Ryosuke rushed to change his costume for photoshoot with his casual clothes. The interview had been done, and his jobs for that day had been finished. He had to hurry before the night fell deeper.

“Why are you so hurry, Yamachan?” Yuto noticed his rush.

“I need to go somewhere.” He said while grabbing his bag.

“Yamachan, wait for awhile,” Hikaru halted him when he was walking to the door.

When he turned around and looked at his friend’s direction, he heard Hikaru added, “We all need to talk.”

“Can’t it wait till tomorrow?” He asked in anxiety.

“No.” He noticed the firm look of Hikaru, so he sighed and walked back to where the rest members were.

The nine of them sitting in circle on their respective chair.

“What is it, Hikaru-kun?” he asked.

His friends looked at each other before they subtly nodded at Hikaru, giving him signal to start the talk. “Well, I speak for all of us,” Hikaru paused and when everyone nodded supporting his statement, he continued. “Yamachan, we want to ask what is happening with you? For the last two weeks you have asked to reschedule our shoots, and come late without telling us the reason. It’s so unlike you.”

“We’re worried about you,” Daiki added. He did not tell anyone but Yuma about Akira’s death so he could understand that even Daiki was confused.

“I just have a matter to attend. I’m really sorry, but I’ll fix it soon.” He reasoned.

“It’s not just that, Yamachan,” Yuya added. “You have been weird for weeks. You often look sad and unfocus.”

“Are you having a problem?” Kota asked. “You can share with us so we can think about the solution together.”

“Yes, Yabu-kun is right. After all, we’re a family, no?” Yuto with his bright smile seconded.

He subtly observed every of the members’s face. True, he had considered them as his second family, but...

“I’m really grateful for all your care, but even a family have secret between them, right?” He mustered a smile despite his jumbled feeling.  “I just need a little more time to think. I’ll let you know if it goes beyond my limit.”

“You are really just fine, Ryosuke?” He saw the plead in Yuri’s eyes when he asked that. It was Yuri who most of the time could weaken his resolution to keep his problem to himself.

“I’m fine. Everything will be back as it was, so no need to worry.” He mustered another smile for them before glancing at his watch and noticing the time. “I really have to go now. I’ll meet you all tomorrow, okay?”

Before anyone could stop him, he adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder then rushed outside the room.

Everything will be back as it was.

His own words kept replaying while he got on his manager’s car.

I wish it will turn out true. Even if a change happens, I hope it will be the better one.

He shut his mind over the matter then put on his headphone and let the music playing distracted him.

He had asked his manager to drop him at the train station instead of his house. Night had slowly deepened, and there were not many people in the train so he could relax. Wearing his eyeglasses, a black beanie, and black blazer, with a mask unusually covered half his face, he leaned on his back and reflected the recent events.

It had been two weeks since Akira’s funeral. The longest two weeks in his life perhaps. It could also be the most frustating weeks as much as the time of his solo debut. No wonder then if his friends noticed it despite his effort to hide his distress from them.

As one of the past flashed in his mind, he subsconsciously touched his left cheeks. It had bruise a week ago. Fortunately he had a day off that time so that nobody but his family would see his swollen cheek. He remembered vividly the scene.

A week after Akira’s funeral, Kanata asked him to meet. They met in the river bank near his neighborhood. He saw the uptightness of Kanata’s face once he saw the lad, and before he could say a word, Kanata threw a punch on his face.

Sprawling while confused over the act, he angrily yelled, “What the hell?!”

Coldly Kanata told him, “That’s for Mirai and Akira.”

He rose to his feet while rubbing his aching cheek, “What’s my fault?”

“For being so naive, weak, and slow that you cause more damage in Mirai’s life.”

His brows knotted. “What do you mean?”

“If you just listen to me, Yamada,” Kanata heaved a frustated sigh. “Your agency is not as innocent as you thought.”

His heart started to pick up. “What...”

“The owner of the office which Mirai worked for is my mother’s friend. We have been wondering about Mirai’s sudden change of contract, and eventually know that it’s because of your agency.”

“No way...”

“You still deny it, huh? Your agency paid an amount of money so that the office would draw Mirai away, as far as possible from your neighborhood.”

“How could...” It was still hard to believe that his agency would go that far just to avoid rumor brew around him.

“Deny it all you want, Yamada,” Kanata sarcastically spoke. “One thing, though. At first, I was ready to step back for you and Mirai to be together because I want her to be happy, but seeing how you act till now, I won’t let her be with you. She doesn’t need someone who can’t even make a decision for himself. She deserves more than a halfhearted feeling as yours.”

His anger ignited, “Calling my feeling as halfhearted.... Don’t speak as if you know me well, Hongo!”

“If it’s not halfhearted, you won’t be this hesitant to choose, Yamada, and make her do all the sacrifice.” Kanata retorted. “She needs someone to protect her, not someone whom she has to protect.”

Anger now turned to confusion, “What do you mean?”

“Do you know why Mirai forbad you from listening to her and asked you to leave when the police officers came? Do you know why she did not contact anyone after she left Suzuki-san’s house? Did you ever consider the reason, Yamada?” Kanata paused and looked straight to his eyes, challenging him to answer.

His eyes widened in anxiety as slowly the realization dawned on him.

“She has been protecting you,” Kanata worded it for him. “She has been doing all for your sake, so your career won’t be ruined just because of her and Akira’s presence.”

He was at loss.

“She hate idols, but she went this far to protect the job you always proclaim to love. She loves someone whose world she used to hate. Her brother admired someone whose job she detest. She is conflicting herself. Do you know how much it torture her?!”

“I don’t know, okay?!” He shouted back in frustation. “How am I supposed to know how much she feels for me when she told me that she loves you? How could I possibly know how much pain she has to endure when she always pushes me away? How should I decide when I want to fight for her but a