“Diary writing again?” I looked up from the coffee table, and saw Sehun come over with an ice pack on top of his right hand. He sat down behind me on the couch as I rolled my eyes and shut my diary closed.

“Yes. And no, it’s not about you…” I stood up from my sitting position on the floor, finding myself trying to find my balance as I felt pins and needles stepping on my left foot. Ahhhhhh, WOW. Sleepy foot-sleepy foot...I sat back down on the couch next to Sehun.

“It’s about Kai, huh?” Sehun asked with no particular sourness in his tone. Instead, it was as if he was just asking casually. As in a “Oh is that so” kind of tone. Which kind of surprised me seeing as to he almost knocked the lights out with Kai earlier. Kai even left immediately with a bloody mouth and all, probably embarrassed with, not only getting beaten, but facing me after the words he said. The other boys ran after him, and I did try to come along, but Amber held me back saying I had someone else to take care of.

“Well, its definitely not an entry about rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns.” Which I never really wrote about since my life right now is NOT in that kind of scene right now. Sehun chuckled as he started crushing the ice into tiny pieces with his finger tips.

“So, Kai…” He started, as I heard little tiny crunches under his fingertips. “What is he to you?”

I shrugged. “I would say we’re good friends. Best friends? Ehhhh—close but not really there.” I wavered my hand side to side. “We’re basically at the I’ve ‘friendzoned’ him, but he’s ‘ready to date me’ kind of thing right now.”

Sehun nodded. “Has he ever been like that to you before?”

**Crunch. Crunch…Crunch. Crunch**

“Been like what?” I was starting to get annoyed by the crunching sound, but I guess I had to block out as much as I can. Maybe it was sort of a weird stress relieving habit of his whenever he needed to chill. (Ha Ha, get it? Chill? He’s crushing ice? Which is CHILL-y?? No? All right…I really should be saving this for my diary.)

“Being so…Confrontational with you.. I guess.” Sehun’s ice crunching continued. I finally couldn’t stand it anymore; I took his ice pack from his hand and crunched up all the ice at once so there wouldn’t be any left to crunch. Sehun didn’t say a word as he watched me.

“No.” I was now rubbing the pack up and down in my hands, turning the small ice pieces to a liquid state. “It took me by surprise really.”

“I could tell. I expected you to say something about it, but I was surprised when you didn’t.” Sehun tried to grab the ice pack from me, but I put it behind my back shaking my head. He retracted back to his normal state admitting defeat.

“Why should I say something back, if what he said was true?” I took one hand from behind my back and motioned for him to give me his injured hand.

He shook his head, but with one look from me, he slapped a hand onto my knee. “You are NOT a gold digger. If anything, I’m using YOU remember? That’s how it all started no?”

I finally took the ice pack from behind my back giving it the last few rubs. “Yeah, but ultimately I stayed for the so called ‘benefits’ and now that I am taking the money from YOU. Using YOU to fulfill the life I’ve always wanted to achieve for myself.” I slapped the ice pack onto his knuckles, earning a muted scream from Sehun’s mouth. I smiled and shook my head enjoying the reaction he gave off; I kept my hand over the ice pack, compressing it down.

“Friends with ‘benefits’, huh?” I heard Sehun ask in a seductive voice. When I looked at him he was a few inches from my face giving me, raising one brow. Placing a finger in-between his eyes, I pushed his face away from mine.

“Not THAT kind of ‘benefits’, you nasty.” I picked up the ice pack and slapped it a little bit harder onto his knuckles again. Another muted scream came from his well-formed “o” mouth. “I mean, the money kind and a little push into the fashion industry.”

“The fashion industry?” Sehun tried to pull his hand away from mine, but I held on tightly. Now both hands of mine were on duty. “How did I help you in that?”

“You gave me a start by putting me as model. Plus, you gave me credit for the backpack design as well.” As I was now massaging his knuckles through the now liquefied ice pack, I realized that Sehun had now stopped fussing. Instead, he looked a bit relaxed and very much focused on my thumbs moving across the pack itself.

“Look, just because you’re using me for those kinds of things, doesn’t technically make you a gold digger.” Sehun pointed at a certain spot on his arm for me to focus on.

“You said ‘technically’, which actually does make me one.” I moved my massaging fingers there.

“Okay, so you are NOT a gold digger.” Sehun took this chance to slip his injured hand away from me, placing it between his legs. He rolled his shoulders’ back, hinting at the next place I should put my massaging skills towards. I rolled my eyes as I walked on my knees to move behind him to work on the next assigned spot.

“So why am I NOT a gold digger?” I put my thumbs into it feeling his shoulder blades. Even though he had a clothed back, the picture of him from this afternoon shirtless was coming back in my mind again. Oh no, focus Soo Jung. FOCUS.

“Because gold diggers only use the man they are with to focus on the benefits of themselves.” Sehun rolled his neck around clockwise and counter-clockwise, cracking sounds coming from both directions. “You on the other hand do it to help your family out financially.” His eyes were closed as he was doing so, allowing me to stare at his face as he did so. Oh my god, when did he have such beautiful long lashes? What a waste on a man who doesn’t wear mascara…

“True.” I switched from thumb pressure to now a chopping action on his back. “Ultimately though, it all comes down to me using you and Kai being upset about it.”

“A-A-Any i-i-idea w-w-why?” Sehun’s voice was being affected by the chopping I was doing to his back.

“Probably because he wants to be the one in that position.” I stopped the chopping action and now used my elbow to rub into his back. “You know, how guys are—wanting to do everything for the one they like. Hoping that one day he can be depended on by that one special girl.” I heard him let out a sigh of relief as he began to loosen up a little. “I guess Kai is jealous because he can’t provide me with everything you’re giving me.”

“Money aspect or dating aspect?” I stopped massaging him. Dating? When have we started ‘dating’? Last I heard, he was just interested in me and now we’re dating!? No. Soo Jung stop this. He probably means the “dating Krystal” thing, not you.

“Both.” I continued massaging him again, returning to massaging with my fingers.

Sehun nodded. “I figured.” I heard Sehun yawn a bit. “Question.”

“Question?” I confirmed his word. Suddenly, Sehun started to lean back and soon enough the back of his head was against my chest. I paused not knowing whether I should react out loud or not. I mean, HELLO he was leaning back on me. As in, he could probably feel my heart beating 1,000 beats per second.

“Why are you not interested in Kai anyways?” Sehun didn’t seem to care about the mini skinship thing that was happening. While I on the other hand was telling myself NOT to caress his soft looking skin with my fingers; how did he get such good looking skin like that??

I sighed. “Can I be honest?” I looked down at him waiting for a reply taking in every feature of his angelic looking face. Really looking at him now, I could see a bit of his imperfections as well: he had some worry lines, dried lips, and he really needed to get his brows done…

“Have you been telling me lies?” Sehun peeked one eyes open and smiled. I tried to keep myself from smiling grabbing the nearest pillow near me and smacking his face with it.

“Ugh! Never mind!” I stood up letting his head fall onto the couch. Before I could get off the couch though, I felt a hand grab onto my ankle. Looking down, it was of course none other then Sehun’s hand doing the dirty work.

“Kidding. Really, say what you need to say. Besides—“ Sehun patted the empty spot on the couch. “You’re s make a really comfortable pillow…”

I gasped in disgust. “Then use one.” I grabbed the next pillow and threw it once more at his face. He dodged it immediately though, catching it with one hand. He began to stand up, and once I realized he was coming after me with it I began to run. I ran straight for his bedroom, locking myself in there. I let out a sight of relief giving myself a pat on the back. Phew, kept myself out from THAT situation. Two more minutes of him laying on me, and I don’t know how much longer I could hold out on attacking his lips…

“I was partly joking Soo Jung! Okay? Mianhe.” Sehun knocked on the door. “Open this door.”

“Why? So you can lay on MY pillows again?” I placed my arms across my chest. God, I hope my s aren’t erected through this bra… I fully grabbed both girls in both hands. Oh. They are erected…Did he notice that? Oh god I hope he didn’t.

“Well yes—AND NO”, I heard him try to catch himself at the end. “I mean, yes because I didn’t know being in that position made me feel so relaxed. No because I really want to hear what you have to say about Kai.”

He felt relaxed around me? As in a stress reliever or a feel good kind of thing? Wait, wasn’t that the same thing? Either way, he said he actually wanted to hear what I had to say. For some reason, him saying those words made my heart jump a bit. I don’t remember the last time I heard someone say they wanted to hear me say something. As in, I don’t remember the last time I was asked about how I felt about a situation…

“Kai reminds me of Soo Yeon’s ex…” I heard myself saying. I laid against the back of the door finding myself spilling the words I have never told anyone, not even Amber before.

“You mean, the twin’s father?” Sehun asked, the seriousness in his voice returned from his playful stature before.

“Yes”, I replied back closing my eyes. “It’s just that him and Kai are similar in which he used to care SO much for Unnie. Just like Kai cares for me…” The flashbacks of seeing Unnie’s ex do the smallest, most chivalrous, romantic things popped up in my head. Him buying her shoes when her new ones got ruined. Him buying her flowers and bringing home her favorite food when she had a bad day…It was the little things like that. “I remembered when I wanted a relationship like them.”

“Until?”

“Until he left her.” I opened my eyes not wanting to vividly picture that scene in my head. “He left her as soon as he found out Soo Yeon was pregnant.” I remember that night was the first time in a long time I had seen Unnie cry. I held her in my arms for how long, as our parents were scolding her for her actions and choices.

“Why did he leave?”

I shrugged as Sehun was in front of me to see, when in reality a block of wood was still separating us. “I’m not sure actually. He literally just got up and left, as if he was never there.” The multiple times Unnie tried calling him. The multiple times Unnie cried about him. The feeling returned in my chest and a tear rolled down my cheek, finally escaping my eye.

“You’re afraid that Kai might do the same to you? Get up and leave you when you are in need of him most?”

“No.” I wiped my tears off with the back of my hand. “Kai just reminds me of the situation that Unnie was in, not that he would do that to me.” If Kai and I ever ended up in that situation, in one weird way or another, he would probably be ecstatic that he had a reason to keep me under his wing forever.

“What do you mean?”

I sighed. “I’ve learned to not depend on others too easily. That I should do everything for myself and my family because we’ve been stepped on and thrown away too many times. That I only trust myself to care for Unnie and the twins because what if they get thrown to the curb again? Not only by her ex, or my parents…”

I suddenly heard a little click and I felt myself being pushed forward a bit. I turned around and was immediately taken into Sehun’s embrace. I didn’t even ask how he got in there, I immediately buried my head into his chest just letting out all the feelings I’ve been hiding for so long. The ticking bomb of my feelings all let out in words instead of paper.

“Look, its not that I don’t trust Kai. Or Amber. Or the EXO guys. It’s just that—“

“Do you trust me?” Sehun asked out of the blue. I looked up from his chest and he pulled away a bit to make eye contact with me.

“Do I what?” I asked a bit taken back on what he said.

“Do. You. Trust. Me.” Sehun pronounced each word clearly. Why was he asking such a question? I kept my mouth shut. Did I really trust him? I mean, yes Sehun has done so much for me, and with the situation we’re in now…Nothing has gone wrong SO far. But, I only knew him for how long? Could I really trust him at this point?

Sehun placed a pair of hands on my shoulders. “Look, I know we haven’t known each other for that long. And with the situation we’re in….trust is the only that keeps us from both of our worlds breaking apart, meaning—That since I trust you to help me out with my circumstance. You need to trust me to help me out, not only to make my circumstance easier for the both of us…But, also because I want to help you out, all right?” I felt him wipe a tear with a thumb. “Look, you don’t have to give me your full trust right now. Just…enough for you to know that you’re not alone, all right?” I felt him pull me into his chest again. “That—You have me to depend on as well now all right?”

I nodded my head. God, did that feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. It was a different feeling then writing stuff like this in my diary. In fact, it felt WAY better then writing it in my diary. Why? Because although I pour out my feelings, my diary can’t respond back to me; tell me the comforting words I needed to hear, like Sehun. And just as Sehun felt comfortable and relaxed laying on me....I felt that way too in his embrace.

And to be honest, I liked that… a lot.