You have my heart and we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines but you'll still be my star
Baby 'cause in the dark you can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there

***

Down by the Han River where the warmth had yet to settle in and the water made the air even colder, Jongin ran laps. It was something that had become habit since he was little whenever he felt he needed to breathe.

“Suzy left because she was feeling suffocated back at home, she needed a change of scenery so she left.” Jongin had wondered if it really was because of him that she left. Maybe if he hadn't kissed her things wouldn't of have had been so messed up. No, Suzy was dealing with a lot of issues before she left. That's what she told him.

Jongin ran along the path, surpassing other joggers who were merely pacing themselves compared to him. He closed his eyes and sprinted forward till his legs gave in. As he slowed down around the bend a hand tapped him on the back. “You’re here early,” Jonghyun had chased him down from behind.

“Dad,” Jongin gasped, he hadn’t seen the man in two good weeks.

Jongin had heard about a giant company merger that would bring his father great fortune, should it be successful. He hadn’t expected to see his father until the merger was complete. His father worked hard, maybe too hard whilst he had other men who could easily take over the job. Fact of the matter was simply that he trusted no one else to do it. It was the reason why he groomed Jongin at such an early age.

Everything Jongin became was a reflection of his father. However the reflection was becoming murky and Jongin felt like he could barely see himself anymore.

“How have you been?” his father finally asked when they slowed down for a sip by the bubblers.

“Good.”

“How’s school?”

“Good.”

“Grades?”

“A across the board.”

“Are you sure?”

Jongin bit his lip, “I got an A minus for maths.”

Jonghyun grunted and shook his head. Jongin never forgets his face when he looks disappointed. He counts them as well.

“Did you drop dance like I told you to?” Jongin stammers just a bit before his reply but it’s enough for his father to realise that he’s lying. “You’re still doing it?”

“Yes,” he confessed.

“The CEO of a company does not need to know how to dance. How do you expect to concentrate when all you do is stick your head in that nonsense? How can I trust you to take over the company should something happen to me?”

“But nothing’s going to happen!” Jongin retorted in frustration.

“By the time I was 21 I had already turned my first profit. I had no help from anyone. You? You have me.” Jongin clenched his fist in his pocket. “You could do great things and you’re what? Only sixteen?”

“What sixteen year old is already turning profits? I’m meant to be having fun with my friends, studying, learning. Dad, I want to dance, I don’t want to—”

“You don’t know what you want! You think you do but you don’t! How many times have you’ve bought something only to throw it out after you’re bored with it?”

Jongin remained silent, his words were caught in his throat and were being suffocated by his frustration. He knew he wouldn’t win in an argument with his father. The old man was usually right. Jonghyun clutched his chest in pain, slamming his palm against his chest to ease his frustration. “Are you ok, Dad?” Jonghyun grumbled something and Jongin could only make out the word medicine.

“I’ll be fine, I’m going home.” Jonghyun straightened his back and walked with his hand resting against the rails. Jongin observed how his father moved slowly, he had aged quite a bit over the past few months.

***

Debutante Season sees the beginning of unnecessarily long luncheons for a newfound cause that no one has ever heard of. It’s a time where the next and upcoming generation of elite make their debut although many of them would argue that they’ve been on public display since birth. Being of age Soojung and Suzy were both expected to attend the events.

All the mothers were involved in the organisation even Jihyun who stayed connected with others via e-mails. It was something that was highly valued by elite societies and something Suzy thought was highly unnecessary. “Lets be honest that everyone already knows the name Bae Suzy and Jung Soojung, you’ve been living in a hole if you haven’t,” Suzy groaned in frustration at their dress fitting. She had been picked and prodded, tucked and pulled at the entire morning.

Soojung stifled a laugh, “Yes, but if it’s an excuse to dress up and party, why not?”

Suzy rolled her eyes, “I know you love this, so I’m not going to bother arguing.”

“You know Suzy, everything would be more bearable if you stopped trying to resist the things you can’t avoid.”

“Easier said than done.”

Draped in a black dress with gold lining, Suzy looked like a portrait in motion. She felt anything but. Her mother had arrived home a few days ago after being discharged from the hospital. As a bargaining chip Suzy promised to fulfil all over her debutante duties so long as her mother rested up and took her medication as prescribed. They still fought but at least Eunsang didn’t have to pull them apart.

“Sehun’s going to love you in that dress,” Soojung complimented.

“Why Sehun?” Suzy asked with a bewildered expression.

“He’s taking you to the ball isn’t he?”

“It’s a bit soon to be talking about that when the season has just begun.”

“Oh.” Soojung paused, “I just thought that since you two were hanging around each other so much something happened, or was happening.”

Suzy brushed off Soojung’s remarks with a shrug, “Sehun is a friend and a lot can change in a few months.” Suzy doesn’t explain to Soojung about how Jongin had promised to be her a few years back because there’s no point in talking about the past.

“Sure,” Soojung smirked.

“Why are you suddenly so curious about my relationship with Sehun?”

“Curious? More like glad he’s finally found someone else to pick on.”

“Ah well, he’s not too bad, we actually talk a lot these days. He’s a good listener when he wants to be.”

Soojung grips a bit tighter on the magazine in her hand when she noticed how candid Suzy seemed to be at the situation. All the boys loved her; of course they would especially when she looked so beautiful. Jongin did and Sehun would be no different.

“Plus, haven’t you heard?” Suzy turned around to face Soojung, “He’s been seeing that singer, what’s her name?”

“Kim Taeyeon?” Soojung asked.

“Yeah, that one, the one he had a crush on all those years ago.”

“You mean the one that broke his heart,” Soojung murmured.

“I don’t think he has one,” Suzy joked which did little to ease Soojung’s conscience. “Are you ok?” Suzy asked and reached out for the other girl.

Soojung bitterly forced a smile, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Suzy furrowed her brows. Soojung had tell tale signs when she lied. Even though the expression on her face remained unchanged, Suzy noticed that Soojung’s nose tend to flare when she did. Soojung stared at her, seemingly stoic. “You’re seriously not going to tell me? I won’t judge.”

“We’ll trade secrets, mine for yours.”

Suzy smirked and rolled her eyes, she threw her hands up in the air like she was surrendering. “Fine, I get it. I’ll back off.”

Suzy shuffles back over to the mini stage in front of the mirror and quietly examines her dress. Soojung however, doesn’t move from her eyesight and Suzy notices how she grabs the back of her neck. It was the biggest tell tale sign that Soojung had when she was lying.

***

“Morning,” Sehun whispered and planted a kiss on Taeyeon’s forehead. Taeyeon stirred in her sleep and awoke with a smile on her face when she smelt the pancakes by her side. “I made this for you.”

Sehun presented her with a tray of food from pancakes to bacon and eggs and a tall glass of orange juice to accompany it. There were roses petals scattered over it. A meal fit for a queen Sehun would say that he had so dutifully prepared all morning for her with his own two hands. It was rare for him to ever step into the kitchen, especially for a woman, but Taeyeon was an exception.

“You didn’t have to,” Taeyeon said as she reached for the glass of juice. She wrapped his sheets around her bare body and begun to dig into the meal.

“I wanted to,” Sehun confirmed and tugged tightly onto his robe.

It had been a few days since Taeyeon came back into his life. She was as beautiful as ever, maybe even more so than when he saw her a few years ago. She was in town for a few more performances before she’d leave back to France and so they had no time to lose. Sehun had gladly forgone his plans to spend every waking moment with Taeyeon. There was no real title for their relationship. She was always more than a fling to him but she was someone Sehun had accepted would never be his. Taeyeon provided Sehun with warmth but only temporarily and maybe that’s why they last so long. They were there long enough just to feel again but not long enough to deal with the fallouts.

“What did you want to do today?” Sehun asked. His eyes were scanning across the newspaper whilst Taeyeon ate her breakfast slowly.

“I’ve got practice today and a benefit with my mother tonight, you should come.”

Sehun scrunched the paper involuntary, “Your mother?” he asked through gritted teeth. He hadn’t expected that, not with their relationship.

“Yeah, I think it’s only fair she meets the guy who’s been sleeping with her daughter.” Taeyeon’s indifference makes Sehun uncomfortable. “So are you coming?” Taeyeon looks up from her meal still chewing on her toast.

He can’t tell if it’s a joke or not.

***

“Take your time picking up your phone!” Sehun hissed into the microphone.

“Sorry, I was trying on dresses,” Suzy stumbled awkwardly as she slipped back into her boots, “Debutante Season.”

“Whatever, I need you.” Sehun sounded frantic on the phone. This made Suzy worry.

“Are you ok?” she asked, her voice full of concern.

Sehun signed “Taeyeon wants me to go meet her mother.” Suzy presses her lips into a thin line before she bursted out laughing hysterically. Most girls know of Sehun, he’s not the boy you’d take home to your mother. He’s never around long enough for them to ask. All the girls who approached Sehun knew very well what they were getting themselves into; orphaned boy who can be changed with love.

Sehun didn’t need love however. His parent’s love and affection were more than enough even though he rejected it. Still it was the first time Sehun had been so nervous by the offer.

“Are you actually contemplating it? Is that why you’re scared?”

“I don’t know what she wants, she’s only back for a few weeks,” Sehun said and sighed into his phone.

“What does the ice block in your chest tell you?”

“Ice-block?”

“Your heart, what does it tell you?”

“Suzy…” Sehun’s voice trailed off.

“There’s a part of you that wants to, there’s a part of you that can’t say no. Why? You’re only scared because in your head you’ve already decided that you want to go. It’s easy to say no and be comfortable. You want to go.”

As disjointed as her words sounded Sehun had to admit that there was a part of him that was attracted to the idea of settling down with Taeyeon. Until he remembered that she lived in another continent for most of her days and there was no way it would work.

“You should come!” Sehun exclaimed.

“What? I’m not coming to dinner with you, your girlfriend and her mother.”

“It’s actually a benefit her mother is holding, so she needs people to fill up tables. It’ll be us and a few others.”

“Sehun, I’m not—”

“Please, Suzy.” There’s desperation in Sehun’s voice that Suzy has never heard before from him. He sounded nervous and Suzy wondered how much this girl had affected him so. There was also a part of her that felt obliged to help him, especially after all he had done for her.

“How many people are at the table?”

“Ten.”

“Great, well at least if you’re too busy getting loved up I’ll have others to talk to.” Suzy sighed in defeat but still wore a wide smile on her lips. “Look, I’ve got to go, Soojung’s been waiting for me for a while now.”

Suzy clicked her phone and hung up whilst she still awkwardly juggled her bag and coat in her arms. “What took you so long?” Soojung asked with an exasperated sigh, “I thought you left already.”

“Sehun called me,” Suzy said.

At the mention of his name Soojung perked up, “What did he want?”

A sheepish grin crept on her lips and Suzy latched herself onto Soojung’s arm. “Do you want to go shopping?” Suzy asked.

“For what?”

“A dress for a benefit we’re going to tonight.”

***

The most affluent people in Seoul all flocked downtown that night to the Seoul Art Centre. Dressed neatly in their gowns and suits and covered in jewels from head to toe the men and women were here for one thing. To flaunt how much money they had. Benefits like these were always full of these people who were willing to open their wallets so long as there were people around to see how much was in there.

Suzy roamed around in her Balenciaga dress and examined the objects that were up for the auction; old jewels and priceless artefacts that were better off in museums for the many eyes that know how to appreciate it. Not to be stored away in some safe and kept merely for their personal comfort.

“It’s a waste isn’t it?” It’s the first time Suzy’s heard his voice or seen his face, she’s not entirely sure he’s talking to her either so she remains quiet. “All these jewels and artefacts being sold and never really having the chance to be admired for the timelessness.” He looks up at her with wide eyes that catch Suzy off guard. He smiles and Suzy wonders why.

“But the money tonight is going to charity, does it matter?”

“This would make more money sitting in a museum than it would in some rich man’s safe,” he retorts.

“But the museum wouldn’t donate their profits to charity would they?”

“Not the ones you know.”

“Oh?” Suzy is intrigued “Tell me then? Which one?”

“Mine does.”

“And you are?”

“Do Kyungsoo.”

It takes Suzy a second to realise who he is. Her mother was a very well acquainted person and she remembered vaguely a man by the name of Do Minjoon. This must’ve been his son. Their eyes were similar. They owned the museum downtown. His father was a collector of antiques from pots and pins, to scripture and jewels. Suzy knew that museum very well, after all they make her travel their annual for their school trips.

“Why are you here then?”

“To put it back where it belongs,” Kyungsoo smiled. “If I buy it at least it’ll have a chance of going on display.”

Suzy smiled at him but before she can inquire further Sehun grabs a hold of her. “See anything you like?” he whispered into her ear.

Startled Suzy fell backwards into him. “Are you going to get it for me?” she asked after regaining her footing.

“You have your own money,” he snorted.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” Suzy asked. She took her eyes off the jewels and onto Sehun who looked sharp as always in his suit and tie. However there was something different about him today, there was a sparkle of such in his eye and beads of sweat were glistening under the bright lights of the hall. “You nervous?” Suzy asked and reached for his tie that was a bit crooked from her point of view. She tugged it slightly to the left and then to the right and dusted off the dust on his shoulders. “Just as handsome as ever,” she said with a playful lilt in her voice.

Sehun rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Mum. She’s getting ready for her performance, she’ll be with us later for the mains.” As much as he doesn’t want to admit it he was grateful for her coming tonight. “You didn’t have to bring Soojung and Jongin did you?” he scoffed and turned over to the couple in the corner who looked like they would rather be anywhere but there. They were laced in each other’s arms, laughing and giggling between sips of champagne.

“You said she needed more people to fill up the table didn’t you? What a better reflection on you than to have friends who support a charitable case.”

“I thought you weren’t talking to Jongin.”

“It was a choice he made for the both of us. Also Soojung was the one that invited him.”

The thought made Sehun uncomfortable. It wasn’t as if he was expecting Soojung to leave Jongin after that night. He wasn’t, he lied to himself.

From across the room Jongin and Soojung found company with each other. “Why did you bring me here again? We could’ve been down at the clubs dancing the night away.”

“We’re here to support the poor,” Soojung smiled, “Plus, it’s a requirement for a debutante to attend events like this.”

“Yes, but he didn’t have to be here, especially with her.” Their eyes followed Suzy and Sehun across the room till they merged into a sea of bodies and were no longer visible.

Soojung shrugged her shoulders, “How long are you going to hold a grudge for? Boys fight like girls do, but look at Suzy and I, we’re friends again. You two should at least try and fix up your relationship.”

Soojung doesn’t understand why Jongin gets so angry at the sight of Suzy and Sehun. At least she pretends not to. Jongin murmurs something about a ruined night before he downs the final bit of champagne in his cup and stands up from his seat without another word. “Where are you going?” Soojung asked.

“I need some fresh air.”

Just like that Jongin walks out on her and Soojung is left to her lonesome.

Outside the sun had already disappeared below the horizon but the orange glow still lit the sky and shone against the darkening blue. Jongin stood and breathed in the fresh air between drags of his cigarette. He noticed from the corner of his eye a familiar silhouette that was doing the same thing. The distance between them was not as great physically as it was emotionally.

“Hey,” Jongin said finally. Sehun had seemingly not heard him when the other male kept his eyes fixed on the horizon. “Hey, Oh Sehun!” Jongin said a bit louder and shifted closer with his hands dug into his pockets.

“What do you want?” Sehun said as he took his last drag and stomped on the cigarette.

Jongin stammered. The courage he had mustered a few minutes ago disappeared “Do you have another cigarette? Soojung hates it when I smoke so I couldn’t bring a pac—”

Sehun his heels and walked away, he didn’t want another fight tonight. “Yah! Oh Sehun!” Jongin shouted, “I wasn’t finished.” Sehun ignored him and walked away, the burden of his actions were beginning to weigh on his mind. Maybe it was best that Jongin ignored him, hated him and never forgave him. “Sehun! I’m sorry ok!”

“Shut up!” Sehun shouted, “I don’t want any apologies from you.”

“Sehun listen to me, I’m really sorry ok. I’m sorry for saying all the crap I said about how you were adopted, I didn’t mean it.” Sehun turned around on his heels, “Can we just forgive and forget?” Jongin stepped closer and extended his hand which Sehun looked at hesitantly. “Seriously, Sehun? You won’t forgive me?” Jongin asked.

“I kissed Soojung,” Sehun confessed and turned his head to avoid Jongin’s gaze.

“You what?” Jongin retracted his hands and buried them into his pocket.

“The night that we fought, I was so angry with you that I kissed your girlfriend.”

Jongin looked at the ground, gobsmacked by his confession. He was contemplating on what he should do. “Did she push you away?” he asked stoically. Jongin was looking for an answer he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear.

After a moment of silence Sehun replied, “No.”

***

“Where were you?” Suzy asked as she took a seat besides Soojung at the table. Suzy watches Soojung’s face carefully, she looked perplexed and she wondered if Soojung had been to the bathroom recently. Soojung reaches for her glass of water and takes a sip of water when Suzy asked, “Did you—?”

Soojung relieves Suzy of the burden of asking, “Almost,” she replied.

Suzy pressed her lip into a firm line and pressed her hand against Soojung’s back, “I’m proud of you.”

Soojung nods and nervously takes another sip of water. She was trying so hard to keep down entrée and starter she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to hold it down. “Talk to me,” Soojung said randomly.

“About?”

“About anything, just talk to me so I can distract myself,” Soojung said between deep breaths.

“My mother’s going to be discharged from the hospital any day now,” Suzy said, “She won’t be able to walk without crutches and cast for a few good months. That should keep her home and well.” Soojung is thankful because she knows what an utter mess Suzy’s family life is and for the girl to parade her problems so that Soojung would forget her own. “My father visited her once during her entire hospital visit and I had to lie to her that he visited every night when she was hopped up on morphine. I’m the worst daughter, aren’t I?” Suzy ended with a light-hearted chuckle.

“No, you’re not. You’re great,” Soojung assured her. She observed Suzy’s face closely and sees shock and gratefulness written across it. Soojung gives her a little smile and she suddenly feels her heart slowing down, just a bit and her stomach settles.

Suzy nods but she wonders why Soojung was suddenly feeling the need to purge as she only ever did it when she was stressed or anxious. She assumed that Jongin had been making her happy considering their display of affection earlier. Her train of thought was interrupted when Jongin and Sehun returned to the table together. Suzy tensed as she noticed how sombre their expressions were.

“Are you ok?”  Suzy whispered as Sehun sat down beside her and Jongin took the other seat beside Soojung.

“I’ll be fine,” he murmured.

“What happened?”

“We’re still trying to figure that out.”

Suzy was about to pursue the question further when Taeyeon arrived to the table. “Sehun?” she said as she squeezed his shoulder gently.

“Oh, you’re here, is everything alright?” Sehun stood up immediately and pressed his hand against the small of Taeyeon’s back.

“Yeah, I just came to check up on you. I’m sorry I’ve been busy.” Taeyeon sounded genuine in her apology, which made Sehun’s lips curve just a bit at the corner.

“It’s alright,” he whispered into her ear and kissed her cheek. “By the way these are my friends, Suzy, Soojung and Jongin.” Sehun turned around and pointed at the three behind him who tensed up immediately.

“I remember you,” Taeyeon said “All of you.”

The three smile awkwardly, which wasn’t a response to Taeyeon but more of a response of the situation she had walked into. Taeyeon took a seat beside Sehun and turned her attention to the auction on stage. “So when do I get to meet your mother?” Sehun whispered anxiously into her ear.

“What?” Taeyeon asked.

“You said your mother wanted to meet me.” Sehun sounded unsure with his response by the way Taeyeon looked at him.

Her eyes widened when she remembered, “Oh, soon.”

***

It’s about eight thirty when Taeyeon finishes performing and it’s finally the end of the auction. Both mother and daughter stand on stage, side by side absorbing all the applause. Sehun watches as a gentleman carries two bouquets of flowers onto the stage to hand to them.

“Thank you for being here this evening,” Jaekyung begins, “Tonight we’ve raised a total of fifty three thousand dollars which will be donated to South Africa as a part of the campaign to end poverty. We appreciate your efforts tonight…”

Sehun notices how the flower presenter stands close to Taeyeon, the two exchanging pleasantries and the way Taeyeon looks at him is different to the way she looks at Sehun. It’s how he looks at Taeyeon. There’s a pang in Sehun’s chest which he blames himself for. Of course she would’ve never loved someone like him it made no sense. She had used him to simply make another man jealous.

The light of the hall switched on after her speech and for a second Sehun is blinded. As he’s struggling to adjust to the room Taeyeon calls out his name. “Mum, Baekhyun, this is my—”

“Sehun,” he said abruptly which surprised Taeyeon, “My name’s Oh Sehun.”

Jaekyung acknowledges him and extends her hand for a shake “This is my mother, and this is my friend, Baekhyun.”

“Your father…” Jaekyung begins, “Oh Taecyeon and your mother is Hwang Miyoung?” There’s something about the way Jaekyung mentions their name as if she’s not pleased with him. “You’re their—adopted son.”

Sehun winces at the reminder. Jaekyung raises her nose and nods, “It was a pleasure to meet—you.” Jaekyung says and turns to Baekhyun, “We’ll leave these two alone, won’t we Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun stammers and nods and lingers on Taeyeon for just a second too long for Sehun to confirm his theory. “You should go home with your mother tonight,” Sehun says in a low hushed tone, weary at the lady could still hear him.

“Why? What’s wrong? I don’t have much longer left in Seoul.”

“I’m busy tonight. I have something to sort out with Jongin.” Sehun forced a smile on his lips, “I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch?”

Taeyeon nods and plants a kiss on his lips and chases off after her mother and Baekhyun.

***

“Hey, can you go home yourself tonight?” Jongin stopped by the door “I have something I need to do.”

“What is it?” Soojung asked.

“Nothing, just something to settle with Sehun.”

Soojung tenses at the thought, fear etched all over her face. “What are you doing?”

Jongin smiles but only his lips move and it frightens Soojung, “Don’t worry, just head home.”

He leaves her on a cold note, no kiss on the cheek, no warm embrace. He feels distant, even though he’s standing three steps away from her. Soojung is certain that he knows. As Jongin leaves Soojung fishes out her phone from her wallet and dials for Suzy.

***

Jongin strips off his jacket and pulls up a seat at the table beside Sehun who had been waiting for a while now. The boys allow themselves to be consumed by the loud music and the screaming party goers below. They stare at each other in silence and acknowledge each other’s presence. There were days before this when Sehun and Jongin would pull out wooden swords and chase each other around the garden. Now they consume poison in the form of alcohol till their liver gives in.

Sehun orders a bottle of liquor each. Tonight they would let the dark liquor burn away the problems that disturb their souls and left them uneasy.

***

Soojung comes over and lets herself into Suzy’s room. The other girl was slipping out of her dress and into her pyjamas. Suzy is startled when the door opens and she finds Soojung with glazed eyes staring at her. “Hey, I didn't think you'd come so quickly” Suzy said with a smile before she belatedly realising that Soojung was crying. She rushed over to her side to embrace her quickly. “What’s wrong?” she asked and wiped a stray tear with her thumbs.

“I’m a bad person,” Soojung confessed and fell into a heap on the floor.

Suzy had to haul her up on her two feet and walk her to the bed so she could sit. She felt her heart pound with worry; she should’ve been there for Soojung this afternoon. “What happened? What’s wrong? Tell me.” Suzy reached for the box of tissues on her desk and handed some to Soojung, her hand covering Soojung’s just so she knew that she was there.

“I cheated on Jongin,” Soojung admitted. Suzy looked on worried, her face examined Soojung’s which was full of guilt and anguish. “I cheated on Jongin with Sehun.”

Suzy's hand retracted from Soojung’s out of shock.

***

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for infinity
When the war has took its part
When the world has dealt its cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart