“What are you doing to my hair, Ha Ni?”

I smiled. “I'm giving your hair a makeover.”

His hair was so soft, I couldn't resist playing around with it. He was lying on the couch, his head on my lap while I was trying to give his hair a 'makeover'.

He smirked. “You know that I needed hours to make my hair look like this, don't you?”

“Really? To me, it looks like you just got out of bed.”

“Should I take this as an insult or as an compliment?”

I leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss. “For your information, it was an insult.”, I whispered against his lips.

Suddenly he sat up and grabbed my shoulders. Then he pushed me down on the couch while he was hovering over me. “You still wanna be cheeky?”, he asked, his face only inches away from mine.

I smiled. “What would you do if I say 'yes'?”

“I wouldn't give you a chance to come up with new insults.”

“And how do you wanna do this? By putting tape on my mouth?”

He smirked. “Tape? You think I gonna need tape?”

Before I could come up with a retort, I heard a loud noise coming from the other room. Startled, I quickly sat up, nearly knocking my head with his.

He sat up slowly and let out a sigh. “You gotta be kidding me.”

“Where did this noise come from?”, I asked confusedly.

“You'll see in a second.”

Like he said, just a second later, a head appeared in the door frame.

“Hyung! Why didn't you tell us that Ha Ni is coming over?”, Chansung asked with a pout.

“You may guess why.”, Wooyoung said and sighed again.

“Ha Ni's here?”, another voice asked from the other room.

Suddenly more heads appeared at the door frame.

“Ha Ni! Long time no see! How are you?”, Nichkhun asked.

“Fine. And you?”

“As always.”

“Just come into the room, you guys don't need to stand around the door.”, I said.

One after another, they came into the living room and sat down on the couch. When the couch was full, the others sat on the floor.

“Why are you wearing such...weird clothes?”, Taec asked when he saw me.

“I had to sneak into your dorm that's why I had to disguise myself.”

“As a guy?”, Junho asked.

“I don't think it's wise to come to your dorm while being dressed as a girl.”, I said and chuckled.

“Ah, right. So, how's life as a trainee?”

“You already know how it's like, don't you?”

“Yeah but everyone has his own experience. I wanna know yours.”

I considered. “Hm...first of all, it's very exhausting. My schedule's full and I'm always tired, no matter what I do.”

“Ah, I can relate to this.”, Taec said.

“Who doesn't?”, Junho asked and chuckled.

“Did you guys also had to clean the practice rooms?”, I asked.

“What did you do to receive such a punishment?”, Nichkhun asked and laughed.

“I bet she overslept too often.”, Chansung said.

“Nah, she probably disturbed practice by gossiping with her friends.”, Junsu said.

“Actually...I got a punishment because I hit another trainee.”

Silence.

“You did....WHAT?”, Chansung asked after a while.

“I hit another trainee.”, I repeated.

Junho laughed. “I never would have guessed that our innocent goodl girl Ha Ni was such a badass.”

“But why? Because she wore the same clothes as you?”, Chansung asked.

I sighed. “That would be a nice reason to hit her.”

“So what was the real reason then?”, Nichkhun asked.

“She insulted my Dad.”

“Okay, that's pretty mediocre.”, Junho said.

“And then you really hit her?”, Chansung asked.

“Yes...and I have to admit that it felt good.”, I said and chuckled.

“It's not like I encourage violence...but I'm on your side on this matter.”, Nichkhun added and smiled.

“So you hit her...and then she tattled on you?”, Taec asked.

“No, our supervisor came in when we were in the middle of the fight. She was on Hyomin's, the other trainee, side. I got a punishment and Hyomin could walk away easily. But yeah, it was worth it.”

“Chicks fight.....nice.”, Chansung said.

Wooyoung nudged him. “Don't call my girl a 'chick', Babo.”

“Sorry, Hyung.”, Chansung said and the others erupted into laughter.

“What was your punishment? Just cleaning rooms?”, Junsu asked curiously.

“Well, I had to clean all the practice rooms after the schedule. My schedule ends at 10pm.”

“How long did you clean? Didn't you have practice early in the morning the next day?”, Junho asked.

“I cleaned until 3 to 4am and practice starts at 7am.”

“Wow...that's pretty hardcore.”

“Yeah, Yoseob Sunbae came into the practice room when I nearly finished cleaning it. He told me that he had to do the same when he was a trainee.”

“Yoseob was still at the Cube Office at 4am?”, Wooyoung asked.

“He often practices on his own until late night.”

“How do you know?”

“Because of my absence from practice due to my Dads death, I had to catch up to the others. That's why I kept practicing until late night, too. I often saw him practicing in one of the practice rooms." I paused. "In fact, I have to clean the practice rooms tomorrow, too.”

“Wait, another punishment? What did you do this time?”, Taec asked.

“I skipped practice.”

“Wow, you really are a badass girl.”, Chansung said.

“It was an emergency.”

“And why didn't you tell your coach that it was an emergency? Maybe you wouldn't have to face punishment...again.”, Nichkhun added.

“I promised to not tell anyone about this....emergency.”

“Is it the matter we were talking about the last time? When you were asking for an advice?”, Wooyoung asked.

“Yeah, it is.”

“Ah, but even though it was emergency....you shouldn't do things like this too often. You could endanger your future this way.”, Nichkhun said.

“I know, I know....I'll try to behave from now on.”

“Knowing your personality, I'm pretty sure that it won't work.”, Taec said and chuckled.

I nudged him. “Hey, I'm not that badass, okay? I'm still an innocent girl!”

“Good girls don't skip practice and they don't hit other people.”, Junho said and chuckled.

“Even though good girls have their limits.”

“Uh oh, Hyung. You should be careful, even our patient Ha Ni has her limits. If you do something wrong, you could get hit.”, Chansung said and laughed.

Wooyoung smirked. “Don't worry, I know how to defend myself.”

“Yeah? You think you can handle me?”, I asked.

“Yes, I'm pretty sure that I can.”

“We will see.”

“Oooh, Wooyoung Hyung vs. Ha Ni! I'm betting on Ha Ni!”, Chansung exclaimed.

“Me, too!”, Taec shouted.

“Is there anyone who's betting on Wooyoung Hyung?”, Chansung asked.

Silence.

“Duh. Thanks for your vote of confidence, guys.”, Wooyoung said.

I laughed. “Hey, they know that you're a gentleman and that you would let me win. They just want to save their money.”

“Being a gentleman is boring.”, Wooyoung added.

“Then maybe I should look for a new boyfriend.”, I said and chuckled.

He smirked. “If the members weren't here, I would make you regret saying that.”

“Okay, maybe we should go.”, Nichkhun said.

I looked at my watch. “Oh no, it's not necessary. I have to go now, it's pretty late.”

“I'll come with you.”, Wooyoung said when I gathered my stuff.

“No, I can grab a cab, you don't have to come with me.”

“Don't you think that it'll be suspicious if you come out of our dorm and grab a cab?”

I considered. “Okay, you're right. Thank you.”

“Don't mention it.”

“Goodbye, guys! It was good to see you all again.”, I said when I turned around.

“Same here. Visit us as often as you want, you're always welcome here.”, Nichkhun said.

I smiled. “Thank you.”

“Bye, Ha Ni!”, the others said in unison.

I waved at them and then I put on my cap to rush to the van. Wooyoung left the dorm seconds after me.

“So you have to clean the practice rooms tomorrow?”, he asked me when we were on the way.

“Yeah, because I skipped practice.”

“After your schedule?”

“Yes.”

Silence.

“Is Yoseob gonna be there tomorrow, too?”, he asked after a while.

“I don't know.” I paused. “Wait....why do you wanna know? Don't tell me you are....jealous?”
“No. Do I look like I'm jealous?”

“Uhm, yes?”

“You're wrong.”

I just stared at him. Then I sat down on his lap and put my arms around his neck. “You know that you're cute when you're jealous, don't you?”, I asked.

“I'm not jealous, okay?”, he said and put his arms around my waist.

“Don't deny it, Babo. But you know what? There's no need to worry. Yoseob Sunbae and me, we are just friends. No, wait. Scratch that. We're not even friends. I'm just his Hobae and he is just my Sunbae. Nothing less and nothing more.”

Right after I said those words, I couldn't help but feel like I've heard them before.

“Just his Hobae, huh? You have no idea, do you?”

“What do you mean?”, I asked confusedly.

“I don't like the way he's looking at you.”

“The way he's looking at me?”

“It's like his body is keeping distance but his eyes show that he longs for the exact opposite.”

“Huh?”

He sighed. “Maybe I'm just imagining things.”

I leaned my head on his shoulder blade. “You're just imagining things, Oppa. Like I said, he is just my Sunbae.”

“It's not like I don't trust you. I do. But I don't trust the effect you have on other men.”

“What the heck?”

“You can be so wise yet you don't know anything about yourself.”, he said and kissed my head.

“I'm just an ordinary girl who's really lucky to be loved by such an amazing man like you.”

His arms tightened around me. “You think you're the lucky one?”

“Yeah.”

He let go of me to put a hand under my chin. “You're wrong again, Ha Ni.”

Then he kissed me to stop me from arguing with him. It's not like I was complaining though.

 

Right after schedule the next day, I got ready to clean all the practice rooms. Now that I knew what awaited me, it wasn't as awful as the first time. I managed to finish in half the time. When I was cleaning the last room, I couldn't help but throw several glances at the door all the time.

He didn't come.

I know that I shouldn't be disappointed. I shouldn't even anticipate it. But there's still this small part of my mind which has hoped that Yoseob would appear. I sighed and picked up the cleaning stuff from the floor. After carrying it into the storage room, I quickly gathered my stuff and left the Cube Office. While checking my phone, I noticed that I got a text message.

 

FROM: Wooyoung Oppa

Done with your duties, pretty cleaning lady? keke

 

I smiled. Such an idiot.

 

TO: Wooyoung Oppa

Yes. Why u asking?

Do you need me to clean your dorm?

Someone told me that it's very dirty ~.~

 

FROM: Wooyoung Oppa

Hey, it's NOT dirty, okay? >.<

Just wanted to know if you need a lift?

 

TO: Wooyoung Oppa

I'll grab a cab, I guess.

But thanks for asking :)

 

FROM: Wooyoung Oppa

Are you alone right now?

 

The sudden change of topic threw me off guard. Why did he want to know if I was alone?

 

TO: Wooyoung Oppa

Stupid question, of course I'm not alone.

Lee Minho-ssi and Kim Soohyun-ssi are keeping me company right now :))

 

FROM: Wooyoung Oppa

….Seriously?

 

I sighed.

 

TO: Wooyoung Oppa

You take the term 'Babo' to a whole new level.

 

FROM: Wooyoung Oppa

Being bold now, huh?

 

TO: Wooyoung Oppa

Just stating the truth :)

 

FROM: Wooyoung Oppa

Ha Ni-ah, stop talking nonsense.

I'll pick you up, okay?

 

TO: Wooyoung Oppa

Not necessary, I'm already on my way back to the dorm.

 

FROM: Wooyoung Oppa

Already?

I told you I would pick you up!

 

TO: Wooyoung Oppa

And I told you that I'll grab a cab.

Oppa, you should go to sleep now, I know that you have an early schedule tomorrow.

 

FROM: Wooyoung Oppa

You don't need to worry about me getting enough sleep.

 

TO: Wooyoung Oppa

Why?

I care for you, of course I'll worry about such things, babo >:(

 

FROM: Wooyoung Oppa

I love you.

 

Once again he succeeded in throwing me off my guard. It was the first time he said 'I love you' to me ever since we started dating each other again. I kept staring at the screen of my phone, trying to rearrange my feelings. After what felt like an eternity, and with blushed cheeks, I finally managed to answer him.

 

TO: Wooyoung Oppa

I love you too.

 

 

“Ha Ni, what happened to your hands?”

While tying me shoes, I looked up to see Minah standing next to me, a concerned expression on her face.

“I have been scrubbing too many floors lately.”, I said nonchalantly.

“Seriously, you should stop with your rebellious actions. You're just gonna endanger your future like this, Ha Ni.”

“I know, I know, won't happen again.”

She sighed. “Why can't I believe you?”

“Because you know me too well.”, I said and chuckled.

“Hey, it's not funny, okay? You should take this more seriously!”

I sighed. “I will, okay? Now stop behaving as if you're my Mum.”

“Only when you stop behaving like a kid.”

“I'll try.”

“You better do.” She paused. “So...how's things going between you and Seungho Sunbae?”

I gave her an incredulous look. “You know that I'm dating Wooyoung Oppa right now, don't you?”

“Yeah, yeah but that doesn't mean that you can't stay in contact with Seungho Sunbae. He has been helping you on so many occasion, yet you still neglect him.”

“What the...'neglect him'? Minah, he's not my pet.”

“You know that I didn't mean it this way.”

I sighed. “Yeah, okay. You're right. I'll contact him today.”

“Good girl.”, she said and patted my head.

“Hey, I'm not your pet either.”, I said and chuckled.

“Come on, little girl. Let's get ready for practice.”

I gave her a gentle punch and then we both returned to practice. During our lunch break, I decided to call Seungho. I planned to give him a surprise visit to thank him for all the time he was there for me.

“Hello?”, he said when he answered the call.

“Seungho Oppa, hi!”

“Ha Ni, nice to hear your voice again. How are you?”

“I'm okay. And you?”

“The usual. What's the matter?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to chat.”

“Oh. Okay. So...how's life as a trainee so far?”

“Tiring and exciting at the same time.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I can remember that it was like this for me, too.”

“Oppa?”

“Hm?”

“Is Leejoon-ssi with you right now?”

“Yeah. Why?” I could hear the confusion in his voice.

“May I talk to him?”

He hesitated. “Sure. Wait a moment.”

“Okay.”

I heard him calling Joon through the phone.

“Hello?”, a cheery voice suddenly said.

“Leejoon-ssi? It's me, Ha Ni.”

“Ah, Ha Ni! How are you?”

“I'm fine. You?”

“Me, too.” He paused. “So, what's the matter?”

“Is Seungho Oppa standing next to you?”

“Nope, he's talking to one of our stylists now.”

“Ah, good. I have a favor to ask.”

“A favor?”

“Uhm....I want to surprise Seungho Oppa and I need your help.”

“Sure, what do I have to do?”

“I have one hour left before my practice continues. I want to visit you guys at your schedule...if that's possible....?”

He hesitated. “Hmm...we're going to be at a radio show in 45 minutes. I could let you in through the rear exit but I gotta ask my manager first.”

“Please text me after you asked him, okay?”

“Okay, will do.”

“Thank you, Leejoon-ssi! I owe you!”

He chuckled. “I will keep that in mind.”

“Ah, please say goodbye to Seungho Oppa for me.”

“Will do.”

“Thanks again!”

“You're welcome.”

“Goodbye, Leejoon-ssi!”

“Bye, Ha Ni.”, he said and hung up.

Just five minutes later he sent me a text message with Seungho's phone.

 

FROM: Seungho Oppa

The manager said that it's okay.

See you in 15 minutes?

Here's my number, call me when you've arrived.

Gotta give Seungho Hyung his phone back,

he's demanding for it keke

Bbyong ~

Joon

 

I quickly gathered my stuff and drove to the nearest convenience store to buy food for the guyys. When I arrived at the radio building, I quickly called Joon.

“Hello?”

“Joon-ssi? It's me, Ha Ni. I'm in front of the rear exit now.”

“Okay, I'll be there in a minute.”, he said and hung up.

I waited for a while and then the door was finally opened. When I looked up, I was greeted by a dazzling smile. I smiled back and stepped into the building.

“We have half an hour before we have to go on air. So, may I get to know what exactly you plan to do?", he asked with a mischievous grin and pointed at the basket I was carrying with me.

“You'll know in a while. Where are the others?”

“In the waiting room. Follow me.”, he said and went ahead.

We passed several rooms and stopped in front of a door with a paper stuck on it. Written on the piece of paper was 'MBLAQ' in Hangul. Joon opened the door and motioned me to enter. I quickly took a step inside and looked around. The only other person, beside Joon and me, was Thunder. When he saw me, he quickly jumped up from the couch.

“Ha Ni! Nice to see you! What brought you here?”, he asked.

I smiled. “Hey, nice to see you, too. I've prepared something...but where are the others?”

“GO Hyung and Mir went to the convenience store around the corner and Seungho Hyung left in that direction.”, he said and pointed towards said direction.

“Oh, okay. I'll be back in a minute. Ah, and please tell GO-ssi and Mir-ssi to wait for me when they return.”

“Will do.”, Thunder said.

“Thank you!”, I said and rushed off.

I followed the direction Thunder pointed to but there were many empty rooms. It could have been that Seungho went to the restroom. Maybe it was wiser to head back to the waiting room and wait for him.

Just when I was about to walk back, I suddenly heard noises coming out of a room. I stopped and listened. I was pretty sure that I heard Seungho's typical chuckle....followed by a girly giggle. I got curious and slowly opened the door, trying to not make a noise. Then I peeked around the door to take a look. I saw two figures in the far corner of the room. The one sitting on the table was definitely Seungho. But who was the girl who was standing between his legs? She even had her arms around his neck and by the way he was smiling at her, I was sure that I was intruding on an intimate moment. I wanted to walk away but my legs just wouldn't move.

It never occurred to me that Seungho could have a girlfriend. Okay, he was really handsome and sweet, so it shouldn't be a surprise, but I always thought that idols would be to busy to date.

Don't forget that you're dating an idol right now, my inner voice said.

Ah, right. Seemed like a lot idols were dating secretly. But the thing that disturbed me was that seeing him with this girl kinda bothered me.

He is not your boyfriend, Ha Ni. Wooyoung is, my inner voice retorted.

Yes, Wooyoung was my boyfriend. I shouldn't care if other men are dating other girls. Be it Seungho or Yoseob.

Suddenly the girl leaned forward and gave Seungho a kiss. He tightened his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. I released a sharp breath and dropped the basket, causing Seungho and the girl to spring apart. I didn't want them to see me, that was why I quickly ran away. When I passed the waiting room, Thunder and Joon were standing outside, giving me puzzled looks. I didn't bother to explain my rush departure. The only thing I wanted to do was to get out of here.

When I finally left the building, I quickly ran to the parking lot. Not knowing where to go, I slumped against a car and slid to the ground.

Ah, so embarrassing.

I really didn't know why exactly I ran away, why it bothered me so much to see him kiss that girl. I let out a frustrated sigh and leaned my head against the car. I didn't realize that someone was standing next to me until he spoke.

“You dropped your basket.", he said.

I took a deep breath and looked up. He was standing next to me, his face blank while holding up my basket.

“Yeah. Thank you for bringing it to me.”, I said nonchalantly.

He put the basket on the ground in front of me. Then he sighed and sat down next to me. “Ha Ni, we need to talk."

Uh oh, that didn't sound good.

“About what exactly?", I asked and turned away, not daring to look at his face.

I was too ashamed of myself.

Suddenly he gently grabbed my chin and turned my face towards him. He had a worried expression on his face. “About what just happened. What you saw."

I tried to turn away again but his hand was firm under my chin. “I didn't see anything."

“Ha Ni, let me explain. It's -”

I interrupted him. “You don't need to explain yourself to me, Oppa."

“Why not? We have known each other for such a long time now. I should have told you earlier." He paused and let go of my chin. "The person you just saw...she's my girlfriend. We've been dating for nearly a year now." I just stared at my hand, not saying anything. “Ha Ni, what's the matter? Why can't you look me in the eye?"

There it comes. Time for the truth.

I sighed. “Because I'm ashamed."

“Of what exactly?", he asked confusedly.

“Of the way I'm feeling right now. It shouldn't bother me that you're dating.....but in a way...it does. And I don't even know why. I really love Wooyoung Oppa and..." I let out a frustrated sigh. "Ah, I really don't know what's going on with me."

Seungho didn't say anything. I embraced my knees and leaned my forehead on my arms. After a while he gently placed his hand on my back and it. “I may have an explanation.", he said softly.

“I'm all ears.", I mumbled, still not looking up.

“You're afraid that you're attracted to me, right?" I was too ashamed to say it out loud, so I just nodded. “I don't think that it's attraction, Ha Ni. We have known each other for so long, so it's no surprise that we're close. You're like a sister to me and it seems like I'm like a brother to you. It's normal for a sister to feel bothered when her brother starts caring for another person. But I can assure you that I still care for you as much as before. Nothing has changed. Am I wrong?"

It sounded reasonable.

I looked up. "Yeah, you may be right." I pause. "But it doesn't mean that you're not attractive. I mean...you're really handsome...and you're nice...and..." I blushed and leaned my forehead on my hands again. "Ah, I'm talking nonsense."

He burst into laughter and I blushed even more.

Can't earth swallow me right now?

“I'm flattered, Ha Ni. But don't worry, I'm not offended at all.", he said, still trying to stop laughing.

I sighed. "I keep dropping one clanger after another today."

He chuckled. "It's okay, Ha Ni. That's why we all like you." Then he pointed at my basket. "So, care to tell me why you came here in the first place and why you're carrying a basket with you?"

I looked up. "I wanted to surprise you guys with food to thank you for supporting me all the time."

“Well, then let's head back to the waiting room, okay?", he asked.

I nodded. Then he stood up and gave me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up. When we returned to the waiting room, Joon and Thunder gave me puzzled looks again. I also noticed that Mir and GO have returned, too.

“Ha Ni! What a nice surprise!”, GO said.

I smiled. “Hello, GO-ssi.”

Mir wrapped me into his arms and held me tight, so that I couldn't breathe properly. “Ha Ni-aaaaah, good to see you again!” He released me and I took deep breaths. “And what's in the basket?”

“Hey, calm down. Let Ha Ni breathe first.”, Seungho said and chuckled.

I smiled. “It's okay. I wanted to surprise you guys with yummy food.”

“Oh? What's the reason for this pleasant surprise?”, Thunder asked.

“I just want to show my support as one of your biggest fans!”

Seungho smiled. “Well, then, as the leader, I'll thank you on behalf of my members.”

“Let's eat, please, I'm so hungry!”, Mir exclaimed and pouted.

“Yeah, me too.”, Joon added.

I quickly took out the food from the basket and put it on the table. I didn't have the time to make self-made food but I still hoped that they liked it. While the guys were eating, I looked at my watch and startled. What the heck? It was 2pm already? Oh no, this meant that I was too late for practice! Again!

I jumped up from the chair and gathered my stuff.

“What's the matter?”, Seungho asked, his mouth stuffed with food.

“I...I need to go back. I have practice.”

“Okay, then I'll accompany you to the door.”, he said and put down his chopsticks.

“No, it's okay. I know the way. Just continue eating, I'll text you later on.” I rushed to the door before Seungho could continue arguing. “Bye, guys!”

“Bye, Ha Ni!”, they said in unison.

I smiled and then I rushed out. Needless to say, I was late for practice....again.

The coach glared at me. “Let me guess...it was an emergency?”

“Uhm...well...to be honest...”, I stuttered.

“You don't need to explain. Just start cleaning the practice rooms at 10pm today. And now get ready for practice.”, the coach snapped.

I winced at her harsh tone.

Great. Punishment again.

 

At 10 pm, when everyone was leaving, I put my stuff on a chair and picked up the cleaning stuff from the storage room. Cleaning all the rooms only took me half the time today because I already cleaned most of the stuff yesterday. When I went to the last room, I was surprised to see that the lights were switched on. Seemed like someone forgot to switch off the light. I slowly opened the door and went in. Then I put the cleaning stuff on the floor and started cleaning the mirrors. After that I continued with wiping the floor. I was so focused on wiping, that I didn't noticed that there was something on the floor in the corner. I took a look at it.

A shoe.

It took me a while to notice that the shoe was connected to a foot...which belonged to a person.

Startled, I jumped up and took several steps away. Then I realized that this person was Yoseob. He was sitting on the floor, his head leaning against the wall, his eyes closed. Was he sleeping?

I put the cleaning cloth away and sat down in front of him. Unlike the last time when he was sleeping like this, I kept my distance from him.

He looked so peaceful while sleeping. But I also noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he might have lost a lot of weight, too. He was so skinny and pale, it broke my heart to see him like this. When would Cube finally realize that the boys weren't machines? They couldn't function on two hours sleep a day and then practice and perform like there's no tomorrow.

Poor boys.

Without even noticing it, I leaned forward and gently his cheek.

His skin was so soft.

“What are you doing?”, he suddenly asked.

Startled, I backed away. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at me. I winced under his piercing gaze. “I...I'm...I'm sorry...I don't know what came over me...”, I stuttered.

He looked at the cleaning cloth beside me and sighed. “Don't tell me that you got into trouble again.”

“Okay, then I won't.”

“What did you do this time?”

“I was late for practice.”

He frowned. “Why do you keep endangering your future like this?”

“I'm not doing this on purpose, if that's what you're thinking.”, I snapped.

He gave me a disapproving look. “No maybe not. But the fact, that you keep endangering your future with these foolish actions, remains.”

“Foolish actions? Care to explain?”, I asked coolly.

“Well, then tell me. Drinking like there's no tomorrow, coming too late to practice on a daily basis...if these aren't foolish actions, then what are they?”

“You're exaggerating. I didn't even drink that much and I do not come too late on a daily basis. It only happened to me twice.”

“Don't deny it, Ha Ni. You were so drunk that you don't even remember what you did.”

“How do you want to know how drunk I was?”

“See? You can't even remember that I was with you at that time.”

I widened my eyes. “You were? When?”

“You came to the Cube office in your drunken state when I was practicing.”

When he was practicing....?

Suddenly the flashbacks hit me again.

A person sitting on a chair. Me walking towards this person and sitting on his lap while putting my arms around his neck.

'Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.'

'Ha Ni?! What...what are you doing?'

'Aww, come on, let's have some fun.'

'I told you already. Of course I care for you, Ha Ni.'

Me running out of the building.

Did that all happen with Yoseob? And here I thought that it was Wooyoung.

“When did Wooyoung Oppa came to the Cube office?”, I asked.

“He came to pick you up when you ran out of the building.”

So it was true. I didn't sit on Wooyoung's lap and ...no, I sat on Yoseob's lap.

Oh my gosh.

I sighed. Then I stood up and slumped down on the floor next to him. “I'm sorry.”, I said.

“What for?”

“For all the things I did when I was drunk.”

“It's okay. You weren't yourself at that time.”

Even though I didn't remember everything I did while I was drunk, I was pretty sure that I did some embarrassing things. And jeez! I was sitting on Yoseob's lap when I was drunk. Oh my gosh. My mind still tried to deny it.

Trying hard to lead my thoughts to another direction, I blurted out : “Sunbae, did you know that Seungho Oppa has been dating someone for nearly a year now?”

As soon as I said that, I regretted it. Why the heck did I tell him? It was supposed to be a secret!

“He does?”

Noticing that it was too late to take it back, I answered: “Yeah. I was really shocked, you know? It's not that Seungho Oppa isn't attracting, quite the contrary, but it just didn't occur to me that idols would be dating, considering their busy schedule.”

Yoseob didn't say anything.

“Sunbae....are you secretly dating someone?”

Facepalm. What the heck was going on with me today?

Before I could apologize for being to nosy, he said: “No, I'm not.”

I let that information sink in. “Aren't you feeling lonely sometimes?”, I asked quietly.

It took him a while to answer. “I have my family, my members, my friends....why should I feel lonely?”

“It's not the same. Family and friends will ease your loneliness but there will always be a part in your heart that longs for this one special person. Someone who will hold you when you need it, someone who will make you laugh when you're down, someone who will wipe away your tears when you cry. When you're with this person, the world seems to freeze. Nothing else matters.”

I noticed that I was babbling, so I stopped talking before I would embarrass myself even more.

“Have you found this person yet, Ha Ni?”, he asked.

I paused. Why the heck was he asking me this question all of a sudden?

“I...uhm...yeah...I guess...”, I stuttered.

Awkward silence.

“Being lonely is the price I paid when I chose this path.”, he said after a while.

“But it don't have to be this way. You can still date. Look at Seungho Oppa or Wooyoung Oppa.”

He smiled ruefully. “I told you once why I won't date. Unlike Seungho Hyung or Wooyoung Hyung, I won't be able to make my girl happy.”

His girl. I blushed at these two words.

I felt uncomfortable, that was why I tried to change the topic again. “Sunbae...you have lost a lot of weight recently. You don't really take good care of yourself. And you' re so pale!”, I exclaimed.

He smirked. “So? I'm okay, just a bit tired. It have been rough lately. I just need a bit sleep and then I'm back to my former state.”

“I think you need more than 'a bit sleep' .”. I said an arched an eye brow.

“You sound like my mother.”, he said and chuckled.

“So what? You know that I'm right.” I grabbed his hand. “Look at your wrist, it's nearly as big as mine!” He didn't say anything. He was looking at my hand which was holding his. I quickly pulled away. Flustered, I started blabbering again. “So what I want to say is that you should eat more or else you you won't find a girlfriend later on. Girls don't really prefer skinny guys.”

Facepalm. Again.

“So...I won't find a girlfriend, huh?”

“Uh...no...I mean...I was...”

“You really think I would love a girl who only cares for my appearance?”

“That's not what I meant....”

He arched an eye brow. “And what did you mean?”

Okay, now I needed a way out of this situation. My brain was working on a witty retort.

“It's just that....sometimes, the appearance is the first thing that catches an eye of a person. And then you have to enchant this person with mind-blowing flirt skills. Sunbae, how advanced are your flirt skills, by the way? I bet your skills aren't as mind-blowing as before, considering the long non-dating idol part of your life, am I right?”

I knew that I was taking a risk with my bold comment but I didn't find another way out of the uncomfortable moment earlier.

Yoseob frowned. “Ha Ni, are you drunk again?”

“No, why?”

“I was just wondering.”

“Please tell me, Sunbae. I'm curious. How would you win over a girl you are really interested in? How do you make her knees week?” He gave me an incredulous look. Then he sighed and stood up. When he gave me his hand, I frowned. “What are you doing?”

“I'm answering your question. You want to know how I win over a girl? I'm gonna show it to you.”

I knew that it was a very bad idea to take his hand but my body moved on its own. So I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up. He didn't let go of my hand when we were both standing, facing each other. Suddenly he went down on one knee.

“Sunbae, I -”

“Just listen, don't say anything.”, he interrupted me.

“Okay.”, I said quietly.

“First I would serenade her a song.” he said.

Then he started singing a song I knew very well. It was from their newest Album 'Midnight Sun' and the song itself was called 'When I Miss You'. Yoseob was now singing his part of the song, his gaze never leaving mine.

 

niga bogo shipeoyeodo
niga deo saenggaknado
naneun gwaenchanha naneun gwaenchanha naneun gwaenchanha
niga haengbokhadamyeon nan

 

(Even when I miss you

Even when I think about you more
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay
As long as you are happy )

 

His voice was so beautiful. I could listen to it everyday.

When he stopped singing, he stood up. His hand still holding mine, he didn't stop looking at me. I was still dazed from the depth of his eyes, when he suddenly led my hand towards him to plant a soft kiss on the back of my hand. I couldn't help but blush.

Then he looked up and smirked when he saw my flustered face. Without further notice, he pulled me towards him. His left hand went towards my hip and his right hand was on my arm.

Okay, this wasn't what I expected when I asked him about his flirt skills. Now I went from one uncomfortable moment into another.

Way to go, Ha Ni Babo.

Just when I wanted to tell him that he didn't need to show me more, he suddenly moved his right hand, which was resting on my arm, towards my shoulder. His fingertips gently touched my skin, leaving a tingling feeling behind. Then his hand moved from my shoulder towards my neck. I couldn't looked into his eyes and my face was now the color of a tomato. I could also feel the warmth of his left hand which was still resting on my hip.

Now his hand moved from my neck, his fingertips brushing my jawline, towards my chin. His fingers came to rest under my chin, pushing it gently, so that I had to look into his eyes. I was once again lost in the depth of his brown eyes.

His left hand pulled me closer towards him, so that there was no safe distance between us now. His face came closer, his lips only an inch away from mine. I stopped breathing.

Okay, what was going on now?

He smirked. “And that's how I would win over a girl. Do you still think that I've lost my flirt skills?”

I gulped. “No.”

“Good.”, he said and let go of my chin.

Why did I feel disappointed? And why did I long for his touch so much?

When he let go of my hip and took a step back, my body moved on its own. I put my hand on his cheek and pulled him towards me. Then I kissed him.

Closing my eyes, I indulged in the soft feeling of his lips. The warmth spread through my body, returning the tingling feeling.

His body stiffened when I took him off guard with this kiss. But then he relaxed and put his hands on my hips, gently pushing me back until I could feel the wall behind me. He came closer, so that I was trapped between him and the wall now, my body pressed tightly against his.

And the way he kissed...it was different than I've expected. First it was gentle, then it turned more passionate. It was like he was savoring the moment, releasing a need he had to hold back for too long. I stopped thinking, caring for nothing but the soft feeling of his lips on mine and the warmth of his body.

Abruptly, his lips left mine. My heart ached when I lost the warmth of his lips. Releasing my hips, he took several steps back, leaving me leaning breathlessly against the wall.

It took several moments for him to gather himself. “Ha Ni, I'm so sorry.”

“For what?”, I asked confusedly and walked towards him.

He took more steps back, leaving a big distance between us.  “I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry, this won't happen again.”

This won't happen again?

“What are you talking about? You don't need to apologize. There is nothing you should feel sorry for.”

“Are you sure? I just took advantage of you!”, he snapped.

“I'm not a victim you took advantage of, okay? I was the one kissing you first, not the other way round.”

“And that shouldn't happen again.”

“Then maybe you shouldn't kiss me back.”

He sighed. “Ha Ni, let's forget this incident, okay? It never happened.”

His words were like a stab to my heart. I didn't want to forget it. “Why do you always have to hold back? Why can't you really be you for a moment? Don't tell me you didn't feel anything when we kissed.”

“No matter what I felt, this should never have happened.”

“Oh, I bet it's bad that the oh-so-moral-and-controlled Yang Yoseob lost his control today, am I right?”

“You're talking nonsense, Ha Ni.”

“Then why?”, I asked quietly.

“Because how am I going to be able to take care of someone else this way when I can't even take care of myself right now? And I think you forgot one important thing.” I waited. Waited for him to tell me the one important thing that was keeping him from me. “Ha Ni....what is with Wooyoung Hyung?”

It was like someone emptied a bucket of water over me, waking me from the daze of the kiss.

Wooyoung. What did I do to him?

“Oh no.”, I said quietly and slumped on the floor.

Yoseob must have seen the shock on my face. For a moment I could see the flicker of sadness in his eyes but it disappeared immediately. His face was blank, when he said: “I think I should go.”

I didn't say anything, still shocked. I heard him gather his stuff. When he was at the door, he turned around again. “Ha Ni, let's just pretend that this never happened. For the sake of ourselves and everyone around us, let's just forget it.” He paused. “I'm sorry.”

Then he left, leaving me back with despair and guilt which threatened to suffocate me.

 

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A/N:

Hi there ~

I'm back and I had a great time in Vietnam :)

Thank you for your patience! Here's Chapter 35 :D

Enjoy ~

And please comment to let me know what to think about it!

PS: Typos will be corrected tomorrow :))