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written in Myungsoo POV

I think, I am stupid. When the stalking started again I should have said something. Why am I staying quiet? I need someone to save me but how can they help me if they don't know I need them to? Because my schedule is too different from the rest of the members I am left alone often. What if I get kidnapped again? Seriously. What am I thinking? I need to report this! Why can't I?

I look at the messages I've gathered over the days. They are... different. I am becoming more and more sure it really isn't the same person as before. Could this really be my fan?

Don't worry, oppa. I am not stalking you. Just researching. You are an interesting individual and I like to collect data on you. That's all.

I won't hurt you. Not like you've been hurt before. I will just be here.

I'm not a stalker. I'm just curious. PS: you are out of clean underwear.

Oppa... does it really bother you? I am only looking after you.

Why do you keep saying stalking? It's love.

From joking to be being creepy. Is this stalker serious or is this just a prank? I can't tell. The second one. The second one hit home. I keep looking at it. How does the stalker know? It was on the news but... I just feel like this one knows everything. I am waiting for my scene on the set. It's dark and nobody's around. I decide to get some things off my chest.

"Hey, you stalker. No matter what you do, I won't like you. This isn't funny. It's not a joke anymore. It's not normal to love like this. It's not romantic and it's really bothering me, okay? The messages... how much do you know? I... I just can't do this. I don't care if you stalk me out of love or you are researching or whatever... Just stop. Please."

I start to cry. I cry and cry and cry. What am I going to do? My phone vibrates.

I'm sorry. Please stop crying. If it's hurting you really that much I will leave.

My heart stops. I look around but there is nobody here. I stand up and shout.

"SHOW YOURSELF!"

Nothing. I hear nothing, I see nothing. Where is the stalker? 

"COME ON!"

I run around but find nobody. Am I going crazy? I wipe my tears and leave. My scene is coming. I can't let this effect my work. 

My acting really improved. I am getting the job done faster than ever and the director is even smiling at me. I feel happy. The scene today was not that hard and changing into my character helped me to forget about what happened earlier. Hyun Ki can be very dangerous to play but he also saves me. In some weird way I think this character is a part of my healing process. 

When I get in the car after the shooting, I decide to breach the topic with my manager.

"Hyung~"

"Hm?"

"What will you do if I get stalked again?"

"WHAT?"

"Just asking... don't panic."

"I will kill him. Or her."

"Hyung."

"I mean it."

I sigh and look out of the window. As I thought. I am not the only one damaged. I can't tell them. It would be too dangerous. Maybe I should get a dog. A nice big guardian dog. I smile. That would be nice. I take my phone out to look for some pictures of  dogs when I notice something strange. The messages are gone. I freeze. How is that possible? I had the phone with me, the stalker couldn't possibly delete them right?

Then what happened? Why I can't find any? Am I only imagining this? No. The note. I have the note. When I get back to the dorm, I ran to my room and open the locked drawer. I hid the note there but no matter how much I shuffle through my things, I can't find it. No... I always lock the drawer and I have the only key so... How...? Oh my God... Am I really going crazy? Is this only in my head? Then... how can I tell the difference? Between what's real and what's not?

I sit on the bed with my head down. Oh my... If... If I am really hallucinating... when did it start? I feel so lost. This... What am I gonna do? I don't know about my other psychological problems but hallucinations are serious. Too serious. Oh Gosh. I am really sick. Tears again prickle my eyes. How am I going to deal with this? Can I hide this from the members?

Wait... how can I be sure this is real? Maybe I am still kidnapped. Maybe they didn't save me and I merely escaped to my own mind, creating this world? Or maybe I wasn't kidnapped at all, I just snapped because of the stalking. Could I really imagine all of this? With so much detail? No... No... I... Ah. 

Real is just a matter of perception.

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to be continued