Spice girls-Viva forever

I woke up and the bed and stretched my arms. It was morning and something smells sooooo good. I wonder what can be. I look around. See some of my clothes on the floor. This is his room. Yesterday .... we made love. We’ve been together. It was amazing. I sigh. Where is Minho? The light outside is bright but I can tell is not sunny. I push the duvet aside and touch the floor with my toes. Is soft. Reminds me of Minho’s touch in my skin. I my lips. I had the most amazing night in my life. He is so tender and carring. I think I love him. I really do. I  love him.

I sigh. Getting up and get dressed. I can hear his hum in the kitchen. I smile caressing my lips. He is probably cooking breakfast. So cute!

I look in the big mirror in his room, trying to style my wild hair. Nothing works. I look in my bag and search for my tooth brush. I open the bathroom door and wash my face. My skin looks glowing. I am happy that’s for sure and my skin is smiling. My eyes look brighter this morning. What love can do! Miracles! I brush my teeth and looking for a comb. I can’t find any. Head to Minho’s room maybe I can find something here.

I open his drawer and finaly I find a comb. A blue comb. But also a book caught my eyes. looks old, black and suddenly feel the need to open it. I take it out with shaking fingers. I sat on the edge of the bed. I take a deep breath and open it. is a photo album. From the first page Minho is smiling at me. I smile too. Maybe blush a little. Don’t know, I just feel my cheeks hot.

Turning the page I find a picture with Minho and a boy. Minho seems happy here.

A sad smile appeared on my lips.

Another  picture with Minho and the same kid. He looks nice. They both look nice together. Think Minho would be a great ...father.

Next page. Next picture make me drop my smile. Minho and the same boy. Eating a crisp. Almost kissing. Minho loves kids. He really does. He ...is going to be a wonderful father. Right?

Then why am I sad?

Where is this place? Minho looks wet and... again with that boy. On the side of the page Minho wrote something. A big heart and ‘love you Yoochun. Uncle will love you forever’.Oh! His uncle. Minho has a sister? Why I feel so sad? I decide to turn the page.

Minho with another kid. They seems happy. The boy is smiling. No wonder, being held by such a wonderful man. Minho. I love you.

 Minho again with his boy. He kiss the boy. Yoochun. 

Haha. Minho and Yoochun kiss. On the lips. So cute. I want to have kids with Minho. I wanna give him a boy. Our boy.

Turning the page I find a picture with Minho and two girls. He looks amazing. Like a happy father.

I feel sad. Don’t know why.

“Baby?” I hear his voice but I can’t look at him. suddenly I am very aware of my tears. I have tears in my eyes. I hear his footsteps in the room.

“I made breakfast for us.” He says. I nod still looking at the album opened in my lap. He put the tray on the nightstand and sit next to me.

“You found my album.” He said.

“I am sorry.” I say while clear my nose. I still don’t know why I cry.

“I was looking for a comb to comb my hair and found it in your drawer. Couldn’t help but look inside.” I say, not looking in his eyes.

“Is ok. Is my album with my nephew. And some other kids.” He stops for a moment “I always liked kids. I have lots of pictures with kids.” He said. I nod and look in his eyes smiling. Still drowning in tears.

“Yes.” I say stopping his words. His eyes clouded after he sees my face, he cups my chin and frown.

“What’s wrong?” I shake a little my head.

“Nothing. Just being emotional I think.” I answer, trying to make up things, not letting him know how much this album affected me. I feel bad for not being a woman, not being able to give him kids, if he ever wants. Ok, this is a way too far thought, but hey I love him and want to be with him forever. I know we just started a relationship, after both of us have been straight, and now we are gay for each other. Can’t help to think of our future.

“Silly. Is just an old album.” He said and leans forward to kiss my lips.

I nod and wipe the tears.

~

I smelled the flowers and closed my eyes biting my bottom lip smiling happy.  Last night was wonderful and I was the happiest man in the world. I look at the flowers again. So beautiful, so alive! The color was so deep and my heart sank as I look at the intense color. He surely will like those beautiful flowers.

I know they are his favourite flowers. I smiled and smelled the tulips. I had 77 flowers in my arms holding them tight to my chest. I know I am a romantic person but I can’t help it. After the night we had three days ago we hadn’t the chance to talk and see each other.

Unfortunately I’ve talk to him on the phone and my plan worked perfectly.

My secret plan worked amazing and besides Key didn’t understand what is all about I know it will work and Minho will fall for my plan. Honestly this is the only thing I think I can do to make Minho love me. I know everyone, Key, Heechul and Onew say he is already head over heels for me but I still can’t make him be with me. After the night we had I am sure he loves me, not only like me.

Now I am standing in his elevator and smelling the flowers, I can’t push the button to take me up, to his apartment. I’ve talk to him an hour ago and he said he will wait for me in his apartment and then go out for dinner. It’s a pity he has to work at the resort and we can’t see each other so often.

Eh, well, it’s the first time I meet him after the night we had three days ago and I must say I am very, VERY nervous. I feel my poor legs shaking and I am so scared to face him. My cheeks are so hot and I bet I am red as a late tomato. I want to tell him how much I love him tonight. I know my plan was a bit too harsh to him, but I had to do it. I am smiling like a crazy person. It’s a rainy day outside. The day seems perfect to take him out and confess in the park under the beautiful rain drops.

I finally pushed the button to his floor and the elevator started to move. I put my hand on my chest to calm my heart. It raced so bad! I hugged the flowers. 77 purple tulips is a big number and the bouquet is big and heavy enough for a kid like me. OK, a man like me. The elevator stopped and I look at the flowers. I know it’s strange for a man to offer flowers to another man but I wanted to give him this sign of affection.

So I was in front of his door and I took a deep breath before pushing the door ring. I waited for him to open the door and then jump in his arms and gave him a big and warm hug. In a few seconds he opened the door with an angry face and his eyes look so sad.

“Minho, something wrong?” I asked when his eyes looked down sad. I then saw a woman behind him coming and hugging his body from behind.

“Hello.” She smiled and waved at me. I could see his eyes were still focusing on the floor. I didn’t dare to enter the apartment.

“Who are you?” she asked me smiling like a mad person.

“I.... I’m Taemin.” I said stuttering.

“And you are?” I asked wanting to know who could be this beautiful woman. Surely not Minho’s sister. Or cousin.

“I’m Ae Min. Minho’s fiancé!” she rolled he eyes happy and playing the –most-beautiful- woman in the world. I felt like fainting.

“And I guess I can tell you since you are Minho’s friend that I am pregnant. Minho and I will have a baby. You are his first friend who knows. Congratulate me!” she let him go and look at me standing in the door frame next to Minho. His eyes were still on the floor. I felt my fingers shaking and tightened my grip on the bouquet feeling my eyes tearing.

“Taemin... I must... talk to...” he tried to talk but I closed my eyes in a failed attempt to stop my tears. I let my hand fall with the tulips bouquet and my heels and run. I run as fast as I could. I didn’t stop at the elevator because I heard Minho calling for me behind and I knew he was following me. I feel drowned and I don’t want to talk to him. The tears threatened me to drown me with sobs and I don’t want him o see me like that. I hurried on the stairs. And he lives on 12^th floor. I run with the flowers in my arms. I get in the street and stopped to catch my breath and take a breath of fresh air.

The rain fell hard and I felt how my hair, clothes drowned in big rain tears as my face became all wet with my own tears.

“TAEMIN!” he called for me and followed me on the footway. I run as fast as I could but finally his hand gripped my arm and turned me. His face was wet from the rain.

I wiped my nose and cried from the bottom of my heart.  I sobbed in my sleeves.

“Don’t pretend you’re sorry, I know you’re not! You know you got the power to make me week inside! Minho, you let me breathless, but it’s ok.” I said the words sobbing and he tried to hug me. I pushed him away.

“I’m sorry... Taemin, is not like that.” I looked at the flowers and made a grimace of pain. My heart was pieces. How could I ever pull them together? I looked at the bouquet and threw the flowers in his chest. The flowers fall on the hard pavement and he didn’t bothered to take them.

“You are stupid!” I cried. The rain didn’t stopped just helped me to cover my tears.

“Go on and pull me under, Cover me with dreams, Love me mouth to mouth now, You know I can't resist, 'Cause you're the air, That I breathe...” I finished my confession to him in those lyrics. I covered my face with my sleeves and screamed.

“AHHHHHHH. Minhooo.... go and pull me under your lies. I know you don’t love me the way I do. You have a woman there to wait for you. Why are you here under the rain with me?!” I said still hiding my face. The thunder of words I cried was from my bottom heart. I my heels and started to run. And run. I don’t know what happened. And what the hell just happened?

~

 I get home after 40 minutes of walking without a target in the rain. Before enter my apartment I remembered I had a bouquet with purple tulips in my arms and threw them in Minho’s face. Pity, I should have kept them and put them in my room. I was so sad I couldn’t explain my feeling. It felt so empty and ... my heart felt like choking and it wasn’t beating. I felt like dead. My breath was caught in my chest and besides it rise and fall, I couldn’t feel the air I was breathing.

Why do people feel like that? I hate the feeling. I hate the feeling even more because it is not the first time I feel it. It’s not the first time and I am afraid I will get used to it. And feel it forever.

I opened the door to my apartment and after I lock the door I dropped the keys on the floor, my bag soaked at my feet and my gaze spacing out. I closed my eyes and felt the hot tears on my cold face. I covered my face with the sleeves and slid on the door. I reached the floor and rested my forehead on the shacking knees.

I just couldn’t.... I was so shocked by what had happened. A ... woman... pregnant with Minho...

I let out a soft sob and cupped in my shaking palm the jacket where my heart was. I wanted to be able to react but I was like lost. I saw the apartment but it was like I was on other planet. It was like I was watching a movie on the tv.

My mouth opened slowly and took a deep breath.

I don’t know how much I stayed there, on the floor, crying but I took another deep breath and rise and took off my shoes.

“Key?” I called in the empty apartment. No one seems to be home.

“Key are you here?” I left a soft sob but he wasn’t there. Key was like my older brother, so I was used to have him there, when I need him.

“Minho...” I whispered. I sat on the sofa, without carrying about my wet clothes.

“Should I try to carry on without you?” I sobbed.