Everything felt like hell to Eunji.

Everywhere she went, she heard mutters and whispers. They were all about her previous relationship with Howon, and they were all about how she was "pitiful" and that she had lost her "lover." Every time she met her upper classmates, they'd give her a word or two about how moving on was the best decision even if it would hurt the deceased, while her lower classmates told her that she probably had a very honest love and should continue harboring that love.

Why the hell did people want to barge into her relationship with Howon? Why couldn't they see her as someone who helped the poor boy out? If anything, wasn't he the pitiful one? Why were they all looking at her as if she was some kind of figure of humiliation and weakness?

Attending the special class wasn't easy, too. She thought that she would get her mind off of Howon, but everything she did in that class reminded her of the old times when she had fun with her friend. Plus, in that class, there was no sign of sympathy. They were merciless with her. They didn't give her a minute to rest in that class. She was pummeled with projects, tests, and homework. No one would help her at all in that class.

"Eunji? Eunji!" She lifted her dead eyes slowly at Taemin, who was frowning at her. "Eunji, are you okay? You don't look too well."

"I'm…fine," she said, faking a smile. When did she become a master at fooling people with her smile? She couldn't tell. "What do you need?"

"We're partners for the project. While everyone was picking, I picked for you," he explained to her. He continued to frown. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," Eunji repeated, still faking the smile. "Why? Do I look like I'm not fine? See, take a look at my notes. I've been paying attention."

He kept his frown. "That's why I'm worried. Eunji, you take notes, but they aren't this good. I don't know about this, but Dasom's worried about you."

"About what?"

"She's worried that you might be…losing it."

"My mind? Don't worry, it's still there," Eunji said, tapping her head.

"She said that you're having less social time and more studying time. She said that she's worried about your social and mental health. It's not good to be cooped up in a room and studying all night. You have to come out sometimes, even if it's for dinner or something," he said. She gave him a small look. "Dasom and Jieun talked to your mom about that last part. Don't get any ideas."

Eunji just laughed it off. "Alright, I got it. Look, if you're so worried, I'll go to practice today, okay?"

Taemin looked at her. "Well, the game is in a few weeks. It's good to practice now than later."

"Exactly," she said. She glanced besides her and noticed that Daehyun had been looking at them the whole time. "Are you coming to practice?"

Daehyun stared at her for a bit longer. Then, he grabbed his bag and walked towards her desk.

"Sure, I'll help you with your play," he said, nodding his head.

Eunji smiled widely. "Thanks! Come on, guys! Let's go!"

Taemin only broke a small smile and followed Eunji, who ended up skipping her way to the basketball court.

But Daehyun wasn't fooled. He had been noticing the extra force she used on the corner of her lips. He carefully walked behind her, watching her every move. Something told him that letting Eunji continue like this wasn't good, and he planned to get rid of this stupid awkward feeling by talking to her.

"You've got to relax more. You can't be so tense."

"I'm trying, I'm trying."

"No, you're not. You're messing things up. Look." Daehyun walked over to Eunji and placed his hands on her awfully tense shoulder. "See? You're stiff to hell. Loosen up."

"If I loosen up, my arms are going to be squid arms," Eunji argued.

"Ha, ha. Very funny. Now, bend your knees a little and then shoot," Daehyun instructed her. 

Eunji stared at the basket for a long time. She remained in her position, but straightened up as she gave up. She sighed and walked over to the bench. Daehyun gave her a strange look, then glanced at the others.

Byunghun and Sohyun were too busy flirting with each other (that is, if playing a match against each other was called "flirting"). Dasom, Taemin, and Junhee were in their own worlds, talking about something unrelated to basketball. Daehyun's eyes met Jieun, who had been watching the entire time. He gestured her to come over to him, and she did.

"Is it just me, or does something feel strange about Eunji?" Daehyun asked Jieun in a worried tone.

"I'm sure it's just you. After all," Jieun said, rolling her eyes towards him and grinning devilishly, "you like her, don't you?"

Daehyun turned red. "W-What? No, I—"

"Oh, stop it. We all know that you like her. Remember that time when you stuffed cake into my mouth? Yeah, that's when I figured it all out," she said. She stopped smiling and frowned. "The person I was originally talking about was Howon. I could see that he really liked her, but I never told Eunji because I was distracted."

"With what?"

"With…personal stuff," Jieun said, trying to avoid saying the familiar name. "Either way, sometimes I wonder if this is all my fault."

"What do you mean? Didn't Eunji make this decision?"

"She did, but I feel somewhat responsible for this. Maybe it's because I'm the closest to her. I've never seen her this upset before. She's just like a walking zombie," Jieun told him. She slightly paled. "I hate to say this, but I feel like she's going to do something."

Daehyun widened his eyes. "Are you seriously thinking of something like that? Do you want her to die?"

"It's not that! It's not, honest! It's just…" Jieun glanced at her group of friends, then at Eunji. "Recently, she's been staring at the roof a lot. During club, she's been holding onto the knife, even though certain club activities don't require her to use a knife. Taemin told me that when she's spaced out and studying in the special class, she'd keep tapping her pencil against her skin, and the pencils were always sharp."

"What do we do?" Daehyun asked her. He gulped. "Do we call for help?"

"I… I don't know. Just look out for her for a while, okay? I know you care about your popularity and all, but I don't want anything bad to happen to Eunji. Besides, you're so involved with our group, I can't imagine you not being part of this," she said.

He only nodded his head. "Okay, I got it. I promise that I'll keep my eye on her."

She stared at Eunji a bit longer. "Can you go and talk to her, too? We all tried to start up a conversation, but she'd only smile and say that she's fine. It's all she says, and it's all she expects us to ask her. I think if a stranger talks to her, then she might calm down. Do you know what I'm trying to say?"

Strangers, Daehyun repeated. He gulped, but he nodded his head. How funny. Eunji and I aren't strangers at all. We're childhood friends—in secret.

As Jieun turned to distance herself from Daehyun, the boy took a deep breath before walking towards Eunji. She was sitting on the bench, alone, staring at the floor with such a dazed and odd expression. It almost looked like she was out of this world, or at least, her mind was somewhere else.

Daehyun cautiously sat next to her, but gave her enough room to move around comfortable. Her eyes took notice of him, but she didn't say anything.

"Um, do you want to, I don't know, talk?" Daehyun stammered, unsure of what to exactly say. It was weird seeing Eunji appear so dead.

"I don't. Do you?" Eunji asked him. "Do you need anything from me? If it's about my shooting skills, then all I can say is that I'll practice on it."

"No, not that," he said. He glanced at the rest, who were too busy involving themselves with basketball or with a conversation. "I'm worried if you're okay. You know, Howon's gone and you're alone now…"

"I've got friends," she said in a cold voice.

It doesn't sound like you trust them, he noted. "Then let's talk about Howon."

"What's there to talk about him?"

Daehyun kept quiet. "He was a good person, wasn't he?"

"Everyone said that on his funeral day."

"But they didn't know how good he was. We do." He paused. "Well, you do. All I did was argue with him." He snickered. "I still hate that dialect he always used to talk to you with. It's like he couldn't find anything in common with you except for his stupid dialect."

Eunji broke into a small smile. "He couldn't help it. He was proud of it. He helped me be proud of our dialect, too."

Daehyun smiled at her, but frowned and looked down at his hands. Then, in a small voice, he began to apologize for the past.

"I'm sorry that I've ignored you until now," he mumbled quietly. "I'm sorry that I didn't help you when you needed me. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you."

Eunji didn't look up at him. "You don't need to apologize. What's in the past is the past. Forget about it."

"No, that's now how it is. I messed up and broke our friendship." He scoffed quietly to himself. "I was stupid."

"Correction, you are stupid," she teased, giggling. She stopped giggling and gasped as if she had committed a crime. She looked at Daehyun with wide eyes, who only stared back, confused. 

"What's wrong? Did I say something bad?" he asked her.

"N-No," she stuttered. "It's just…" She pressed her lips, then sighed. "I don't feel like I should be happy if Howon isn't here."

"Why? He's the one who died. You're still alive."

"True, but it just feels wrong." She shuddered. "I hate this feeling. If I knew that 'love' would feel like this, I wouldn't have agreed to be Howon's girlfriend in the first place."

"So you're regretting this?" he asked her. "You're regretting about the fact that you got to know what a great person Howon is and that you had the honor of being his girlfriend? Eunji, what you did was a gift for him. It was never meant to be a burden, but an experience."

"I know, but…!" Eunji groaned and pulled her hair. "I just hate this feeling! I don't know if it's from love or guilt, but I just hate it! My chest feels heavy and I can hardly breathe! I feel sick all over, but I'm capable of saying that I'm 'okay' and that I'm 'fine.' People are worried that I might go insane, but I always tell myself that I'm sane enough, that I can handle the pain. It just hurts, Daehyun."

Daehyun kept quiet. He listened to Eunji's rant, taking note of how riled up she got. She was lost and confused, unable to move forward with her life because she didn't know how to. She needed someone to help her out of the hole of despair, but who would do that? Who could do that?

Eunji groaned, then covered her face with her hands. "I swear, I will never fall in love or do anything stupid like that ever again."

Daehyun felt his heart race. His face turned pale white once her words struck his heart. 

"W-What do you mean?" he asked. "How can you never fall in love? You can't decide that."

"I just did."

"What if there's someone else who likes you, Eunji? Come on, Eunji. There are thousands of candidates to be your next lover. Are you really going to reject all of them because of your previous situation and experience? You can't judge love based on one event!"

"I. Just. Did!" Eunji shouted, raising her voice. She hitched her breath and stared at the others, who stopped moving and looked at her. 

The group was shocked to hear her yell. She was always the one who controlled her emotions best. The only time she raised her voice was to cheer for something, but she never raised her voice in anger. She wasn't the type to be angry, too.

Eunji rubbed her temples. "I-I'm sorry. I'm just feeling sick. Don't mind me. Continue." When they didn't, she started to glare at them. "Please. Continue."

"Are you sure you're okay, Eunji?" Dasom asked her.

"Yes, I'm fine. Now, just continue, okay?" Eunji snapped. This time, she didn't apologize. She glared at Dasom, who only gave her a stern look.

However, she didn't say anything. Instead, Dasom turned around, her back facing Eunji. She picked up a random ball and went to the other court to practice shooting some hoops, leaving the others to talk to each other.

Eunji sighed and rubbed her eyes. "I'm sorry that I raised my voice at you, Daehyun. I didn't mean it."

"It's okay," he said softly. "I understand."

Eunji flinched at his words, but didn't say anything. "I need to apologize to Dasom about this. Be right back."

Before she could leave, Daehyun reached for her arm. She turned around, confused, but he only looked at her with a firm expression.

"I don't believe that you'll give up on love," he stated boldly. "So I won't repeat the same dumb mistake I made in the past. This time, I'm going to stay besides you until you find someone else you love."

"What if we go to different colleges—"

"I'll do this as long as I can," he declared. He squeezed her wrist a bit. "I swear."

Eunji felt like he had tugged a string in her heart. She bit her bottom lip, touched by his words. However, she gently pulled away and began to walk over to the rest.

Before she got to Dasom, Junhee scurried over to Eunji's side.

"Eunji! Can you come here for a second?" she asked her. Eunji did as she was told. She saw Junhee pull out the journal. "I tried to give this to you earlier, but you looked like you wanted some time alone. Here."

Eunji looked down, then took the journal. She flipped to the newest page, then forced a smile at Junhee.

"Thanks. I'm going to apologize to Dasom right now, so I'll fill this in later."

"Suit yourself," Junhee said, shrugging her shoulders.

As Eunji went to apologize to Dasom, she couldn't help but replay the words Daehyun had told her: "I swear."

But it wasn't his speech that got to me, she thought, as she remembered how red he was when he said those words. That was my first time seeing him blush so hard. Must've been embarrassing.