On the way to Seoul...

The flight from Texas to Seoul was pretty uneventful. Eventhough this was Jira's first flight, she didn't have any trouble at all. She slept most of the way. Dara is tense about this homecoming. She's still a bit apprehensive being in the same continent, let alone the same country as Jiyong. Dara looks at her daughter's sleeping form next to her and felt an overflowing feeling of love. She is her most treasured gift. She is one of the reasons why she couldn't hate him. He gave her their daughter. She doesn't know how he'll react and she hopes she'll never find out. The scene of the last night she saw him resurfaces in her memory.

FLASHBACK

5 years ago. Day of Jiyong's company launch party

DARA'S POV

I have been feeling uneasy lately. I've been feeling sick especially in the mornings and I can barely keep my food down. I had a nagging suspicion on what it is but I wanted to confirm it before I told Jiyong. I went to doctor and he confirmed my suspicions. I'm pregnant. I've been floating on air after leaving the doctor's office. Me and Jiyong have talked about having kids before. How he wanted a little girl. I rub my still flat belly and smiled again. I know that Jiyong will be busy in his company's party tonight so I decided to wait for him at his apartment. I was trying to look for something in his guest room slash office but I must have been more tired than I thought. Damn these pregnancy hormones. I fell asleep on the spare bed. 

The sound of the keycode being entered on the door followed by soft giggles and whispering woke me from my slumber. I looked at my watch and saw that it was midnight. I was about to leave the room when I heard the giggles again. It wasn't from Jiyong, because it sounded like female. I peeked from the door and saw a girl holding Jiyong walk towards our bedroom. I could hear the girl giggling inside and Jiyong sounded like he was but I couldn't really hear what was being said. My heart constricted in pain and tears started falling from my eyes. I couldn't move. I just stayed there. Minutes passed and maybe hours I'm not sure. I was about to leave when I heard the door open to Jiyong's room. With the light from the living room, I finally saw who the giggling girl was. Kiko Mizuhara. The Japanese model who was the daughter of Jiyong's parents' friends. The one who I knew they approved of for their son. Kiko saw me and looked at me questioningly.

"Who are you?"

"I'm..." I couldn't find my words for a moment. 

"Did you hear me?"

"I'm...D-Dara."

"Dara? I don't think I've heard about you."

"I'm..."Nobody knows about our relationship. I don't know how Jiyong would react if I told Kiko who I really am. But her smirk made me want to wipe it off  her face.

"I'm... Jiyong's girlfriend." She laughed. She dared to laugh at me.

"Jiyong's girlfriend? You?" She looked at me up then down. Suddenly I feel so small.

"Did you actually think a man like Kwon Jiyong would be serious with you? When he has someone like me?"

I clench my fingers to stop myself from slapping her face. She laughs again.

"Oh...well, he's asleep right now. I think I tired him out. You know what I mean."

Pain sliced through my heart. But I kept my straight face on.

"You're lying."

"Are you sure about that?"

I wanted to strangle her but I kept it in.

"I'm gonna go. I don't want my parents to worry. Tell lover boy I'll be waiting for his call."

She saunters off towards the door. I could hear her annoying laugh fading.

After I knew she was gone, my legs give way and I fall on the couch. I couldn't move. I waited for Jiyong to wake up. 

The scene kept replaying in my head. Tears just kept pouring until I felt like I couldn't cry anymore. Then Jiyong came out from his room. His shirt off, pants top button ed, hair disheveled. 

"Baby? What? What are you doing here? Why didn't you wake me up?"

I looked at him and I must have looked like a raccoon but I didn't care. It took all my energy to stop myself from crying.

"What's wrong baby girl?" Hearing him say baby girl, it made me want to forget what just happened. But I need to be strong.

"Let's break up." Oh God. Help me through this.

"What? Babe, what are you saying? This is a joke right?" 

I looks back at him. The confusion in his face almost weakens my resolve. Stay strong Dara.

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"Why?" He had to ask?

"I'm tired Ji." I realize what I just said is true. I'm tired of waiting. Tired of feeling like a well kept mistress. 

He move towards me and I had to look away. I can't do this with him looking at me. He could always see through me.

"What did I do? We were fine yesterday. What's wrong?" We were in denial yesterday.

"I just realized I'm tired of this." 

"This? Care to elaborate?"

"I told you, I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of not being able to say I'm your girlfriend. You told me after negotitations, you'd tell your parents about us but it's been almost a year since then. Nothing. I can't tell my friends, I haven't met your friends. The only people who know about us is my sister and your cousin. I feel like a kept woman. The other woman. Which is ironic because you're not even married. I want to be able to say to other people, 'This is my boyfriend, the man I love', and not be laughed at or thought to be crazy to think that."

I'm out of breath but I feel like a weight has been lifted off me after that spiel.

"What happened babe? Did somebody do that? Somebody laughed at you or criticized you? You know I was waiting for the right time with my parents. But if that's what you want, then let's go. Come on, I'll introduce you to them right now."

He tried to pull me up from the chair but I can't break down now. I have to stand my ground. I don't know how but I was able to muster a chuckle out of me. 

"It's too late Ji. I just...I need space. I need some time to think."

He turned to face me and caressed my cheek. I had to stop myself from leaning into his touch.

"Ok, then I'll give you space. But not break up. I don't want to lose you. I love you." 

I thought I was done crying but here I go again.

"I'm sorry Ji. I can't do this anymore."

I pried his hand off my face and walked towards the door. My legs feel like lead. They don't want to leave. I want to stay. Please ask me to stay. Don't let me go.

"If you walk away now, I won't come after you. If you want me back, you're gonna have to come to me yourself."

I stop for a moment. My heart is battling with my head. In the end my head won.

Without looking back, I said, "Then I guess this is goodbye. Goodbye Ji."

I walked out the door and never looked back. Because I knew if I saw him, I would cave. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.

END OF FLASHBACK

Fresh tears started to roll down her cheeks. It was a long time ago. She wonders why she's still affected by it.She wiped the tears away quickly. She doesn't want Jira to see her cry. She looks back at her daughter and brushes a lock of her hair to the side. Her precious daughter. She had inherited her father's gummy smile and quick wit. She doesn't know what she'll do if she lost her.