{Jihae}

I think you’re beautiful. Baekhyun’s words echo in my head once again just as I get out of the car. Home is just a few steps away but Luhan holds my arm and chauffeurs me to the door. The trauma of me possibly dying probably still hits him, resulting in his over protectiveness.

A smile finds a way up on my lips as I mentally replay the incident from earlier on. The way Baekhyun’s cheeks were flushed with the cutest shade of crimson and how his eyes had dodged around, lips pursed as though he had known he shouldn’t have let those words out.

And I know I am being stupid. I mean it wasn’t the first time someone complimented me. Baekhyun was just another random guy that attempted flirting with this absolutely mundane girl—me. He probably has done the same to a dozen other girls before. Maybe that’s the reason why they are all falling heads over heels for him. Dumb me for even thinking for a second that maybe, just maybe, I am different from the rest.

The way he talks to me is different from how he does with other girls. Being with Baekhyun makes me feel different. As though I’m someone special. I dismiss this crazy thought and let out a laugh. This is the kind of useless teenagers like me do in our spare time—day dreaming about boys.

But then again it’s not every day that someone rescues you from drowning and then steals your first kiss in an attempt to save your life.

A few moments later, Luhan carries a bowl of soup and walks towards me. A quizzical expression on my face as I look at him. “Erm…this is?” I ask.

“An apology for not believing you about Sooyeon.” He reveals a side smile as his head tilts downwards in remorse. In actuality, I’d never blame my brother. But such opportunities of him feeling sorry are rare and so, I decide to make the best out of it.

I my head to the side and fold my arms, leaving Luhan both shocked and confused. “What? Is soup not enough?” He groans. I shake my head, inwardly trying my best to stifle laughs that were threatening to exit my mouth. “Gah! Fine sis what do you want?”

I place a finger on the bottom on my chin, considering the various possibilities of exploiting this moment that may never come again during this life time. And then an idea hits me.

“I want you to tweet something.”

“That’s all? Well fine—“

“Not just anything!”

“Oh boy I knew it wouldn’t have been this simple…” Luhan rolls his eyes at me.

“Would I let you off this easily? Come on now take out your phone!” I instruct. “Good. Now tweet that you think your sister is a hundred times better looking than you.”

“WHAT? BUT YOU’RE AN UGLY DUCKLING!” Luhan sneers at me.

I know fairly well that he had meant it as a joke, or perhaps a playful banter. But somehow those words were like sharp swords, piercing through me. Each syllable leaving an equally painful scar as the words ricochet in my ears. Ouch.

My hurt is only reflected in my eyes for less than a split second. My façade overwhelms me as I force out a laugh. He probably doesn’t realise. He probably never realises. All the pain and the suffering I’ve been through living with him, the flower boy that is never short of the countless fangirls. And who am I? A random girl that was left at the doorstep seventeen years ago. A girl lacking an identity. Lacking anything at all.

And perhaps that was why when Baekhyun complimented me, I felt something warm inside. When other people did it, it had always felt as though they only wanted to get closer to me because of Luhan. I am merely a stepping stone for others to get to my brother. But for Baekhyun, he wasn’t trying to get closer to Luhan. They are already good friends and there is no reason for him to.  He was trying to get closer to me.

“Look okay I’ve tweeted it. You happy?” Luhan shoves the phone into my face. I don’t border reading between the shades of blue and white for that tweet, I just nod my head and push the phone back to him.

“Good boy!” I say and grab the soup that was left on the table. Chicken soup has always been my favourite, but after that harsh comment from Luhan, all appetite is lost. But that doesn’t stop me from gulping down the soup in one go.

“Woah are you that hungry?” Luhan stares at me.

“While I am a pig remember?” I stick out a tongue. When I see Luhan laugh, I know he doesn’t one bit realise that I’m affected by his nasty remarks. I quickly climb up to my room, afraid that he might see me when my tears begin to fall.

I am weird aren’t I? Why do I even take his words so seriously? He is after all my brother. No, we aren’t related. Under the law yes, but by blood, no. Not one bit. I wonder how some people can even say that our personalities are alike? Because let me be the first to say that we are worlds apart.

Luhan is that carefree guy that everyone likes. The type that will go around playfully joking with other people and making friends. On the other hand, I am just a serious girl that tries her best to fit in. The type that are so desperate to make friends. Just because she is afraid. Afraid to be left out. Again.

I dap on a stray tear that has unknowingly fell from my face. I cannot afford another crying session because tomorrow is a school day and puffy eyes never does anyone any good.

I hear someone knock on the door and carelessly say, “Since when do you ever knock?” And when a shorter figure appears after the door swings open, I am taken aback. No he isn’t Luhan. He isn’t my semi-rude brother that never bothers about something called personal privacy. The person that is standing outside my room is Baekhyun.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” I shout, stumbling to comb my hair straight and get up from my really unglamorous sleeping position.

Baekhyun looks as shocked as I am and I realise I may have been too harsh. “Sorry, I mean like why are you here? In my house? In my room?” I interrogate him as I get up from my bed.

“Ah chillax sis! Baekhyun came to find me. He came over many times when you were overseas. We always come into your room.” Luhan appears from behind and hangs his left arm over Baekhyun’s shoulders.

“You WHAT?” I stare at Luhan in utter disbelief. “You let some guy come into my room? Are you crazy?”

“Sorry…” Baekhyun begins but Luhan cuts him off.

“Why are you apologising Baek? This would have been my room if someone wasn’t left at my doorstep…” He laughs.

I think Baekhyun must have seen the obvious damage Luhan’s words inflicted on me. Because as Luhan laughs, he places his index on his lips, signalling for him to shut up.

If someone wasn’t left at my doorstep. He has gone too far. Luhan has gone too far. He can use all the things in the world to joke about, but he knows very well that my abandonment issue is something that is extremely personal and also incredibly sensitive.

I try to hide my pain. To conceal the immense aching in my heart. But this time it was too much. I bite my lip and storm out of the room. Two people are talking to me. One of them is trying to pull me back while the other just stopped laughing. I ignore both and fling them off. I want to get out of this house. I want to leave my brother.

But above all, I want to let go.