Try to tell you "no" but my body keeps on telling you "yes".
Try to tell you "stop", but your lipstick got me so out of breath.

***

Soojung is the first to arrive at the restaurant. Out the window went her idea of a grand entrance back into her friend’s lives. The hostess looks at her with an acknowledging smile as Soojung took a seat at the table and handed her the menu first. Sehun arrives second. A messy head of hair, a tux barely buttoned and shoes as shiny as ever.

Soojung smiles eagerly, happy that he came second so that maybe she could thank him for talking sense into her father and maybe have some one on one time with him. Sehun grabs the seat opposite her, “Welcome home, Princess. I was expecting something grander for your return.”

Soojung smirks, “I’m a changed woman.”

Sehun makes a noise with his throat and laughs. “Did you cut your hair? You look different,” Sehun says impassively. He takes a sip of his water, his attention focused solely on her.

Soojung grabs the ends of her hair and nervously plays around with them. “No, I didn’t.”

“You look good.”

The comment turns Soojung’s cheeks a rosy hue, “I’m just happy,” she says.

“Where’s the real Jung Soojung?” Sehun teases. Soojung rolls her eyes. It’s the usual banter again between them. Like nothing’s changed, and Soojung feels an ease in her chest.

“What’s wrong with me being happy? I’m home again…”

“I just assumed it was because of a boy.”

“A boy?” Soojung asks nervously.

“What happened to the guy from France?”

“San?” She wondered if Sehun was ever jealous of the fact that Soojung brought him to the debutante ball. “He’s back in France.”

“You left that one behind easily.”

“He said he’ll come visit me,” Soojung says, gauging at his reaction but as usual he’s hard to read and she’s not surprised. He’s the boy who chased her to the airport to tell her stay, he’s the boy who told her father to bring her home. Yet here she was sitting across from him and Soojung wonders if it was all in her head. She wonders if his gestures were as grand as she imagined it to be and if they meant anything more than him being a good friend.

She wonders if she should thank him for talking to her father. After all he was the reason she was back here. If he hadn’t spoken some sense into his father maybe they wouldn’t be having dinner tonight together. She opens , still unsure of what to say when her attention turns to the hostess greeting two familiar faces at the door.

Suzy had her arm wrapped around Jongin’s as he led her through the maze of tables, glancing back at times to see if she was ok. They looked like a real couple. It was as if they wore their outfits to match. Soojung wondered how she had noticed it just now. She noted the growing grin on Suzy’s face as she saw Soojung from across the room.

Jongin leans in first for Soojung and they do an awkward dance, figuring out how they should hug, where they should place their arms. It ended with a reassuring pat on the back and Jongin shuffling away quickly. Suzy greets her with a warmer embrace, “Welcome home,” she says and Suzy takes the seat on Soojung’s right hand side.

“So how have we all been?” Soojung chirped and everyone glanced at the other, wondering who would be the first to spill. Each of them held their breaths as Soojung eyed Suzy hoping she would start the conversation. “How’s your sister?”

“She’s great,” Suzy beams, “I’ve been sleeping over her place the past few nights. I can’t wait for you to meet her Jung, she’s everything I’ve always wanted in a sister.”

She can’t explain the wave of emotions that overcomes her to hear Suzy say that. “So you’ve all met her?” she asks and Jongin nods his head.

“Sehun has a cru-” Jongin is mid-sentence when he feels a sharp pain in his shin. He glares at Sehun and the other boy sits up straight.

“We’re here to celebrate Soojung’s return,” he says through gritted teeth, glaring at Jongin as Suzy stifled a laugh. Soojung looked on curiously, feeling out of the loop with her friends.

“So where are you staying now?” Suzy asks.

“With my father.”

Soojung misses the way Sehun’s eyes flicker from surprise, his hands hiding a satisfied grin on his lips. He wonders if it was his words that got through to him. “Are you coming back to school?” Suzy asks.

“Next week!” she chirps. “Can’t let you have fun without me…”

“Welcome back to hell,” Sehun retorts.

“Glad to be back,” Soojung replies with a smile.

***

In the limousine, Jongin and Suzy sat in silence. Suzy stared out the window as the street lights blurred into straight lines and dots. Jongin stared at his phone, a grin appearing on his face once in a while. “I know she’s your girlfriend, but is it possible for you two to not be talking for a second?”

Jongin glances up from his phone, “What?” he asks, “I’m messaging Sehun.”

Suzy looks to the ground, lips pressed into a thin line. “Well you two make a lovely couple.”

Jongin snorts, “Is Bae Suzy jealous?” he prods her shoulder and Suzy shuffles further away from him. “Don’t worry, you’ll find yourself a boyfriend soon. Then you’ll be even more obnoxious than I am.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s so obvious when you’re in love.”

“Is it so?” Suzy looks at him curiously. Jongin slides his phone back into his pocket and turns his body towards her. He crosses his arms and leans back against the window staring at her. Suzy shuffles in discomfort from his gaze and rolls her eyes, “What?” she asks a little annoyed and conscious about his gaze.

“You’re a lot prettier when you’re in love. It’s like you put in more effort for that person. Like the first time you wore pink lipstick was for a boy you liked.”

“I was also seven – I don’t even remember who it was.”

“I do. It was Choi Minho in the two grades above us.”

Suzy and Jongin laugh at memory of a young girl who seemingly broke into her mother’s makeup box to wear lipstick. Jongin stood at the door to tell her when her mother was coming and as Jihyun did they hid under her bed. The two supressing their childish giggles, trying not to get caught.

“You thought I was pretty?”

“I thought you tried to be pretty,” Jongin teases and Suzy slaps his thigh playfully. “Also, when you’re in love all you do is talk about that person. Remember Jaebum? I don’t know how many stories I’ve heard about how good looking he was, how smart he was, how charming he was and how perfect he was.”

“And?”

“When you’re in love with someone, the way you look at them is telling. Your eyes soften a bit when you stare at them, you have this dumb grin on your face. It’s like the only thing you see is them.”

“What?”

“Don’t think I don’t notice. I’ve known you far too long to not know when you’re in love, Suzy. I’ve seen you fall in love with so many I would be a terrible friend if I hadn’t noticed.”

Suzy looks at him sideways, turns her body to mimic him. “Do I look like I’m in love now?”

Suzy feels her heart race, as Jongin sits up. He leans closer to her, examining her expression closely and she leans in playfully close as well. The same pair of doe-eyes stared back at him closely. Jongin is used to the proximity between him and Suzy by now. “Smile for me,” he says softly, intimately, after staring at her for an eternity it would seem. Suzy blinks at the request.

The car jostles on the bumpy road and Jongin catches Suzy as she falls onto him slightly. She quickly pushes him off and sits up straight again. She leans into the window and Jongin chuckles to himself.

“I think you’re tired,” Jongin says. He doesn’t know how else to explain the glazed eyes he found himself caught in for a second. He used to hope that she would look at him the way she looked at the boys she loved.

He wouldn’t hope. Not again.

***

Suzy meets Joohyun on weekends more often lately. It’s her attempt to get closer to Joohyun. She had promised to take the older girl around the more affluent places of Seoul. But Joohyun has learnt that there are aspects to being rich and famous that isn’t as glamorous as it’s made out to be.

“So you put up with this every time you go out?” Joohyun leans closer into Suzy and whispers into her ears and Suzy looks up apologetically.

There were paparazzi pressed up against the window of the store trying to get the perfect snap of the two together. Whilst the doors were close so that they could shop in peace, Joohyun wasn’t used to the attention she was receiving from them. “Just buy anything you want, unnie,” the title rolls off Suzy’s tongue all too well and it catches Joohyun off guard. “I meant, Joohyun,” Suzy corrects herself immediately.

Joohyun smiles and shakes her head, “No, unnie is fine,” she smiles and Suzy does too but it doesn’t take off the edge of the photographers yelling profanities at both of them.

“You really didn’t deserve this, I’m sorry, I should’ve just let you lived your life.”

“And never find out I had a younger sister and rich parents?” Joohyun teases. Suzy glances at the photographers uncomfortably and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Joohyun. “Are we done here?” she asks and Suzy nods.

As the glass doors open the muffled screams become clearer, it’s almost deafening as they try to catch glimpses of the new heiress. Joohyun takes a while to get used to her surroundings. She clenched her fist and Suzy leads the way followed by two bodyguards in front and behind them. Just as they were walking Joohyun notices how the photographers were constantly pushing Suzy away so that they’d get the perfect shot of her.

Suzy stumbles a bit each time, falling onto the bodyguard whilst Joohyun looked on pitifully. They’re practically shoved through the next store as the door closes behind them. “You’d think five body guards would be plenty but it’s not. They’re animals,” Joohyun says in disgust, glancing outdoors whilst she exams the red mark on Suzy’s arm. “What happened?”

“I got grazed a bit, no big deal.”

“No big deal?” Joohyun repeated. She touched it gently where the skin looked a bit torn. It wasn’t bleeding thankfully just a scratched and turning red. Joohyun furrows her eyes brows. “Let’s go home.”

“No!” Suzy protests childishly which takes Joohyun back.

“No?”

“It doesn’t hurt.”

“If that doesn’t get clean up it’s going to get infected.”

“It’ll be fine,” Suzy protests again but Joohyun rolls her eyes.

“We’re going to go home, you’re going to get that cleaned up. I’m not comfortable being like this anyway. We’ll come back another time.” Joohyun squeezes Suzy’s hand hopefully and the younger girl nods her head.

“Alright, unnie.”

Joohyun smiles and Suzy mimics her. Suzy walks to the door first but Joohyun grabs her hand from behind. “Stay close ok, kiddo?”

Suzy nods and the muffled sounds of the cameras and people shouting become a bit more manic. Joohyun keeps her head up, turning around to check on Suzy who was right on her heels. Holding onto her hand and her shirt like a little child. Joohyun smiles and without so much as a second glance back charges forward with only concern for the girl following behind her.

***

It’s plastered all over the tabloids, pictures of Joohyun and Suzy shopping. ‘Like real sisters already’ the headlines read. Soojung rolled her eyes and skimmed through the blast quickly.

“Good morning,” Suzy plops down beside her on the bench.

“Bae Joohyun and Bae Suzy display their strong sisterhood whilst shopping in Hongdae.”

Suzy laughs, “I didn’t know shopping showed what good sisters we were.” Suzy nudges Soojung lightly. “Excited for your first day back?”

Soojung slides her phone into her pocket. Suzy hands her the coffee and bagel she had prepared early for them. “The bagels were better in France.”

“Maybe you should’ve stayed there,” Suzy teases.

Soojung’s face darkens, “Right so you can spend more time with your real sister…”

“Don’t be like that,” Suzy laughs, “I missed you a lot.”

“Did you really?”

Suzy wraps her arm around Soojung’s shoulder and pulls her in, “My best friend in the whole entire world. I need you here…”

***

Jongin finds Soojung in the restricted hall across from the field during his free. “Skipping class on your first day back?” Jongin asks as he takes a seat beside her.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ve got a free this period, so I came here for a nap.”

“Right…” Soojung rolled her eyes. She grabbed her backpack and stood up, brushing the specks off dust off her pleated skirt. She’s about to leave when Jongin grabs her by the wrist.

“Can we talk?” he asks, his voice echoing in the spacious hall.

“Talk about?”

“How we ended things?”

“Sure, talk…”

“I shouldn’t have had treated you the way I did.”

“You’re right… but fact of the matter was we should’ve never dated. You know this and I realise this now.”

“Soojung…”

“I’m just glad you and Suzy are finally doing something about it.”

Jongin raised his head to look at her, “Something about it?” he asks curiously.

“Well you two went to the debutante ball together, the other night you came to dinner together, I assumed something was going on.”

Jongin laughed, “I had promised Suzy I’d take her to the ball since we could talk, and we’re neighbours so we decided to go together… You didn’t think we were dating behind your back did you?”

“You’re not?”

“I’ve got someone else-”

“Not Suzy?”

“No.”

“You’re an idiot,” Soojung snorts and turns on her heels, pacing towards the door. Jongin grabs her by the hand to stop her but Soojung pulls away briskly. She glared at him which made him take a step back.

“What? Why?”

“Just how many relationships are you going to go through before you two realise that you’re supposed to be together.”

“Soojung…” Jongin growls in a low voice.

“No. I’ve accepted the reason and you will need to. Whatever you want with Suzy, the answer isn’t going to come to you in another girl. You can tell yourself that but sooner or later history is going to repeat itself.”

“The girl that I loved died the night of the party. Suzy isn’t the same girl that I loved and I’ve accepted that. I’ve moved on.”

“So you don’t love her anymore because she’s broken.”

“Don’t say it like that. It’s not like that.”

“I don’t believe it, Jongin. As much as she’s changed you’ve changed too. I know deep down you still love her and you’re just too afraid of losing her. But if that’s the case maybe you don’t deserve her.”

***

The last person Jongin expects to arrive at his door is Suzy tonight. She’s wearing her school blouse, untucked, her school blazer ed and books stacked in her arms. “What are you doing here?”

“You asked me to come over and help you study history.”

“Right, sorry, come in.” He welcomes her into his room where she makes herself comfortable on his bed. Suzy opens her books first and starts scribbling notes as Jongin observes her quietly from across the room.

“You’re not going to learn anything from watching me take notes.”

Jongin makes his way over to his bed and grabs his books. He opens them, eyes still observing Suzy quietly. “Suzy?” he asks.

Suzy raises her head, eyes wide, anticipation his question. “Are you in love?” The question that she had asked him the other night, Soojung’s words and what he saw in her eyes made him wonder.

“Why are you asking?”

“I’ve just been curious. I mean you do seem a bit happier of late.”

“Do I?” she laughs.

“You do. So do you have someone special?”

Suzy pauses for a second, “Yes.”

Jongin breathes a sigh of relief, like a weight lifting off his chest. “That’s good. I’m happy for you and him.”

“He doesn't hope anymore,” Suzy thinks to herself.

***

Baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you.
Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go.

Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed and please leave a comment.
xo