All I knew this morning when I woke
Is I know something now, know something now I didn't before.

***

“Isn’t it funny?” Sehun takes a seat beside Suzy and places his glass of champagne on the table. “Rich people have all this money to just give away to charities but only if they get something back in return.”

“Yeah we’re all selfish,” Suzy scoffed.

Although it would be a long time before they could donate from their own pockets, it was always a good chance for the elite to interact with each other. Your success was determined on how well you networked. It was the perfect place for parents to show off their children, introduce them to members of the board.

“It’s a good thing Joohyun didn’t come tonight, or else it would’ve been chaotic,” Suzy says.

“At least it would’ve been more interesting.”

Suzy cocked her head side-ways and narrowed her eyes, “She’s already been traumatised enough by the paparazzi. I doubt she’d want anything more to do with these people.”

“Maybe you should’ve just left her alone in the first place…” Sehun teases and Suzy rolls her eyes. The same old argument over and over again.

“She asked me about you the other day. Wondered why you hadn’t called. I told her to not wait around for you. You’re quite a busy boy.”

“I am.”

Suzy almost felt offended by the lack of concern that he had for her. Ironic despite her objection of their relationship – at least the relationship that Sehun wanted with her. “Why haven’t you spoken to her?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it Suzy,” he sighed, frustration in his voice.

“Is it because you can’t bring yourself to like her because you really like me?”

“Not only do you adore reading fiction you enjoy writing it in your head as well…”

Suzy rolled her eyes, “I was joking…”

“I mean if we really should be talking about anything it’s the fact that for the past half an hour all you’ve been doing is sitting at this table, staring at Jongin and Seulgi over there and their excessive display of PDA.”

She casually turns her head towards where Sehun was looking. They were sitting in the corner of the room, hidden for the most part but where Suzy sat had the perfect vantage point. She sees how Jongin tucks away the loose strands of hair behind Seulgi’s ear and she giggles. He holds her hand and she plays around with his fingers. They’re talking, closely, no doubt intimately. Except they’re also wary of the eyes on them, but it shouldn’t matter so long as their parents don’t catch them.

Suzy notes how Mr and Mrs Kang were on the upper level of the hall, talking to some of their acquaintances whilst Jonghyun and Yeonhee were in the other corner of the room with theirs.

“They’re the classic tale of Romeo and Juliet, it won’t work out. Sooner or later he’s going to be crawling back to you and you’ll just have to reject him all over again.”

“Who says that I’d reject him all over again?”

Sehun snorts, “That’s a joke right?”

***

“Are you ok today? You seem a bit distracted?” Seulgi’s voice is gentle which beckons him to look at her, he smiles. Seulgi always made him smile. It was the way she radiated warmth with just a smile or the way she touched him. There was nothing bad about Seulgi and by all means any guy would be lucky to have her love him.

Jongin was a lucky guy. He knew this. Which is why he hated how she noticed him being so distant. He shouldn’t – but he replays the conversation he has with Soojung at the back of his head. This relationship will fail. Just like his relationship with Soojung and the ones before her. The ones where he’d ditched girlfriends to spend lazy afternoons on the couch with Suzy, listening to her read or in the practice room with her as he watched her perfect her dance.

“I’m fine, just a bit tired.”

“Tired?”

“Dad’s been working hard lately and so I’ve got a lot more work to do as well to keep up.”

Seulgi bites back and just nods, of course, his father. “Well, it’s your chance to relax now, you’re here with me,” Seulgi leads him by the hand around the corner into a tiny closet and wraps her arm around his neck.

“Seulgi…” Jongin breathes slowly as her lips hover over his. He feels her fingers running through his hair as she tilts her head sideways.

“No one can see us,” she whispers as she kisses him tenderly. Jongin envelops her in his arm and kisses her back, roughly, passionately.

***

Soojung finds Suzy on the fountain outside, feet dipped in the water as her heels rested beside her. She had a bottle of wine in her hand, downing it as if it were water. “What are you doing?” Soojung asked as she approached the short haired brunette. Suzy doesn’t reply. She tilts her head up at the sky. Soojung sits down beside her, back faced towards the fountain.

“Hasn’t tonight been lovely?”

“You would know how? You’ve practically spent the evening out here with this bottle of wine.”

“My best friend,” Suzy says with a sheepish grin and turns her head to Soojung who only rolled her eyes.

“What’s wrong now?”

“Why do rich people have so many parties?”

“What else would we spend our money on?”

Suzy laughed manically. “Right, our days would be meaningless if we didn’t spend it showing everyone how much we had in our bank accounts.”

“Amazing how drunk you still manages to be even more annoyingly self-righteous than when you are sober. The bottle of wine you’re drinking right now has a price value of five thousand, the shoes you’re wearing haven’t even hit the shelves yet…”

“I get it,” Suzy snaps in frustration.

Soojung rolls her eyes, “So are you going to tell me what’s really wrong now?”

Suzy lowers her head and stares at her feet. She watches the ripples growing as she swirled her foot around in the waters. She pulls her feet up to her chest, letting go the hem of her dress as it dipped into the water. She hugged her knees closely, “He doesn’t love me anymore.”

It should seem obvious, but Soojung asks, “Who? Who doesn’t love you anymore? Who wouldn’t love you?”

Suzy wished that she wasn’t feeling the way she was. The sense of self-pity for not having the boy she loved love her back. The sense of guilt for loving someone Soojung had loved sincerely before. She couldn’t tell her. Suzy turns her head to Soojung, the dimly lit courtyard let her see Suzy’s tear stained cheeks, she smiles feebly.

Without another word Soojung embraced her best friend. “It’s going to be alright.” Soojung sighs and glances at the grand clock on the building, “Hey,” she whispers,” Happy Birthday, Suzy.”

Suzy hugs her tighter.

***

Suzy wakes up the next morning to a splitting headache. They didn’t call wine the devil’s drink for a reason and she had the whole bottle of it to herself. She drags herself out of bed and searches and stumbles out of her room, still half asleep and eyes barely opened.

“Good morning!” Eunsang greets her cheerily as she sets up the dining table for breakfast. “You look terrible,” she takes note and Suzy manages a half smirk. She takes a seat at the table before noting the extra set up.

“Is mum home this morning?” she asks. Suzy isn’t hopeful, she’s learnt to not be when it comes to her mother.

“No, but we do have guests.”

“Guests? Eunsang, you know I don’t like making a big deal out of my birthday.”

“It’s your birthday?” Eunsang stops and straightens herself out. She purses her lips together and furrows her brows.

“What do you mean?” Suzy sounds disheartened. Eunsang had never been one to forget her birthday. As a matter of fact she was surprised that the first thing she woke up to this morning wasn’t a bowl of hot seaweed soup left on her table. Eunsang had always played the mother role to Suzy a lot better. “You forgot?”

“I thought you didn’t like making a big deal out of your birthday?” she reiterates the words that Suzy had said earlier.

“But you never forget!”

Suzy sounds like she’s ten again, the first year that her parents were overseas for her birthday. Thought they had promised that they’d come back with a present, it was Eunsang who celebrated for her. A chocopie with a candle, seaweed soup and her favourite pasta dish was all Suzy needed to feel better.

Eunsang never forgot when it came to Suzy, Eunsang always put her first.

“I’m sorry, Suzy, I’ll make up for it tonight I swear. Whatever you want, I’ll cook it for you! I’ve just been really busy this morning with our guests,” her voice trails off as she rushes frantically back into the kitchen.

“What do you mean? Who are these guests?” Suzy chases after her into the kitchen.

“Surprise!” they all yell in unison.

Jongin, Sehun and Soojung all wearing their own aprons, standing in different corners of the kitchen. “Good morning?” Suzy wipes away the sleep and look of disbelief off her face. “What are you doing here?”

“They all came this morning to make you breakfast.”

Suzy grimaces, “These two boys can’t cook.”

“We carried the groceries,” Sehun retorted.

Jongin observes quietly on the side and laughs. “I got everyone together so we can celebrate this year with you.” Soojung wraps her arm around Suzy’s waist and pulls her closer.

Her sweet sixteen last year was spent alone in her dorm. Although Ara was persistent on taking her out, Suzy had insisted otherwise. Fine dining or anything that reminded her of her old world was something that Suzy wanted to so desperately avoid.

Soojung pulls herself out of her daze and walks over to the stove, “Eunsang’s seaweed soup, I knew she didn’t forget,” Suzy turned around and glared at the older lady who only supressed a chuckle.

“Actually, Soojung wanted to try cooking it this year. Then they were all cooking it and adding their own seasoning. I’m not sure how it’ll taste.”

They all glanced sideways nervously, at Soojung who glared at the boys with annoyance for messing with her recipe. Eunsang scoops out a big bowl and carries it out to the table.

“Let’s eat,” Suzy says and skips out of the kitchen after her.

Soojung insists that Suzy tries the soup first. After all she had put so much effort into it. Acting reluctant Suzy placed the spoon with the soup near her lips before she sipped it slowly. She coughs, choking on the liquid. “It’s good,” she says with a raspy voice, an awkward smile on her lip that Soojung knows too well.

Soojung rolls her eyes, “Blame it on those two for messing up my recipe!”

Suzy laughs, “It’s fine, really.”

“It’s a good thing then Eunsang cooked us a proper breakfast,” Sehun teases which earns him a sharp kick underneath the table. Soojung’s foot collided with his shin and Sehun jerked backwards in pain.

Suzy observed the familiar atmosphere and glanced over at Jongin who shared a knowing look with her. It was a nice feeling.

***

“Happy Birthday,” Jongin pulls her aside after Soojung and Sehun left.

“Thanks,” she says. Suzy suddenly feels a bit conscious standing so close to him in her slip dress. She feels the breeze brush past her through the front door and rubs her arm to keep herself warm.

“I bought you something,” he says and Suzy knits her eyebrows together.

“You never have to,” she says.

He laughs, “I do,” he says. He doesn’t explain to her that he remembered seeing her on her tenth birthday, red nose and puffy eyes as she played alone in her backyard. He had never wanted to see her like that again, let alone on her birthday. He had promised himself he’d never forget to make Suzy feel as loved as she deserved to feel.

“What is it?” she asks eagerly. She notes how his hands were placed behind his back as if he were hiding something from her. She peers around him, trying to catch a glimpse as he leaps out of the way, teasing her. Finally he places the neatly wrapped present in her hand.

Jongin loves the child-like look of amusement on her face whilst she carefully peels apart the wrapping, giving him, stealing glances at him once in a while as she did. He had bought her the first edition of The Velveteen Rabbit – one of their favourites when they were younger. She brings it to her chest and hugs it tight, “I love it,” she whispers, before extending her arms to embrace him. “Thank you.”

“I remember I used to make you read it so much to me that we wore out the book.”

“I love you,” Suzy says.

He pulls her away from him slowly, observes the expression on her face before breaking out in a relieved smile, “I love you too,” he says with a grin. He tousles her hair and takes a step outside. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you later.”

“O-ok…” Suzy sighs as she watches him jump the fence of her house to his.

On the other side Jongin sits on the ground, leaning against the fence in disbelief.

***

“So the birthday girl didn’t want to go drinking tonight?” Sehun shouts over the sound of the loud music. Soojung crossed her arms and huffed whilst Jongin waved to the waiter for another glass.

“Give her a break, it’s been an overwhelming past few months for her.” Jongin argues for her which is not surprising.

“Where is she anyway?”

“She’s spending the night with…Joohyun,” Jongin nudges him slightly and Sehun lets himself topple over Soojung who had sitting beside them quietly on her phone.

“Well that’s no fun, I wanted a reason to get drunk.”

“When did you ever need a reason to get drunk?” Soojung rolled her eyes and leaned back against the chair.

“Hey! You’re back!” Sehun shot up, “We should celebrate that!” He wraps his arm around her neck and pulls her closer to him. He was oddly cheerful considering he had yet to drink anything

“We have class tomorrow, and no thanks, I’m not interested in getting drunk with you…” She picks up her bag and makes her way out.

Jongin glares at Sehun and walks out after Soojung. “Hey,” he grabs her by the shoulder.

“What?” she asks, still very apparently upset. He pulls back his hand and places it by his side.

“Sehun’s an idiot, you know that. You call him that all the time. He can be a bit callous with people’s feelings.”

“I don’t know what you mean…” Soojung sighs. Second place after Suzy – that was how she had always felt. The one who got the leftovers.

“I’m really happy your back,” Jongin says loudly as Soojung walked away, “Really.” Soojung turns around to face him. He walks over to her slowly with a warm smile, “Despite everything I realised how important of a friend you are to me, to all of us. You keep us grounded.” Soojung tries to hide the smile growing on her face.

“Anything else?” she says with a feigned pout after Jongin’s moment of silence.

He laughs, “Who else is going to call Sehun out for being stupid, for knocking sense into my head, for being the one Suzy relies on. We need you Soojung, more than you know it.” Jongin wraps his arm around her body tightly, which catches her off guard. “Thank you, for everything,” he whispers.

From afar Sehun observed before returning back inside.

***

“It’s not fine dining, or a five star restaurant…” Joohyun says for the umpteenth time as she sets up the dinner table for Suzy.

“If I wanted fine dining I could’ve gone out tonight, but I wanted to be here with you. After all Sunday nights should be spent with family.”

Joohyun smiles and places down a bowl of seaweed soup first. “I heard it was your birthday, or rather Sooyoung googled it,” she says finally – admitting to the fact that tonight seemed a bit more extravagant that their previous dinners together. Suzy snorts in an almost unlady like manner.

“I’m not the best cook—”

“You can’t be worse than my friends this morning.”

She laughs and takes a seat, “Try it first?” Joohyun watches in anticipation.

Suzy nods her head and happily scoops a spoonful into . She pauses for a moment and stares at Joohyun. She breaks out into a smile, “You could possibly be the world’s first dancing chef.”

Joohyun laughs, “I work in a café and it’d be pretty bad if I didn’t know good food.”

“So what else is for dinner?” Suzy asks eagerly.

***

“Hello?” Jongin presses the phone to his ear and excuses himself to move to a quiet place. “Chorong?”

“He’s dead, Jongin. Dad’s dead.”

***

All I know is a new found grace
All my days I'll know your face
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed and please leave a comment.
xo