{Jihae}

 “Where to?” The taxi driver asks after I enter the cab with my luggage packed into the boot.

“The airport.” I reply, feeling a strange sense of determination wash through my insides.

Plugging in my earpiece, I connected it to my iPod. Wanting to block out the world around me, I drown myself in the music. F(x)’s Paper Heart resonates in my eardrums.

I got a pa-pa-pa-pa-paper heart…

And Baekhyun just completely tore it apart.

I alight from the taxi. Just as I am carrying out my luggage from the vehicle’s boot, I hear a familiar voice call me.

“Jihae!” Luhan shouts as he stumbles out of the blue taxi that I hadn’t realise was tagging behind mine all along.

I roll my eyes and quickly shut the boot close before quickening my footsteps to the entrance of the terminal. I have made it so far, nothing is going to stop me. Nothing is going to stop me from seeing Baekhyun.

“Jihae wait!”

“I told you to wait!” Luhan says as he holds me back by securing his fingers around my wrist.

Flinging it away, I say, “You’re not gonna stop me from finding him Luhan.”

“Who says I was?” He grins at me.

“Then why are you here?”

“I’m coming along.” Luhan says. It is then that I noticed the navy blue luggage behind him. For a moment, I remain quiet.

He mistakes the silence as a reflection of my anger and says, “Look I’m sorry ok, but I can’t just leave my little sis all along in Bei-”

Luhan’s words are cut short by my sudden hug. “Thank you. Thank you Luhan.”

Luhan hugs back and says, “No problem. Let’s go, we have a flight to catch and a person to find.” He then smiles brightly at me and grabs both our luggage and we head towards the arrival hall.

After we’re settled in our seats, I turn towards Luhan. “How did you know I would go? I promised you.” I ask him just as the flight attendance calls for the passengers to buckle up.

“A brother always knows. You weren’t biting your lips, but your eyes totally gave you out,” he laughs and I twist my lips in annoyance. Had I have been so horrible at lying?

“So an hour after you pretended to sleep, I checked up on the flights to Beijing and found out you booked a flight. So I did too. And here we are.” He tells me.

Throughout the entire flight, I think about many things. I think about what the heck I am doing. About how I’m just completely throwing away everything behind back in Seoul and coming all the way to Beijing alone to go on a wild goose chase after a guy that has left me.

But you’re not alone. I remind myself. The sight of Luhan falling asleep beside me almost makes me crack up. I’m thankful for a brother like him. Although we aren’t in any way related by blood, I still love him as the caring and funny big brother that he is.

I wish the trip to Beijing could have been longer. Because I realise I am not ready to face Baekhyun, well not like I would find him that easily anyway.

What am I expecting really? Will Baekhyun still look the same after an entire year? Will he still be as humorous and charming as before? Will he still be the same?

And that’s when I started reflecting on my own appearance.

Have I become uglier? What if Baekhyun doesn’t love me anymore? What if that’s the reason why he had left in the first place?

On the verge of tearing my hair apart out of frustration, Luhan’s reassuring hand on my shoulders stops me from doing so.

“You’re afraid to see him?” He asks and I nodded.

“Just be yourself Jihae. I didn’t come all the way to Beijing with you just for you to decide you aren’t ready to see the person you were so desperately looking for.” Luhan says with a half-smile.

As we walk out of the airport, a sudden realisation hits me. I did not make any preparations. No hotel bookings, no nothing. I turn to look at Luhan.

“Finally did the math did you? I wonder what you’d do if I wasn’t here. I already made all the necessary arrangements Jihae.” Luhan says with a conceited smirk. Really, what would I do if Luhan hadn’t tagged along?

We take a taxi to our four star hotel. After checking in, we head to room 401.

My eyes widens when I see only a queen sized bed in the bedroom. I look around the entire suit but don’t find another bed.

“Luhan…why is there only one bed?” I ask as he enters the suit behind me.

“Why? Is sleeping with me any problem?” He asks as though it’s only second nature for the two of us to share a bed.

“What ewww no.”

“We use to do that when we were young don’t you remember? I don’t see why we can’t do that now.” Luhan says and raises his eyebrows, making me almost throw up.

“Nononono, you’re a guy, I’m a girl. That’s just wrong.” I say and shake my head. “I’ll just sleep on the couch.”

Luhan bursts out in a fit of laughter. “Jihae, you should have seen your reaction! Like seriously. I’m just messing with you kay? Your room is to the right of the suit.”

“Grrr you’re so childish Luhan.” I say as I pretend to storm off to my room. I say that I ‘pretended’ because how can I actually be pissed at Luhan after all he has done for me.

“You’re just worried about being unfaithful to Baekhyun!” Luhan shouts as I slam the door of my room shut. Luhan can be such a kid sometimes.

I slowly unpack my stuff, and placing items to make the room homier. My blue pillow, a Pooh Bear stuffed toy, and lastly, Baekhyun’s photo on the bedside table. 

I spend at least five minutes staring and admiring Baekhyun. Correction, it’s his photograph I am looking at, not the real deal. But soon, I will be able to see him.

But then a funny feeling flushes through me and I think of Baekhyun’s words. Whatever you do don’t look for me. What I am doing now is directly disobeying his orders. But he has gone back on his words too.

I didn’t know his ‘a while’ would be an entire year. I do want to wait. But my patience has a limit and I swear if there isn’t news about Baekhyun soon, I may just admit myself to the mental hospital myself.

If I don’t see Baekhyun soon I may just go crazy. Perhaps I already have.