I was so angry I could punch even a wall. It was all my fault and now I will pay for it. But I don’t want to!

I slammed the door hard and screamed in anger. My plan didn’t work and now Min Ho knows everything! He should have find out the truth from me. Now he’ll hate me. I know for sure he’ll hate me. I’ve been such an idiot to believe we could be something more than just friends. Now I’ll lose even his friendship. Why couldn’t I just tell him the second time we meet that I am a man and not a woman? I will be punished for this. And it’s all my fault.

My phone started to ring and I took it out from my pocket. I look at the screen. It was a text message from Key. I read it quick and throw it slowly on the bed.

From Key: 11.55 pm: Where are you? MinHo is angry. I’m heading home, meet me there.

I sighed ruffling my hair and punched the edge of the bed with my both fists. I knelled in front of the bed and gritted my teeth. I was so damn angry I could destroy the entire room. Now MinHo will hate me and I’ll lose his friendship. Those were the only words that echoed in my head. I know I shouldn’t lie him and pretend to b a girl all the time, since we meet. It’s a shame I did such a thing, but I thought... I don’t even know what I thought.

I look outside the window and my anger slowly faded away. I don’t think it’s ok what I did. I don’t blame anyone for this. I know I am the only culpable for this situation. My head was spinning and I went to the kitchen.

The sink was full of dirty plates but I ignored them. I felt much dirty than those. I felt despicable. I felt like run away. Run away until I can’t find land and start to swim. I know. A lots of feeling passed through me. I was angry, then I was scared, then desperation took over. I felt big drops of sweat fall in my spine.

I poured a glass of water and drink it in a sip. My head started to ache very badly and I took the first aid kit and searched for some painkillers. I found them and drink one. Leaving the bathroom, I entered my room and the mirror across the door showed my face. I looked terrible. I look like a zombie. My face was red and my eyes were soaked in sweat. I was trembling.

I let myself kneel next to the bed. I let my back in the edge of the bed and my foot on the ground. In my right I had the night stand. I put my phone there and my head fall in the edge of the bed. It was so hard for me. My heart was aching and the pain was unbearable. I felt my tears fall slowly on my cheeks. I opened my eyes and started at the ceiling. The carpet under my palms felt smooth and I turned my hands into 2 fists, grabbing the fabric the carpet was made. I let out a whimper when my tears started to fall like a falls and I heard my phone vibrate again on the nightstand. My right hand let go the carpet and grab it.

From Key, 00.20: Hope you are home. I’m almost there.

I put it down and looked at the clock again. My face was full of tears and I ruffled my hair. I wanted to scream and shout. MinHo probably is angry and even planning to never see me again. I will not even have the chance to apologize and explain myself. The door slowly opened and Key hurried to me when he saw me down near the bed, crying and sobbing.

“TaeBaby...” he took me in his arms and I nodded, crying in his shoulder.

“He hates me Key.” He shacked his head. He stayed on the carpet next to me and wiped my tears. I whimpered and he shacked again his head.

“He doesn’t hate you. He was very surprised.”

“I know he hates me Key. I know it.” I sniff and he hugged me again.

“No, he doesn’t. He is just stunned, surprised, overwhelmed. Think about it Taemin, he believed you were a girl.”

“And now he hates me.” I kept crying in his shoulder.

“No, he doesn’t. I told you. Let him a few days and he’ll talk to you again.” I shacked my head.

“I can’t... I must leave this place. And never see him again.”

“What? Leave where, please don’t talk nonsenses. Relax and everything will be alright.” Key told me but I didn’t believe him.

~

“!” I screamed and entered in the room. Onew followed me and I sighed. I didn’t turned to look at him. He only stayed behind.

“I’m sorry MinHo. It’s all my fault.” He muttered after a few moments of silence.

I raised my hand to make him hush and turned to him.

“It’s not your fault. It’s not.” I said but I felt my words stuck in my throat. It was strange. The girl I almost fall in love is a boy.

I ruffled my hair annoyed and Onew looked down. I could tell he was sad and felt guilty. But what could I do, he was the one who tell me the truth. This all situation is a bit overwhelming. I didn’t know Onew knew Taemin and knew he was a boy.

“Did... did you know long time ago?”

“Know what MinHo?”

“Did you know Taemin, my girl Taemin was a boy?”

“NO. I thought it was just a name coincidence. I thoughts they have similar names. But I didn’t know Taemin the boy was Taemin, your girl. It’s weird. How could you mistake him with a girl?” he told me and I smiled sad.

“Stupid me.” he came closer and put his hand over my shoulder.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s ok. Don’t worry.” I said and Onew sat on the bed. We talked a lot that night and I felt better but I was still shocked.

~

I left the next morning the resort behind thinking how I won’t return soon. I was sad for everything what happened but I couldn’t change anything. What was done is done. I just wanted to talk to MinHo and apologize.

I was heading home when I meet HeeChul in the corridor. He was going to eat lunch. He was aware of what happened. Key called him next day and told him everything when I didn’t pick up his calls and Key decided to call him back. Heechul was surprised to find that my plan didn’t work. So I was even angrier because I failed.

“Let’s go eat together.” He told me patting my shoulder and I nodded. I was back in Seoul for 3 days and I didn’t exit my room. Only for shopping.

“You know Taemin, MinHo wants to talk to you. I saw last night Onew and he told me MinHo is angry and wants to talk to you and understand what happened.” I heard him telling me when we get at the restaurant. Heechul smiled kind. He took my hand and tried to comfort me. But nothing could make me feel better. I don’t know why I was so sad for losing Minho but I felt really empty. That’s the feeling that invaded me and make me feel lonely.

“Everything’s gonna be alright. Don’t worry. He will forgive you and be friends again once he will get use to the idea of you being a boy.” I sighed looking outside the window.

“I know. But I don’t know when this will happen.” Maybe it will never happen I finished my thoughts.

“Why don’t you want to talk to him? He told me you don’t answer your phone. And either his messages.” I shacked my head.

“I don’t know what to tell him and I’m afraid. I don’t want to face him. Not yet.”

“Well, you should. I know he is very angry but at least at the phone he can’t do anything. You don’t see his face.”

“No. I can’t.”

Little I know, while I was standing there with Heechul, Minho prepare his stuff to come to Seould tomorrow morning, to look for me. And I tried everything to avoid him.

“Look Taemin, you can’t be avoid him forever. Not when you want to be his friend.” Heechul told me and I smiled. I want to be more than his ‘friend’ I thought but didn’t say it aloud.

My bag was heavy and Onew helped me to the car.

“Be careful man. Don’t be too harsh.” He told me and I laughed.

“Don’t worry. I will be calm.” I told him. We were talking about the meeting with Mr. Wo and the new owner of the house we were working. He is a strange man. He like to change his mind every 5 minutes and now Mr. Wo is exasperated to make him stop because we can’t change our plans every day.

The architecture plans we make can’t be changed that quick and not after the constructions begins. So this man is giving us a hard time. Mr. Wo is very angry and I was the one send to talk to the owner and try to calm him and make him stop.

I headed to Seoul and laughed at myself. I knew there I will find Taemin and kill him. yeah, kill him. I will beat his out when I get my hand on him! I want so bad to punch him and  make him cry for what he did. I am angry with him and nothing can stop me from punch him hard!

Oh, what I’m gonna do with this little man? He lied to me and I can’t forgive him like that!

~

 My heart froze when I saw him across the street eyeing me. I tried to run as quick as I could. What is he doing in Seoul? Looking for me? Does he want to talk to me? or even beat me?

 It was late evening, almost dark. It’s been four days since I last see him. I returned to Seoul the next morning after he found out that I was a boy from Onew. Key told me how angry he was at the club, after I left. He almost stormed out after he entered and told them he won’t stay because he knows I’m a boy. Lucky Key come home soon and tried to comfort me.

“Stay there Taemin! Don’t move!” I heard him screaming across the street. Besides it was night, the cars were running up and down the street. I tried to run but when I looked behind he was right there. I look at him scared and he caught my wrist turning me forcefully.

“MinHo.” I murmured but his face was angry and looked at me like he wanted to kill me.

“You must face me and give me some reasons, don’t you think?” he said between his teeth. I look at him scared. He look terrifying when he is angry.

“How could you do such a thing to me?” he asked again still holding my arm brutally and I almost started to tremble.

“I’m sorry.” I tried to speak but my words died.

“You’re sorry? Taemin, I believed you a girl, damn it! Are you crazy?” he screamed in the street.

“I’m sorry! You believe I was a girl and at first I was angry but then I laughed and I didn’t thought we will meet again and it didn’t matter. But then we meet again, and I thought you would figure it out. You would realise I was a boy, but you didn’t. And the next time you still didn’t saw I was a boy and the time passed ... then it was hard to tell you and not make you angry. It was hard for me!” I tried to explain. Well, it sounded so confused and strange. Incoherent words. That’s what I told him. he looked at me confused.

“Taemin, you should have told me. That’s not an excuse. You made a fool of myself.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to. I wanted so bad to tell you but I was afraid.” I felt the tears in my eyes but hold them back. This all situation, fight, made me feel week.

“Taemin, I thought you were a girl! Taemin, I... Taemin I fall for you.” He slowly finished his words.

“What?” I managed to ask feeling my lips glued to each other. I couldn’t even wet them. My throat was dry.

“Taemin, I fall for you thinking you are a girl. How could you do such a thing? I fell for you, damn it!”

“I ... fell for you too MinHo. Besides I knew you were a boy.” I finished with my voice raised.

“Gosh, how could you do such a thing?” he asked again roaming his fingers in his hair.

“I’m sorry! I got attached to you and soon it was hard to tell you.”

“Taemin, you are a boy!” MinHo said angry.

He pushed me hard against the wall behind me. It was the shop wall I was buying some things. I drop my bag on the ground scared and the oranges run o the street.

 I looked at him and I felt something in my heart. Will he punch me? Beat me till I’ll fain? Of course not! He isn’t this kind of person.

Then I felt his lips against mine and I opened my mouth to gasp. He took the opportunity and slipped his tongue inside. I gasped again not understanding what was happening and he roamed his fingers all over my neck, jaw line and shoulders. I tried to push him but I couldn’t.

He pinned my arms above my head and with his body stopped mine to move. I am thin and I don’t have enough power to push him off, but I tried my best. I didn’t succeded to push him only because I felt lost in the kiss. He was tender with me and besides he hold me with all his power to stop me from moving his lips gently kissed mine with a sweetness I could get used. MinHo was a great kisser and I didn’t want to stop. But not long after the kiss begin he released me when I let out a small moan in frustration. He took me by the waist and pressed against him.

He just kissed me like there is no tomorrow and when he released me he put his fist above my head ready to hit me on my face. My eyes widened. But he didn’t hit me. He stopped and looked at me. I close my eyes and waited for his hit.

“ Taemin, are you crazy? What the hell is wrong with you?” he screamed at me and I look at him. He was more than angry. But what could I do? I tried to run and he caught me. He turned me around and my face meet his fist.

“Owwww!!!!!” I screamed and hold my face. I am too young to die, Minho. I am only20 years old. It felt like it could fell anytime and live without a cheek. Damn, his fist is strong! I tried to run, but he caught me and turned me around again hitting myself in his chest. I pushed him away and he almost fell back. Regaining his posture he run for me and caught me from the back of the jacket.

“Stop right there!” he told me but damn, I don’t want another punch! So I tried to run. He waved his fist again to hit me but I let my head in the right side and he missed. Grabbing my shoulders he shacked me and I push him again. I wanted to run and stop him for being so mad. Unfortunately he caught me and I slipped when he turned me. I fell on the ground with him on top of me.

“You ... Ahhhhh! I want to kill you for make a fool of myself!” he told me but I couldn’t focus on his words. My eyes were melting at the sight of his lips. They were an inch away from mine and I love the way his lips shined in the colored lights from the shop behind us.