~ Lee Sungyeol ~

I sit next to him and fight the urge to cry. Why? Why is he apologizing? He has no faults, yet he keeps saying "I'm sorry." Did he ask to get all the roles as an actor? Did he ask to be born with that face? Did he ask to be stalked? Kidnapped? Hurt? All the time, he feels guilty. He regrets, they pick him over me. He knows how much I want to act, so every time he got a role he would come to me and apologize. And look what happened. There are people like Jay who despise him for it. 

I told him over and over again, I am not envious, that I am happy for him but my words had no effect. And now? Again. "I'm sorry." Because he is not paying attention to me? Because he is not taking care of me? I squeeze my eyes shut. That idiot. He was tortured. I don't know what exactly happened, he didn't say anything and fortunately he wasn't injured very seriously but I am no fool. He was hurt. A lot. So why should he be the one taking care of me?

Why does he even think that? It's me. ME, who is lacking. I couldn't protect him. I couldn't do anything. Yet, I am not apologizing. He is. My hands balled up into fists. I want to scream and shout and kick some sense into him. I love him so much but he makes me feel so worthless. I take the cup of milk I placed on the table into my hands again and sip. Calm down. You can't lash out at him. Who knows how would he react. He was traumatized. Such action could scare him.

What am I supposed to do then? If I stay by his side, I can hurt him but I am not sure if I can stay away... and he asked me! He asked me to be with him so how can I find the strenght to let him go when he is clinging to me? Can't he sense the danger?

Ah. Our shoulders brush again and I feel warm, happy. Just his presence is enough. Is it the same for him? Does being near me help him? I look at him. He has dark circles under his eyes, he is a little pale. He looks tired, exhausted, but there is that glint in his eyes as if he was happy. His features are relaxed, his body is not tense. I dry swallow. He is calm. He is not scared, not haunted by the memories. He is simply enjoying this moment. Because of me. 

I feel as if I was punched in the gut. I am such an idiot. So many times, I've failed and I always promise to do better but I keep forgetting. I am not alone in this. He feels the same. Somehow I know he does. I wasn't sure before... I wanted to believe it but I still had doubts. Not anymore. He loves me. I don't know why I suddenly felt so sure about it but I just did. And that hurt 'cause it made leaving him impossible. 

I need to help him. I need to do all that I should before. I am late again but I am here. I will get rid of all unnecessary emotions. I will purify my soul and correct my mistakes. No matter what is happening inside me, no matter how loud will the beast scream, I am Lee Sungyeol. And I will protect Kim Myungsoo from everyone including myself. Or I will die trying.

~ to be continued ~

a/n: so I hope you liked the update and there should be more interactions in the following chapters so look forward to it ;)