You were standing in the wake of devastation
You were waiting on the edge of the unknown
And with the cataclysm raining down
Your insides crying "Save me now"
You were there impossibly alone

***

“Welcome home,” Jongin greets Sehun with slivers or sarcasm in his voice. “Feel free to leave, I don’t need you anymore.”

Sehun rolls his eyes and takes a seat next to Jongin in the booth. He calls the waitress over and orders two milkshakes for them and some food. He was starving and looked worn out but there’s a smile etched on his lips and Jongin takes note of it immediately. “Are you going to tell me where you ran off to?”

“Nope,” Sehun says.

“Right…” Jongin’s voice trailed off as he ran his hand through his dishevelled hair.

“So how’s Suzy? I got all thirty three messages you left me,” Sehun drops his phone onto the table in front of Jongin. His eyes meeting a weary gaze. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I should’ve been here.”

“You should be, Sehun – I mean leave but at least still keep in contact.”

“I wasn’t in Seoul.”

“Ah! A clue!” Jongin quips before he bites the bottom of his lip, “It got bad Sehun, she ended up down at the police station.” He buries his hands in his head and rubs his eyes. Exhaustion was settling in.

“I didn’t know—”

“Really? Cause it was plastered all over the tabloids. Oh it was a lovely shot,” Jongin says as he rolls his eyes. “I didn’t know that she was taking things to help her sleep.”

Sehun winced at the reminder but tried to collect himself quickly before Jongin would notice. “Sometimes we need a bit of help.”

They take a bite of their meal in silence, each of them staring out into the streets. Before Jongin changes the topic back to Sehun.

“So you’re really not going to tell me where you were?”

“Nah, you wouldn’t be interested.”

“I sort of am,” Jongin quips, “You’ve disappeared for almost two weeks. I want to know what’s better than partying with a pool of lovely women every day for two weeks straight.”

“Partying with a pool of exotic women,” Sehun winks and Jongin rolls his eyes.

“I wish I had as much free time as you did.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jongin pauses for a second before he glances up from his dish with a raised eyebrow. “We’re really going to do this?”

Sehun grips onto his milkshake so that Jongin would see before he broke out into a grin, “Yes, so tell me so much about this ‘adult’ life you’ve been living.”

“Basically a nine to five job, I organise papers, learn about other businesses—”

“So you’re like the secretary, a hot one at that too…” Sehun teases.

“Shut up,” Jongin stomps on his foot and Sehun lets out a grumble which makes Jongin break out into a wide grin. “Dad wants me to start small before the inevitable happens.”

“Well at least you’ve got something to look forward too,” Sehun offers a comforting smile which Jongin brushes off. Sehun was relishing in his friend’s distress and he knew this. “Just breathe, you’re still young and your father is still healthy. It’ll be a while.”

Jongin nods his head and takes a sip of his milkshake, “By the way, you’re going to the debutant ball.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I’m going.”

“What? Why?”

“Because Suzy asked me to take her.”

“What? Why?”

Jongin stomps on Sehun’s foot again and the other boy curses a bit louder this time. “I swear if you do that one more time,” Sehun says and extends his foot to push back Jongin who was enjoying the teasing.

After they had settled down Jongin answered Sehun’s question. “I promised her I would when we were younger.”

***

“Are you sure you want this?” Sunhwa runs her hand through Suzy’s black locks hesitantly and contemplatively.

“Yes,” Suzy says looking determined at her reflection in the mirror.

“If you are then I’m excited for you,” Sunhwa smiles, “You’ve needed a new look since forever. I love you but that nation’s sweetheart look is a bit boring.”

“Thanks…” Suzy says and Sunhwa only laughs.

“Trust me,” Sunhwa squeezes her shoulder.

“That’s why I’m here,” Suzy squeezes her hands together nervously and closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath as she watches Sunhwa raise the blade in the air. “A new Suzy,” she utters to herself.

***

Debutant balls were traditional for the elite like them. It was a night where young girls would be introduced to the society in which they would one day run. It was their official debut into the adult world. Suzy’s mother had been through it before and now she was a member running the committee. Sehun’s mother – Miyoung – was part of the committee as well.

Needless to say she was delighted at the fact that Sehun would be attending although disappointed that no girl had asked him to her. To be fair, girls had asked, except Sehun had declined them all. He was only attending for the sake of Jongin and Suzy – who had yet to arrive.

He had been standing beside the bar for the past half an hour convincing the bar tender to give him a drink. But Sehun had no control here, and his mother was standing a few feet away from him watching him intently. He sees Ara and Chorong from across the room conversing with their dates on their arms and he wonders if Jongin is there. He spots him a second later across the room and chases him down immediately, pulling him to the side and complaining about why it took so long.

“Sorry, Suzy said she was running late. Problems with her mother.”

“Oh god, what did she do now? Rip her dress?” Sehun crossed his arms and leaned against the pillar as his eyes scanned the room. There were boys there whom Sehun wasn’t entirely friends with – Jongin comments that maybe sleeping with their girls wasn’t the best idea but Sehun just shrugs. “They came to me, I knew nothing.”

Jongin rolls his eyes and glances over his shoulder, in the crowd he sees someone. She was tall and slender, long black hair cascading down her back. Jongin remembers her from somewhere but he can’t quite put a finger on it. She glances up at him and catches him mid gaze and offers him a smile before continuing her conversation.

“Hey,” Sehun taps Jongin’s shoulder when they notice the ruckus outside and they both turn their heads. “I think our girl is here,” he teases and nudges Jongin who smiles.

They make their way to the entrance when both boys stop dead in their tracks. “Soojung!” Sehun uttered beneath his breath.

***

Soojung wore a long white dress that was cinched at the waist with her long black hair cascading over her shoulder in wispy waves. Both boys stood holding onto each other’s arms as they watched Soojung gracefully enter the building. Too engulfed in her presence they had failed to notice the man that she had her arm around.

“Sehun…” Soojung greets with a small smile before she turns to Jongin and offers him a simple nod.

“W-what are you doing here?”

Soojung smirks, “I’ve spent the past seventeen years preparing for this, you didn’t think I’d miss it would you?”

Sehun nods his head, “Well a call would’ve been nice,” he quips and turns his head to the gentleman beside her. “And this is?”

“Bonjour, je m'appelle San, enchanté,” he says fluently in French before he extends his hand for a shake. Instead of reaching out Sehun stares at it for a second before San retreats his hand and digs it into his pocket. Smiling to the ground at the absurdity.

“Where did you pick this quack up from?”

San turns around to Soojung and they exchange a knowing look before he turns back to Sehun. “Actually we met in a café in France,” he says this time in fluent Korean which takes Sehun back by surprise.

“Right…” he rolls his eyes and turns to Jongin who’s stifling a grin beside him. Sehun digs his hands into his pocket and glances over at the door.

“What are you two boys doing here anyway? Was someone desperate enough to ask you?”

“Nah, I’m only here to support a friend.” Sehun laughs and Jongin looks at him uneasy. “But Jongin here has is an ,” Sehun wraps his arm around Jongin’s shoulder and pulls him in to his side.

“Oh yeah? Who’s the lucky lady?” Soojung asks through gritted teeth.

Sehun cracks out into a wide grin, relishing at Soojung’s reaction before his eyes find themselves hovering over the door at the right time. He stops and loosens his grip on Jongin who’s turned to the door now as well. Soojung and San turn their heads to see what was causing the commotion behind them and sure enough it was Bae Suzy.

Bae Suzy walked through the door holding onto her dress and looking a bit frazzled as she looked up at everyone staring back at her. She smiled and Jongin couldn’t help but mimic her goofy grin as he walked over to her. Her hair was no longer black, it was a cool brown and cut up to her shoulder. She tucked one side behind her ear as she made her way over slowly. Her dress was a modern take of the hanbok with a sheer green skirt. Needless to say that Suzy looked different, Suzy looked beautiful and Jongin was the first person to say that to her as he greeted her at the entrance.

“Thanks,” she huffed, looking at the floor, “Does it look weird?”

“What?” he asks with a laugh.

“My hair, idiot,” Suzy says and holds the ends of it. It had been so long since she had short hair and to be honest it felt liberating to walk home to her mother like that. Of course the older woman had a freak out, surely not the morning of the debutant she cried. It took her hours of convincing before she would come out of her room.

“Yeah it’s a bit weird,” Jongin whispers which catches Suzy off guard and she looks up at him indignantly. “But I like it.”

Suzy beams at him but it doesn’t last long when she looks over his shoulder to see Soojung standing next to Sehun and a stranger. “S-Soojung?”

Suzy pushes past Jongin quickly to the other girl, her pace quickens but she slows down immediately when she remembered their last conversation.

“Suzy,” Soojung greets with a half-smile and Suzy does the same.

“Hi, I didn’t know you were coming back,” Suzy said sounding breathless.

Soojung smirked, “You guys don’t know me do you,” she said with a playful lilt and turned to San who offered his arm. “Now if you don’t mind I’m going to be heading in now.”

Suzy only nods and watches as Soojung walks away from her but Jongin stands beside her and offers her his arm to which she takes. “Head up high Bae Suzy, this is your night.” Jongin whispers to her before he leads her down the stairs as Suzy clings tight onto Jongin.

It had after all been her first public appearance since her stunt down at the police station so tension was high and she could feel the spotlight burning into her skin as she heard her name being pronounced to the entire room.

“Bae Suzy, escorted by Kim Jongin.”

***

They gathered in two lines behind the giant wooden doors ready for the procession onto the dance floor.

“You nervous?” Suzy teased and nudged Jongin in the ribs but he only laughed.

“No, this is the part I’m actually good at,” Jongin replies.

Behind them Soojung stood next to San, quietly observing the two best friends talking to each other. She should’ve guessed that the moment she’d let him go he’d go running back to her. “He was never yours in the first place,” Soojung whispers to herself but San glances over at her curiously.

“I’m guessing that’s the jerk?” San tilts his head over at Jongin and Soojung chuckles.

“What makes you think that?”

“The tension could be cut with a knife, and plus he’s been glaring at me the entire night. Him and that other one.”

“Don’t worry,” Soojung laughs, “They’re harmless. Plus they won’t touch you since you’re with me.”

San laughs and nods his head. He bends at the elbow and offers her his arm to which she gladly slips her arm around. The trumpets flare and the doors open and slowly as the debutants slowly fill the dance floor. They take their position in two straight lines just like they had rehearsed and there’s nothing but silence as they wait for the music to start.

As it does Jongin slides in and pulls Suzy closer towards him. He snakes his arm around her waist and places his palm gently on the lower of her back. Suzy grabs his hand, her fingers sliding in between his with ease. Like they had rehearsed Suzy allows Jongin to lead every step to every twirl. It was perfect, up until she felt his hand let her go and she fell into the arms of another.

“Bonjour,” he greets her as she falls into his chest and Suzy glances up. The stranger whom Soojung had arrived with earlier. “I believe we haven’t been properly introduced, I’m San.”

“Right,” Suzy said sounding disinterested as she glanced over San’s shoulder to see the girl whom Jongin was partnered with. She recognised her, just. After all those she could never forget those eyes.

“You don’t remember me do you?” Suzy hears the girl ask Jongin who shakes his head. His arm is resting on her waist as he twirled her gently.

“I can’t say that I do,” Jongin replies bashfully, taken by her smile. “Who are you?” She was the girl before whom Jongin had been caught staring at but he didn’t remember otherwise.

“I guess I wasn’t that memorable huh?” she teases and Jongin looks back at her apologetic. “That’s fine.”

“Well why don’t you tell me your name?”

“I don’t think it matters entirely anymore,” she smiles, “Thanks for the dance though,” she whispers into his ear and plants a kiss on his cheek chastely and quickly before twirling back into the arms of her partner. 

“What was that about?” Suzy asks as she lands back into his arms.

“She asked me if I remembered her,” he laughs.

“Do you?”

“You remember her?” Jongin asks with a bemused expression.

Suzy shakes her head whilst smiling at Jongin but the expression doesn’t last. She had looked over Jongin’s shoulder and caught a glimpse of someone she had hoped to never see again. He stood on the side, laughing and drinking away with his friends when he noticed the girl staring at him. He stopped and stood up from his seat.

“Kim Myungsoo,” Suzy uttered and she felt the world spinning from underneath her.

She was going to be sick.

***

“Suzy!” Jongin chased her to the doors of the ladies’ restroom to be greeted by a sea of squealing women who caused him to back out quickly. Soojung looked up at him in frustration and pushed past him quickly, running into the bathroom behind Suzy. The other girl had seen her best friend’s frantic expression and traced her line of sight to the young man Soojung had sworn that if she ever saw she would personally see to it that he wouldn’t be walking out alive.

Everyone in the restroom turned their attention to Soojung who was banging on the toilet door. The terrible sound of retching greeted her ears as Soojung kept knocking for the door to open. “What?” she turns around to the girls staring and mildly frightened by all the screaming going on. “You’ve never had food poisoning before?” Soojung confronts each of the girls despite her slender frame as they rushed to leave the bathroom.

“Suzy, please open up, it’s just me.” Soojung’s voice came soft and gentle as she heard a click on the other side. She opened to find Suzy huddled on the floor, sinking into her dress. “Are you ok?” Soojung asks.

“I can’t say that I am,” Suzy says stoically, eyes fixated on the ground.

“Well come on, this is no place for you to be,” Soojung says as she grabs onto Suzy’s arm and lifts her off the ground gently but she refuses to move. Rather, her legs had given way completely and she found herself unable to move.

Jongin, Sehun, Chorong and Ara rushed in, impatient from waiting outside which had caught Soojung off guard. “This is the ladies’ room!” she hisses and pushes past them, locking the door from inside so no one else could enter.

There was something about seeing Suzy huddled on the dirty restroom floors that made Jongin’s stomach churn and his heartache. How could he admit that she looked as beautiful even though she was so broken? She hugged her knees and buried her face in her frills of her dress. “Suzy,” Jongin breathed as he approached her. “Tell me what’s happening.”

Jongin was always so calm and collected even in the face of a hurricane, and Suzy felt like a hurricane. She dug her nails into her shoulders and tugged them downwards. Red streaks began appearing on her shoulders with drops of blood seeping through the surface.  Jongin grabbed her by the wrist.

“Tell me,” Jongin looked at her pleadingly as Sehun, Soojung and Ara towered over them. Chorong had taken it upon herself to check if any of the other stalls were occupied. This was to stop outsiders from listening in.

“Tell him, Suzy, he needs to know,” Ara said with a calm and sturdy voice.

“No one here blames you, Jongin won’t either,” Soojung reassured her.

As Suzy dried her eyes and wiped her nose she tried to gather courage to look him in the eyes. “Can you tell me? Please? Because frankly everyone is freaking the out of me.” Jongin grabbed onto her shoulders and titled his head so she would meet his gaze.

“I was ,” Suzy mumbled.

It was the second time that Suzy had really admitted it, the first to Ara and the second to Jongin. Sehun had found out on his own and Soojung had been informed by Sehun himself. Suzy never had to admit it with her own lips. It made it easier that way.

“What?”

“On the night of your farewell party two years ago, I planned to meet Myungsoo on the beach. Up until then I had nothing worth living for. My parents were fighting every day that they never cared about me and money meant nothing. I wanted the pain to stop that night. I was so sick of living that life. Then you told me you liked me, and as I followed Soohyun down to the beach to meet Myungsoo I thought about everything. I wanted to back out but before I could he forced himself onto me.” Suzy wiped the tears streaming down her face before she added “After all,” she says bitterly, “He came all that way because I asked him too.”

"Soohyun knew?" Jongin asks, turning around to the peole behind him for an answer. Ara nods her head. "All of you knew?" Jongin asks. He could see the guilt in their eyes as they tried to avoid their gaze. "You didn't tell me?"

"I begged them not to tell you."

"Why? I'm your friend too, Suzy!" 

"Because I was afraid!"

"Afraid?"

"I didn't want anyone to treat me different, I didn't want anyone to know how I was so weak. I turned into everything I didn't want to be after that night and now that all of you know, I'm even more afraid."

Jongin climbed to his feet stoically everyone anticipating his next move anxiously. He stood beside her and clenched his fist tightly. “Where is Myungsoo?”

“He’s outside, you’re not going to make a scene now are you?” Chorong glanced at Ara who moved to calm her brother. Tensions were high as everyone observed how Jongin’s jaw tightened and his shoulders tensed.

“If you’re thinking about doing something now, I suggest you don’t,” Sehun said. “We’ll get the police involved—”

“Don’t,” Suzy pleaded immediately.

“What?”

“The reason I didn’t want this to get out was because I didn’t want anyone else to be involved. I didn’t want anyone else getting hurt. It was my fault, I asked him to come that night.”

“Suzy, he had no right doing what he did to you,” Jongin shouts in frustration.

Suzy stammered, she hadn’t thought about herself in a long time. “What about your family? What about my family?”

“What about—you?” Jongin asked again.

“Jongin, stop it,” Ara said, “She’s had enough for today.”

In frustration Jongin picks himself and marches out the door with his hands in his pocket. “What are you going to do?” Sehun whispers.

“I’ll deal with Myungsoo later, I need to see Soohyun first.”

Left behind the girls comfort Suzy and wipe away her tears. “Come on, let’s get you home.” Chorong moves over to Suzy with the help of Soojung and lifts the other girl up. Together they walk her to the limousine awaiting them outside.

***

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? 
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known 
Remember all the sadness and frustration 
And let it go 

I have an appreciation for the people who see beyond the romatic ships in this fic and look to the friendships.
I adore those who leave comments that's more than merely yelling ship names or inserting their ship preference for this fic.
I thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoy.
xo