Background music: Futarigake no Bashou (Hey! Say! JUMP)

A certain studio was busy preparing for recording of a certain show. Ryosuke was waiting in his dressing room provided by the staff. He would be guesting in the show.

“Yamada-san, please stand by,” a staff asked him to get ready.

He followed the staff and after waiting for a few seconds his name was called by the presenter. The moment he stepped in, a loud cheer arose in the air, and he bowed slightly to the audiences before resuming his steps toward his seat.

The theme for the show was to know more about Yamada Ryosuke of Hey! Say! JUMP. The presenter introduced him by reading his brief personal data. Then he was asked to tell them about his family, his childhood, and eventually his experiences from being a Johnny junior until he debuted and worked as a member of JUMP. He had had a few times of doing this kind of interview so it was relatively easy for him to arrange the words for his answers.

“Did you have hard times as an idol?” the question started to be heavy.

“Yes, I did. Like my early time in the agency, or the time when I had to struggle between work and school... yes, there were many hard times.”

“Among all, can you tell us the hardest one?”

“The hardest one?” he muttered while thinking. He unconsciously drew a bitter smile before delivering his answer, “That was something happened about two years ago.”

The presenter seemed caught on the occurence he meant. “Was that the time when you get attacked?”

He nodded, “Yes. That was one of the things happened. I got injured on my arm and had to rest until a couple weeks, but that’s not what I exactly meant.”

He subtly inhaled a breath, “It’s the one when I lost the case against a certain magazine.”

“Ah, that. Could you tell us more about what actually happened?”

It had been almost two years since the deliberate action he took by filing a lawsuit against X magazine. Johnny-san had warned him about the result, and he agreed with all the consequences. The lawcourt reached the verdict that X magazine did no wrong in publishing his picture, and regarding Akira’s case, they could not be blamed for something they were not involved with. In the end, he was the one who had to pay the penalty for causing a bad publication of X magazine.

“That’s quite amount of money,” the presenter remarked after he mentioned the amount he had to pay that was more than two third of his saving. Yes, he had to pay with his own money.

“Did you regret it?” the presenter asked.

No. Never. Because he got what he wanted. It was not the lawcourt that he aimed since the beginning, but the press association. X magazine did win in the lawcourt, but they got suspended by the press association because there were a lot of complaints from people, disagreeing about the uncensored pictures of Mirai being published that indirectly cause the death of Akira. At the same time, JUMP got a lot of supports and gained new fans. In their letters, people wrote that they were touched by the performance of NYC and how JUMP supported him all the times. They also encouraged him to not feeling sad because he lost in the lawcourt. As a result from that supports, JUMP new single’s sale reached almost twice than it usually was.

“You win Ryosuke, congratulation,” he remembered Johnny-san said after they saw the report of JUMP’s single sale. “You have proven to all of us that you and JUMP were strong enough to brace a turbulence. But from today onward you should be more  careful. The higher a tree, the stronger the wind will be.”

“So, there was happiness in the end.” The presenter remarked after he finished.

He smiled sincerely this time, “Yes, that’s right.”

“But how about your injury back then?”

He in reflex touched his left forearm while answering, “It had been fine. Nothing to worry about now.”

It was not published that the man who attacked him that night was the boyfriend of one of the girls in Akira’s case. That man got mad at him for causing his girlfriend to be jailed. That fact was kept as secret all this time to avoid Akira’s case got exposed more and disturbed Mirai, and he was not going to leak it out now in the interview.

 “Yokatta, ne.” The presenter then added, “So, if there is the hardest time, then there should be the happiest time, right?”

He chuckled as response. The question was the hint for him to promote his new movie.

“Yes, like recently, one of my dreams finally comes true,” he answered.

“Is it about your new movie?”

“Yes,” he explained more. “I have been wishing to act in romance, and after years of waiting it is finally granted.”

“Ahaha, so this movie of yours is romance?”

“Yes.”

“So, kissing scene may exist then?”

He got a bit surprised, but managed to calmly answered, “I haven’t read the script entirely, but considering it is a romance, then it’s not impossible.”

“Yamada-kun, if that scene happen, then it will be your first kiss on the screen, right?”

He chuckled, “Yeah.”

“How is that? Aren’t you nervous?”

“Of course.” He then corrected, “Hey, wait, it’s as if that scene will really exist in the movie. Please, don’t give the audience a false hope.”

All of them laughed.

**********

Ryosuke was sitting in the passenger seat while Sugiyama-san, his manager, drove him home at night after his jobs for the day finished.

“You look tired,” Sugi-san remarked. “Just get some rest.”

“Ah, then please wake me up when we’re home.”

He settled himself into comfortable position then shut his eyes. However, instead of getting sleep, he rewinded a part of the interview before.

“Anyway, Yamada-kun, do you have a girlfriend?”

He did his best to mask his confusion in answering by letting out a chuckle. “What do you think?”

“Nah, there are many rumors about you and some actresses, but we never knew which one was true.”

He chuckled more as he remembered about every single rumor about him dating someone whenever he got new role in drama and acted with a heroine. It amused him to think how that rumor could be spread, because none of them was true.

“So? Do you have a girlfriend?”

Presenting them a small smile, he replied playfully, “The truth is... let me keep it as a secret, ne.”

He ended the answer with a chuckle, and since the presenter caught on that he would not answer the question, the topic was shifted.

Though he chuckled as though that question was some light matter to him, inside he had mix emotion. Did he have a girlfriend? He himself was not sure how to answer that. Whenever he was asked, there was only one certain’s face popped out in his mind; the face that he had longed to see; the face of a girl that had left him for almost two years: Mirai’s face.

Mirai... he wondered how he should call his relationship with Mirai that started two years ago, right after she confessed to him.

His smile formed as he remembered what he did after Mirai ran off from his house.

He spent his time in gym. He needed something to let out his fume. After getting tired, he called Daiki and had a long talk with his best friend. Daiki told him that it was his choice whether he would just let the things goes as it was, or he would make it goes as he wished. Of course, he wanted things worked as he wanted.

“Then what are you waiting? Go get her!”

Just hearing the encouragement from Daiki had him found his resolution. He quickly grabbed his car key. He drove to Mirai’s house like crazy. Knocking on the door, Kazumi was the one who welcome him.

“Where is Mirai?” he directly asked.

“Eh... she is packing...in her room.” Kazumi hesitantly answered. “Why?”

Without giving Kazumi an answer, he forced his way to Mirai’s room before Kazumi could prevent him. Mirai’s door was opened, and he caught a sight of Mirai folding clothes to be packed into her suitcase.

He strode toward her, and without any warning, he grabbed her wrist. She gasped and spun around only to widen her eyes as she saw him.

“Come with me!” He told her and dragged her with him to leave the house.

“Ya-Yamada-kun? Wh-where are we going?” Mirai asked while trying to pry his hold on her wrist open, but to no avail.

“Yamada-kun! Mirai-chan!” This time Kazumi called out to them.

He did not care about anything, not even her plead. Opening the door of his car, he made Mirai sat on the passenger seat while he quickly got on the driver seat and started the engine. Soon, with Mirai protesting all the way, the car ran in the middle of the night.

It took ten minutes driving to arrive at his destination. The city cemetery.

“Ya-Yamada-kun? Wh-what are we doing here?”

He did not answer, but once again grabbed her hand though she tried to shun away. He forced her to follow his steps.

“Yamada-kun... please let go. You hurt me.”

Only when he reached the spot he wanted that he let Mirai’s words registered in his brain. Realizing he had been too harsh, he let go of her hand.

Seeing how she rubbed her hand over her wrist, he felt rather guilty for hurting her, but it did not weaken the emotion currently boiled in him.

“Wha—“ Mirai cut off her own line when her eyes spotted the grave before them.

She turned, and with teary eyes he saw under the dimlight, she asked, “Why are we here?”

He inhaled a breath to calm himself before starting his speech. “Akira was the reason we met.” He said while eyeing the name carved on the tombstone. “So, if you want to end everything between us, do it before him.”

She kept staring at him as though many questions swirled in her eyes. But then she composed herself, answering, “Akira would understand. I don’t deserve you. You should be with someone better.”

“Just stop making decision for me!” He almost lost his patient and his tone increased a level. “Whether someone deserve me or not, or who is the better for me, all of those is my right to decide!”

She was taken aback by his sudden change of demeanor. He never treated a girl harshly, yet Mirai’s insistance on convincing him that she was nothing had him lost his calmness.

While she was still in shock, he added with softer tone, “Listen, Mirai. I am not as generous and naive as Kanata whose love for you is unconditional, that he let you hurt him by ignoring his feeling even after he confessed to you. I will never let you go just like that after all I’ve done.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” she looked scared.

“Do you think after I bet my career and JUMP’s future, I will just keep silent and let our efforts be in vain? No!” He took a step forward while in the other hand Mirai took a step backward.

“Ya-Yamada-kun, wh-what are you going to do?” she stuttered her question.

He sighed as he thought he might be too much in pressuring her. So, instead of answering her question, he said, “I will wait.”

“Wh-what?” He noticed how she froze in her spot, and he took the chance to get closer to her.

“I said, I will wait,” he locked her gaze with his. “Two years, isn’t it? I can wait. I want to wait for you.”

“No!” She shook her head repeteadly. “It’s still uncertain. It can be more than two years.”

“Then you just need to tell me to wait a little longer.”

“Please, don’t make it more difficult, Yamada-kun,” she pleaded.

“I’m making it easier instead.” He rebutted.

“No,” she turned around. “You’re being unreasonable.”

He had expected she would run away, so before she could take another step, he held her arm.

“Why should you always run away?” He mildly complained.

With her back facing him, she muttered, “I want you to be happy, but I won’t be able to give you one. So, please, just let me go.”

“I don’t need you to give me happiness because that is not something to be given.”

As she did not respond, he continued while catching a glimpse of Akira’s grave from the corner of his eyes, “Back then, I promised Akira to take care of you, and I’m not going to break my promise.”

“If you do this for Akira, then don’t.”

He sighed in distress. The anger that was initially there turned into annoyance. He turned her around by her shoulders so that he could see her face properly. When they stood face by face, she kept her head down, obviously not wanting to look at him.

“If you believe that I do this only for Akira, then you do not know me well enough, Mirai.” He folded his arms on his chest, observing the girl before him. “If you do follow my story in pursuing this career, then you’d know that I’m persistent in getting what I want. And now, the only I want is you.”

At this her head snapped up. After a few seconds, she eventually asked, “Why it has to be me? There are many girls and women out there will do anything just to be with you. So... why me?”

“I return the question to you. Of all people, why did you fell for me, Mirai? Why not Kanata? Isn’t he always be by your side and help you through all difficulties so far? So, why me?”

She answered by looking away. “That feeling will fade away as the time goes on. And waiting for me is unreasonable. You will meet new people that interest you. You will have many chances to be with people that can make you happy. And eventually, you’ll get tired of waiting.”

He seriously got irritated by her words. “You take my feeling so light, Mirai. I start to think that it’s not me that you’re worrying about, is it? It’s yourself.”

“So what?!” she snapped all of a sudden.

He took a step closer, locking her gaze. Betting on his last chance, he told her, “If you really want me not to wait for you, just tell me to stop.” He said. “Look at my eyes and tell me that you don’t want me to wait for you.”

“I... I...” she avoided his gaze.

Gently holding her chin to make her turn and face him, he told her once more, “Look at my eyes, Mirai.”

She obliged this time.

Looking straight to her eyes, he asked, “Tell me not to wait for you, then I’ll stop.”

He was serious. He had promised himself that he would not beg for Mirai to return his feeling. If she really told him to stop now, then he would stop. He might break, but at least he would not have any regret. At least, he fight till the end without losing his dignity.

Time ticked while he waited for her to speak, yet the only came was tears that welling up in her eyes. She did not look away. He noticed how her jaw tightened as she bit her lower lips to prevent herself from crying. He still waited while looking into her eyes. People said that eyes are the window to one’s heart, but he wasn’t sure what was in her heart that time.

A minute passed in silence. Her tears leaked out eventually. And just a second after, before he could brush her tears off, she suddenly lurched to him, hugging him so tight and sobbing.

He gladly enclosed her within his arms, muttering, “Mirai... deep inside yourself... you also want me to wait, don’t you?”

By feeling how her hold tightened around him, he knew her answer and it was enough for him.

“But... but you will pass your chance to be happy.” After a time she finally spoke.

“My happiness is not solely from having a girlfriend. I’ll still be happy even when I’m waiting for you to return.”

“Yamada-kun...,” she was at loss.“I don’t want to be selfish,” her muffled voice replied.

“It’s not selfish. I’m willing to wait as long as you promise you’ll keep fighting no matter hard and difficult the hurdles will be,” he tightened his hold just a bit before adding, “As long as you promise you’ll return to me.”

“But... it may take years...”

“It’ll be alright.” He did not delay a second to reply.

She clenched her fists on the back of his shirt before slowly pulling away, and he let her be. She did not completely withdrew for while placing her hand on his chest, she asked, “Promise me something?”

“What?”

“Don’t hold back in pursuing your happiness.” She said, making him raised a brow in question.

“If,” she continued. “In the future you find someone else you want to be with, please don’t hesitate. You can stop waiting anytime, just... please tell me so that I won’t keep expecting.”

He did not wish to be with someone else, but... “If that happen, will you stop trying to heal yourself?”

She shook her head, “No. I’m doing this for everyone that have supported me all this time. Even if you leave me, I’ll still try for the others... for myself.”

He smiled in relief hearing her resolution. Caressing her cheek gently, he remarked, “I will wait for you and you’ll keep fighting. It’s a deal, alright?”

She shook her head, “One more condition.”

“Huh?”

“Give me only two years. If I don’t return after two years, you should move on.”

He frowned, “It sounds like you give up even before you start.”

“No, I promise I will fight my best, but anything can happen in times ahead. So, promise me?”

After a time, he eventually answered, “Alright. Two years.”

With eyes swarmed with tears, she mustered a smile, “Deal.”

That night, before Akira’s grave, he stepped into nameless relationship with Mirai.

At first, he thought he would be just fine. He thought his jobs could divert his yearning for Mirai. Turned out, it was way more difficult. During these last two years, they did not keep in touch. She never called him, and he wasn’t told how to contact her.

“Please, understand. She isn’t allowed to make any contact with you, because you are her biggest motivation,” one day, a couple months afte Mirai’s departure, Tachibana-san told him. “The program she is in now works just like a reward system. She will be allowed to contact you only if she succeed in getting through all the test given to her.”

“What kind of test those are?”

“She has to recall her deepest fears, the memories that she had buried all this time. The key for her healing is not by forgetting the past, but by making a peace with them. She has to face her fears and conquer it.”

“So... how is she doing now?”

“So far, she is only in the second stage out of eleven. She is still stuck in the memories of witnessing her biological father committing suicide.”

“She is forced to remember that?”

Tachibana-san nodded, “That’s how the program works, Yamada-kun. She has to recall those memories over and over until it doesn’t scare nor hurt her.”

He lost word to describe his feeling. The program Mirai was getting herself in seemed so awful, and he could not eve