open it? Well, you shouldn’t because that is your brother’s privacy. But he opened mine! But Suho warned you that a terrible secret would be revealed. Who cares, he probably just exaggerating . No chen! Get a grip of yourself! Ok, ok I won’t.

My hands went uncontrollable and immediately open the lid of the box.

What Suho wrote on the paper that I found in the box:

Suho POV

(the day on Chen’s accident)

I watched in horror as mom, dad and Jongdae was brought to the hospital. Both of my parents need to go operation so I wasn’t allowed to visit them. I went to check out on Jongdae. He was laying still in bed, his heart rate was so slow that I kept looking at it, hoping for it not to fall to zero.

“Joonmyeon!” exclaimed my doctor, “you should be in bed. You maybe the less injured one but you still have problems”

“I know,” I replied, “however I need to check on them. I feel that it is my fault that this accident happen. How is Jongdae’s condition?”

“Much worse than yours,”

I couldn’t believe my ears. “What are his symptoms?”

The doctor showed me the list. It was a long list. However, most of the damage was not so bad compare to mine but as I laid my eyes on the last and the most critical damage, my heart sank. His heart was directly in contact with the shattered glass and grew weaker. Much more weak than mine. How could he forgive me? I have made him in an accident, broke his reputation and made him loose the most beloved thing in the world, just because of my jealousy. Just then, Jongdae opened his eyes slowly. There were this pity in his dark eyes. He looked powerless, unlike the Jongdae I used to know. I couldn’t believe I just did that to my one and only brother.

Tears started to form in my eyes. Even with my broken legs, I ran to my room and cried on my bed. My doctor tried to comfort me but his words just made me felt more guilty, I was not sure whether I could talk to him while look at him at the eye.

It was 2.am in the morning. I was still wide awake, thinking on how the future would end up. I imagine Jongdae sitting on the side of the field, watching other kids that used to admire him play ball. That would hurt him even more. Not long after, the doctor came into my room.

“Joonmyeon? Not asleep?”

“You’re not resting, doctor?”

“Need to check on your pulse,” he said as he prepare his needle, “once a week when you are sleeping actually. Why do you stay so late?”

“I have been wondering, what if we are all allowed to go home? What should I do if I see Jongdae? What should I say to him? Is there a way I could do to fix his heart?” I looked at the doctor with false hope.

The doctor suddenly looked restless and tried to avoid my eye contact. I felt something strange.

“Is there something I can do to fix his heart?”

“Well, there is this, well, this surgery that can exchange between human hearts. However, the doctors were still testing it.”

There was something came up in my mind.

“May I, may I test it out?” I asked.

“No Joonyeon, you are in really bad condition and I highly encourage you to do this.”

There were tears formed in my eyes.

“Well, there could be side effects you know.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want to live anymore if I see my one and only little brother that I love look at me hatefully. Please, let me do something to help him.”

The operation was a success but the doctor found some faults in my body. There was something inside me, they said. Strange, and building up inside my cells. They tried to cure it. They tried to destroy it from me by taking my samples every 6 months. Until now, nothing actually worked. However, the bright side was that jongdae played sport again and there was no side effect on him. That made me happy enough.

                                                                             Chen POV

No. It was not true. He did not just do that. My eyes started to cloud and I crumpled the paper. With force, I slammed the crumpled paper along with the box. However, there were something that came out of the box. It was a paper. The paper was small and was folded many times in order to fit in the box. It was yellow and a little bit hard the edge of the paper was previously  burnt like he was thinking of destroying the paper in the first place but decided to keep it instead. The paper was torn apart from a writing and the paper was written ‘Kim Joonyeon, I hate you.’ It was the paper I wrote in my secret box with huge, capital letters.

Salty tear wet my cheeks. Behind it, Suho have written a small note for me with a much smaller handwriting but big enough for my good eyes to see.

“To…

My lovely brother, Kim Jongdae.

Hey, em, it’s Joonmyeon. Yeah, Jongdae I want to let you know that I am really sorry with my selfishness at the past. I really don’t think that I could ruin your life that bad. I am really sorry. You don’t know how much I tried to protect you for the past few years just because I couldn’t see your face without crying. Thinking about the horrible mistake I have done to you. Until now I couldn’t bring myself to forgive me. The thing I have made you, the thing you don’t deserve, is more than just unfair. Everytime I see your achievements and trophies in your bed room, I would cry myself to sleep. Even though the pain is over, I will still watch you with restless mind on how to make your life better. I know you hate me that bad so I tried killing myself. I did. However, it didn’t work out. I stopped trying because our parents would be disappointed if they knew I was with them because I kill myself.

I’m sorry that I tore your letter and hide your box. I am sorry for writing in this piece of paper instead of telling you. I can’t even bring myself to say the real words I want to say to you. I have a deep dark secret that you don’t know and I wish to keep it that way so I can die peacefully. Jongdae, by the time you read this letter, I will be gone for sure. I will not be there taking care of you. I will not be there to watch you anymore. Please, ask the doctor about the truth and go check on your body frequently ok? Jongdae, you are my only brother that I will not stop loving even though I am in heaven. You will be still there as a piece of my heart.

Kim Joonmyeon “

“No, Suho,” I thought to myself, “You are not dead,”

Just then, there was a ring on my cell phone. It was from the hospital.

“hello?”

“Hello?” asked the other line.. It was not a peaceful scenario in the other side of the line, I wondered what happened, “is this Kim Jongdae?”

“Yeah,”

I ran to the hospital without stopping to catch my breathe. Suho’s room was like a mad laboratory. Everyone was really worried and tried to help to keep Suho alive. Just by the sight of Suho, I remembered what I read earlier and went mad but thankful at the same time.

“Suho, why? Why don’t you tell me?”

“You read it isn’t it?” Suho asked with his palest face.

“yes, I do. That is not a question to ask now but I need to know why,”

Suho blinked for a second.

“Don’t you get it? Because, I love you,” I was stunned by my elder brother’s words, “you are my brother Chen. Since that incident I want to protect you. I want you to feel happy like before, I don’t even know the reasons why you are like this.”

Before I could even say a word, the heart rate started to beat faster and Suho was in a terrible condition. The doctors tried to help to check on Suho. I sat there beside Suho, holding both of his cold hands while tears formed quickly on both of my eyes.

It was too late, he was gone.

“I love you too, Kim Joonmyeon”

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Yay, story done ^^ so basically the real life of Chen is similar to the 'Forgive' story he made. the life of his sickness not about the book. Anyway, I do realize the story and the next story is about Mark from Got7 being a playboy *evil face* don't worry he is nice :p. anyway, , pls comment wht u think about the story