A Message For You.
Best Friend-ZonedWarning: Not a Fun Chapter.
*****
A Message For You.
Dear Jessi,
It's me, Tiff! Of course you know me since we have been together for almost two decades already! And really, you're one of the best things that has ever happened to me. You still are.
Actually, I know you will never read this letter because I am not planning on sending it to you. Why? Simply because I can't.
You're already taken.
And because of some twisted fate, I'm here, wishing that you weren't. How I wish that I could have you all to myself. Just mine and no one else.
You know what's funny? I used to think that I was so possessive of you simply because I did not want to lose my best friend. I wanted to have you by my side though I knew that I was never really there when you needed me.
I was with him. That bastard that does not even deserve to be named. I wasted my time on him when I could have spent every moment with you. I guess I was too focused on the compliments of others, saying how good we looked together.
Jessi, just so you know, it will get strange from here. The next words in about to spew are thoughts I never even considered before. I've only come to realize it now. Now, that you are no longer available. Now that I do not stand a chance.
Truthfully, I would like to cry. Because maybe it was the only way I could release emotions that is forbidden to be said out loud. The words I am dying to say to you but I can't. Those words that she is lucky enough to hear from you all the time.
I'm jealous of her.
Your eyes that used to smile at me only, now shines because of her. You used to talk about my eye smile, my laugh, my jokes, now it's nothing but her.
Her.
I can only chuckle bitterly at the mention of her name. How sickeningly sweet you say it.
I remember the words you told me a little over a week ago,
"Tiff, I really love Nana. I hope we stay together for a long time"
You excitedly confessed. I wanted to scream to you that I was envious. How much I wished I was Nana.
Can't you love me too? Romantically..
Can't you scream to the world that I'm yours?
Can't you sing to me too? Prepare special dates, sweet messages, random calls to see if I'm doing fine or if I've already eaten.
Can't you treat me like her?
Jessica, I know you have been with her for months already and I know how in love you are with each other but is it wrong to hope that someday I can be her? Is it wrong to pray that one faithful day I will be the girl you spend every day with?
Is it wrong to.. Love you? My best friend..
I know it's sinful but I have never prayed, wished, hoped for something this much.
My heart throbs everytime someone mentions your name. Your name that is always connected to hers.
I used to always smile when people connected our names together. JETI.
Now it seems like you are a whole world away from me. So unreachable.
And every time I was there, you mention her name. Which brings me back to my position. Reality, slapping my face so hard, my whole body shakes over the fact that I will never be that name you will lovingly call.
Almost.
Wait, was it almost? Or was I just assuming? Maybe my delusional self thinks that I still have a chance..
I'm a sore loser.
You've always told me I am whenever I refused to admit defeat over competitions as petty as Rock Paper Scissors. I am so competitive that I refuse to accept a fact.
Maybe that's exactly why I refuse to give you up. When I know I've already lost. My stubborn self continues to deny the fact that I am no longer the girl you pay your whole attention to. I am no longer the girl that you treat specially. The girl you treat differently.
I was that girl.
Was.
Now I'm the miserable Tiffany that insanely expects the impossible to happen.
Anyway, despite all of that. I would like to wish you happiness Jessi. Though I already know that you are very happy with her and she treats you like how you have always wanted, I wish you the best. Though I've said that I would love to be Nana, I know I can never be her. And your happiness is what matters the most to me so I would do anything to keep you happy. Even if it means watching you from the side joyfully laughing with her like you owned the world and physically feeling my heart shatter to dangerously tiny pieces. I would always be here to support you.
I'm your number one fan, right? Hahaha.
If you need anything, you know that I'm always just a call away. I offer my -kicking services 24/7. I would gladly leave my bed if it means making you feel better.
I'm your heroine, remember?
I will always be here for you. Always.
I love you, Jessica Jung Sooyeon. In every way imaginable. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Every bits of you.
I love you.
From The Girl Who Would Give Up The World For You,
Steph Hwang.
PS. Before I end my little confession, I would like to share a little something to you. It's a poem I wrote while thinking about you.
I hope you like it Jessi; for it screams everything you make me feel.
It screams how in love I am with you.
Words I Have Been Dying To Say.
My eyes smile along
To the curve of your lips.
Intertwined with
My mind that dances to the beat
Of your melodic laugh.
Through your voice
I drown into the unknown
And I have never been more intrigued.
The way your fingers skillfully played the right strings to my soul
I just knew
I'm in love.
As my arms mindlessly wrapped themselves around your figure
I realized that in you
I found home.
My head experiences heaven
Whenever it's on your chest
Listening to what your heart has to say.
Like a pillow sent from the clouds
I am at ease by your side.
You hum me to sleep,
My favourite lullaby.
My very own sanctuary.
A masterpiece with an endless beauty
And scent that lingers all around,
Driving my sanity to the edge.
I have never been so thrilled
By someone's existence.
Such presence that flew me to the deepest of my fantasies.
I grip on to you tightly
Afraid you might disappear from my sight
Because with that,
My happiness
My world
Vanishes also.
So smile, my love.
Assure me that you're staying
Show me I'm over thinking.
I am terrified of what the future may bring
But the feeling of my hands tangled to yours,
Comforts me to no end.
Your voice echoes
"I love you"
Then my mind goes wild.
I have plenty of things I want to say
Yet all you really need to know is
I love you too.
-T.H.
TBC.
*****
So I just thought I should update. I wanted to share some angst with you. And a little "fluff" for the poem.
Fun fact: I wrote that poem based on my actual feelings. You can say I'm a bit of a nerd because I write poems a lot. I enjoy them too. Any thoughts on it?
Anyway, I would continue the story line on the next chapter :) you'll most likely get a fluff chapter depending on whether you guys inspire me enough XD
-Bai for now
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