His feelings hadn’t changed.

It wasn’t like he thought they would.

Why would they?

Yixing hadn’t done anything wrong. He realised that now. Yixing was just doing what he knew a cat would do. Yixing was just protecting himself the best way he could, by being a cat.

Sure it had taken Junmyeon a few weeks to work this out. Sure it had only come about when he reimagine the entire ordeal, as YiFan called it. Each time Junmyeon played it out in his head, it was different. Sometimes he was asking questions Yixing couldn’t answer. Other times Yixing was explaining things while apologising. A lot of the time one of them got hit, mostly Yixing. In one scenario, closer to the original, Junmyeon imagined breaking Yixing’s nose out of spite. It was one of the times where he recalled Yixing lying to him.

But, as time passed, he realised Yixing never lied. Yixing never had reason to lie. Sure he snuck around, sure he hid things, but who wouldn’t in his situation, but he never once outright lied. Nor did he ever betray Junmyeon. Sure he invaded his personal space on more than one occasion, but that’s what cats did. And sure he knew more about Junmyeon than anyone else, but it wasn’t like he had told anyone else, he hadn’t betrayed Junmyeon in that way either. Besides, it wasn’t Yixing’s fault Junmyeon had told him all his thoughts. Junmyeon was the one at fault there, but at the same time, he had no idea that Lay was actually Yixing.

When he had thought back to all the times he had told Lay about his feelings, he had questioned why Yixing hadn’t made a move. When he thought about it, a lot of the time he got all flustered. There were some things he had said that he was more embarrassed about than others.

Such as telling Lay that he wished he was a human. When he thinks about that he feels as though he has been punched in the gut with regret and embarrassment. He can’t imagine how Lay would have felt at that moment. If it were him… If it were someone he liked, telling him that they wished he was something else… He had recalled all the times his previous partners had said things similar to that and God it hurt.  

That was why, even though he wanted to, he couldn’t go to Yixing. The main thing holding him back from seeing Yixing were things that he knew had hurt the other. His words, his actions… His reaction. So badly over the past two and a half months had he wanted to go back to the café – the only place he knew he would definitely find Yixing – but couldn’t because he had no idea of what he would say.

He had no clue how Minseok would react to seeing him, if his tears would be from relief or anger.

He didn’t know if Luhan would push him into Yixing or kick him out.

He wasn’t sure if Baekhyun would smile flirtatiously or glare with murderous intent.

Worst of all, he had no idea as to how Yixing would react to seeing him. Would he cry? Would he laugh and welcome him? Would he ask the others to remove him? Or would he just do what Yixing does, and act like nothing is different, like Junmyeon knew nothing?

He could always ask YiFan or Kyungsoo what they think would happen, if it would be alright he went with them, but… He still wouldn’t know what to say. Wouldn’t know what to do…

Now days, after YiFan and Kyungsoo left for the café, Junmyeon could be found in the staff cafeteria alone, eating the cheapest thing sold at the cafeteria; a western style lunch inclusive of a stale sandwich with withered lettuce, soggy tomato slices and plastic like cheese. Most of the time he would run through potential apology speeches for Yixing in his head. Potential scenarios that could happen if he were to have gone to the café with his friends.

A lot of the time his thoughts turned negative. He found himself thinking that he didn’t deserve Yixing, and often his scenarios would end with Yixing uncharacteristically wishing Junmyeon dead, or something alike that. Sometimes, if he were in a particularly good mood, the scenarios ended with a date. If he were in an excellent mood, and the sandwich he was eating not particularly stale, then his scenarios ended with slightly more than a date.

Today was no different to normal though, the bread no more fresh than normal, only the lettuce slightly more green than previous days. Junmyeon sat alone at a table closer to the exit. He started his lunch hour the same as he always did; agreeing to YiFan and Kyungsoo in his mind.

The scenarios always started the same. They would climb into either YiFan or Kyungsoo’s car for the five minute drive to the café before parking in the same park and taking very little time to make their way to the door. It was always Kyungsoo who opened the door, often he was greeted with a kiss from Jongin, sometimes a playful glare from Baekhyun – this part always changed; it depended on who Junmyeon wanted to see more that day. This was always followed by an eerily silent entrance into the café by Junmyeon, the start of the main show, when Yixing saw him.

However, unlike his usual lunch imaginings, Yixing never got to see him; because Huang ZiTao sat across from Junmyeon at the exact moment that he envisioned walking into the café.

ZiTao was part of YiFan’s department and recently – in the last few weeks – had been sticking closer to Junmyeon. Junmyeon wasn’t sure as to why, he had never really spoken to the younger outside of the very few meetings they shared, or in passing. He was a nice kid though.

Zitao doesn’t say anything as he lifts the cover off of his hot meal – Junmyeon isn’t too sure what it is, some sort of beef broth soup with tofu in it, a much more appetising dish than any sandwich.

“Hi ZiTao.” Junmyeon mutters.

A smile blooms on ZiTao’s face; it’s a welcome change from his normal stoic and sleepy features, but it is only there for a fraction of a second. “You seem tired Hyung.”

Junmyeon shrugs, he can’t say he isn’t tired. Because he is. Emotionally, physically, mentally just tired. It was at no fault other than his own. Mainly because he was just so exhausted by his own thoughts, by his constant worry for Yixing.

“Hyung, I was wondering… Did you and YiFan-gege have a fight? Ever since just before you went on leave he seems to be upset too.”

“No, ZiTao, we haven’t fought… We both just have a lot on our plates...” Junmyeon mutters, taking a bite of his sandwich, regretting it almost instantly. The bread is both stale and soggy, Junmyeon blames the tomatoes.

Nodding, ZiTao slurps at his soup. It’s a while later when ZiTao speaks again.

He leans closer to Junmyeon, hiding his mouth with his hand and whispers, “Are you and YiFan dating?”

Unable to help himself, Junmyeon snorts loudly and practically shouts, “Of course not!”

Somehow, almost simultaneously, both relief and worry wash over the younger’s features. Junmyeon stifles his laughter, raising his eyebrow slightly as the younger shrinks back into his chair.

“Hyung…” he mutters, it comes across as nonchalant but there is touch of worry at the edge of his words, “What is your opinion on same- relationships?”

Junmyeon shrugs, not fazed in the slightest. “Love is love.”

This time the wave of relief that sooths ZiTao’s features settles in. His shoulders slump more and his eyes become slightly brighter.

“Why do you ask?”

Briefly ZiTao’s eyes widen, he starts waving his hands in front of his face, flustered and avoiding any eye contact with Junmyeon “I… It’s just… I thought… maybe Hyung was…”

Junmyeon blushes, starting to understand ZiTao’s words, he coughs and looks away. “Look, um, I am flattered that…”

“NO!” As his spoon splatters into his soup, red creeps down ZiTao’s neck and up his ears, “I… I mean… It’s not that. I like Hyung… But not like that. I just thought… maybe you were… you know… gay.”

Running his hand down his face, Junmyeon sighs. “Thank goodness… I like you ZiTao but not in that way…”  

ZiTao sops up the soup with a napkin and he smiles, “I know. I can tell, you have someone.”

Sighing, Junmyeon finishes off his sandwich. “Sort of…”

“I know how you feel.” Finished cleaning his mess, he continues eating. “I have the same problem.”

“I doubt it.” Unintentionally, Junmyeon’s words come out cold and bitter.

Somehow, that tone goes unnoticed by ZiTao, who just nods, “Want to talk about it? Maybe we can help each other?”

A simple shrug from Junmyeon makes Tao sit up straighter in his chair, like a school girl ready to hear the latest gossip.

“Tell me what they’re like?” he asks.

And so, Junmyeon does. He tells ZiTao about how perfect Yixing is, how sweet and kind he can be. How shy he is whenever Junmyeon would look at him. He told ZiTao about how he had been his confidant, his secret keeper, and when Yixing finally told Junmyeon his biggest secret Junmyeon had run away. He told ZiTao about how he had felt from the day he found out, he told ZiTao exactly what he thought now.

“I just want to make up with him. Even if nothing comes from it.” Junmyeon finishes. His eyes are red and stinging with the need to cry. But he doesn’t.

ZiTao had listened carefully throughout, nodding here and there. Gasping on occasion and agreeing with the utterance of ‘yep’ or ‘I know what you mean’ every then and again. “He sounds like he would want you to.”

Nodding Junmyeon agrees, wholeheartedly agrees, that Yixing would accept any apology he had in a second. “I think that’s one of the problems…”

ZiTao sighs, “I can understand…”

“What about you?” Junmyeon asks, rubbing at his eyes on the back of his hand.

“He works in my department, so I see him every day.”

That narrows down the list of candidates to fifteen.

“He is kind of angry looking, but soft and kind. I don’t know, he’s weird and tries too hard to be funny… He is just my ideal type in every way. Height especially. The worst part is I know he thinks I am immature and selfish, ZhouMi told me the other day.” He sighs, “He helps me out a lot, like more than he probably should. I know I mess up a lot of stuff because I have to translate it from Korean to Chinese and back again, but that’s because it’s hard… He always helps me though and brings me coffee in the morning, but I don’t think that means anything… because it’s his job to help me… But I just really like him… And I want him to like me too… and that makes me do stupid things…”

Tao sighs, stirring his soup slowly, “I said potato the other day instead of emotion. Potato! I was so embarrassed when he corrected me.”

Junmyeon chuckles, “Well at least you know he has a soft spot for you.”

“How can you even tell if its soft spot? What if he does it for the other Chinese team members too?” He slumps back in his chair and groans, “Why is it so hard…”

“I don’t know.” Junmyeon shuffles his feet, and looks at his watch; he has ten minutes left of his break.

“At least you can just go and talk to him and be friends. I can’t even talk about this stuff because I don’t want it to get awkward.”

“Do you mind if I ask who it is?”

Tao shrugs, “You might as well know. Not like it would hurt in anyway.”

Junmyeon waits patiently as Tao clicks his tongue, a soft red tightness returning to the younger’s cheeks. Tao looks at his watch and stands, leaning closer to Junmyeon before whispering ever so quietly in his ear.

“I shall see you around Hyung. Don’t forget to go talk to him.” He mutters as he straightens up and leaves with his half-finished soup bowl.

Letting out a sigh, Junmyeon can’t help but think how lucky ZiTao is to have such a simple crush. An easy crush. One that could, with the right pair of work pants, turn into an office love affair.

He stands, deciding to help ZiTao by making a subtle suggestive comment to YiFan next time they passed by ZiTao’s office together. 

But first, he would have to talk to YiFan about seeing Yixing...

A/N:: Hello again~! Its been what? 3 days? How good is that! I hope you guys liked this chapter, I am still trying to get back into my rhythm with this - why this is a lot longer than the last chapter and probably seems a lot more boring or repetitive... I felt like I needed to give YiFan someone to love too, thus here is ZiTao, my beautiful ZiTao. haha I tried hard to make this seem a lot more eventful than what it really was. Its hard trying to make people snap out of being an idiot, but thats why we needed ZiTao to do it for us. 

I think with ZiTao's apperance I have mentioned everyone except Chanyeol and Jongdae... I think I mention Sehun earlier on... I don't know.

Anyway, please comment~! Please subscribe (if you haven't already) and please prepare yourselves for the next installment where hopefully Junmyeon isn't an idiot anymore and actually goes to see Yixing. 

Fingers crossed the next chapter is this long too...