TWELVE

I had always been fine with burying my feelings deep inside my heart.

Annoyance. Disappointment. Rage.

Those feelings are unnecessary. Destructive.

Burying them deep - that was what I thought the best thing to do. That was what I thought made me strong. That was what I thought would protect those around me. The people I love.

But you, my dearest friend,
You keep on knocking on the door of my heart.

You wouldn't believe me every time I said I'm fine.

You told me that sharing my burden and all those buried feelings with you would make me stronger.

I didn't believe you.
How would it do so?
That was nonsense!

But you, my dearest stubborn friend,
You keep on knocking.
Why did you do so? Didn't you know that it would hurt you?

But being your stubborn self, you keep on knocking.

I didn't remember when it exactly happened, but it did.

The wall I surrounded myself with slowly tumbled down.
The fortress around which I hid my feelings crumbled and was no more.

I felt stripped away off my guard.
Stripped away by your gentle words.

Yet, I oddly didn't feel weak.
I felt...
Stronger.
Stronger than I was before.
Maybe stronger than I would ever be.

My heart felt light.

And now I realize that there is one more feeling I had been burying - no, pushing away - that is still left buried.

Love.
Love for you, my dearest friend.

Can I share this one with you too?

But I wonder...
Will I be stronger again? 
Will it break the bond we have been sharing and make me weak?

Maybe...
I better burry this one.
At least a little longer.