Underneath Your Mask

by SilverSphinx

fluff

Prince Jongin stood at the second floor of the castle hall, watching the dancing couples on the dance floor at his coming-of-age party; a royal blue masquerade mask sat on his face, concealing his identity. He is supposed to find his future Queen in the party, just like the tradition; but he himself wonder if he can find someone worthy amongst the sea of people... But a sudden glint attracts his attention from the other side of the hall, where he saw someone wearing a sky blue suit with white pants leaning against the wall, white and gold mask gracing his face; champagne glass in hand... The Prince is frozen at his spot when the said man raised his champagne glass at him, and drinks it with a heart-shaped smile before promptly disappear from the Prince’s sight with a smirk... And the Prince knew that he is the one...

Title: 10/10

The title gave out a mysterious vibe, which I loved. It told me that this story would be based on a personality since I assumed that the "mask" is someone's outer self. 

Story Description: 7/10

Although the description allows the reader to question what would happen next and it would hook the reader in, I felt like I know where your story was heading. Hopefully, the actually story will not disappoint. 

Vocabulary: 18/20

I liked the writing style you used in this fanfic. It had a nice balance between describing the situation and the dialogue. Nice work.

However the issue that I had was the describing itself. I know that it’s nice to talk about the situation and describe the imagery around it, but there’s a limit on how much you can do.

Grammar: 15/20

Although I had an idea about the theme of the story, it was hard to analyze it because you switch between the past and present tense many times. This problem can be fixed if you just read slowly and question to yourself, "Is this event happening right now or in the past?" Another suggestion is to get a beta reader. Next were grammar mark mistakes where you used a few of them improperly. There’s also a problem where your wording on some sentences would make it hard to read.

Story plot: 20/25

I liked how the story builds up. You slowly brought in each character, carefully bringing them in with all the information needed. It wasn’t rushed and was nicely paced. However the plot line was very cliché. 

Characterization: 5/5

The way that you allow the characters to mature and grow really impressed me. There was a clear difference between the characters’ personality when they were little to when they emerged as adults. 

Creativity: 3/5

To my perspective, it was very easy to see where the story was heading. There wasn't anything that surprised or shocked me.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

Overall Grade: B