~ Lee Sungyeol ~

It's here. The day I have to let go. He is shooting again but this time I can't follow. It feels so suffocating. I decide to go for a stroll. The fresh air may help me. I walk down the streets, my steps are slow, I am not bothered by the cold. Everyone else is bundled up in winter clothes, hurrying... they don't want to freeze. But I don't care. I have no direction in mind, no set place to be. I take random turns, passing streets I've never seen before. My nose turns red, my hands become numb. I feel empty. Lost. The snow starts falling again and I stop, watching it with hollow eyes. 

Then something catches my attention. It's a rundown bookstore, I've stopped right before it. It looks very old and unkept. There is a lot of dust in the window but the reason why I got interested is the quote they have displayed in the window. It's not the typical quote about the beauty of literature or importance of reading you would expect in the bookstores.

"If you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

Nietzsche

I dry swallow. Is that what happened to me? Have I crossed the line? When did it all start? When Myungsoo was kidnapped? Or when he started to get stalked? My eyes widen. No. It started long before that. What happened just escalated the feelings that were already there. My knees weaken. Oh my God. What am I?

I open the door and walk in.

"Annyonghaseyo."

"Oh, annyounghaseyo! What are you doing here, young man?"

"Uhm. I was just passing this street and the quote caught my attention."

"Aaaa. It's really deep, isn't it?"

"Why would you put such a quote in your display window?"

"Keulsae. The world is turning into one dark place but everyone refuses to acknowledge it. The bookstores are filled with inspiration quotes, with optimistic sayings... Everyone is throwing the wisdom quotes around them but they don't really grasp the meaning. How many times you heard words like "Everything is going to be okay", "You can do it", "It will get better"? Is there anyone who would call himself a friend and still say "You should give up", "There is no hope left", "It will only get worse"? This bookstore has been here for over 100 years. It's old, the building has many faults, but it's still here. It survived all the reconstructions and even if it doesn't really make any profit nowadays, I am still keeping it. For the sake of memories. Here you can find books long forgotten. The ones, nobody reads anymore. So I wanted to put a different message out there. Just because it's scary, doesn't mean it's not true."

"So you think that if we encounter too much evil we will also turn evil?"

"Hmm. Are monsters created, or are humans born monsters?"

"I... I don't know."

"Hah. You would be famous if you knew the answer. Nobody really knows. We only assume, we judge, we believe... but what is the objective truth? Maybe God would know but he is keeping his secrets." The owner smiles.

"You seem awfully interested in this, young man. Has something happened to you?"

"Maybe."

"Hmm. You don't strike me as an evil person but you certainly have a dark aura around you. You should be careful."

"But I can't fight it. I don't even know what's happening."

"Are you sure? Aren't you just too afraid to admit it?"

My eyes widen.

"You can't stop the flow if it's already leaking. But it's up to you whether it would be a current or a flood."

"Kamsamnida." I bow.

"Come again. I miss having someone to talk to." I nod and leave.

The snow is still falling, the whole city turned white. I stand in the middle of the street, still dazed. Am I really just scared? I shake my head and return to the dorm. My mind busy thinking about everything. 

What should I do know? Can I protect Myungsoo from myself?

~ to be continued ~

a/n: a quick philosophical update :) I am getting inspired by the Hi School Love On. I've had this character planned out long before the drama started airing but sungyeol's evil scenes are sure helpful to my imagination :)