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written in Sungyeol POV

It's late when I return home and quietly enter the room I share with Myungsoo. Similar to the last time when I did what I am about to do today, it's dark only with the tiny lamp on the bed table on. I get the notebook out of my bag and start writing.

Title: Talking to myself pt. 2

Where should I start today? What is there to even say? Have I fell deeper or started to come around? I am not sure. It's true the darkness in me is now pierced with light. The monsters are behaving, the prison is safely locked ... but for how long? 

Writing is helping... I am coping with whatever is happening to me but... I am not sure this is the final answer, the final solution. I need something else, something stronger.

What am I supposed to do? The truth is... I already know what can save me. Or better said who. But I can't do anything about it because he is in the need of saving himself... Ah Myungsoo... The only way for me to get better is for him to be my side, same as before... but that's not possible. We can never be the same so how to help him forget? If not the same, we should at least develop into someone better... stronger...Not the broken individuals we are right now. It's as if the stalker won. As if he managed to make Myungsoo his. Forever lost in the dark memories. 

I hate that. I can't allow it. Myungsoo is supposed to be mine but when I see his eyes... I see only shadows. He is pretending to be okay but... I am no better... Hiding, lying... If I save him will he save me? But how? What am I supposed to do?

Dear diary, can't you help? Can't you tell me? What is the secret? Or am I not allowed to know? Maybe, I am not winning this fight at all... maybe I am still changing into the evil one. 

I... I found something. I probably shouldn't go through Myungsoo things but I couldn't help myself. He was hiding something. It was obvious and he was really troubled so... uh... I broke into his hiding place and found it. The note. It was very disturbing. 

I assumed it's a memento from the stalker but I can't remember such note to be delivered... Myungsoo has never talked about it before so... does it mean there is someone else after him? Someone new? Can I handle it if that's the case? Or will I really take a life and get lost in the darkness once and for all? 

I stop writing and close my eyes. What is the answer? God please... I probably shouldn't but I open his drawer again. I have the spare key - Myungsoo doesn't know but I made a copy some time ago. The moment I open it I freeze. There is another note but judging by the content this one was written by Myungsoo himself. Ah... He... He... I start to tremble. What is happening to us? 

I place the note back and close the drawer. I made a mistake of taking the previous one. I saw how disturbed Myungsoo was when he noticed. I am about to go to sleep when a noise get my attention. It's Myungsoo. There is a tiny line of sweat on his forehead, he is tightly grabbing the sheet and incoherently mumbling. He is having a nightmare. I carefully approach him and shake him lightly.

"Myungsoo~"

He doesn't wake up. I try again. Shaking him a little harder.

"Honey, please wake up." Still nothing. I grab his hand and squeeze it.

"I am here with you. You are safe. Everything's okay." Finally, he stops his mumbling and movements but he still doesn't wake up.

"Come on. Open your eyes. It's okay." And he does. When I see the panic, my heart drops to my stomach. Still haunted. Still afraid. I take a deep breath and snuggle next to him.

"I am sleeping with you tonight." I announce with a tone that leaves no room for discussion. He smiles and rests his head on my chest.

"Thank you."

I keep my arms around him, hugging him tightly. He is mine and I am not letting him go. Nobody will ever hurt him again. Nobody.

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to be continued