My Angel by Chanti12

Genre: yaoi, supernatural, romance, fluff, drama

Description: 

Hello,



My name is Luhan. And I'm crazy. At least... that's what people say.

I used to be a normal guy with a normal life. That changed a few months ago. July 8th.

On that day, I was walking to school, like always. I was about to cross the road when I heard a girl screaming. I turned around and saw her, frozen in fear, while a big car was racing towards her.

I didn't think at that moment. I just ran towards her.

Maybe I shouldn't have done that. If I hadn't done that, then I wouldn't have got hit by the car, I wouldn't have gotten in a coma and people wouldn't be calling me crazy right now. But the girl is safe and that's all that matters.

Like I said, after the accident I was in a coma. I don’t exactly know how long it lasted. According to the doctors, it was five months, but for some reason I'm not sure.

Coma was terrible. It was cold, it was lonely, it was boring. I heard everything people in the outside world said about me but I couldn’t react. I hated it. Then he came.

A beautiful boy. Chocolate brown orbs and silky blonde hair. Milky white skin, soft pink lips, gentle hands and a soft, gentle yet goofy voice. His smile was like the sun an his eyes like the moon.

I know, I'm sounding like a total cheeseball right?

During my coma, he was the only one who held me company. The only one who could talk to me and hear me. He was my support, my friend. We laughed and spent lots of time together. And at one certain point, we fell in love.

It was an amazing feeling. To be held and kissed by him. The most stunning creature in excistence.

He's Sehun. And he's my Guardian Angel.

Title: 9/10

The title was a little cheesy but I saw that you're picking a new one. Those titles look much better than "My Angel." 

Story Description: 8/10

The description was really interesting to read but then I realized that you basically summarized the first chapter. So the description made the first chapter boring to read because I already knew what was going to happen. Maybe you should take out your forward part of "'Luhan, are you okay?' -Luhan's mother" and up because I feel like it reveals too much. 

Character Description: 3/5

The character descriptions were nice and simple. However it was a little too simple. It didn't seem that the information given was important. They could be revealed and described later in the fanfic. 

Graphics: 5/5

Grammar / Vocabulary: 14/25

I know that English isn't your first language but that doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on you. I suggest that you read over your chapters to check any misspelled words and fragments. Then recheck it again with a spell/grammar checker. If you don't have one, then just as the spell checker that Asianfanfic provides. Also check over past and present tense because you tend to switch them every once in awhile. 

Another thing that I like to add is about the curse words. It seemed out of place and was just thrown in the fanfic. I didn't remove any points because of this but it's just a suggestion. 

Story plot / Content: 19/25

The storyline caught my attention but it was boring to read because it seems predictable. The forward and the description already told everything to me. If my assumptions are right, then this is like any other romance drama fanfic. It also seems a bit "amateurish" when you include Later that Day or In the Hospital. 

It would also be nice to add more descriptive writing in the fanfic instead of dialogue half the time. 

Overall Enjoyment: 14/20

Overall Grade: C