~ Kim Myungsoo ~

I'm sitting on the bed in my room, looking out of the window. Lightenings are flashing across the sky making it look like a scene out of the horror movie but I am not scared. There is a tiny lamp I have on, the light is not strong, but it's enough. I don't mind the shadows or the storm causing havoc outside. I am in this small room where it's warm and cosy and safe. I repeat that word over and over again. SAFE. I am safe now. No stalker to send me creepy messages, poison me or otherwise attack. No kidnapper to torture me, to abuse me. I am here all by myself.

I close my eyes for a moment and listen. Silence. It's late at night. Some members have schedules but most of them are in the dorm, sleeping. Sungyeol is now my roommate. He instisted on it so vehemently, everyone just gave in and agreed we whould share a room. I expected him to be here. To wait for me. But I don't know where he went. I don't think he has any schedule... and the weather today was horrible. So cold... it even started to snow. Now, it's even worse. Another lightening strikes but I don't even blink. 

In order to survive I am starting to shut myself down. Loosing all the emotions. That's the only way. If I want to go on, to overcome this, I must turn into a stone. So I am locking everything inside, building high and thick walls, so nobody could enter. I won't be scared. I will throw away my weakness and overcome myself. I can do it. If I just focus on this, I'm sure I will succeed.

However... I can surpass my own needs, my own emotions but I can't let go of Sungyeol. He is like this radiant presence in my mind and I can't help it. I'm worried about him. He seems so heartbroken... so damaged. Where is he? My heart clench and I grid my teeth. Stop it. Myungsoo, you can't. You can't let yourself feel. Don't think about him. Just don't.

No matter how many times I try to repeat that mantra to myself, it doesn't work. I need him. He is more important than sleep, light, food, air... than anything. Why are you not here, Sungyeol-ah? Didn't you say you will never leave me alone? Didn't you promise to stay by my side? 

~ to be continued ~

a/n: the holidays are coming so I expect to write longer chapters and update often but don't get used to it! :) my life is still crazy. this is still a short chapter but with this style I actually prefer if the whole chapter is written in one POV (not changing the POV's during the chapters) :3

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