Its been a week, I haven't seen Yong Hwa or heard him play. This kind of made me a bit sad. I want to get to know him more and for some reason my appetite has gotten a bit bigger. Today I ate the whole bowl of oatmeal with raisins and diced apples. So which means I have more energy today.

   I decided to go to the entertainment room; I felt like socializing today.

I heard claps and laughter. I was hesitant in entering, reminders of my past. I was triggered.

"Yong Hwa-ah, play some more!"

I heard someone say. Omg. I swallowed and entered quietly.

                                    Is this part of recovery?

I was hoping that nobody would notice me.

"Shin Hye-ah!"  Damn. Yong Hwa noticed. I looked.

"Nice to see you! Take a seat!"

I just smiled and nodded my head. I took a seat. The old lady sitting next to me said to me "Wow, Shin-Hye, you're so pretty! That's my son Yong Hwa. "

I've never heard those words during this time period with anorexia. All I have gotten was

: ugly, lose some weight fat b&tch, walking skeleton

My eyes watered a bit. I guess Yong Hwa plays for his mom, then. The beautiful sounds he makes are for someone, it has a feeling of hope and brightness. I'm glad I came in. It was fun being with other people and enjoying life...for awhile.

Afterward when most of the patients went to their rooms again, Yong Hwa went by me.

" Thanks for coming ! I was going to call you down but they told me you were sleeping.." he said with a bright smile. I just nodded my head. He went to his mother back to her room. I decided to stay in the entertainment room, looking around, I found my long lost frenemy. The piano.

I had forgotten how it looked like. I wanted to vomit. I breathed in deeply.

I wanted to touch it but at the same time I didn't want to. I was scared,...scared to lose something.

I sat down on the bench of the piano.

"Music is freedom."

.....

I turned around.

"Yong Hwa?"